Have you tried or succeeded in ending your relationship with MM?

If so, what was the process of ending like? How long did it take? Did he let you go easily or did he put up a fight? Etcetera.

I know endings are traumatic and painful. Please use this section to describe what you had to do in order to finally end your EMR, or what you are doing now trying to end it.

the ending started about 3 months into the emr and went on for 6 more years, lol. i knew it had to end--dreaded it. but was unprepared for how hard it would be.

i went into therapy, i was so screwed up by this. i told the therapist, 'dont tell me i have to give him up. i cant. i wont.' and she said, nodding wisely, 'okay. so you arent ready to make a decision about the relationship.' huh. not by a long shot. it took a lot more pain than i had experienced to that point.

on and off, on and off...platonic, platonic-with-lapses...you name it--i did everything i could to keep that man in my life. somehow. when he moved away i could see it was a blessing, a sign of some kind...but it hurt, badly, just the same. i sat in the park crying for an hour...after running. i will never forget that day.

in the end, the truth comes out. i wanted more, and i wanted it from him. if it couldnt be him, then i had to make room for someone else. it doesnt pay to keep loving someone who can never be yours.

all or nothing.

i suppose i could never break up with MM. i could, but i could never walk away from our friendship. i would still support him 100% in what he does. but, in reality, that would just mean withholding sex, wouldnt it? i would still be there to talk to him, to help him, to support him unconditionally. and is that breaking anything off? i doubt it. i'd be lying to myself if i thought anything else.

We were together for about eight months. During the last part I started seeing a SG. Once SG and I decided we were going to have an exclusive relationship, I had to end it with MM. I just don't have it in me to work two at once.

It was sad to end it, even though I knew I had much brighter horizons with SG. (We're now married). I cried a little that night and SG helped me through it. (I had come clean about the situation. SG was a former MM, so he understood the situation painfully well).

MM was hurt, but very sweet about it. He wished me the best of luck and told me I deserved to be happy. We actually went through with a day trip we had planned long before, to see a musical performance in the next state. MM and I play together in a musical ensemble, so wee see each other a minimum of once a week. It was a little awkward for a month or so, but our friendship got back to normal after that. Actually, I think we're closer now. He has the freedom to be a good friend without the burden of being a lousy boyfriend.

One affir I ended, He made the fatal mistake of saying the "L" word. I knew then it had to be done.

I "ended" it a couple of times because the situation was generally making me unhappy more than it was making me happy. He made changes and we got back together.

He ended it three times because of guilt/fear of getting caught/fear of his feelings, but then he came back after the first two times like nothing had ever happened. The third time he did that though, I got mad-- REALLY mad-- and when he tried to come back like nothing had ever happened, I said "no"... and told him that I felt that so long as I was available to him he would NEVER address or try to work on the problems that were making him unhappy at home. He couldn't disagree. I also let him know that if his situation ever "changed," and IF I was still single and available at that time, I'd damn well EXPECT to be the first woman with a shot at him.

His situation changed a few months later-- his wife left him for reasons that had nothing to do with me or our affair, because she never knew about it-- and he came back to me the same damn night.... Now I have to figure out if I want to end it again because I'm afraid of wanting/expecting too much and I am not ready to believe that he wouldn't let her come back if she wanted to. So it's still a big mess.

With MM1, we both tried to end it a few times. We tried NC, we tried just being friends, we tried not having any expectations other than that we wouldn't boink anymore. None of it really worked. Finally, I ended it b/c I wanted to pursue a relationship w/ MM2, who had filed for D when I told him that I wouldn't get involved w/ another MM.

MM1 and I stayed friends. He was happy for me when I got engaged to MM2. He filed for D, as well, while we were seperated. MM2 broke our engagement. That ending hurt like hell. I really thought that I'd done everything right and it still fell apart. MM2 can't decide what the hell he wants, but it's over. He's a waffler and I just can't deal w/ it. We work together and I just hate that I still look foward to seeing him and that I enjoy spending time w/ him. Part of my brain just screams DON"T FALL FOR IT!!!

