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Can I just say...

February 3 2012 at 4:53 PM
Erin  (no login)

 
We're a hardcore bunch of... ladies! wink.gif Looking through the roll call so far, I am reminded of how very much we've all gone through, and that's just considering the info on topic that we were willing to share! It's pretty exceptional that we've all been able to bear this all and remain (at least relatively...) sane and forge on, so I wanted to point that out.

Along those same lines, I wanted to address the anonymous postings that have going on from time to time here and on other boards. Now, if you have some sort of hideous vaginal discharge that you never, ever want to be traced back to you, IMHO, you can go ahead with posting anonymously that one time. However, if you're saying something that part of you is embarrassed enough about writing that you're moved to post it anonymously, well, I personally wish you would either take a moment to write it in a way that you would be okay having your name attached to, or not write it at all.

I am not perfect. I am jealous at times, I sometimes get annoyed or have mean-spirited thoughts, and you probably wouldn't find a single person IRL that would list "positivity" as one of my top 5 attributes. However, while I know emotions run high, I am requesting that you look through the roll call before you "Post!" something that you know might very well hurt someone else here- someone who has probably been through many times more than she's even posted below.

There are many other people who have talked about anonymous posting before, so I'm not really saying anything original, and I'm not even close to being one of the longest timers on this board, so I hope I'm not out of line. But, it's been bothering me for a while and after reading the roll call, I couldn't help myself. Thanks for listening.

 
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jmassage
(no login)

Could it just be...

February 3 2012, 7:08 PM 

that whoever posted anonymously forgot to put their name in the appropriate box?? Just a thought..

 
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Erin
(no login)

Not posting about anyone in particular...

February 3 2012, 8:33 PM 

I'm sorry if that wasn't clear. It just has made me sad to see several other people have important days (happy and sad) affected by anonymous, unkind posts. I hope we can all rule with compassion, and try as best we can to put ourselves in each other's places, even if it's not exactly where we are at the moment. That's all I've got. Best to all...

 
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teresa
(no login)

Agree, Agree, Agree!!!

February 3 2012, 8:55 PM 

Well said!! Love it!! With you on that one!!

Thank you for taking the time to set up the role call, as Minka said, it is amazing how much everyone has been through and a good way to get to know everyone better.


 
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jmassage
(no login)

Erin...

February 4 2012, 7:29 AM 

I went back and re-read your post along with some older ones by other members, and I completely see where you are coming from now. I agree with everything you said. The roll call was awesome of you to set up. I loved reading through it. It gave me a chance to get to know everyone better. My FSH is pretty high and my AMH is pretty low sad.gif. It is nice to know that I'm not alone and there is such wonderful support from you gals.

 
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minka
(no login)

This needs a "like" button :)

February 3 2012, 7:42 PM 

Well said, Erin. Reading through the roll call brought tears to my eyes. We have all been through so much. Let's try to be nice to one another.

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

Re: Can I just say...

February 3 2012, 9:14 PM 

Really? You're going to pick a fight over roll call?

 
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Erin
(no login)

Hmmm... Not sure what this even means...

February 3 2012, 9:23 PM 

...But it seems like a nice example of what I was talking about! Wishing you the best. Give peace a chance. happy.gif

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

Re: Hmmm... Not sure what this even means...

February 4 2012, 6:54 AM 

I agree that the role call is amazing and inspiring... But to get all nasty about it after relative peace in the board wasnt a smart move. People are entitled to their opinions and the recent thing Anna pulled up speaks to her issues (which she should be embarrassed abour now). They post anonymously because of nastiness like this.

 
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anna
(Login annawaiting26)

no to anon

February 3 2012, 10:37 PM 

Read this:
http://www.network54.com/Forum/209394/thread/1325542120/gray+hair+and+pof

The anon here make me cry, for real. It was horrible. I almost left the board for good after this, but the support from all the angels kept me here. It's very unfortunate that some people attack others for no reason.

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

Re: no to anon

February 4 2012, 6:13 AM 

anna....really?

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

Re: no to anon

February 4 2012, 6:55 AM 

Oh gosh... Here she goes again!

 
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jmassage
(no login)

pretty harsh..

February 4 2012, 7:26 AM 

That post was pretty harsh...When I was diagnosed with POF I was devestated and I felt like less of a woman. Actually I didn't feel like a woman at all!! My self esteem took a real hit. I remember feeling like my hair (which has always been thick and beautiful) was going to start thinning and it scared the hell out of me. I don't think these fears have to do with being negative so much as to just feeling deeply scared. Let's face it, getting diagnosed at a young age with POF is a pretty harsh and deeply terrifying diagnosis. At least for me it was in the beginning. I am ok with anonymous posts if it's a one time thing about an issue you may be embaressed over. But if you are posting anonymously to be insensitive and don't want to be known because of that, then that's just wrong. We are all very fragile on this board because of what we have been through. Let's be kind to one another.

 
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jmassage
(no login)

Re: pretty harsh..

February 4 2012, 7:31 AM 

I'm referring to the post in regards to Anna just to be clear.

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

Re: pretty harsh..

