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Really, 'Anonymous'?

June 27 2012 at 7:04 AM
Sara H  (no login)

 
(Continued from post below, but I know this is probably about to cause a storm so I started a new post, so that the new member would not feel this was, in any way, about her.)

Your comment:
"She came her for advice, not guidelines on how to use the board!"

The note was not for you, it was for her.

These are the same notes I have posted for people for 3 years and EVERYONE, but you, finds them helpful. These are things I would have found helpful when I first joined and I was JUST TOLD on the PG board that other people have found them valuable.

You, without a name to stand behind, just chose to be snarky and see the negative.

Some of us try to help, not just make snide comments in some hit and run. Maybe you need a reminder, read the top of the page, there is no anonymous posting allowed.

I have to guess you are the same anonymous from below, not that anyone could tell since you chose to hide, who tells people who are scared that they "need to breath"?

"i think you need to breathe" as you said.

I have not posted here in a while and just started trying to help again. This kind of response it JUST the reason why.


 
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AuthorReply
Alli
(Login AC2009)

I saw that and was going to warn you

June 27 2012, 7:11 AM 

You are a sweetheart. Dont let it get you down. I guess there was a big raincloud somewhere.

 
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Alli
(Login AC2009)

Rude to Hadas also (nt)

June 27 2012, 7:11 AM 


 
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Sara H
(no login)

:-) Thanks, Alli! (NT)

June 27 2012, 7:13 AM 


 
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Hadas
(no login)

Thanks

June 27 2012, 11:10 AM 

I thought so, too, as you could tell based on my reply, but I didn't want to pursue that further.

Thanks!

 
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Jamie
(no login)

Sara, this just happened to me on the over 40 board

June 27 2012, 7:13 AM 

I hear you. It is so annoying and cowardly that someone wants to say something snarky to us but doesn't have the decency to post with her name so that all may judge her post. I am pretty sure that I know who commented anon on my post, and it's a very well-known poster who has received tons of support and sympathy from everyone there, including me. It is a nasty stealth attack that brings the whole tenor of the board down.

Other women have received this treatment and some have been driven away from the boards. I refuse to go. This board was a lifeline for me in my darkest days and I am going to keep posting whether cowardly people want to attack me. They are showing their character and integrity through their behavior, and I refuse to let it determine my decisions.

 
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Alli
(Login AC2009)

I have a feeling on who it is too

June 27 2012, 7:20 AM 

Just saw that Jamie.

 
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Jamie
(no login)

yep!

June 27 2012, 7:33 AM 

If you read how the person writes and the person's particular issues/beef with me, I think it's rather obvious.

Anyway, I know that you've received this treatment too, Alli, and I'm glad that you are still here. happy.gif

 
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Houston
(no login)

I agree

June 27 2012, 9:02 AM 

There is no reason to be mean to anyone on these boards. If you are thinking something rude, enough so that you know not to post your name, you should probably think it to yourself and not write it. The purpose of these boards is to support one another. I understand anon may have some issues as a result of infertility, and perhaps that is causing you to act out in this manner, but it really is not helpful at all.

 
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Houston
(no login)

I forgot to mention

June 27 2012, 9:03 AM 

I have no idea who is doing this. I haven't had a chance to try and figure it out. So, anon, please don't take this comment personally, I am just trying to be helpful and prevent you from hurting others with mean comments.

 
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Sara Q (from the other board)
(no login)

I agree....enough already (very blunt semi-ranting post)

June 27 2012, 1:37 PM 

Sara H., I'm sorry that you were attacked by the anon post. I don't know who is posting these nasty posts, but I have had quite enough of them as well.

Warning: do not bother reading the following if blunt posts bother you. I've never written a post like this before, but truly, I've had it with these nasty, negative anon posts.

As some folks who've been around these boards for awhile might have noticed, I don't post as much as I used to anymore. Part of that is because I'm just exhausted after trying for nearly 3 years with no luck. Part of it is also that I'm really busy with work/school, adoption, and IF stuff that I have no time. BUT part of it is because I am sick and tired of the negative tone that has started to permeate this board.

If I (or anyone else currently with or who has perviously battled IF - unsuccessful or successful) want to interact with people that make us feel shit, then all we need to do is step outside our door. Go to the park, the zoo, an OB's office, your cousin's house, whatever. The world IS FULL of people who do not understand what it means to struggle with IF and who will might (usually unintentionally) make you feel terrible.

This board, in contrast, is meant to be A PLACE OF SUPPORT for women TTC. That means that in this space we should be able to relax a little, knowing that it's a little safer, a little kinder, and a little more welcoming than that outside world.

Thus the way I see it, there is NO place for snarky, rude, negative anon comments on this board. Sure, everyone has the freedom of speech and if you want to be rude, no one is going to stop you.

But what is going to happen is that people like me are going to stop coming to the board and offering support to people like you, anon poster. Which, if you're still TTC and looking for support Anon, is not good for you.

One thing I have noticed during the past couple months is that the anon posts are often directed at women who have been very active on this board at one time and have went on to have success, like Alli and Sara H. That makes me wonder if the person who is writing these posts has not had success and is angry and resentful of these women for achieving what she has wanted to but has not been able to. To that I say this - I understand feeling frustrated, left out, hopeless and angry. I really do. Nearly everyone I have struggled with in the past 2 years, both in real life and virtually, is either pregnant or has had their child except me. This makes me feel so ridiculous terrible, alone, and resentful. It's a horrible feeling to be left behind or to feel like you have been singled out or to feel like you are the only one that is failing (even if you know it's not your fault). Believe me when I say I get it.