MM1 was there to pick up the pieces and somehow we've been able to maintain a friendship and date a little now.

I don't know when any of this is actually going to be over. They are both still in my life. I still care for both of them immensely. They both still want in my thong! LOL!

We tried to end it three days after meeting. We couldn't stay away.

We tried to end it 7 months after meeting. NC for a month. Still couldn't stay apart.

We tried to end it 10 months after meeting. NC for three weeks. Still couldn't stay apart.

Countless times in between, for periods of 24 hours to 7 days. Trying desperately to stay away for the sake of the happiness of his family.

We are just about to contact each other after 6 months of NC, and the contact will culminate either the beginning of a new life together, or the end for good, for real, forever, until we meet again in heaven.

The end started the months leading up to the tragedy of 9/11..I suspected XMM was seeing someone else besides his wife and I,he denied it vehemently of course.Saying I was being paranoid.

9/11 happened and he contacted me via grams on a website he and I had joined together when we were "happy" together. Begging me for another chance,promising me he will come clean about my accusations even if it meant I will never see him again after..so I like an idiot told him to come over.

He came over,looked at me in that way and I was like no way buddy..talk!! He got on his knees as I sat down and took my hand and looked me in eye and admitted he slept with an ex of his when she came to town after they were apart for about 7 yrs. He apologized and began crying almost hysterically..I was as cold as ice as I watched it..he tried to kiss me and touch me and I wanted more info,about women on line I suspected he was cybering with and in tears he admitted that as well..then he called his ex in front of me and told her,he loved me and will do whatever it takes to be with me INCLUDING leaving his wife..when he did that,my stupid sappy side melted and again and what turned out for the last time,took him into my arms and into my bed,the sex was amazing,even more so than it usually was,he cried and I cried and we spent hours in eachothers arms..then...

2 weeks later I caught him dead to rights with another online chick,he couldn't even deny It..and I called him and told him..pay attention to what I am saying because this will be the last time you ever hear my voice..we are DONE and you are garbage..good bye..for a while he began harrassing me,threatening me if I ever told his wife,having his friends threaten me if I told his wife,to the point where when I walked home from the bus stop at night I was terrified of cars infront of my apartment or anyone walking behind me...When he got word about my meeting my now fiance,he tried to contact me again,lying about him(he didn't even know him-but he is who he is) and telling me I will never be happy with anyone but him..I ended up leaving my home to be with my Fiance,but sometimes I hear about or from XMM..I have now banned anyone who knows him to contact me via email or that website..but it was a battle to get him to stop talking to me for a long time..its only since I know I am safe now,that I can even talk about this part of my past anymore.

After talking to him on the phone just about every day and seeing him at work several times a week, sneaking away together a couple of times a week, for four months, he just stopped communicating at all.

MM ignored my phone messages for two and half months. Caught him face to face one day. Said he still loved me and wanted to talk. Led me on for three more months, till I gave up.

YAY! And parise the lord it's FINALLY over!

I had a 10 year A with a married man. I loved him very much. We had truely been though the fire!

But I just got tired. I wanted more. I felt that I deserved more and he was making changes in his life as well.

Time and again we had ended things with yelling, screaming and fits of rage. This time we just said "I love you, but..." Truthfully the love is still here, but I have a new life now. ANd a new lover. A single one. One who is emotionally and physically available to me. It's an astonishing difference.

In the beginning I ached so much for MM I thought i'd die. But day by day. Bit by bit I was able to let him go.

I was still in love with MM when I met SG. I was 100% honest with SG about my relationship with MM and told him that I was not over MM yet. SG hung in there and was a kind compassionate partner. He got tired at times and fed but. There was even one time that he just walked away.

It was his walking away that got my attention. I had a long talk with myself. Here I was pining away for a lover who could never be all that I needed him to be, while spitting on a guy who could offer me what I was really after.

