I recently had a conversation with someone concerning realtionships.

I was honestly surprised to hear that she's having some pretty scary problems.
I never would have guessed because she's been with the same guy for a really long time, and for all outward appearences ... they are the perfect couple!

Anyway ....
The whole conversation led me to question relationships in general, and wonder what is it that makes some of them rock solid ... while others just don't last.

Questions that came to my mind ... which I'd really love to hear your thoughts on are:

What do YOU value most in a relationship?

What aspects do you think are most important to keeping a relationship strong?

Is there a way to keep long term relationships from becoming boring?

And then ....
I’d love to know what it is that YOU think is most apt to destroy a good relationship??

Thanks

Alrighty then..Here goes..But please remember, I am a hopeless romantic who is still single..Therefore, I may be way off base here. All I have to go on is what I have learned along the way, and what I have observed with the most successfull of couples.IE.My Parents
I think the most solid of relationships are built on a solid foundation. Honesty is the key. If you are not honest with your partner, than you don't have a real relationship. You must have common interests and goals for you lives. However, with those commons you must have differences also. That is what keeps a relationship from smoldering. Commons to keep you together, differences to learn from eachother. That also makes for intellectual stimulation. Lets face it. Physical attraction is a must in any romantic relationship..But once the lust is gone, what keeps people together? The conversation. If you are mentally stimulated as well as physically, you are on the right track. I look at my parents and see that they are eachothers best friends.. They tell eachother everything, and have no secrets. They do things together, such as bowling, dinner, watching movies, or singing. But they each have their own intersts also. Dad likes golfing..That is one of his escapes...Yes, they will go golfing together, but mom knows when he just needs to go be with the boys. Mom enjoys having coffee and visiting with the girls for hours on end. The two understand that even though they are one with another, they still need their individuality, and their time apart. Being sexually compatible plays a major role in a successfull relationship. Lets face it, we're all adults here. Sex is very important! You and your partner share something with eachother that is unknown to anyone else. That is how two become one. It is not dirty, nor embarrassing when your with the right person. Couples need to experiment in the bedroom also to help keep the relationship alive. Same old routine will get boring. But if your comfortable with eachother, that you can try new positions and such things along those lines.
Share with eachother. Let's say the woman loves the arts, wheather it be a art gallary or the symphony, and the man just doesn't...The man needs to still take an active interest...Take her to the symphony, it will show her that he is willing, and in return she will go camping and fishing and the like. The two will have shared in something together...After one time of sharing it will be fun to every once in a while take an active interest in the others interests. Be understanding about it. So what if you hate it, you shared in it..And then you will understand why your partner loves it soo much...And then you won't be jelous of him or her going to do that without you..
Understanding eachother is a must. If it is really love, you will love the persons faults. You will understand that faults are what makes us who we are. Be spontaneous! Remember if the same old routine gets boring in the bedroom, the same old routine will get boring outside the bedroom. Try new things. Go out. Take a yoga class, or karate, or dance. Maybe pottery. Something together...Surprise eachother. All of this keeps relationships alive, and not boring. I strongly believe that when people get bored in anything...relationships, carreers, anything, they will look elsewhere to be stimulated. Relationships aren't luck...The good ones take work. Fate plays a small role...But in order to stay together, you must work at it. That is why people stray, and don't stay together..They are too lazy to work at it. I think the one thing that will make relationship fail is infideltiy. That is one thing that is hard to forgive, and even harder to forget. But why was that person unfaithful? They got bored..They weren't being stimulated enough...When you hit a dry spot in a relationship..Don't quit...Work at it. Try something new..Shake it up a bit. Make some noise, get exciting. Another common mistake I see so many people make is jumping feet first into a relationship before knowing the other person. OOOHHH, there is a trophy, smart handsome, beautiful, great body...But do you really know them? What makes that person tick? Are you willing to find out? Or do you just want others to look at you and say, wow, they make such a cute couple.. But aww, looks can be decieving. Okies then, I have written a short novel...And I hope I have fully answered each question. OOPS, one more thing...Always let that special person know you love them! Tell them as often as you can..Do little things to reasure them. One of the sweetest things that my ex-fiance' did for me, actually there were two sweet things. I was working nights, and when I came home one morning, there was a sticky note on the computer that read, "hit space bar"..I did..A picture popped up of three red roses, meaning "I LOVE YOU", and our song started playing in the background. Another morning, I walked into the bathroom to find a note stuck to the mirror, that read, "I LOVE YOU"..He would get up before me, make me my coffee and bring it to me in bed to wake me up. The little things like that make all the difference...It's work, but your letting the other know how much they mean to you.

WOW Casalyn!!

I read it all ... each and every word!!
Waaaay Good Stuff you’ve learned there gurlie!!
Colour me impressed will ya!!

My thoughts on the subject won’t be near as long.
LOL
But here goes ......

