Forget about rock-star decadence: The drunkest, druggiest person at CBS Records in the 1980s was the president of the company.
In his memoir, "Howling at the Moon: The Odyssey of a Monstrous Music Mogul in an Age of Excess," Walter Yetnikoff freely admits that his heyday at the record label was a haze of alcohol, cocaine and sex. Somehow, though, the rehabbed exec has been able to vividly recall his clashes with artists and industry rivals.
Among the assertions in his book:
"Mick Jagger liked to [bleep] with me," says Yetnikoff, who recalls trying to woo the Rolling Stones to his label in a Parisian restaurant. "We were both bombed - or at least I was. You could never tell with Mick. He liked to give the impression of inebriation while retaining control." During one tense deal, Jagger called him a "mother[bleepin'] record executive" and they almost came to blows, but Yetnikoff says "the gods came through, the deal got done."
He calls Michael Jackson "a world-class whiner" who confessed early on, "I never liked the way I looked." The incipient King of Pop refugee used to whisper in his ear at awards ceremonies: "I have to tinkle. Can you take me to the potty?" Jackson once called to ask if Yetnikoff could block Quincy Jones from getting a Grammy for "Thriller" because "Quincy didn't really produce the record, I did. Quincy has a enough Grammys."
Yetnikoff argued with "pretentious" Paul Simon for months over the final album Simon owed CBS. Finally, Simon announced, "I've decided to put a series of Elizabethan sonnets to music." Yetnikoff responded, "For a teeny tiny little squirt, you've got a big mouth." Simon eventually left CBS for Warner Bros.
Bruce Springsteen "reeked with sincerity," and was so pious, Yetnikoff anointed him "Saint Springsteen."
He nicknamed Dan Rather "Danny Doo Doo," because he was jealous of the respect company executives accorded the CBS anchor.
Before David Geffen came out, Yetnikoff taunted the bisexual mogul by asking if he'd teach Yetnikoff's girlfriend how to pleasure a man.
The former mogul has warmer words for Barbra Streisand, though he recalls Streisand as "a nervous flier" who wouldn't board a plane "until the pilot came down and expressed his endless admiration for her talent."
Anyone who has a bone to pick with Yetnikoff might want to take it up with him tomorrow night at the book party that Billy Joel is throwing for him at the home of Doubleday/Broadway Books publisher Stephen Rubin.