Have you ever felt like you were on an emotional rollercoaster in your EMR? If so, how? What does that mean in your specific life? What is it that sends you up, and what is it that sends you down?

I never understood how much worse the EMR can get once MM begins to explore leaving to make a future with his OW. The fear, the frustration, the back and forth, the having to sit back and let him and his W act, react, feel the pain and all their stuff on top of all your stuff.

I can only speak for me. But the fear is excrutiating. It would almost be easier if I didn't think he loved me or if I questioned my love for him. Easy. We could just continue as we were. I know he loves me. I know I love him. I know he cares for his wife. I have come to the conclusion that this stage is so much harder for me as the other woman. I put it all on me. If I have a bad day, or if I act out in a certain way, it makes me look bad~~~and I know I am fighting the Plan A battle. I know it, she knows it~~~~he does not know it.

No, she has no real proof and will not come out and ask him. But she knows and she and I struggle while I know or feel that I am at the disadvantage. He may stay with her when the dust settles and all is said and done. And that I fear the most. I don't know how to fight her Plan A. I wish I did.

Perhaps it is not so unlike any relationship - the ups and downs; before it becomes stable. Yet an Emr is filled with so many different considerations. Other spouses, children, finances, distance, time to spend together, expectations and abilities to name a few.

As a female, my emotions are intense, they never seem to wain, they are always on high-alert. My MM seems much more capable of coping and putting his emotions (for me) on a shelf - capable of taking them down when it 'suits' him. I really feel females in EMR's suffer the most ... it's much more difficult to play wife and lover than 'husband' and lover .... I think there's more pressure on females to be 'perfect'....

Plus there's the stigma about men - sowing oats - vs. the 'mother' and 'dedicated' partner image we females are stereotyped into....

It's not a fair scenario.

i've never been on an emotional rollercoaster before...but so far, there have been many more ups than downs.

his worries bring me down. my fears or being pained bring him down. but when we are lying in bed in each others arms, that up is soooo up that nothing has ever compared to it.

but then, i think an emotional rollercoaster is a bit required. if it didnt exist, then i suppose i would wonder if i'm feeling the strong emotions i think a real love would evoke.

The longer we're together the more ups and down we experience.

Holidays seem to be the worst. Knowing I can't be with him. Christmas has got to be the worst of all the holiday.

I can't pinpoint the reason for the ups and downs anymore. They come in waves. I can go for months and be happy. Then out of nowhere,I start sliding down.

The longer we are together the less ups and downs we have. The beginig of the emr was horrible with the emotions crying cuase he wasn't here, crying cause i was lonely.

Now I have made my life busy with other things, he's not the only thing I think about anymore.

The rollercoaster is the worst of all of it and I'm glad it's behind me.

That's constantly how I feel, actually. One minute he's with me and smiling and making love to me and I'm happy, the next minute he's gone and I don't know when I'm going to see him next or how long it will be for. He calls almost every day, but that doesn't help much.

I also feel like I'm on a rollercoaster in terms of deciding how I feel about it. Sometimes I just feel glad that he's in my life in some way and I'm not alone, and I also know he's special and I love him, and I feel like this is enough if it's all I can get from him. Most of the time I feel angry or depressed that he's still married after all this time. I write a lot of angry emails to him that I never send, trying to let out the anger, but a lot of it still gets bottled up inside me and I have this permanent, tense, stressed-out feeling that never really seems to go away, even when I think I'm relaxed or happy.

from day one it was a roller coaster...with every dip and turn my emotions would go from happy to terrified to anxious to despair...always ready for the end and always ready to get back on again. it has been almost 4 years--on again, off again--and i always think of him, always want him...i love him, i hate him. sometimes i am glad i got on but mostly i think that i was crazy for thinking i could handle the biggest roller coaster in the world.

