How do you describe yourself and your life at the time you got involved with MM? Were you content, happy, fulfilled, miserable, lonely, etc? Who were you when you met him?

I was very young when I met MM. Although I was somewhat naive, I still know for a fact that I was far beyond my years. I graduated high school early, was living on my own, holding down two jobs when i met him. I was very independent... always have been. I was fairly happy with my life, although it wasnt easy. I was generally busy with work and school, friends, etc. But then again, when I met him, he wasnt married

When we were involved while he was with his fiance/gf of 4 years, i was very happy but struggling. during that time i got pregnant, and had to deal with the father rejecting me and the baby. MM was there for me. I became engaged during that time... it was a very rough relationship. He was there for me. When his relationship ended... he soon met his W (got her pregnant shortly after meeting her) and at that time, I was struggling to get out of my relationship. About the time that MM got married, I found a new well of strength in myself. I obtained more during that year than ever. It seems to have helped make me a stronger person.
And then we fell super heavy into a "real" EMR...

When I got involved with current MM, I was divorced for three years, and pretty much happy to be me. A bit lonely, but, basically fulfilled by my career, friends, and kids.

I had been divorced for about 4 years when MM and I got involved. I was happy with my life. My career was going well. My life was stable. I didn't need someone in my life to fill a void.

I was with a BF for 2 yrs when I met MM. I was not happy in the R. I was just in a R because I got used to having him around. Other than that I was very content and happy about life.

When I met MM, I was in between relationships. I had broken up a few months earlier with guy that I did not know was married until I was in the ER having a miscarraige and his wife answered the phone.

"When I met him" I never looked at him as someone I'd ever see as a love interest at all. I had just finished college and was new at the work place where I met him. I worked with him on a daily basis. Of all the doctors I worked with, I was drawn to him intelectually and looked up to him as a mentor. I thought he was the strongest, smartest, most capable and successful man I'd ever met, and I was actually intimidated by him. I felt small in comparison to him, and while I greatly enjoyed working with him (it was a learning experience for me, and I love learning) I was also very nervous and fumbled often in his presence. It wasn't about attraction then.. it was about profession and intellect.

Before any attraction had developed between us, I felt I had found myself, I knew who I was and where I was headed in life. I had high standards, stuck to values and morales, and despised those who didn't stick to the morales I did. In my eyes, relationships were all about friendship, intellectual and emotional bonds, and totally and completely giving one's heart. I felt if someone is in love, they should have no desires/attractions to anyone else AT ALL. If you did have any desire at all to even look in the general direction of another, then you simply can't be in love, period. No ifs ands or buts about it. To me, sexual desires were just icing on the cake. Sexual desires can be something shared between those who are in love and faithful, OR they can be something used in flith and dirtiness. I despised porn (and still do actually), I despised women who accepted it, I despised erotic dancers, and the list goes on. I didn't even like my man looking at pinups of clothed women, muchless naked ones. I didn't need to look at other men, had no desire to, so didn't understand how he could and still love me.

I was raped when I was 19 yrs old. From that point on I was a changed person. I stopped partying, I stopped having casual sex, and I became a man-hater to an extent. It didn't occur to me that this caused my sexual hangups. I felt my hangups weren't hangups, but instead they were my "values." To me, if sex wasn't gentle, tender love making, it was filthy. If it wasn't wrapped in intense emotionas of love, it was nothing more than animalistic, and to me that was wretched. I carried alot of anger on the inside, and there has never been a place to release it.

When the attraction to MM was finally realised and I found myself thinking about him outside of work, I realised he fitted an imagined model of my "Mr Right." He was the type person I'd been holding out for and searching for my whole life. We became close friends, and I realised in time that all the things that disgusted me and would have made me kick other ex's to the curb without looking back, I saw all those things differently when it came to him. When HE filled his screensavers and wallpaper of nearly naked women, I didn't judge him. I looked at it as natural and as his appreciating the beauty of a woman's body, period. I would laugh with him about catching himself staring at those in his spare moments. When I'd catch him staring at my breasts while I talked to him, I'd call him on it and laugh as he blushed profusely. Until then, had another man done this, I'd have felt violated as if he'd viewed me as nothing more than a piece of ass.

I suppose partly because of all the other things we shared, all the talks, all the meaningful times as friends, and all the laughter and such... don't get me wrong, he isn't all about tits and ass. I just pointed these things out because this involves what has changed most about me inside. These are only a few small pieces of our 6 yrs knowing each other.

Since MM, I have accepted sexual desires as nature and eventhough sex can be filthy still if done for the wrong reasons, I don't think I still have the hangups I once did. I don't view EMA's as I once did, and I accept the fact now that OW aren't always whores with the sole purpose of being home wreckers. They are women who happen to fall in love in the wrong place at the wrong time. They aren't always someone who chases your husband down to seduce him. they are often the seduced, and they play the part of the fool just the same as the scorned BS does. They are victimized much the same way the spouse is. The one and ONLY difference is, they had more reason to expect it from the beginning.