SG and I have taken things slowly. Built a real and honest relationship slowly. So far so good. It definately has it's good days and it's bad day. I still love MM but I don't miss him. The drama is gone. I have a completely boring (read sane) life and it's fabulous!

For me it was 100% essential that MM and I have a NC agreement. We hadn't spoken in about 7-8 months and then he popped back into my life. I was instantly high at the thought of him. I knew then that I stood to loose everything that I had gained with SG, so I asked MM to agree to NC. HE said ok and then repeatedly broke it.

I had to be very firm and mean to him and insist on NC and I threatened to call his W. With that he agreed and things have been fine since.

I hear songs on the radio that remind me of MM. I see movies that remind me of him. But for today, i'm comfortable loving him from a distance.

I can't even begin to count the number of times we tried to end it over the course of our 4 years. At that time, we were truly the best of friends to each other (in that "honor among thieves" sort of way), so we always let that "friend" door stay open, which of course led right back to the affair.

What it finally took was a hard and cold dose of reality...I found out that he was having a "same time, next year" relationship with a woman from out of town, and had been doing so for many years, long before our EMR. I realize that I had absolutely no right at all to feel betrayed, but my heart had a different idea.

I was truly, truly ripped apart over this...spent many months in the bottle, in therapy, letting myself and my business go. He did try during this time to put things back together with us, but as much as it hurt, and as much as I truly wanted him, I just couldn't get over it.

I have tried several times with no luck. From the beginning he told me that 'this is just for sex...nothing else...I am married.' And, well, I thought, 'I'm an adult, I can handle this.' Wrong....so wrong. I had known him for 12 years...since I was a teenaged girl and had wanted him since...now it is 12 years later and we are starting a relationship...and a sexual one for that matter. So I was instantly hooked. Since all he wanted was sex I really got nothing from him...no cards, no calls just to say that he was thinking about me, no weekends away...and I longed for it...

I tried several times to 'break-up' with him...I was always very emotional about it and he could never understand that...but a few weeks or months would go by and either I would email him or he would email me and then it would start all over again...and this time I would tell he and I that I could do...I could just be friends with him and could handle just having sex with him...no emotions attached. The last time I tried to end it was very difficult...it had been in the works for awhile...I wasn't getting what I needed from him even as a friend and I was tired of the whole thing...I was having personal issues and really needed some support and after all, he was my friend so I expected support from him. Well, he was selfish and couldn't do that so just told him that I no longer wanted to talk to him. He didn't fight it at all because he felt he had done nothing wrong...We didn't speak for 4-5 months which didn't really seem that long because he had disrespected me and I really was tired of the whole thing. Then slowly I started talking to him and it was nice because it was as if he listened to me and all of a sudden he was listening to me, and giving me advice, hardly talking about himself...being a really good friend to me...the one that I had wnated him to be for so long. We are still friends but we have not had sex..but I want to every day and the only thing that stops me is remembering how absolutely empty and alone I would feel afterwards...

