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Thinking I should just throw in the towel

May 3 2011 at 12:48 PM
Cee  (no login)

 
I don't think this is ever going to happen for us. My FSH is just so high. And every other cycle I've had hope because I've at least had some follicles in there cooking despite the high FSH readings.

This morning I had CD2 b/w & u/s done and had "quiet" follicles, which means they didn't see anything. FSH was 30, even though I've been taking estrogen since right after I ovulated.

Ugh, I don't know what to do. I'm at work right now and have to keep running to the bathroom because I can't stop crying.

 
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Mrs. A
(no login)

don't lose hope

May 3 2011, 1:32 PM 

Cee - I know that when you're in it it seems like you will never get out of this mess. But please do have faith. You are young still and shouldn't throw in the towel. Unless it's truly unbearable and you can't wait any second longer, then you should give yourself time to flush through this. Do you have a timeline within which you're working? That's very important to create milestones as your guide. I know that's what helped DH and me in making decisions. Is this the cycle you were going to start estinyl for the first time? Can you muster enough mental and emotional energy to give that a try?

Also, what about meeting with your local monitoring clinic? Didn't the monitoring person feel like their clinic could give you a good shot? DId you ever get to consult with them?

I think you are going through the CD2/CD3 blues; God knows we've all experienced those after hearing stupid hormone news! But see what the next monitoring shows. I know from personal experience that quiet isn't all that terrible. Quiet can suprise you sometimes, like the quiet before a storm.

Hang in there.


 
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Cee
(no login)

Thanks

May 3 2011, 2:57 PM 

You always make me feel hopeful!

My husband says I'm being impatient and he's probably right. But at the same time I know the odds are really against me. You don't see a TON of successes out there with FSH readings as high as mine have been.

We've talked about a timeline but haven't really established it. At first we said we'd try no more than 5 IUIs. Well my first couple of ones with Check have been unmedicated and so we're not counting those. But my fear is my FSH will never be low enough to where they will let me stim.

I just started the estinyl last week. They told me to continue taking it.

As for meeting with the local clinic, I never had a formal meeting with them, just talked with them while I was having my IUI. They threw me off because they just thought that the protocol Check was doing was strange - they said things like "it makes no sense" and "I have no idea what they're doing." These comments were made in response to the trigger Check prescribed - Lupron 12 hours apart, then 40 hours after first shot have the IUI. At the time of IUI have an hCG shot. They just thought that was craziness. All that did was bolster my confidence in Check because I think with patients like us you HAVE to think outside the box.

I just wish I had a crystal ball that told me what to do.

 
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Mrs. A
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those are the roles!

May 3 2011, 6:42 PM 

LOL - yes, we fret and DHs stand around saying we're impatient. happy.gif As much as they care and as much as they want to be (and are) supportive it's not the same as being in the shoes of the one being told the "stupid hormone news". THat's OK - no need for 2 fretting crazy persons. wink.gif But in your case, your DH gets a "pass" and a hug because he has a great stake in this due to the MF. YOU BOTH NEED HUGS!

My local clinic who did the Cooper OOT monotoring for me was my very first RE that I cycled with over 2 cancelled IVF cycles. When I started monitoring with Cooper I got similar commentary from the nurses (e.g. "Cooper does things differently, huh?"). I always grinned and smiled and through my teeth muttered "yes, they like to be very on top of the cycle." happy.gif

If it's not going to add more stress, I really recommend that you sit down and actually write out a plan. Independent of IF, DH and I have been faced with some tough situations in recent years and coming up with a plan before the journey got away from us really helped us. It was because we found the plan technique so helpful in those situations that we applied the same technique for IF. Then, on days like the one you were experiencing today, where I felt like throwing in the towel and simultaneously shooting my RE, that DH would say "remember what we agreed to?" UGH! I won't lie, there were days too that I felt like crapping on the "plan". But it really does help in the long run.

Out of privacy, I won't reveal details, but I know of a Check lady who seems to be responding well to the estinyl. Maybe you will too!

 
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Jamie
(no login)

agreed

May 3 2011, 4:34 PM 

Cee, so sorry you are going through all this garbage. I have one thought for you--have you considered doing some acupuncture and herbs (traditional chinese medicine)? I know from personal experience that it can make a huge difference when your body is out of whack, isn't responding to meds, no or few follicles, etc. I went to a Fertile Soul practitioner who did a phenomenal job helping me. You may still need to work with an RE, but it can get your body in optimal shape for ART. Good luck!

 
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summerwind03
(no login)

It's hard

May 3 2011, 2:00 PM 

But I would say that you can't tell much from the number of antral follicles. In some of my cycles, I had no antral follicles and ended up with 3-5 mature follicles. So try to see what happens, if you can.

 
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Cee
(no login)

Great to hear!

May 3 2011, 2:58 PM 

I'll hold out some hope that something will pop up at my next appt!

 
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Katie
(Login KatieMay)

Re: Thinking I should just throw in the towel

May 3 2011, 2:10 PM 

What the hell is it about today? I am feeling sort of the same. Just really hopeless in general. And I have no specific reason to be (IF, 1 follie on the right, giant cyst on left...yeah, other than that, things are great.) I wish I had some words of wisdom, but the only thing I can honestly say is that I feel you. I even tried online shopping...nada. Just reminded me how much weight I've gained in this process.