The beginning was as smooth and free flowing as the beach we had parked at for our first encounter. It was so exciting. We had talked it out, worked out all the fine details, just sex... wow- what a ride... that kiss, the first one, the third... the thousandth... never before had I felt such a rush. The highs came in crashing waves- forbidden fruit all mine for the taking, as long as nobody sees. Such pleasure, such fantastic memories to last for the rest of my life. The lows hit with harder blows sometimes; his wife who suspects and accuses without wanting to believe and turns away before seeing the answer in my lying eyes, the children who will suffer if you finally get your heart's desire. A roller coaster ride, indeed. From high to low with just one ring of the cell phone tucked under the seat... is it her? Or someone else? How do I know it'll never be me you're making excuses to?
I see it all with my adult eyes and recognize it for what it is. I ride the highs with my arms up, enjoying every moment as if it were the first or last. And I ride the lows, listening to him talk of his home life, pretending I don't know how he feels, how he touches me right there... his touch and how I crave him every time I lay in bed alone.
It's agony- this ride, but I can't get off, won't get off; I know it is a choice. I just always choose him.

The highs come when he makes wonderful plans for us, trips, movies, some quality time together. The romantic emails, poems he sends, the erotic passion we share...
The downs...knowing he goes home to sleep with her every night. When he tells me a funny story about something they shared....

I can be on cloud 9 and sink down to the bottom of the sea. It's a thrill alright but never boring. It's so hard wondering from day to day will I see him or not. Somtimes I want to make him feel guilty but I won't cause I knew what I was getting into. He's like an addiction and once I have my "fix" I am good, flying high and when I crave him and he's not anywhere to be found it's bad...real bad. But hey! any given day I could leave but I won't cause the high outweighs the low. It's easier for him than me though at least when he doesn't get to see me he has her and come on now she must meen something he married her.

For the first six months of our relationship we had nothing but ups and downs mostly bc of me. I was trying to decide whether or not I wanted to participate in an EMR and whether or not he was lying to me. I went through so much pressure mostly put on by myself. He never went up and down, he knew exactly what he wanted from the very beginning and that helps to keep me grounded and stable. He knows what he wants and how to get there, it's all about timing.

Nowadays the coaster has stoped that bumpy part of the ride is behind and ahead of us but for now we're just coasting along, happily.

rollercoaster...that would certainly be the word for it. I have been in this R for 5 years and for me the rollercoaster of emotions is more pronounced now that at the beggining. I think it is because the emotions, especially the love, are so much deeper now. I choose this ride because the highs are so spectacular they make living through the lows worth it. The highs are obvious...being with him, making love to him, nice surprises from him, feeling his love and support, when he calls me and I can hear how much he misses me and wants to be with me, etc etc etc. The lows are less concrete - sometimes they are triggered by something he says or does (or doesn't say or doesn't do), or by certain dates, for example holidays suck, b'days if we aren't together (for example this year his b'day was on a Monday so we spent it together...last year Sunday, so I only got phone call that lasted for like 30 seconds. But sometimes it just depends on me and my life and what is going on in my world and I just don't deal with the reality of our situation very well. So if I am down about something, or hormonal or just going through a hard time and he is busy with work and can't come see me, or goes to spend the week with his parents (all of which I can usually handle pretty well) I just come apart. This holiday has been really rough on me....thanks for being here

The whole time I've been with MM its been an emotional rollercoaster. Alot of it has to do with the fact that I'm an emotional person. Highs come when I'm happy with whatever is going on between the two of us. More highs are of course seeing him, meeting for lunch. The lows intrude when he has to disappoint me such as on my birthday--he had planned to come by and bring me flowers but his boss called him in for a meeting that lasted a few hours. He called me early in the AM to say he'd be by, but then called back to say he couldn't come by. I was bummed. Lately I seem to be more accepting of the downs. I guess I'm at a point I'm able to go with the flow and just accept whatever happens. I've been telling myself that I knew what I was getting into by getting involved with him even though I knew he was married(he told me the first week).

The relationship has left me on an incredible emotional rollercoaster. For many reasons... the primary two...

Knowing we will never be together just leaves me undone...
and whenever I slipped and slept with him again, I would be a mess for a long time. I was never ok with it. I was always trying not to.

The rollercoaster is the single most difficult part of my relationship with MM.

The highs are high and great - and the lows are heartbreaking and so painful.

Seeing him, thinking about a future with him, being with him makes me so happy. Doing things for him - like sending him cards or balloons for his birthday - that makes me so happy. But when he has to leave me and go home and be with her - or the weekend comes and I can't help but wonder what they're doing together - that hurts so much.

