So, I'm not really sure what you need for a reading so Ill just let my mind wander and speak what comes to mind for a bit. I am trying to find out who I am and why I am the way I am.
odd occurances:
at 12 I was hit by a bolt of lightning (maybe I was 11). Ill go ahead and throw that one out thier first so those who would think Im "not all together in the head" or lying, can save themselves the trouble of reading the rest of what I have to say and just go on to something different now.
Dont get the feeling I said that because I have a negative outlook on people or I am a jerk. My motive was completly benign in actually filtering those that would want to read on in curiosity or the benifit of the doubt and those that would have felt they had wasted thier time on a fruitcake had I not stated the most bizarre happening first.
Moving right along... The bolt did no damage to me. I only saw it and heard it. Blinding white light in my entire vision and a deafening crack of thunder. I only got a surge of adrinaline from this happening. I told my mother about it that night and she had me belive I imagined it. I bought that until I grew older and remembered the incident completly. I had not imagined that.
I get some form of "spiritual attacks" on me for some reason when I sleep. They have decreased over the last cpl years, but at one point in my life they were an often occurance, maybe once a week or more in certain phases.
I basicly dream of something possibly malicious and spiritual in nature, and then I become fearful and wake up. When I wake up I am completly paralysed. I have heard of old hag syndrome and sleep paralysis and assume that this is what it must be... However there were some even more bizarre events.
I was camping alone on the desert side of the rocky mountains, next to a rocky bluff that went straight up from the ground about 200 feet and then plataued out. I was 17 at the time and thinking of my family. I was thinking about what they would be doing at that point in time, and trying to recreate the enviornment and surroundings in my mind. After what seemed like 5 minutes or so, I realized that I was no longer having to "think" of what they were doing and I began to just listen. My mind was not creating what it was hearing and was just listening.
This was very odd and I took a moment to make sure I was still awake. Opening my eyes for a moment and moving in my sleeping bag. I was comforted by feeling what was like being home again and just listening to my sisters. They were crying, as they normally would be doing about that time of night because it was close to thier bed time.
in a very peculiar way, the cries turned into a kind of decietful giggling. It "sounded" genuine but I could tell that there was something behind the giggling. Like a trick. It just seemed fake... and I continued to listen.
The giggling eventually faded into a sound much similar to the way water sounds in a small creek or brook, and then even more into single droplets of water.
As I listened to the water droplets one by one, I asked myself how long I had been here. I opened my eyes and noticed I was in a tub that had been (For who knows how long) slowly been overflowing by the continual dropping of water into the tub I was in.
I looked out and was shocked to see that the water had flooded over the bathroom. It was a bathroom I had never seen before and what I remember the most about it was orange tiles covering the walls like wallpaper would. Much like the tiles people put in thier showers in homes built in the 50's.
I was alarmed because I didnt know where I was and I knew something was wrong. I went to yell out for help and all I heard was a demonic voice. Loud. Very loud. I am not sure if the voice came out of me or if something had put me in a trance and was infuriated that I had broken myself free and it yelled out in anger.
I was twisted and twisted, my body and vision. I had never experienced anything like this before, and after about 8 seconds of twisting I was in my sleeping bag again and my body felt awkward... like it had JUST been placed there in that position which seemed foriegn to me. The voice echoed in my ears for a good two minutes later. I heard it wide awake continuing to echo in my ears.
Before this happened this night though btw I saw a light in the sky that seemed to dissapear out into nowhere. This got me into thinking about aliens or whatever before I went to sleep that night, so maybe that had something to contribute to what had happened.
During the time I was 14-16 A spot on my upper right leg just to the right of my crotch area would for some reason occasionally "age" my clothing. By age I mean it would crumble and fall apart as if it was 18 million years old. The slightest pull on the fabric would rip it apart. It would go through my boxers, pants and any shirt I was wearing if it overlaped over that area.
I have experienced psychic abilities. Knowing things that I shouldnt and being generally perseptive to people and my surroundings and energies. I stopped all of this about the time I was 17 because of the drain on my mind it took to stay focused. I had experienced what I would suppose is a brief moment of enlightenment when I calmed my mind to read another persons mind. For one instance my mind completly forgot to think and forgot what it even was or that it even exsisted and in that exact moment the very answer I was searching for was revealed to me.
I think I was probably very lucky in achieving this state so pre-maturly with no training and the short amount of time it took me to get there. It was extremly hard and I think the only reason I did it is because I belived I had no other alternative. If I failed then it would further prove disbelief in the world of psychics to the woman whose mind I was reading.
I dont know if I can ever achieve that again so easily as I did then, and I wouldnt even know where to begin anymore. So please dont tell me to find the answer I am seeking within myself. If you are trained then you have access to infinate information on me and everything else in the universe. I am not trained and that is why I am asking for help.
I have had more odd occurances but the time it is taking to write this already longer then I had expected. I will post more or add on to this at another time.
Other oddities.
