Sara Q~
Your post resonated big time with me, especially this:
'Believe me, I do know how lucky I am to have a very supportive DH. I am just tired of feeling like I'm managing all this IF and IVF stuff by myself while trying to do my own work as well. And I just don't have the energy to manage him too.... '
I was also there. He was super supportive emotionally- above and beyond, actually. But I was exhausted from all the exams, blood tests, procedures (lap, 2 hysterograms, hysterosalpingo..all of that and then some) plus making the appointments, and dealing with all the emotions and pain (emotional and physical) that came with the process.
So, one night after dinner, I sat down with DH and I explained how I was feeling and asked him for help. I didn't tell him what to do. I just said "You've been my rock and I'm grateful for all that you've done, I could never do this without you. I'm feeling really overwhelmed and stressed. Is there anything you could do to help" After a good talk, he offered and committed, to be the one to make all the doctor appointments and handle any billing disputes that came up. This worked for us because he was working a much tougher schedule so it was easy for him to be the one to call and coordinate appointments around his schedule and I hated dealing with insurance companies. So those became his part and it made us feel even more like a team.
On our fridge I hung a calendar and highlighted appointments we had that week, so we would see them and I could remind him "don't forget, tomorrow we have to be at ____ at ____" But since he was the one making the appointments, before long, he was often reminding ME
So, I would try having the heart to heart and get him to COMMIT to what he can consistently do to help. Let him choose his "piece" in this and of course make sure you thank him and tell him how much it means to you to not to have to worry about x, y and z...Believe me, that will mean TONS to him to be acknowledged. I know it sort of sounds like you're dealing with a kid but sometimes til they get in the groove and make it a habit, you have to do what you have to do...
After we worked this out between us, I cannot tell you how much more relaxed I was, it relieved a HUGE load off my back.
Good luck and update when you can!
Teresa