In my mind the bottom line to any successful relationship is TRUST!!
And I think it’s the one element that binds all the other pieces and parts of a relationship together!!
Trust is the foundation that everything else is built on.
With out Trust in a relationship ...
What else really matters?
Honesty of course is fiercely important!!!
But what if the other person doesn’t trust your honesty?
Where is the relationship then?

And the thing I think is sure to destroy any relationship, no matter how strong it seems ...
Is Jealousy!!!
Jealousy is a very ugly thing!!!
If you want to drive away the person that you love ....
Jealousy is the Surest .. Quickest way to do it!!!

Hmmm ....
I think you’re right Casalyn ...
Couples need to have things in common with each other.
While it might be true that “opposites attract” ...
I honestly think there has to be something real .. something substantial to keep them interested in each other.

But I also agree that at the same time, there needs to be differences, so as to avoid boredom, either with your partner .. or yourself!!
Thank the Great Spirit ...
NO Person is a carbon copy of another!!
My gawwwwwd ... Wouldn’t that be the epitome of boring????
I think it’s very important to retain your individuality.
Becoming a couple ... doesn’t mean becoming each other!!
Everyone needs the time and space to pursue their own special uniqueness!!
After all .... how can you have a healthy, happy, successful relationship as a couple, ....
If you yourself are Unhappy??

Ohhh Ohhhh .....
The other element that I think is Essential to a solid relationship, is Ye Old Communication!!!
And communication is probably the thing that I see as the hardest part to a successful relationship!!!
You have to be able to honestly, and with out fear ... be able to talk to your partner about what ever is going on inside your head and heart.
LOL ... For us women ... that’s the easy part!!
But partners, men and women ... also have to be able to Listen to each other!!
Be able to hear the other one out ... with out interrupting, or attacking ... or tantrums .. or stomping off!!

Okies ... enough from me ....
NEXT!!

And thanks again Casalyn ...
For taking the time to do such a wonderful job on this thread!!!

Wuv ya Lambchop!!
(re-reading my own long post)
erm ... well I didn't think it would be as long as yours Casalyn ... ~ wink ~

1. We agreed that we value trust, honesty, committment, infidelity, communication (even if it means hurting each other with what we have to say) and love. I (Boo) particularly value the fact that I can be myself...Doc loves me for who I am...and above all he makes me laugh...inside and out

2. all of the above....what most people stop doing is trying...once you have been with someone for a while your mind set tells you that you dont need to impress anymore...which doesnt bode well for a loving relationship. Always always keep trying!

3. We do different things all the time, but we do have things in common that we like doing together. Neither of us are overly jealous about the other and in that way (based on our trust for one another) we keep each other entertained with stories. We are both individuals and we value each others opinions. We can still talk for hours and hours like we did even before we met... if you are struggling....do something fun....go bowling...ice skating...do something...then have sex...hahahaha

4. Jealousy first...lack of communication second!

Thats our opinion....hope you like it xxx

XXXXXXX (((((((Birdieeeeee)))))))))) XXXXXXXX

Doc & Boo

What do YOU value most in a relationship?

I value safety and companionship... knowing that your partener will be there no matter what.... knowing even if you have to tell them summnt they dont want to hear.. however bad they will listen and at least talk about it... and knowing that when you cuddle up in their arms you feel safe..... even talk to them or type.... knowing that they are smiling back...

What aspects do you think are most important to keeping a relationship strong?

surprise and never ever stopping to take the time to tell your partener you love them. even if you are angry with them

Is there a way to keep long term relationships from becoming boring?

er.... new positions in sex? lol... doing new things.... going new places... and again.. surprise.... making something or buying your partener something to remind them that this is what u want.

And then ....

I’d love to know what it is that YOU think is most apt to destroy a good relationship??

lack of trust.... and giving up trying... you have to kep working at it.... never give up... you will always learn from your partener years on in a relationship...


thinking im too old for my age again

Thanks muchly for your comments here Gibbly gurlie!!
((((((You)))))

I think you’re right ...
Two people in a relationship have to “Both” ...
Be willing to work at making it solid, and long lasting ...
“Every Single Day!!”

I also agree with the being as spontaneous, and as creative, as you can be!!
To alleviate any possible boredom.
But then ....
I think that goes hand and hand with “working at it” ... Every Day!!!

As I said before .... ~ wink ~
The thing I think is sure to destroy any relationship,
No matter how strong it seems ...
Is Jealousy!!!
Jealousy is a very ugly thing!!!
If you want to drive away the person that you love ....
Jealousy is the Surest .. Quickest way to do it!!!

We’ve all heard you shouldn't play games when it comes to affairs of the heart???
But you know what????
Relationship experts disagree!!!

Nearly every article written says that “Games” are the way we keep romance alive!!
Agree?
Disagree?

Are Some Relationship games good?

agree some games can be good..... add a lil spice to life