I often wish BS'es could see D day as a blessing in disguise. Had you never been brought to the light, you'd have gone longer not knowing you were with a man capable of betraying you, or a man who isn't really right for you. If you were right for eachother, he'd stick to his vows.

I was 18 when I met MM. I was finishing university, working on contract with engineering firms, and he had already been a successful doctor for years. It was fatal attraction at first sight. I had never felt this way with anyone in my life but had to hide my feelings because I knew he was married. He is very intelligent, handsome and the connection between us was amazing. Six months after we met, after being faithful to his wife for 10+ years, he approached me with little steps. Before I knew it, we were in love with each other. We have been together ever since.

I understand that he will never leave his wife and respect that. I'm very happy to be with him and have no guilt toward anything. He is a wonderful man and had struggled a lot to overcome his fear and guilt to be with me. I will always love him for who he is.

For better or worse, I have no regrets.

I met MM when I had accepted a position in a public accounting firm. We worked together for over two years before getting involved(both CPA's). I had found peace in my life and success in my career. Although I still struggled as I was raising my three children alone and working very long hours. I was repsected at the firm by the partners and offered a partnership opportunity. Three years ago I was a well-dressed professional that didn't give MM a second look romantically. I'm not even sure I respected him professionally. I worked with the senior partners and thought he was arrogant and lazy but we were friends and he pursued me vigorously. Last year I left the firm because seeing him everyday was impacting my productivity and I also felt it was time for me to move on. We have been through alot and I think of him as a dear friend and a very important person in my life today.

My father died at the end of June 2000 and by the beginning of August I had ended a 3 year live-in relationship, quit a 6 year job (a pretty good one, in retrospect!) and moved my 2 children, dog & 2 cats 600 miles north to be closer to my newly widowed mother. I got a job almost immediately (I own a board called Scarleta -LOLOL) - but a social life was harder to re-create - the house my mom had found for me to live in for a year was way the hell out in the evil Stepford suburbs and I just wasn't making friends fast. And NO dates at all. Working in the arts pretty much ensures that you will meet no eligible men - the few males in the art world are either gay, or 80 & married, or single for a host of EXTREMELY GOOD REASONS.

So anyway, I was lonely, grieving, dealing with angry kids who hadn't wanted change (they never do), dealing with the latest breakup & assessing my chances for any kind of marital happiness ever (not good) figuring I would be alone forever and not real happy about it. I also had just lost a LOT of weight - in the neighborhood of 50 pounds. I'd let myself go the last few years something fierce.

I met MM at work in October, 2000: I was looking for a band to book for a party and someone told me to call him. He's an event coordinator and does a LOT of big festival type things - also, he's a musician. He came over to talk to me and I fell hard at first sight. He was so totally my type! Tall, skinny, musician - no ring, no mention of a W. or S.O., (because in actual point of legal fact, his marriage is only common-law. They got no piece of paper from the city hall.) Anyway, fast forward 6 months through occasional accidental contact & growing acquaintanceship to a tentative friendship to the point where he asked me to be on one of his volunteer committees. It was only a couple days after the drink after that first committee meeting that we were together. . .

I too was between relationships and bored with the men that I was running into yet was still very content with my life, career, friends and family, but just wanted some decent male company from time to time. I decided to run a personals ad where the quality of the men that I met was oh, so much better. I also met MM there and the rest is history.

When I met my MW, I had just come out of the most eventful year of my life. New job, new house, etc, and then the stock crash wiped that all away. My company went bankrupt, I had to sell my house, my GF at the time left me... Almost half a year later, I had moved back to my hometown (city) and was well on the road to putting my life back together.

My meeting her happened almost by accident, and it made me realize that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't to late to have the life I'd always dreamed about. I went from doing pretty well to doing great.

LOL! I was independent, thinking about buying a house so I could finally get my dog, focusing on my spiritual path, doing things I loved. I loved working too. I was pretty happy. I was bored with dating though.

I was in crisis when I got involved with MM. My ex-H had left me only weeks before. I was overwhelmed, in terrible emotional pain and going through all of the personal upheaval of divorce and trying to work out custody issues.

For the first year, the affair was a refuge for me from the stress and pain of my divorce. I had someone to be close with, and MM made no demands on me. About a year into the affair I fell in love with MM, but began dating other men because I felt there was no future for me with him.

About six months later we had D-day and my life came crashing down. I stopped dating and focused exclusively on MM and his problems. I was very miserable.

After I ended the affair I was finally able to make the transition from "divorced" to "single". Because the affair was a rebound relationship that became a source of tremendous stress for me instead of contributing in a positive way to my life, I felt depleted and drained all of the time. Once I ended it, though, I became very happy as a single woman. I am enjoying the freedom and independence of my single life now, dating again, and having a wonderful time. I'm having too much fun to give it up any time soon!

