Please remember I got this from an EMAIL. It is all jokes and made to be funny. I wanted to share...
RATED R for some
>>> > > >Subject: jokes guaranteed to offend everybody
Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics?
>>> > > >A: Not being retarded
Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
>>> > > >A: Hypothermia
Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives' shelter?
>>> > > >A: The dishes if she knows what's good for her
Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time
>>> > > >A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
>>> > > >A: Something a woman does while a guy is f*cking her.
Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?
A: They don't fucking listen.
Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
>>> > > >A: Gonorrhoea
Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
>>> > > >A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too.
Q. How can you tell a macho woman?
>>> > > >A. She rolls her own tampons.
Q. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
>>> > > >A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.
Q. What's the difference between acne and a Michael Jackson?
>>> > > >A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least 13 years old.
Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
>>> > > >A. Marry it.
Q. What do you get when you cross two black people?
>>> > > >A. Your ass kicked.
Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
>>> > > >A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
>>> > > >A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
Q. What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?
>>> > > >A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles an hour.
Q. Why do women call it PMS?
>>> > > >A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. What's the height of conceit?
>>> > > >A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Q. What's the definition of macho?
>>> > > >A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
Q. How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
>>> > > >A. The cake jumps out of the girl.
Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
>>> > > >A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
>>> > > >A. You know she'll swallow.
Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
>>> > > >A. They don't want to wear out the camel.
Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
>>> > > >A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelery.
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
>>> > > >A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime?
>>> > > >A. When the big hand touches the little hand...
Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
>>> > > >A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
>>> > > >A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.
Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
>>> > > >A. Because it's worth it.
~HUGS~
Carrie's Jason and Liz -A LOVE EVER LASTING
Carrie's Shawn and Belle ~Meant To Be