I have alot of symptoms of being orthostatic, and this worries me. It could have something to do with a mitochondria malfunction or blood or my adrinaline glands.
Hopefully it can be easily fixxed and isnt something that is a genetic incurable.
I was born with an Ankh engraved on my tongue. By engraved I mean the lines on my tongue form a perfect Ankh and nothing else. This may be nothing or it might be a symbol I put on myself while being born to do... what?
What if... anything? Does this add a piece to the puzzle?
Its a bit odd because my late grandmother was psychic as we all are, but she was more receptive to listening then most of us. She was told that my father would be born with a mark on his body, which he wsnt. I was born with one though, and she passed away before I ever got to show it to her.
She was told that he would bring something very special to the world, and as far as I know, he hasnt really done anything. He owns a small computer buisness out of georgia. Maybe she got the message wrong...?
Here is a pic of me and my tongue, The pics are very large, so when you look at one, just click the picture and it will resize to your screen:
http://www.leadingmodels.com/friends/ryan/
Yes, I know, they are terrible pics.
I am a libra, born on october 16 1979. I find my views on the world to be very complex.
I love and hate everything at the same time. I can see the good and the bad in everything in the world and from every different angle. This makes it very hard for me to understand where I stand in life and what my actual morals are. Who am I if I have no structure to base my personality except for being an analyist.... maybe.
I also belive analysing to be just a form of "knowledge retrieval" and not the truth. I dont like that my mind thinks so much, because if it could only stop trying to think for itself it could realize all the answers it would ever need are right there. It doesnt need to question "why" or "how" or "what if" but it does anyhow. Maybe there is a mix of the two I fail to see, but regardless im no where near either.
Im a white male (mostly irish or english or scottish I suppose). My Real name is Ryan. I have native american indian in my blood (a 16th cherokee) as well as canadian indian (25%)(i think, from what I was told by my grandmother, my grandfather was a crazy con man, who could have lied about his heratige as a full blooded sascachewan indian).
I have a rebellious nature. I trust very few people, but this is only because I am too trusting and have aquired that as a defence.
I am an idealist. I know how the world "should" work and how people "should" act. I reject most of what we are trained to "conrofm" to. This leads me to working odd jobs because I for some reasons that infuriates the hell out of me, I cant work for another unless I belive in the work as something that I would consider my own (does that make sence?)
it would be like saying, I could work as a priest under a bishop who I agreed with 100%, with no problem, because being a priest is work that I consider my own. I am not religious in that normal norm kinda way, so no... I dont want to be a priest.
Whenever I do commit myself to doing something I ussually give up or start to slack off or lose intrest in it if it has to do with most conforming things. I hate the hell out of this in myself as well. I dont know how to change it because.... deep down, I guess I just dont want to... maybe?
The things I want to do are always huge and to a normal person, would seem very unrealistic.
I want to raise an army for the protection of the people of the world. An army that isnt dedicated to 1 contry or another, but is there just to ensure that the lives of other people in the world arent taken or reduced to forced slavery or death. As I stated though, I am unfortunatly a paradox of feelings. Just as I can see how this would be good, I can see how it would be just as bad, and we should instead be compassionate or turn the other cheek.
It makes it hard for me to choose one thing or another in even the things I desire to do in the world because I can see both aspects and both sides equilly and it seems just as damaging as it could be helpful to me or the world as a whole.
I am an artist. I am artistic in my thoughts, and my music and ideas but that road is expensive, time consuming. Most of all it is supressed in one way or another.
Music is a 1 in 10,000 chance of making a living well enough to feed yourself.
Thoughts... this is about the same as being a book writter. Since im still "learning", I am not confident I can provide something new and fresh to the world as far as topics I am intrested in. Usually it seems once I find out everything I need to know, im done with it... except for spirituality and psychics which I have shunned the last few years because it does interfere with daily living when youre trying to "conform" as best you can. Atleast it does for me.
It seems I cant dedicate myself fully to the path of soul evolution unless I break free of the society in which we live, and as far as I know.... I havent the skill yet to rain food from the sky. I would never steal and im too "proud" to beg or take handouts. Besides, I dont see myself ever becoming one of those prophet types you see homeless in the streets and subways of new york (if they even exsist) spoutings prophecies and doomsaying.
And finally my ideas. Much like my thoughts, but I think of thoughts more like creations, and Ideas more like creations with the backing of contemporary knowledge. So basicly inventions and new forms of living that would help the world as a whole.
We have all heard of the hundreds of people that have failed projects and hopeless patents. This doesnt deter me however because I know my ideas are good, but I belive the problem is that they are "too" good. They could cause problems for big, powerful companies and would nev0er be accepted.
So please , tell me what I need to hear.
I wrote this message a few weeks back. Some things I stated have changed a bit, my veiws on the world for example. It seems the more I ask the question who I am, or just put the general "want" to learn more, the quicker things come to me, and I change spiritually. I have changed alot in just a couple weeks, but hell, you guys are activly psychic, you should know that... I wonder if anyone actually read all this.