When I met xmm, I was doing great in my career and had all the material things I always wanted, but did not have someone special in my life. I was very lonely.

I met him and sparks flew immediately. He told me he was separated. He was also very religious and I thought he was a stand-up kind of guy. Things moved very quickly and like a fool, I didn't ask him a lot of questions that should be answered before one jumps into a relationship head first.

Before I knew it, the relationship developed and he began spending the night at my place and calling me all the time. I was smitten and loved the attention. I thought he was my soul-mate.

After a few weeks, I found out he still lived at home. I was mortified, but somehow he managed to convince me he was leaving her, and that it was just a matter of a few weeks. He said he had an attorney hired and was taking care of some financial things for his children. He said he loved me and needed me. Like an idiot, I believed him and continued to see him.

Skip ahead a few more months...he quit talking about the pending "divorce" and we only saw each other on Saturdays when he could squeeze me into his schedule. No more overnights and lots less phone calls. I was clearly "The Other Woman" and felt very used. Whenever I'd try to discuss this with him, he'd get really angry and make me feel like I had no right to question him. I broke up with him numerous times as I couldn't take it, but he'd always beg me to take him back and make me feel sorry for him. Things would be good again for another week, then get bad again. I was in a total state of confusion.

I finally broke up with him and was totally prepared for NC and moving on. I wanted my old life back, which I began to realize was a pretty good one after all. About a week later, he contacted me and let me know his divorce had been filed and he was moving out. He was now free to see me openly and have a respectable relationship with me. When I asked him if he filed or if his wife filed, he said she did and he was not expecting it. I could tell he was devastated. I realized he probably never mentioned the word divorce to his wife.

Over the next several months, he'd call and try to suck me back into his problems and tell me how much he loved me and missed me. I wanted to believe him, but couldn't because he had lied to me before and I knew he was capable of cheating.

He kept up his pursuit and I finally broke down and saw him again. Huge mistake. Same song, second verse. He had not changed at all. In fact, I'm sure that during this whole time, he was still pursuing his xwife as well (I have evidence). He was keeping me on hold as a back up plan just in case she didn't take him back. What a pig.

So, I dumped him for good. He called several times trying to charm me into seeing him again, but it didn't work. I could finally see him for what he really was and hated him. I still do.

A few months later, I met a really wonderful man who is now my partner -- and is single. I regret my relationship with xmm and can't believe I allowed myself to get involved with him. Lonliness can do strange things to people.

When I read posts from women who are in the midst of EMAs with men like my xmm, I feel so sorry for them as I know the pain, confusion and damage that can result. The only advice I can give is to listen to your head, as it rarely steers you wrong.

It was after my bf of 4 years broke up with me that MM and I started talking a "deeper" level. I was lonely and just wanting some parts of a relationship (sex and companionship) without worrying about commitment and other crap. This is a time when I value my independence.

Due to the way I felt when I met him, I ended having this relationship. If I had felt diferent them probably I'd never done this.

To say it in other words my song that days was "goodbye to love", specially that part which says "all I know of love is how to live without it".

I just was so disappointed, the man I loved the most just don't love me. A reallity I saw for years but I didn't want to accept. I tried by all means to approach to him but he was simple not interested on me at all. I used to be a helpful friend to him but no more.

So, I felt used by him, feeling he was taking advantage of the support I offer him but he never offer me anything (that's exagerated, but I felt that way at that time). And I just decided I won't search anyone for love again, I was so tired to search for the wrong person (because I chose wrong, but), I was tired to be always the girl without a boyfriend so, I just accepted my role, single, without anyone because at that time was better desire nothing that want and be rejected.

Then he appears, nice, tender, no much interested on me so I couldn't make a shield against of him, he seemed to be a little boy and I wanted to give him a hug.

The rest of the details are hard to explain because they were thing of days, suddenly I found out myself having sex with him, supposing he was going to ignore me the morning after, but, I was prepared, I wasn't looking for love. And know what? I found it. A men who loves me and allows me to love him.

I met MM almost 3 years ago. . .we worked for the same
program at a University. I was alwasy afraid or
intimidated by him. He made me uncomfortable - I will
never forget my first day of work. He shook my hand
and it seemed to last forever. I remember pulling away!
We began an email 'relationship'. . .was a bit flirty!
This evolved into meeting for coffee or drinks and it
eventually became physical! This relationship was/is
extremely private - no one knows or has found out about
it. He no longer works at this University, however,
I am surrounded by his friends (my friends, as well)
everyday and have to smile and pretend that everything
is ok! When people talk about him. . .I have to
pretend that I like him and that he is this great
guy. This is becoming very difficult to do. This man
broke my heart and I don't feel like smiling and laughing right now.

I was happy, content with my life, and then MM made me even happier.

How do you describe yourself and your life at the time you got involved with MM? Were you content, happy, fulfilled, miserable, lonely, etc? Who were you when you met him?