The other than that is really hard is when we're together getting along great - really enjoying our time together and then he'll mention something like they went to a wedding together or out to dinner ... and it shatters me.

Vacations are horrible - when he goes on vacation and I know he'll be gone for two weeks and they're off together with his family and friends - its tough and drives me insane.

The rollercoaster is horrible. It just sucks. Its part of it and makes me wonder if those of us who get into EMAs aren't addicted to drama?

Rollercoasters exist in all relationships - lovers, friends, family. Difference is in an EMR you go through it alone. Largely, the rollercoaster happens because I let it. I focus on the negatives and forget the positives. It takes a lot of strength to pull myself back and appreciate what I do have and what I can have if only I give it time and let what will be, be. I try not to let the ups come only from him - and they don't. Sure, when he calls I am thrilled, but I also retain my memories, I have my own life and many people who love me, as well as him. If I feel a down time coming, I tell him. We talk and we both feel better for having done it. He has many issues as well. One BIG lesson I've learned is that it takes time, little steps, getting to know each other and the realisation that if it is worth having, it is worth waiting for. If I lose him, I still have me, so I have to keep making sure that 'me'is worth having - which it is.

Have you ever felt like you were on an emotional rollercoaster in your EMR?

Good grief YES!

Every day.

If so, how?

I was tormented by the fact that I really didn't want to share him. I really didn't want to hide. I really didn't want to deceive people to be together.
I hated lying everyday.
I felt guilty.
I felt dirty.
I felt loved.
I felt great.
I felt happy.

1+1=13 ya know? Does not compute.

i knew from the start what i was getting into, i had chosen him, i wanted an A. it was fine when i was in control, when i decided when i wanted to see him. think the first rollercoaster was when that balance shifted.

after that was the bank holidays and 3/4 days of not seeing him, trying not to think OW thoughts of being alone when the world was out doing couple/family things.

getting a promotion at work and not having him there that night to celebrate, his birthday, which fell on a weekend! plenty of lows, as we are all aware.

when he was laid low with flu, home alone when i couldve been playing nursey.

obviously the highs are high, and in the early days far out balance the lows. but is it the passage of time or the amount of lows that finally tip the balance?

Rollercoaster indeed. I am new to the whole OW scenario. A greenhorn you would say. I have only been in my relationship for 8 months and it is my first. It is a long distance relationship but I travel to his town once a month for a 1-2 day visit. I had no idea the pluthora of emotions that come with being the OW. Not only am I an OW I am also a MW. Married on paper, seperated physically however, the idea of having an affair still weighs on my heart. I went into this relationship with eyes wide open and with such tender steps trying to protect my heart and in fear of what could possibly happen. As many do, I fell in very deep. The contact started off as constant - daily. Emails, phone calls, texting was rolling in and out several times a day. Slowly this dwindled until it was only phone calls and occasional text. Sometimes weeks went by with no contact and my heart was in tremedous tourture and pain. The calls where so warm and comforting that it broght me back up to my 'love' high again. It did not start out as sexual but eventual became that and once it did I fell in so deep I thought there was nothing and no one else out there for me. My day was spend day dreaming about him constantly. The time in between calls became excruciating. There were weeks I would cry and feel lonely and weeks I would feel so loved and excited. This month it is so painful I started therapy - I can't handle the ups and downs. Work is falling behind and I find my self crying constantly. Not knowing if he was caught, if it is over, if he no longer wants to see me is very hard. Not being able to call on weekends and evenings....terrible. I have not heard from him in three weeks. All my 'daytime' calls are ignored. My texts are not responded to. I have regrets building up now and wondering if I made a big mistake. Did he really love me or use me? Why did he promise me so much if it was a lie? I get angry and call out to absoutely no one...COWARD! You can at least call me and tell me it is over..we are NOT teenagers! The next minute I am incredibly sad. Tomorrow I will be okay and feel confident that I can get over this and move on. The next day I will be back to being lonely scared and alone.Angry, sad, confident, doubtful, in love... Rollercoaster indeed.