This was my first (and last) affair. I was a MOW, he was M at the time things started, but when his W started an affair, he needed a shoulder and I was there for him. I was already way attached to him, and things got serious from there. It was only an internet thing when it started, but I got sucked in fast. He wrote me such marvelous love letters, he was witty and literate. We swapped emails all night long, particularly when my husband was out of town (often for days at a time) and finally decided after 3 mos. to meet. He was late 50s, not particularly attractive, had some health issues, but I was smitten with him. The sex was beyond compare, of course, as it had been when we wrote! The secrecy of an affair really fuels the fantasy. By the time I saw him in person, I was so turned on I could hardly organize a climax. We did it all, phone sex, email sex, talked about sex so much. He was fast becoming my best friend and emotional pillar as well. He listened to me and paid attention to me, complemented me, was interested in me and my life. After 20 years, I guess it is easy for a husband to take his wife for granted.
We saw each other only 3 more times in the next 5 mos. and each time it was heaven to be with him and hell to realize he wanted something completely different than what we had agreed upon at the start. I was less and less able to manage the lies and the intensity of running 2 men. I needed less contact w/MM, who now wanted even more time with me.
With a family and kids, I was not available anywhere near enough for him over christmas, he wanted more and more. He was crazy for me and his wife was divorcing him, he had no other life or friends besides me. Then he discovered that I made a lot more money that he did and he just couldn't handle it.
We argued more and more over money, available time, committment, other stupid things as well, even though he knew I would never divorce all along. He had made a fantasy about me being with him forever, about us living together (on my money I think) and how I was ruining his life because I did not want that.
He started calling me names, making nasty remarks about my life, was really mean to me. He even tried to blackmail me for money. I tried to reason with him, talk sense into him, and at times he would sort of settle down. We were to meet again in January, but I was unable to find the time. He went ballistic before I could offer up the Feb. date, and that's when I knew I had to break it off with him for good. He started threatening to send photos he had of me and my love letters to people we knew on chat lines, to my husband, to my kids! I was completely terrorized, had no one to help me unless I confessed to husband.
For the next 3 months, I talked MM thru many crises, his anger, etc, but he couldn't stop his fury with me. He would be nice, tell me he would always love me, he would never get over me, then threaten some awful thing, call me a whore, white trash and that i was just using him like I did all men, etc. It was no longer the love affair I remembered.
I tried offering the friends route, hoping he would settle for less contact, but of course that just prolonged the inevitable and continuing power plays.
My husband discovered evidence of the A and I admitted what had happened, yes it had been over w/MM for some time (even tho we still had contact several times a week, me trying to calm MM down enough to keep NC going). A month later, I called MM and sadly told him about the discovery and how it was really over now. No more emails, no more calls. He once again agreed, lasting about two weeks before he tried to get me back involved. This time I refused to answer the emails for about two weeks, and every couple of days the emails became more threatening. His last threat was intercepted by my husband, who replied with a severe letter to MM at his office. I am sure when he saw my name in his mailbox he figured his threat had once again worked, and shocked to discover it was from my husband, who offered to call his boss.
MM wrote back immediately, said that he was fine with not seeing me anymore, and would gladly comply with the terms of the letter.
That was the end of April. I have not heard from him since. I don't know what I worry about more, whether I WILL hear from him again or if I won't!

What was hard for me was knowing how attached he was to me, and how crazy it made him when I wanted out. I know how hard it was to lose me, we had beentalking about that for months. It was hard for me, oo, and I had a full life and a family. I felt I shouldn't have opened the passion floodgates so wide with someone like him. He was not really appealing physically in person, had awkward social habits and looked even older than he was. He obviously never had many women after him and he had never been with a woman like me!
But somehow, he made me feel so free and so sexy again, it was hard for me to stop the A with him. He knew it, too, he knew that he brought out something in me that was hidden for years. I felt like I was the bad one for doing this to him, and he had me believing he really was the Victim for awhile. We were both adults, he had other affairs with women on the net, he knew the price a lot better than I did. And he knew I was married and would stay that way no matter what.
It has been 30 days of NC, and tho I wish I could find out he has forgotten me and moved on to another one of his internet romances (ouch, that hurts), I cannot afford to do anything he would interpret as my being interested in contact with him. If only he could hhave let me go willingly! But if he had, perhaps I would still be inextricably caught in that terrible EMA web.

MM tried to end it many times. Two times stand out as very significant - both were times when he decided to move back in with his W. I was devastated. Soon afterward on both occasions, we started seeing each other again. I always felt as though he was on the edge of ending things. The language of our relationship was "in the moment", "don't know about tomorrow", "freedom"...and in the same breath, he would say things like "I'm looking forward to introducing you to my sons as my partner".

Several months after telling his W about me, he was still in agony about what to do. The three of us reached an agreement that both she and I would see him and that this would be an open agreement, no more secrets. Actually, it was my idea. I couldn't stand seeing him in the agony of indecision. He swore that if I ran into difficulties with anything, I could talk to him about it and we would make new decisions if we needed to. I don't know if he made the same agreement with his W.