Basically my life sucked before I met him. A month before I met him, I was fired from my job by my mother. A day after I was fired, a friend asked me to work on a film in Italy that she was producing. I had a month before I left, I completely swamped working on the project, and I also was trying to get all my personal stuff in order. I had also just started a sexual relationship with a guy. I was busy, not dealing with emonions that I felt toward my mother.

I felt like my life had turned upside down. I wasn't happy with my relationships in my life, I felt like I had no stability and had no control.

I met him in Italy on the film set.

If I was dating mm's BIL and kinda semi part-time living with him - do I qualify as 'single'?

Hmmm. I had started my own business about a year before and was struggling with it. I was extremely ative in neighborhood, cultural and civic organizations, being an office-holder in many. I had a great support group of friends. As for men, I had ended my last serious relationship 8+ years before and hadn't been on the dating scene much in the interim. I had also gained about 40 pounds since my last relationship ended. After all that down-time, I was questioning my desirability and my ability to have a relationship. Along comes MM.

He worked on me for about two years before I decided to take the bait. He got me back into the swing of things sexually, and I am forever grateful for that. I may have had textbook "low self-esteem" when we started, but he helped me get over it. I met a great single guy while I was seeing MM and my experience with MM helped me open up to and take a cance on SG. I broke up with MM to focus on SG, and now SG and I are married. Thanks, MM.

I had been seperated from my husband for almost two years. I was happy to be a single mom, living on my own and away from my spouse's abuse and alcoholism.

I was dating others casually, not looking for anything permanent. He came into my life like a whirl wind. And continues to be a constant friend and soul mate.

I was in a long distance on again/off again relationship with a SG and feeling very lonely and sexually frustrated. I was successful, but facing alot of pressures and was stressed out. I didn't have time or inclination for dating. I started seeing him for the physical pleasure. He is my lover and friend. I am amazed at what I found in him. SG has faded.

How do you describe yourself and your life at the time you got involved with MM? Basically happy.

Who were you when you met him? I was dating another single guy when I met MM. Single guy and I broke up and two months later MM and I started the emr. I was much more confident in myself prior to emr though. I had a lot more desire to be w/friends too before emr.

When I met MM, I was engaged and living with someone. That began to fall apart when I had the 1st night with MM. I realized that I was not happy with my Ex. I was miserable, cranky and disillusioned. When I left the Ex and moved back to my hometown, I ran into MM within the first week and the EMR began that day.

It is hard being single and with MM because of the feelings involved. I DO NOT feel guilt, I never have in any of the EMR's I have been in. I feel, personally, that if they were getting what they needed at home, physically and mentally, then they wouldn't have been involved with me to begin with. With the exception of the current MM, no one except my Mother (WHO DID NOT APPROVE) knew about the EMR's.

I also have learned not to care about what others think about me being Single and having the EMR with MM. I used to think "I am a whore" or "I am going to ruin my reputation". It is no one's business but mine, MM and "her". It is my decision. I am happy right now with MM, but I would be VERY happy if he was with me permanently.

How do you describe yourself and your life at the time you got involved with MM? Were you content, happy, fulfilled, miserable, lonely, etc?

At the time, I think I was mostly content. I was open to the idea of starting a relationship but was not actively looking for anybody. My concerns at the time were not really of relationships, but of starting a new career. When I met MM at work, we clicked. Initially, I considered MM to be a nice person but did not have any sexual or physical desires towards him. That is not to say I did not find him physically attractive but I would have never considered any type of relationship. I was surprised at his advances. I pushed him away initially, but later I choose to get involved with him.

Looking back, I think I was somewhat lonely. My last relationship had ended about 2 years before and I was ready for someone. It did influence my decision to get involved with MM. My greater concern for career at the time may have been a way to ignore things like relationships. For the most part, I was happy. I had nice people around me and stability of income. Still, the career I was in at the time was not what I wanted to do. I was hoping to start a new career, which was causing some upheaval in my life.

Who were you when you met him?

I was really a person in transition, but still fundamentally the same person as I am now with MM. MM has helped to open my eyes somewhat to things I would have never considered before. MM has helped me be a bit more open to new things and with people. Strangely, I think I have become a bit more realistic in my view of the world as well.

The biggest change I think I have experienced for the person I was before is I have become more patient and tolerant. My MM said once to me, “I will teach you patience,” (this was really early in the EMR where I wanted every moment with him, and it was to hell with discretion). It is not that I am waiting for him to leave W. It is probably better that he stays with W. The patience I have been taught is more along the lines of happiness in the moment rather than pushing or trying to control what will happen in the future.

I have valued what I have drawn from MM’s point of view, and being with MM has for the most part enhanced my life. There are hard points, but there are in all relationship no matter there nature. Being in an EMR, I think helped to bring some focus to things I would not have looked at before.

Was living with BF for 5 years. When i met MM.... just knew we had to be together. BF moved out 3 months later.