I hate today.

I'm so sorry about your crappy news.

 
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Cee
(no login)

Sorry you're down in the dumps too

May 3 2011, 2:59 PM 

It just sucks.

sad.gif

 
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Mary
(no login)

Re: Thinking I should just throw in the towel

May 3 2011, 5:29 PM 

Sorry Cee and Katie for feeling so down. I totally understand you and have been there. I have been on this journey for 5 years and went through a lot of up and downs. Actually more downs. Like Mrs.A said, definitely have a game plan. Know when enough is enough. Do take a break. Let your body and mind rest. It's a crazy road.
Cee have you looked into mini ivf with New Hope?

 
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Cee
(no login)

No, I haven't

May 4 2011, 8:38 AM 

I'm not familiar with New Hope. Did you find that protocol to be successful?

 
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Bethpky
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I sincerely hope

May 3 2011, 7:04 PM 

that things turn around for you, Cee. I'd give the estinyl a try.

Good luck to you!

 
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Tanya
(no login)

Estyinl

May 4 2011, 5:44 AM 

Hi Cee,

I wanted to respond last night but didnt have a spare moment. Please dont lose hope; the estyinyl may do the trick.

I previously took it for I think 5 days before my IVF cycle and my FSH went from 20 something to 8. Im sorry I dont have the exact numbers in front of me.
Last month, my FSH started at 23 and after Cooper tweaked the dosage on the estyinl, the cycle turned around. This month, Cooper started me on estyinl right after I got the negative pregnancy test and my CD3 reading was 10. While continuing to take the estyinl, the FSH was at 9 on CD8 and on CD10 it was a 6.3! I posted recently about a conversation I had with Dr. Cohen and I specifically asked her why high FSH was so bad considering I still ovulate, she explained the high FSH is not good for the egg but the quality is not impacted so long as they can get your FSH under control before you ovulate; your body doesnt know it was ever that high.

As far as comments from local clinics, I have learned to tune them out. I have nothing but the highest regard for Dr. Check and his team and I really believe I could be just as good (if not better) an RE then some of these doctors I have seen over time. Just this morning, the nurse was shocked that I wasnt doing an IUI this cycle. I asked her why it mattered if I didnt have any male issues and my tubes were opened. She couldnt quantify why it was better but assured me it would up my chances.

If I can answer any questions about the estyinl let me know
Good Luck!
Tanya

 
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Cee
(no login)

Thanks for the input

May 4 2011, 6:00 AM 

I started the estinyl last Friday, after I got my negative test results from Thursday. I would have started it earlier but it took 3 tries to finally get the prescription called in from Cooper. So anyway, I'd been taking it for 5 days prior to having my CD2 b/w - I'm just worried it's not going to work for me. Or that the FSH of 30 I got yesterday is the lowered FSH (I've had readings of 59 & 64 before). sad.gif

I'll keep with it, just frustrated and worried. It's just all so strange to me. My FSH gives the impression that I should be in basically full menopause yet I have no symptoms, ovulate monthly, and have a semi-regular period. I just don't get it.

 
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Tanya
(no login)

Dosage

May 4 2011, 6:45 AM 

Last month Cooper changed the dosage to 2x per day until my FSH came down so maybe they will do the same thing for you. I know it can be frustrating but try to give it a chance because it seems to have worked for me and trust me I was as doubter. If you read some previous posts from me you can see where I was going to stop it cold turkey because I thought it wasnt working and was suppressing me. Of course Cooper was right and everything turned around that cycle.
I have also found that each month can be a little different in terms of how I respond to the estyinl. I asked Cooper last month if I was being resistant to it and she said that each month can be a little different and they will tweak as necessary.

When do you go back for my blood/ ultrasound?

 
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Cee
(no login)

Re: Dosage

May 4 2011, 6:53 AM 

I go back in for b/w & u/s on Monday, which will be CD8. Right now I'm taking 0.2mg/day. After I spoke with the nurse yesterday I called back and asked if I was to continue taking the estinyl. She called back and said yes, to keep taking it, but didn't say anything about increasing the dosage or anything. She also said she didn't see it in the notes that I was taking it (grrr!). I know I need to have faith but sometimes I really wonder if they know what's going on!!!

 
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MargieD
(no login)

Barge... I wish I was as good as you were at "tuning out" the nurses...

May 4 2011, 9:24 AM 

I was doubting the whole being a Check patient.... and then I see the nurse today for my CD2 b/w & u/s....

She tried to tell me there was no such thing as LUF... (lutenized unruperted follicle - I can't spell today)... that I simply hadn't ovulated....and I argued with her that my b/w said I did...

Sometimes I wonder if Dr. Check knows what he's doing with me... but I know that the local RE just proved that they don't know what they're doing (either)...

sigh


 
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KarenGH
(Login krgh)

It never ceases to amaze me

May 6 2011, 8:35 AM 

how so many of the nurses (and doctors) at some of these clinics know less than many of the women on these forums.

Back when I was still relatively new at all this, I told a nurse at my local "fertility" clinic that my fertility monitor was showing elevated estrogen. She said "you know those monitors don't measure estrogen, don't you?" Uhh, that is what the high (H) reading shows: elevated estrogen.

 
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