But lashing out to women who have been in our shoes and have found success is NOT the answer. It will not help you towards your goal - and to be frank - you are shooting yourself in the foot by alienating one of the main groups of women who make up your allies. Do not forget that these women also went through the hell you and I are going through - some of them for a very long time. And while it's perfectly understandable to be jealous and resentful, it's not okay to lash out and alienate everyone involved.

Hold your head high Anon. Don't let this journey turn you into a bitter, nasty person.

Okay. Venting over. In case you couldn't tell I've had this on my chest for some time.


As always,
Sara Q

 
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Sara Q (from the other board)
(no login)

I'm not from the other board......

June 27 2012, 1:38 PM 

....squarely from this board - sorry. That's the name line I use when I post on the Over 40 board and it just came up automatically. (Probably b/c I've been posting there more than here....hmmm. That says something....)

 
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Alli
(no login)

Hugs to you Sara Q

June 27 2012, 3:05 PM 

I know it's hard. You have a wonderful attitude. I know your dream will come true.

 
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Jamie
(no login)

BTW, same here!

June 27 2012, 3:34 PM 

I really respect your wonderful attitude; when I was in the thick of it I just kept telling myself that I refused to let this turn me into a bitter, nasty, angry person who begrudges others their happiness. Hats off to you and I too KNOW that you will get to motherhood. When it comes it will be that much more amazing.

 
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Jamie
(no login)

AWESOME post, Sara!

June 27 2012, 3:32 PM 

Yes, I have noticed that too . . . people who have eventually found success are the targets. In my case, I am certain that is why this person resents me, along with the fact that I try to bring hope to those who need it rather than just spread doom and gloom to new people.

I'm really disturbed by how these boards have changed. When I first came here four years ago it was the most amazing place with this cohesive group of women who really lifted you up and helped you see that you had a chance. That is what they did for me and it saved me, and sustained me through some very dark moments. Now, I feel that there is so much bitterness and negativity from a few people who have not found success and it has changed things. I don't even feel that I could post good news on the 40 board; the only place that is still welcoming and positive would be the pregnancy board. This is sad.

We should all band together and land on these nasty anon posters HARD. In fact, I'd like to see these boards go login only, but until that happens we can change the board norms as a collective by refusing to accept these stealth attacks.

 
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Erin
(no login)

You go Sara Q! And agreeing completely...

June 27 2012, 4:06 PM 

I 100% agree with everything you said and love how you said it. You have every reason to be exhausted and frustrated and I too love your attitude and your continued compassion for others.

Anonymous- I have no idea who you are, nor does it really matter. What does matter is that you are hurting many people with your angry, nasty comments and it needs to stop. The fact that you are angry, sad or feel like you've perhaps been hurt by some on this board is no excuse to make the comments you do. If someone steals from you, is it okay to steal from others? What if you get shot? Is it fine to shoot someone else to make yourself feel better? No, it clearly is not. So please, either deal with your anger constructively or take it elsewhere. Almost no one has joined this board as a consistent poster in months; many regular posters have stopped posting. This is in part to your and others' nasty comments for which you take no accountability posting as anon. That is so very unfair to all the women who have struggled for a long time and still need support (like Sara Q and MANY others) and newly diagnosed women who are looking for a safe place to get information and voice their concerns.

As for the many of us who have been avoiding the board b/c of this BS, I recommend taking the board back. This board has been a lifeline for so many of us, and it needs to continue to be. If we could just follow the guidelines written at the top of the page (including the LARGE, BOLD, RED, ASTERISKED note about not posting anonymously) I think we could return this board to the life-changing place it has been for many.

 
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Sara Q
(no login)

Thanks everyone!

June 27 2012, 4:30 PM 

I agree.....let's take back the board and make it more positive! It felt good to write something that I've been thinking about for several months....;0

 
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Laura
(no login)

Totally saw it

June 27 2012, 5:34 PM 

But for the same reason didn't respond. Didn't want the newbie to think it was somehow directed at her. And, btw, you DID give her advice...what a wacko.

 
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Sara H
(no login)

Thanks Ladies!

June 27 2012, 5:44 PM 

And Sara Q!
I TOTALLY hear you. I think we have all been there, in our different ways. I wish there was some amazing words of wisdom but I don't know what could help except to say we are here for you.

Everyone else:
I am so grateful you agree and glad I gave everyone a place to have a voice! I was worried I was starting a fire... but sometimes a brush fire clears the way for new growth! Everyone had some good points, thank you.

Yes, lets come back to this board and lets getting it going again as a place where people get the help they need!
(Not that it hasn't been, 99% of the folks have been great and there has been tons of good advice, but let's bring people back and get more active!)

Hugs to all,
Sara H

 
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GreenEggsNHam
(Login GreenEggsNHam)

We need our "elder statesmen" and to be kind to each other.

June 27 2012, 5:55 PM 

Sorry, Sara H. We do need our "elder statesmen" who have made it to the other side.

I agree with the other posters, we should be supportive and kind to each other. We need a safe haven for a freak out or asking questions and getting information.


 
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