When I got involved with MM I was content. Can't say I was exactly happy to be single, but I was finally at that point to where I stopped looking for someone. I realized that after all these years I did not need someone in my life to make me feel complete. I was accepting the fact that I might actually grow old alone, and as scary as that thought is for me, I was still accepting of it. As they say, love finds you when you are not looking or least expecting it.

When I met him I was still married. I filed for divorced couple of months after meeting him....

I've been single now for almost 4 1/2 years, been with him for almost 5 years. I'm STILL with him due my lack of self esteem.... and secondly, I see him as a friend too - makes it harder to let go....

I was leaving a relationship, I felt alone but decided that alone would be better than getting hurt again, but then MM showed up, my soulmate, he loved me like no other, he asked me to marry him, but then he just left me after a year. It was all a lie.

Me: Single. Independent. Happy. Financially secure.
Him: M. Unhappy. Financially secure.

When I first met MM, he wasn't married (although he was living with girlfriend of 6 or 7 years). I was young, dating a guy I'd met in high school (I was a sophmore in college) and reasonably happy. But nothing happened with us then; it's just when we met.

When we started our affair (7 years later), I was single and not seeing anyone. I had just returned from a summer spent abroad working, and just gotten out of a "relationship" with a guy who had a fiance and one other girlfriend besides me (common situation for people of both sexes in the country I'd been living in) that had been on again off again for about 1 1/2 years. "Relationship" is in quotes because we had dated for about 4 months, then I moved back to the U.S. and we kept in touch through phone and letters for 9 months, then he came to visit me for about a week, then I moved back to his country, we went out twice and broke up. Then I got sick and moved home. I was depressed, lonely, and confused about what I wanted to do with my life. MM offered a chance to fulfill a 7-year fantasy, and I was lonely and it seemed like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I never expected the affair to happen beyond that weekend.

i was very young when i first met him, our families had been friends for seemingly forever. actually it's his W's family and mine that were friends. i was single and generally happy. as we started becoming friends i began to realize that he was everything i wanted. it wasn't the best decision i've ever made, but i would do it again. as much as it hurts to be in this position, i can't imagine my life if he'd not been a part of it.

I met him in a hospital. He was working there, I had an appointment. I remember that I was instantly attracted to him, even though I was already seeing someone else. I had two more appointments with him, and I was taken by his confidence and sense of humor. I never got up the nerve to call him or ask him out, and after a few weeks I figured it was too late. I stopped seeing the man I had been dating, and really wanted some time off from relationships. I am a college student who works full time, and I wanted to focus on my education. At the time I was also two years out of a failed marriage. I hadn't felt anything real for any man for a long time, and didn't think I ever would again. It was a great decision. I was doing well in school, making a name for myself at my company, had plenty of time to see friends, and volunteered at least 5 hours a week. I felt very content without the pressures of a man in my life

Eight months later, I ran into him. The attraction was immediate again, as though someone flipped a switch. This time I managed to get a lunch invitation. I thought that maybe it was time to get back into the swing of dating, and who better to start with than this man who seemed so perfect for me? After we had been out a few times, and after he kissed me for the first time, he told me he was married. It felt like someone had kicked me as hard as they could right in the stomach. I was so hurt and so angry. I should have known by my reaction to the news that I had already started to fall. I told him I wanted no part in an affair with a married man, but three days later I was sitting in a park kissing him. I was always so strong with men, always had the upper hand. But, with him, I was so weak.

It's hard for me. I sometimes realize that I've become a person that I always condemned. But, as opposed to hating myself, I've come to have a new understanding for other women. Yes, other women have hurt me in past relationships. I hated them for it, would have wanted to hurt them the way I felt they had hurt me. What I didn't realize is that they had already been hurt, maybe not in the same way I was, but no less painfully. It's true; any woman can find herself an other woman. No matter how determined you are that it will never be you, you can't be sure you won't fall helplessly in love with someone you can't have.

This affair is changing me. It's showing me how great a depth of feeling I can have for another human being. It's teaching me to love completely without fear of being hurt. It's teaching me to love completely even when I do hurt. It's showing me that no one is exempt from this situation, that the other woman is deserving of the world's compassion. I believe the pain I feel as part of loving him is worth the growth I'm experiencing. I can't think of any better way to describe how wonderful this man is than to say he inspires me to be a better human being. When he looks at me with his eyes so obviously full of love and adoration, I feel like the ultimate woman. I want to be the woman he sees.

I was happy at the time and actually looking forward to being single, I had just bought my own home and ended a dreadful relationship with my boyfriend. It totally took me by surprise.