February 4 2012, 7:31 AM 

I agree. And I was younger too. But if someone refuses to listen to the advice of this board over and over again and just posts the same fears/threats/ho hum stuff, it gets a bit ridiculous. That's what she had been doing.

 
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jmassage
(no login)

I'm not even sure how to respond

February 4 2012, 7:34 AM 

to this. It feels uncomfortable talking about another member so directly on this board. May I just ask, why won't you post your name?? Why are you anonymous??

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

Re: I'm not even sure how to respond

February 4 2012, 7:45 AM 

What's more interesting to me is that people like Anna get to go around making statements that discourage and hurt others (which she did to me) and you all don't say "boo" about it!!

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

Re: I'm not even sure how to respond

February 4 2012, 7:49 AM 

But when someone confronts Anna with the truth, you all get bent out of shape! And look! She's got a baby now JUST LIKE EVERYONE SAID SHE WOULD! But has she apologized for being negative and ignoring us? Has she even acknowledged tha maybe she was a bit melodramatic? Has she apologized for discouraging others? Nope.

 
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anna
(Login annawaiting26)

ignore her

February 4 2012, 7:48 AM 

Don't argue with her its useless, I think we should set a rule here to ignore anon posting unless as u said its about an embarrassing issue or question.


 
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jmassage
(no login)

Definetely will

February 4 2012, 7:55 AM 

be ignoring her..Funny how she completely ignored my question about her name as well

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

Re: Definetely will

February 4 2012, 7:57 AM 

Interesting to me how you completely ignore the fact that Anna hurt me.

 
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anna
(Login annawaiting26)

i had to say this as my last word

February 4 2012, 8:24 AM 

If I hurt any one I am sorry and it was completely unintentional.
But you my friend, hurt me, made me cry for hours and pointed me out here INTENTIONALLY. I hope u can leave with that...

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

Re: i had to say this as my last word

February 4 2012, 9:00 AM 

As I see it, YOU brought up the last post. Not me.

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

Re: i had to say this as my last word

February 4 2012, 10:02 AM 

So you think your attitude, behavior, discouragement and ugliness was "unintentional" especially when it happened over and over again? This board is seriously like a mean girls click (sp?). You allow people like Anna to be negative and destructive to others but jump to her defense when someone confronts her. This used to be a board of support, honesty and safety for ALL people, but now it's just for those who are "in" like jmassage and Erin and Anna. And you get to reek havoc as you want because no one stands up for those you bully! I've been around here longer than all of you and have seen this board change into a jr high scenario where mean girls get to selfishly hurt and discourage others without any one standing up to them. Thanks a freaking lot for that! And then all Anna and the others like her do is say "oops unintentional" but never really change bc she attacks me in the same breath! And just when things are calm, Erin goes and picks a fight whether she meant to or not and everyone jumps to her defense even though she's stirring things up! Mean girls strike again!

 
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Erin
(no login)

Responding.

February 4 2012, 12:11 PM 

Against my better judgement, I am replying to you on this post anon. I posted originally because I hate seeing other people hurt, and again, I felt that there were multiple people feeling that way. If you are someone that's been hurt, then YOU were one of the people I was trying to defend. I'm sorry you didn't feel that, and I probably should not have only pointed to the anonymous posting, although I feel that the majority of the meaner posts are coming from anonymous posters, because I feel they would think better of much of it if they had to attach their name. For me, the going back and forth and saying mean things to each other (some with names, some anonymously) is what feels "junior high." I HATED junior high on the first go around, and don't want to visit a board that has that mentality, as much as I need the support (and much like you it sounds, I actually really do need the support). I don't feel "popular" and frankly, I don't think popularity is a useful concept at my age anyways. I strongly disagree with you about the board being "calm lately", and I wasn't trying to "pick a fight" or stir things up- I felt they were plenty stirred already which was why I posted. I have no idea how I'd be turned into a "mean girl" from what I wrote, but I'm honestly sorry you're feeling that way. I'm sorry you've been hurt, and I'm sorry you've been here for a long time and not found success (whatever "success" means anyways). But, if you go back and read my post, and then read yours, I would ask you to think about who was being mean. Again, wishing you the best.

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

Re: Responding.

February 4 2012, 12:30 PM 

Erin, I get what you were intending. But I also think that there hadn't been a real row on this board since the Anna one. That's was quite a bit ago (the one Anna posted and then blamed me for pointing it out!). That's what I mean by "calm." and I love that you were so encouraged by the roll call. It was inspiring. But you didn't need to go picking on people who are posting anonymously. There's a reason I do. There's a reason others do. Because we feel bullied by those who readily attack and dismiss and wave away. I too find no use for the "popularity" contests, yet you and a few others have made it into that. No one has addressed Anna's destructive ways except for me and a few others. And you and some rushed to her defense even when she was discouraging newcomers with her attitude. I get sadness, I get depression, I get fear... What I don't get I letting her and those like her continue to discourage, make blanket statements, and run off newcomers and old timers like me. Your post specifically addressed anonymous posters... Not people like Anna, not other mean girls here... That made it specifically at attack on one group. It might have been better if you hadn't chosen a side.

