| Original Message |
Chris (no login)
Posted Jul 5, 2009 7:45 PM
I first want to thank each an every one of you who has taken the time to listen and respond to my heartbreak. We are all going through it and each of us will go through this differently. I was diagnosed with a high FSH a little over a week ago. I am the type of person who grabs the bull by the horns so as some of you know, I researched ALOT, I contacted my insurance company for an break down on my coverage (no luck no coverage for IVF etc). I went down every avenue that I could find. NO LUCK at all or at least no one told me what I wanted to hear. I felt as though I was not just "INFERTILE" but also "UNCOVERED". Okay, today I feel different. Very different.
I have decided that IVF is not for me. Not only because it is impossible to get coverage, and that it is completely out of our budget but because I just don't want to do it. I commend all of you who are going that route (good bless you for it) but it is just not for me. This has nothing to do with beliefs.......just personal choice. I cancelled the appointment with the RE! I don't need them. I have chosen NOT to part take in IVF and that is that. My life, my marriage, my relationships, my job, etc require me to be the best that I can be. My 19 year old son (should he be all that I have) NEEDS ME! I don't take things lying down, I face them head on.
Without going into intimate details, I know that I can get pregnant. This will ofcourse require a few changes in my life and because I want to ultimately have a baby someday I will make those changes willingly and happily. I cannot make this my main focus or I will begin to lose parts of my life, my marriage, my relationships, my job, etc. I am sure that many of you feel the same way. When my body is ready then it will be.
I refuse to let one FSH test dictate my emotions, my feelings, my fear of growing old, my feeling of "losing it" as a woman. No - that ain't me sisters! In fact, this experience has made me give up a lot on our medical system - from doctors to insurance to specialists to those damn blood tests. I don't give up completely but when it comes to my fertility I do. I have chosen to seek out TCM and did have my first appointment last Thursday. This particular clinic spent 5 hours with me learning where my excesses and deficiancies were. I only spent 45 minutes experiencing the acupunture itself. I will go again tomorrow and again on Wednesday and Friday. Then I will begin a once a week schedule for three months. I will NEVER have an FSH test again. Either my time is up at the tender age of 39 or I will become pregnant. I can only say that I will do whatever it takes to comply with what is necessary to put my body back in sync.
I have experience terrible stresses over the past six months and in one day I have let them go and decided that I am important and I deserve to take care of myself.
I want to thank that nurse with the horrible bedside manner who told me that I was in menopause. Menopause means that you do not have a period for 12 consecutive months! Yeah, well I ovulate and I have regular periods every month. I have learned so much and think that I am one the right path and I truly believe that there is NOTHING wrong with me except that I am just out of whack!
Some of you might think that I am crazy but really I am happy and hopeful and okay if things don't work out the way that I want them to.
Love to all and I will keep you posted on my treatments. My mind is positive and that is part of the battle.
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