I first met him 12 years ago, we were both very young (single) and in college. The attraction was overwhelming and we semi-dated for a couple of months. I think I was afaid of my attraction to him and we ended the R terribly, although I never stopped thinking about him. We both married and continued with life until 5 years ago we saw each other again. I was ending an abusive marriage, he helped me through it and before I knew it we were having an affair (he was/is still married). I don't think either of us really thought we would be together for as long as we have. It started more as giving into something that should have happened many years ago, and was in my case a tremendous help through an awfull time. But we fell in love and here we are many many years later! I can't ever see not being with him (even if I do only get part of him)

My first reaction was , hey, this could be fun! I was never with a quiet, "regular", type guy, average looking, kind of quiet. Totally not my type. I was so vain at the time, I thought I could WOW him in bed and teach him a few tricks to take home. Turned into love though soon after and we will be together in 2 weeks. I learned nice guys are the best!

I was miserable with enough walls to rebuild the twin towers.

He brought me out of that, has taught me how to be softer, how to accept love.

When I first met him, I was probably at one of the "free-est" times of my life. I was dating, working, going to parties, was showered with attention from all kinds of men, had tons of friends and quite a busy social life in general. I would say I was happy and enjoying my life. Alone yes, lonely, no. Full-filled? I'm not sure what that means. Content? Not when it came to men.

I couldn't make a real connection with men. Either they were crazy about me and I wasn't so crazy about them, or I was crazy about them and them not so much about me. Sure, they loved to flirt and have fun, and I could have banged a different man every weekend if I wanted. But it was all so superficial.

A few weeks after we had first gotten together, we spent an incredible night together. We spent hours TALKING. I had never met a man that was so open and honest about everything. He actually talked about emotions and feelings. It was that night that I realized what had been missing from all previous Rs. That "connection" that we had.

I'm still much the same over a year later. I'm still very happy and social, and I've added even more activities to my plate. But I don't feel that need to get attention from men anymore. I actually don't like it now. I realize that the chances of another man touching me the way he has is slim. I am finally content with the romantic part of my life.

I was dealing with the death of my lover at the time I met my MM. I had been involved with a man for 2 1/2 years who had told me he was divorced but after he died I found out that he was seperated and that his wife and him had a good relationship. He was emotionally abusive too. He killed himself and I did not for a year after that. I was grieving, but I was also dealing with other emotions because of finding out the truth, I began questioning so much of my relationship with him and it was hard because I couldn't confront him about it. It was at the end of that year that I met my MM. When I met him he was not wearing a wedding band and I did not know he was married until the third time I saw him but by then it was too late. Otherwise I would have not gone out with him. When I kissed him I knew I was in trouble, because it reminded me of my late boyfriend and I had the same feeling. But my MM was the exact opposite of my ex. He was more supportive and understanding of my feelings, and less critical. I had been so "beat-up" emotionally by my ex that I needed someone to help me deal with those scars which my MM did even though he doesn't know it. He helped me get over my ex, and gave me strength and confidence so I have no regrets. He gave me what I was looking for and needing to some degree. Now the next thing I need is someone who can give me a real relationship with just me.

As my name suggests, I was very happy and fulfilled in my life when I met MM. Six months prior to meeting MM i had eneded a long relationship -no other parties involved. My liff has not changed in a backward way since knowing MM - he enhances what I already had. I don't want to let this R bring me down because then I will not be the person I was when I met him. If it got to that I would end it.

Single. First time, bored, lonely, and found him very sexy. Second time, just mutual attraction, similar sense of humor and personality.

When I met my MM we worked for the same company, different offices, and had to communicate via e-mail and phone about certain accounts. That's how it began 3 years ago. Flirty e-mails and phone calls etc. We did not meet face-to-face until a year ago when I moved offices. I did not know he was married when we went out socially, after I found out I was upset and actually backed off a little. We went out on out 'first date' 4 months ago.... Where was I when we met? Single, loving life and very independant spirit. Things are well between us ... although our EMR is weighing heavily on him recently. Do I know where it will end up? No, do I care, yes. But, I can only live for today. Will he divorce? Not sure... I do know that I love him with all my heart and a R on our own would definately work. But, until then I a happy with what I have. I am still that Single, loving life, independent spirit - I think even more so now -- have I been a psycho OW? A couple times -- then I get my head out of my ass and grow up... I am not the only one affected there is a BW and a child. I have to look at our R and what happens to us and that's it. Hope rings eternal ~~

Although I was engaged at the time I met my MM, I considered myself, and still do, very single. But my life was pretty much ideal. I have wonderful friends, an active social life, my own aspriations, and plenty of self-esteem. Now that we are involved, I still have all of those things, but I also have someone to share my fears, concerns, and dreams with.

I would describe myself as Casually Conceited. I'm a genuinely nice person. I'm classy, intelligent, and polite. And popular opinion would say that I'm not far from beautiful, inside and out. Above all us, I'm confident and self-assured.

When I met MM, I was a 10th grader in high school. He was my U.S. Government teacher and I had his class right after lunch. We didn't begin our R until 3 years after graduation. I was 20, he was 37. I'm now 26 and he's 43. I was a manager at a fast food restaurant. I had 2 boyfriends. I would describe my life back then as unhappy and lonely because the boyfriends I had were around my age and very immature. I needed a man!

