| Original Message |
Jayne
Posted Apr 26, 2008 9:30 PM
I'm not sure if we've been involved 15 or 16 years as we have no anniversary. I knew it was wrong to get involved and didn't want to have a date. He finds that silly but I don't care. Overall, we have had a great relationship but anniversaries are for married people and old institutions. I am neither.
He had one child who has now graduated from college and is married. Initially, I was very supportive of his dad status and was interested in the son.I'd even listen to complaints about the wife. Eventually, psycho wife arranged for a surprise trip in an exotic locale for kid, girlfriend, and MM--kids played, she reamed him for banging me. She did some detective work and figured out that we'd gone away together on our own exotic locale trip. Little did she know how entrenched we really were.
He lied to me about where he was going and with who because I'd been laid off and was in a bad place and couldn't handle it. I accidentally found out while he was away. In my anger, my car slid off the road and into a utility pole, very minor injuries. We had a major blow out when he returned but somehow how I was stupid enough to stay w/him. I was on the cusp of 40 and unknown to me until awhile later, prematurely pre-menopausal. I felt washed up on the dating market so I stuck it out.
I became very resentful of the son and his gf (even though I had no right to, beef should've been w/MM)...Thankfully, his kid and his d-in-law left the country. I demanded a moratorium on talking about them or MM's wife. Rationale? They're none of my business, they don't know about me--why should I burdened w/knowledge of them? And yeah, I want to hurt him as much as he hurt me by not allowing him to talk about his pride and joy. Immature? Yeah, but it's the only way I can continue with the relationship. I realize that in the future issues could come up. I'll play it by ear but I get the ultimate veto. I don't mind him dealing w/his son but I hate when he plays nice married guy for the benefit of the kid and d-in-law. A year after the blow out, I took a trip to Florida and met a cute guy at a sporting event. He was five years younger than me and hot--we only played kissy face but it was a great ego boost, just when I needed it.
Ultimately the blow up resulted in my receiving therapy for my problems with him and other things that I've never addressed. I'm working through my issues, being good to myself, and setting the boundaries. Not hearing about his "personal life" (as petty as that may sound) makes the relationship so much better. I no longer seethe over nonsense. It's his problem not mine. I do what I please while he endures at home. Sure sometimes it's lonely but there's no drama in my life i.e. having to play step-mom or sister -in-law or dealing w/bitchy ex. Right now, I'm more financially secure than he is and he's in his 50's. Wifey left the work force nearly 8 years ago so they're broke and in heavy debt. Financially he'd really be better off w/me.
Bottom line, I don't know what the future will bring but as a result of the number that he pulled, I'm not as emotionally invested in him as I used to be. I'm looking to myself for strength, peace, happiness, etc. and realizing that this relationship could end at any time. Despite my complaints, I do enjoy my time with him. We have great conversations, laughs, meals, and great sex. I'm v. good about putting myself first especially knowing that he was willing to put his reputation as a dad/married man before me when his wife sprung the surprise trip. He would have had my undying support if he would've told the Mrs. to chew it and told his kid and the gf that he'd do his own trip w/them. But he didn't have the nuts to do it. That's why I come first--the others, inc. him can go to hell when push comes to shove. |
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