I came up with a game plan when I started my IVF procedures. I'm older so my chances with IVF were low. I wanted to try two IVF cycles with my OE and then move on to a guaranteed cycle with DE. I had a budget set in my head.
I did move on to the DE cycle and have my beautiful little baby that I love so much. I don't regret trying with my own eggs and it was a heck of a lot of money to spend but if I would have known before hand how much I would love my little baby I would have moved right on to the donor eggs. Now I just look at it as the path to get my baby
The phone calls from the nurse for my BFN cycles were just awful. I just cried so hard. I really thought I had a chance it would work. It is such a long emotional process and so hard to have it just end in a quick phone call. I had four embryos transferred on my first cycle. I honestly felt like four little babies died inside me
I would encourage you to consider DE as a possible option. I hope you feel better. Just know that you are not alone.