At the time of each of my EMRs, I was very busy in my professional and home life. No time to look for or explore a relationship. Both of these came out of nowhere. This question makes me wonder whether I go into these things because I simply don't have time for, or can't be bothered making the effort required to maintain a 'full-time' relationship. The one thing about EMRs is they are definitely part-time (even though we eventually take up ALL our mental time with them). Huh! Something to think about for sure.

I moved into my first appartment after college in a city away from my parents. I met him because he was dating a neighbor. I knew he was married. He would sometimes stop to talk after he was with his mistress (4 years with her) and she had been a bitch. she and I became friends sorta. I started sleeping with him for fun. We both thought it would be a fun spring fling. Then I fell in love - then he fell in love.
At the time I was 26yo and excited aobut starting my life. I was dating a lot, making friends, working hard, considering graduate schools and just full of life. Sex with him was fun. I remember describing him as a brand new playground.
I had much more sexual experience than he did and he was more than willing to slow down and explore our sexuality. It was just fun.
I felt like I had the world by a string!

I was single when I met my MM. My daughter was about a year and a half old. I was working full time, looked and felt great. I was interested in him immediately. I didn't know he was married. I didn't ask either because he didn't have a ring on. So, that was that. I wasn't lonely. Had just built a new home. I had/have great friends & family. He just intrigued me.

We met at work. I was the publicist for a small college, he was a new professor. One steamy summer day, I took refuge from my hot office in the air-conditioned copier room -- needing to copy my newspaper clips anyhow. He was in there fumbling with the copier, trying to copy his curriculum. I was instantly struck by his long, lean stature, broad shoulders, dark handsomeness, and deep, nuanced voice.

My first comment was on his bare feet. I was raised barefooted in Hawaii and immediately asked if he had a tropical past. Indeed, he lived in Puerto Rico as a child. We had a witty conversation, sparks flew, and I taught him Copier 101, and later asked a friend about "his story." She confused my description with another new professor, a gay man, and I dismissed any chance. I didn't see him again for three years.

The dynamics of my job changed, I was laid off. He searched high-and-low for me -- looking me up in campus directories and staking out my former office -- not realizing I had left the school but stayed in town. (I learned this all later, when he said I struck him like a bell.) Three years later, while I was running author events for a local bookstore, he came in for a friend's reading (ironically, about a cheater and the redhead he fell for). I vaguely remembered him, but incorrectly remembered him as gay. I thought his excessive charm was from boredom, or the need to be at the center of things. I brushed off the chance he was flirting. His author friend signed his book, and I heard her ask if she should inscribe it to him or to him and Sarah. Still thinking he wasn't on my team, I wondered if Sarah was a sister or dog or inside joke, and dismissed it.

The next day, back at work, I remembered his c.v. -- which I had edited for the college's website. I remembered his was particularly long and impressive -- and cumbersome -- and e-mailed him (the college used a simplistic first-initial/last-name format for its addresses, so it wasn't hard to figure it out) to tease him. I usually wouldn't do something out-of-the-blue like this, but he was charming and interesting, and he did seem to like me. I suppose I thought I could get a friend out of it. I was breaking up with my boyfriend of two years, who was moving out, and a friend seemed necessary.

He immediately e-mailed back offering an apology for my work of long ago, asking for an after-work drink. I accepted. Two days later, after a long evening at my bookstore, went to a little bistro -- ironically called The Perfect Wife (he must've blanched at that). I first noticed his ring and was confused. But hey, I live in Vermont. Civil Unions weren’t out of the question. He didn't talk about a spouse, or his (then) two children, but we discussed art, literature, the college, mutual friends, etc. He was charming and witty, and I felt myself falling under his spell, relaxing and mellowing while still feeling sparkly and enthralled. We shut the place down and ventured outside, onto the patio, at midnight. At 1.30 a.m., the staff cleared out and asked us to vacate the patio so they could lock the gates. At maybe 2.30 a.m., standing in the parking lot and still chatting away -- under a star-streaked sky (it was Perseid season), and he bent down and kissed me.

And we kissed, and kissed, and kissed. My heart thumped and my world began to fall into place. He kissed me like I've never been kissed, and like I've always yearned for.

We finally broke apart, I leaned against him while we both trembled. He told me that he was leaving for Cape Cod, for a week, but wanted to see me upon my return. How could I resist? The next day, he left a bunch of pink-streaked white roses at my doorstep, the next week we kissed on my couch. Several weeks later, we went to bed. It's two years later now -- we've weathered his wife finding out, the birth of his third child (with her), my late-term miscarriage, and several trial separations -- and he's so much a part of me that I don't know where I end and he begins.

We were co-workers. I didn't care for him at all when we were introduced. He was intimidating, cold, not my type physically at all. I actually had a crush on another co-worker at the time. We started to talk then developed an email relationship, which progressed into dirty talk, etc. The next thing I know he is asking to take me out to dinner. He wouldn't sleep with me until our 7th date which I found strange. He says he wanted me to know he wasn't just interested in me for a sexual relationship, which confused me even more. I'd assumed there was nothing more he could be interested in given the situation.

