"Good girl" Jason crooned as i stepped into the trailor next to Jojo. I wasn't sure of where I was going, but i knew I was going somewhere. "Jojo, where are we going?" He snorted, he was angry because Jason had taken him away from his breakfast. "Who cares where we're going as long as there is food there" she stamped the ground knocking my balance slightly. I was grateful for the extra rope that was tied behind my belly. The trailor ride was long, and bouncy, and i was beginning to feel really sick, my head was beginning to ache when without warning, the trailor jolted to a stop and everything was still.

I sniffed the ground, everything smelled new and yet familiar at the same time. Jojo knew where we were and nudged me forward, I could tell he was hoping she would be here, I didn't think she would be. "Here, Jojo, your old stall" Jason smiled and threw in some hay, I watched Jojo, I could tell he was sad. We walked back outside and to a barn on the other side of the drive. "This is the mare and filly barn, this is your new home" Jason smiled. I nickered a question and nosed jason.
He led me to a stall that was pretty large, Camey was there and so was the girl Jason said loved me. I nickered to her and walked over to nuzzle her. she kissed my nose, "YOu're getting so big" she said. I nickered again. "well she looks happy" Jason smiled. "Can i give her some?" Mandy asked as i smelled a bag thaat smelled strangely good. "sure," I took a small bite of the crisp salty wafer and decided it was gross and spat it out. I shifted to my left and sipped my water, delighted that it tasted like apples. "I'll come see you later" Jason promised and closed my door. I liked this stall, it windows in the front part of the stall, there was also a window at the back of the stall, it had woodens shavings in the bottom and a fan that breathed cold air. There was also a mother and her baby on my other side who i liked to watch play. I wondered what Mother would be like now, I wondered if she'd still love me now.

*switching and ending on Jasons turn*

I felt bad moving the horses back to the house farm, but it was free, and I didn't have to face Ashley. I had thought a lot about what she'd said about Chrissy, and how Chrissy needed a father figure in her life. I thought about everything and the cons were heavier than the pros. Mandy, was in my life now, and she brought joy and happiness to it.
"Jason, I love your little filly" Mandy said in the car on our way to the movies. "Yeah?" "uh huh, she's so full of spirit, I think that your sister would love her to death" I looked at her momentarily. "I think so too"I nodded. "Mandy?" "yeah babe?" "when were you going to tell me you had my sisters heart?" There was a long silence. i could feel her celery green eyes brimming with her pearly tears as they stared into my head. "I didn't think you needed to know....I mean one loss is big enough" She whispered. I smiled slightly at her thoughtfulness.

when we got back to my house later that night, I noticed Ashley's car sitting my the drive way. "Who is that do you think?" Mandy asked innocently. "Are you sure you want coffee from here?" I asked hoarsely. "Well i mean, i love your family, but if you wanna..." she trailed off. "who is that Jason?" I stopped the car on the side of the street. She stared at me, her eyes were blocking me out. "Mandy, it isn't anyone important." "then why don't you want to go back?" she argued. I considered this, "Because i want to spend time alone with you" "Not going to work tonight Jason" She said wisely. "How bout we go back to my house, my moms aren't home" She whispered and the pressed herlips to mine. I sighed, and went to her house.

I walked up the driveway past Ashley's car and into the house, my head was heavy with thoughts of Mandy, I couldn't get her out of my head. I unlocked the door and quietly went inside, grateful that our door didn't squeak. I listened to Ashely's breathing in the family room, I listened to my mom offering her some more tea, and my dad mumbling words under his breath.

*** have you ever noticed that your mood, or real life effects your stories? a while ago this wouldnt be how I repsonded in the story next...***

My heart sank when jason walked in. I had alot of time to think and had a good long chat with Chrissy. This was the end. The world would move on. It seemed like I had lost eveything all at once. i didnt have much left, but I wasnt going to let that slip away. I had to move on and change my life. I stood up and approached jason. I had no idea what he was thinking or what he wanted to say. "Jason heres a spare key to the apartment, wasnt sure if you still had yours or not. You can come and get your stuff whenever you want. Everyone already knows the wedding is off so thats been taken care of. So maybe I will see you around...oh and is it ok if I go visit Noel some times? I know she didnt quite take to me..but I sure loved her." jason just looked at me quizzically. Im sure he didnt expect that from me "Sure." He said. I nodded, handed him his key and walked out. I shut the door behind me knowing that chapter in my life was probably closed. I got in my car and drove back to Evergreen. Chrissy was waiting for me when we got there. "Everythings ok Chris. We will be fine." I said hugging her, reasurring myself. "Mom I made a memorial to put by Ashes tree and a few people called saying they were deeply sorry about her death and that even though she didnt make it to the track, they knew she would have been as great as Dust." I smiled in remembrence. " Come on kid, lets go put that by her tree and then get some sleep. We had a long day, and tomorrow we begin something new...this just isnt right anymore."

I stared at the key and then looked up at my parents, they both had surprised looks on their faces. "Well, let's hear it. I'm screwing my life up, I should be ashamed of making that girl suffer after all she's been through, I should run out that door right now and stop her" i said heavily letting the words fall out of my mouth. "Should you jason?" My dad asked. That hurt, it hurt because it sounded like something Sammy would say, and she'd cock her eyebrow. "NO," I said finally. "Jason, babe, you should go talk to Chrissy, let her know.." "Mom," I said cutting her off, "mom, Chrissy know's that i'm here for her, but I've moved on, I just want to end it here because i want to be able to reflect and laugh about all the great times" I said. I dropped the key on the coutner in the kitchen and climbed upstairs. i walked down to the end of the hall planning on reading something Sammy had told me to read before she died, Ashley's exit had reminded me of it. I knocked on the door, "Come in" Karens voice echoed. She was laying on her bed staring at the ceiling. I looked at Sammy's bed, it was unmade, it still had her sheets on them, a picture of Jojo on the nightstand and a picture of Elmer on the wall. "You of all people, haven't wanted to make this bed?" I said. "No, it's like she's there at night when it's unmade, i can still hear her heavy breathing," Karen wasn't crying she wasn't even talking to me. She was just reciting things she had been practicing to say when this subject came up which only made me despise her more. "Look i'm gonna go through her night stand real fast" I said. She blinked.
I opened the drawer, everything seemed so haunted, i felt like a grave robber. I found the yellow wide ruled notebook I flipped to the last entry.

"Dear Jason, I'm really sorry that you had to read this, I was sort of hoping you'd never have to but you obviously did otherwise...okay i'll stop rambling. Jason, you're a great guy, and this is your closure, I know you so well i know you are letting people who love you compete with a ghost aka me. Jason, stop it'll only frustrate people more and you'll end up running away when they don't meet your expectations. There was only one Sammy Holden, and she's gone jason alexander, you have to accept it. I love you so much, you're the best brother a girl can ask for. Promise to never ever sacrifice things to stay around here, don't feel obligated to take care of Jojo, mom and dad can sell him, he needs to be worked you know? I never told you this, but Ashley is a really great girl but if there isn't that flame there don't disappoint her, she's too great for that and you both deserve to be with someone who you'll love endlessly and want to be around and me amazed by everyday.
I love you, be yourself, do what you want, and live everyday like it's your last
your sister, Sammy "