We started down that road and all was well for a short time. Unfortunately, the guilt set in again. His behaviour was very protective of his W, he made more time for her in the overall view of things and to top it all off, they were flying to their hometown together. I tried to talk to him about my feelings but he became very angry. From that point on, he was always on the edge of anger, probably he was feeling pressure from both of us and his own issues were constantly being triggered.

I couldn't take it anymore and knew that I needed to get out. At one point, I initiated N/C to have time to think about things but couldn't stay with it. I was waiting to have the confrontation until after a certain even and, in the meantime, went away on a work-related convention. There, I met an SG and had a one-night fling. I confessed almost as soon as I got home - MM was furious.

I became more convinced than ever that I needed out. When SG expressed an interest in getting to know me better, I said yes and told MM that. I told him that I needed a partner, that I was jealous of W, that he wasn't treating us equally, that he was shutting me down with anger, all of my thoughts and feelings poured out after being bottled up for 2 years. I told him that I considered him my home, and I wanted to be there but I needed him to make a commitment.

In the end, after numerous gut-wrenching discussions, we didn't/couldn't work it out. At one point when SG was visiting, MM came over and threatened to beat him up but I put a stop to it. That fighting thing isn't part of my life or my thinking and I just don't really get it. All it did was make things worse.

We talked and talked over the next few months but never quite figured it out. When I knew that I was pregnant with SG's baby (there was no doubt, MM and I hadn't had sex since the "one-night stand"), I made a commitment to that baby and SG and had to let things go with MM. I still miss him but the whole thing was crazy-making. I have also grown to love SG and life is good.

Is that what we're doing? I'm not sure.

He left his wife seven weeks ago. Things have deteriorated since that time. We haven't seen each other except at work (except for one time at a bar at my demand) for three weeks. E-mails have gone from daily to two -three times per week, and they are less intimate, more formal (from his end), briefer. But he still signs them with our intimate nickname for him. We spent much more time together when he was at home than we have since he left. The only difference is he spent the night four times (and left early, mind you) since that time.

The last time we spoke on the phone (thurs), he said I was his best friend. We had an enjoyable conversation with one twist -- he admitted that he and his wife had a conversation and that they both discussed how they don't want a divorce, but both are doubtful that they can work things out. He said he couldn't see me for awhile until he'd made an honest attempt to work things out with her. I said "so you are staying away from me?" And he said, "Well, I'm not saying that either, but your special powers have a way of confusing me." Then he admitted it was hard for him to tell me all this, that he had contemplated not saying anything at all, just letting things go on with out contacting me. Then bizarrely, he tried to get into a phone sex conversation with me, in which I refused to engage. He then asked if we could continue to be friends if he does decide to go back to his wife. I said absolutely not. He seemed very sad and wanted to get off the phone immediately. The next day he sent me a work-related e-mail, but signed it with our intimate nickname. I didn't respond except to thank him for the information and haven't heard from him since.

Very strange. Is he breaking up with me? He didn't really say. Is he keeping me on the side just in case things don't work out? What's going on here?

I tried many times. He would always call, pursue, until I would agree to meet him. He finally saw what it was doing to me emotionally and has been pretty good about it in the past month. He loves me and misses me. It is hard for both of us. So hard.

My A ended 10 days ago....as he finally emigrated for good.

I knew from the start his plans to emigrate and start a new life and business in the US. His wife went out there two years ago to start the business up and he remained here as a precaution mainly if it didn;t work out. But it did and now he's gone to help her run the business.

So far we've emailed each other daily and had 'chatted' for 30 mins of MSN...so he hasn't yet gone completely from my life.

