My ex and I have 1 child together. We parted ways after being together for 2 years. We remained on speaking terms and would always come to each other if we ever needed anything or needed to talk to someone. We lost contact with each other about 5 years ago. Recently he went to alot of trouble to contact me he says to have a relationship with our child. We have been speaking to each other every day either by email or phone. He is married now and they have 1 child together as well, but I sense something is going on where he is contacting me for more than just having a relationship with our child. Am I correct for assuming he wants something else from me? My d.o.b. is 12/12/76 his d.o.b. is 3/8/77
This is a unusual subject for me one I thought I was done with (I thought after he was married he had just decided to no longer be in contact with our child) so I'm not sure what is going on. Any advice is appreciated and I'm truly grateful for. Thanks everyone and have a great evening!
Moonlight

What you are sensing is correct! He does have other reasons. But not necessarily bad ones.

He is having problems in his current relationship specifically in the area of communication,mutual respect and emotional support.

Whether you realize it or not your past relationship even though it was not successful and did come to an end set a standard by which he measures current and future relationships.

These certain aspects of your past relationship is what he is lacking in his marriage and he needs and wants that in his life.If he can find a way to have those aspects in his current relationship he would be a happy man but that is not happening at least not right now.There is always the potential for growth in relationships.

Hindsight is 20/20 so now he realizes that he really didn't really appreciate those things when he had them with you before .He hopes to get what he needs in his current relationship but fears he will not.

He is reaching out to you in hopes of regaining that in his life in some way either by your influence or by perhaps by rekindling those aspects of his past relationship with you.

He doesn't completely understand himself why he feels the need to reconnect with you .But I would say he is vulnerable right now and could easily misunderstand his own feelings and where they are coming from.


But this gets tricky for you in many ways because you both know there were reasons your previous relationship didn't work.He could lose sight of that because of current vulnerabilities and then he would try to rekindle the relationship with you on a romantic level again.


You will need to be careful to guard your boundaries with him because it could get very messy and even cause you to entertain the same thoughts . This will cause you to fill torn in different directions and cause you emotional anguish.

I would suggest clear boundaries ,and also help him and yourself to remember the reasons that you both didn't work out as a couple even though there was some wonderful parts of the relationship .

Avoid getting to close with him again so that these pitfalls don't occur.Be wary of getting too emotionally involved again .This doesn't mean you can't help him just be careful not to get caught up in all this.

You both could revisit the past but you both have already been there before and you know where that road leads already don't you? Do you really want to go there again and then add all these complications to your life ?

What was good about the previous relationship that reward and learning there has already been received take it for what it was worth and move on to something better.This is his issue and he needs to find his own way to create happiness for himself .

I hope this helps !

Love & Light
Deborah Anna

Thank you for the quick reply! I'm trying really hard to stay out of the middle but a few times already I've been pulled in the middle. I've tried to reach out to his wife and attempt to be on friendly terms with her but she will have no part of it, in fact she reads any emails that we write to each other and has to be in the same room as him when we talk on the phone or they have a huge fight over it.

Our relationship in the past didn't work because of me not him. I take full responsiblity for it. I thought he deserved better than me and did everything I could to push him away. I only wanted him to be happy and find what I thought he deserved and instead I see someone that I love unhappy and being stubborn by not listening to a word I have to say about hanging in there and trying to make it work.

Thank you again for the information I truly appreciate it. I hope you have a happy and blessed afternoon.
Moonlight

It is hard not to feel bad for him .Let's just hope he doesn't give up too soon on his relationship.
Im sure that she is so defensive because on some level she knowns she is not giving him what he needs and she is afaird he will try and find it elsewhere.She is too emontionaly needy thats why she isn't able to give him what he needs emontionly.

Well take care write again if you feel the need to talk.Wish you all the best !

Love & Light ,
Deborah Anna