We have been seeing each other for about year now and I can honestly say I have never loved any man as much as I have him. Even my ex-husband didn't evoke the feelings in me that this man has. It's hard for me because we don't have the stuuation where he is trying to totally hide our relationship. We go out in public, go on trips together, etc. He has been introduced to my friends and family although I have only been introduced to a few of his. This man initiated everything in our relationship from talking to me all the way to telling me he loves me.

Do I feel guilt? That is a tricky question. In a way, yes, of course. I did not set out to hurt anyone. I put myself in his wifes shoes and it does disturb me to think of how much pain I would cause her if she ever found out. On the other hand, I justify it by saying that I'm not the one who pursued this relationship. I can honestly say it was all him. I have never asked anything from him, quite the contrary he has been the one asking me. What this relationship has taught me was that people have deep and complex feelings. I do believe people can love more than one person and have diffculty in living up to what society says they should be. My MM has basically told me to tell him I want him to myself and he will leave his wife. It sometimes causes arguments because I won't. I dont' want him to leave his wife because I'm waiting for him. I want him to leave because he isn't happy. I don't want to be a scapegoat although I feel I will be whether I want to be or not. I'm not the type of other woman who has stopped talking to other men and my MM is unhappy but there's not much he can do about it. If I find someone who I can care about as much as my MM that is single, I would be open to pursuing something with them. It would be hard, because of how much I love my MM but I'm not totally blinded by the reality of our situation.

What would my ideal ending be in all this? That he leaves and we can pursuue more in our relationship. But until he gets the strength to do that on his own without wanting me to tell him to, I will continue to see him and others. Bottom line in all of this: It's extremely difficult to be the other woman, however, the openess and communication you can have with a MM because of the circumstances is better than it can ever be in a relationship with another single person. This is the main reason I believe that all the OW get into the situation of being with a MM and the reason it is so difficult to leave once they are in it.

I was dating another guy. I only went out with MM because I was not sure where the relationship was going with the first guy. I didn't know MM was married, when I found out, I treated it like just an ordinary date. Over soup and conversations, our eyes locked and I was lost. I saw lights, I was drawn in. He was the same. I fought the feeling, I turned away. It went against everything I believed in. I forgot about him. I tried.

He continued to email and IM me. I let it fade. I was raising my child as a single parent, I was divorced. I was going into the dating game to have a normal relationship. I did not want another complication. His marriage was not going great, they had 2 growing kids, they were trying to make it work. I said, I don't care, I am not touching him at all. I went out with more men. I did not have the same spark.

Feeling overt dejection with another bad date, I IM'ed him to see if we can see each other. I think I was thinking as a woman not as an intelligent human being. We saw each other. We planned a vacation. We had a brilliant, life-changing experience together. He was everything I was looking for. I found the fire, the spark, the incredible chemistry you only read in books. He was a perfect fit. But they were starting anew in their marriage. I knew I had to cut it loose.

It was like riding a train, a bullet train that was run on passion and intellect. It was all too consuming, powerful and addicting. There was so much outrageous sex.

When I met him there was a chance he would have dated me as he and his spouse were not working out. A few months later, they were patching up and thats when we had the vacation. Then, they found out they were pregnant again after we came back from our vacation.

It seems that fate can play a funny ploy. A twisted and irreversible ploy. I kept thinking maybe if I had hooked up with him in the first place while there was still a separation between him and his spouse then maybe there would be a chance. But with another new baby, there was no way we he could break loose. I don't know anymore.

The bullet train has had some long stops, weathered lots of storms, even was out of service for a while as I tried another train when I thought for sure we were heading for a train wreck. But there is nothing like our ride. There is nothing like the scenery and the adventures we have on our trips. We know each other inside out. It hurts to know there are people between us. Someday something has got to give.

I was seperated when I met him. I had just moved and the first week I was here, we met (sports stuff). We became good friends (as part of a group). I was divorced a year later. He had flirted with me all along (he did with many)...but it got more intense after I got divorced...or maybe I started to look at him differently (that is probably it)...it was meant to be a ons with a close friend to get my mojo back...and it lasted a year and a half...

I knew MM for 10 years. He was my employer. He works in a very regulated position and got in some trouble with those that regulate him. I was very upset with the way he handled his business and I quit. At the same time my marriage was falling apart due to my husband's alcoholism. My then ex-employer's girlfriend called asking me to return. Confusing? He was married at the time to a woman who was a parapalegic and lived in a different location. He had just moved his girlfriend of 15 years into his home. She called and asked me to return. When I went to talk to him about returning, I was a very self-assured person i.e. you need me, I don't need you. However, at home it was a different story. Life was awful, I was not content, I was not happy, I was miserable due to the marital discord and I was lonely. I