I'm waking for someone to stick up for me and others like me... Rather than coddle their little mean girls group including Anna.

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

Re: i had to say this as my last word

February 4 2012, 12:20 PM 

There are several things I would say about Anna but "bully" is not one of them. To me, she is a coward.
And, did you check out the Thunderdome post before it got deleted? Trust me when I say there were quite a few that were definitely not on the Anna train.

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

Re: i had to say this as my last word

February 4 2012, 12:31 PM 

You don't think that her statements that cause some folks to lose hope isn't a form of bullying? I sure do.

 
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Erin
(no login)

PLEASE STOP.

February 4 2012, 12:32 PM 

If you don't like some one, that's fine. I don't like every one in the world either. But, name calling is not fine. And you know that, or you wouldn't have posted anonymously. We are intelligent and thoughtful 20 and 30 and 40-something year old women. We are better than this. Please, please stop. Wishing you the best as well.

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

Re: PLEASE STOP.

February 4 2012, 12:36 PM 

No I post anonymously for my own reasons. Naming bullying behavior is not calling names.

 
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Sara H
(no login)

Anon, we have all been hurt...

February 4 2012, 8:33 AM 

at one time or another and no one should ignore that, ever. But, in this case, since you are posting Anon, which is totally your right, we don't know exactly what you are referring to.

Honestly, however you have been hurt I am so sorry and they should not have happened... not to any of us. But, the nice thing about computers is they turn off! And, since most of us don't know each other anyway in real life, just put it down to jealousy, pettiness and... well, we don't know what anyone looks like so I have to say that my mental image of people shifts from time to time... sometimes I let it shift enough to just make me laugh and that helps! happy.gif

To all: I know we are all full of different hormones and feelings and all sorts of crap but do try to be nice... or just don't post. Life is too short!

Hang in there, all!
Love and hugs,
Sara H

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

Re: Anon, we have all been hurt...

February 4 2012, 12:32 PM 

I think it's interesting that you tell me to turn off the computer but not Anna.

 
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Sara H
(no login)

Re: Anon, we have all been hurt... Hahahahaha!

February 4 2012, 2:19 PM 

Wow, I was the the who came to your defense! I did not "tell" you to turn off your computer, I suggested it among other things... and you swipe at me? Wow!

Fine, you are on your own.

Best of luck to you,
Sara H

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

Re: Anon, we have all been hurt... Hahahahaha!

February 4 2012, 2:33 PM 

Ok sorry. I can see what you say. I just was reacting to people not speaking to Anna. Thanks for trying to help and sorry for misreading you.

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

Re: Definetely will

February 4 2012, 8:39 AM 

I think many posters have realized who Anna really is, and they have just moved on. It's quite obvious...she is acting very sheepish in her posting habits nowadays.
Yes, she got her bfp. Yes, she said horrible things in her Vampire post. But, she has to live with that. To me, that's enough punishment.

 
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Erin
(no login)

Really and truly did not mean to start this.

February 4 2012, 8:17 AM 

I simply felt sad that I perceived that (multiple) people seemed hurt and I felt bad that a board that I've come to for support many times in the past 4mos had become a difficult place for some people. I naively didn't think I was starting anything and in no way meant to be "nasty" to anyone- quite the opposite. I would remove if I could but I can't, which is the problem with a moderator-less board. We all have so much to give, experience and comfort to share- that's all I was trying to say. Honestly and truly wishing everyone the best.

 
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DeeinNYC
(no login)

Your intentions were very clear Erin...

February 4 2012, 8:21 AM 

You are a sweetheart. No worries.

 
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Teresa
(no login)

I second that!!!

February 4 2012, 10:15 AM 

Erin you ARE a doll. You did nothing wrong, at all.
Big hugs to you!!!

 
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minka
(no login)

I third! :)

February 4 2012, 5:10 PM 

Totally get what your intentions were, don't let one anonymous poster get to you. happy.gif

 
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NancyMN
(no login)

Ditto :) nt

February 4 2012, 6:02 PM 


 
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anna
(Login annawaiting26)

Re: Really and truly did not mean to start this.

February 4 2012, 8:26 AM 

Don't worry, ur not in fault. This Is just an example of anon post, which BTW I can guess who she is.

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

Re: Really and truly did not mean to start this.

February 4 2012, 8:50 AM 

Then guess! I'd love to know if you are right

 
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Erin
(no login)

Please, please stop.

February 4 2012, 12:24 PM 

I applied to anon above, and I am replying to you here anna. Please stop posting to each other. You are both hurt, and I think that really, really sucks. But two wrongs do not make a right. I do not know who started it and I frankly don't think it matters. We are grown women, we should prop each other up, not poke at each other and fight back and forth. It's hurtful for everyone and distracts from what we are all trying to do here, so please stop now. Thank you. Wishing you the best.

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

Re: Please, please stop.

February 4 2012, 12:34 PM 

Thanks for finally saying something to Anna. I appreciate it.

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

Re: Please, please stop.

February 4 2012, 12:35 PM 

Thanks for FINALLY saying something to Anna. I appreciate that.

 
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