At the moment, I have such a mix of feeling. I miss him. On the day I drove him to the airport, I would have quite easily pleaded with him not to go if I thought in any way it would have made a difference. In the opposite extreme, I feel relief.....the date for going was always set....and the count-down was heart-breaking. Also I knew he would never leave her for me and I hated some parts of the relationship...I hated not being to demonstrate my love in public, even when we were miles away from home ("just in case"). Also although he's my best friend and he knows me better than anyone in the world and I have experienced feelings with him that I have never felt before....he wasn't my Mr Right (if he actually exists !) and if I'm honest there were things I would have changed about our relationship. Howver I would have given everything for a chance of a proper relationship with him....because we'll never know if it would have worked or not. With him going, even though I find the though pretty daunting....I have the chance of finding a better relationship and hopefully with a SG!

We'll see. I suspect I am only at the beginning of another solo rollercoaster ride.

My affair has been over for about a year.
We ended around the 17th of Sept 2003--and I think that what really pushed it along was that my x-husband passed away the weekend of the 13th, and on the day that I told xmm that he had passed away was the day that he told he had starting having sex with wife again.
It was a very devstating 5 days--still having feelings for x-husband--and dealing with his death, and trying get comfort from xmm--and he tells me that he slept with his wife. I knew then that it was coming to a close.
He told me he would always be my friend--we only talked once or twice after that--I did tell him that I would always have love for him, and he told me the same--I told him I was glad that he was happy and back with his wife--he said, "I never told you that I was happy."
I knew that he was staying there, and there was nothing I could do to change.
I lost 2 men in my life in one weekend.
It was a very long process to get thru the pain, and I still have moments of weakness.
I miss not getting to talk to xmm--telling me how his day is going, hearing him answer his phone at work, but I know that I can never go back to that, because I deserve better than that.
I miss my x-husband, too---he was the father of my kids, and loved me deeply--I loved him too, I just couldn't live with him anymore.
You know they say that things happen for a reason, I wish someone would tell me why these things happened to me this way.

I tried ending it a few times but always fell back into it. I decided not to try ending it again till I was really sure that to end it was what I wanted.
A few weeks ago I decided this was what I wanted and I ended it. He was very understanding about it although he wanted to carry on (even if with no sex). We emailed a bit about it, so understanding of each other that we could have written each others emails. Neither of us was happy about our situation unless we were together. And we were fed up of snatched moments, for various reasons we couldnt get that time together. So question of either of us leaving M was never discussed as we never spent enough time together to know how real it was. Certainly i wouldnt have wanted to put him in a situation of leaving a family and things not working out between us.Feels pretty real though..

We were supposed to be not contacting each other but we are texting and IM. We miss each other greatly. I won't be seeing him again though. We'll just end up back where we were which isn't fair on anyon.

he tried to end it several times. we had long emotional fights and he just would stop talking to me. I hated it. That's when i would call him millions of times and send millions of emails and written letters as well. Each time after time had passed, we would fall into each other's lives again.

I finally woke up and saw the light. He's not leaving, he wants his marriage to work out. I'm giving him that option to explore because I don't want to be second place anymore. About six weeks ago, I told him that I realized that his marriage and family was important to him, and that I was going to step back and allow him to make every attempt to reclaim the marriage that he had before it soured. I set a date, which is this week, actually, for him to lay the groundwork with his W to try and re-establish their bond. I don't know that he has taken me seriously, but I am dead serious. At the end of this week, this affair is over. He is not happy about my change of heart, but he knows as well that this can not go on forever as is. We are both hurting, neither of us want to say goodbye. I know though, one way or another, I am getting my life back. I no longer will have to obsess about when the phone will ring, if there is an email, when he's coming on instant messenger, how long can he stay when he gets here...

I told him that if, his attempts to rebuild his marriage fail, and that he feels that I am the one he wants after all, and I am still available, that is wonderful. But...there will be a price to pay for readmission to my life. He knows it will be a steep price: divorce papers in hand. Will it be worth it to him? Who knows.

I've cried, I've raged, I've sunk to the depths. Regardless, I am letting go with love. I do love the man, with all of my heart. There is just no way that I can be hateful, spiteful or mean. He's given me alot, and not just materially. I've learned things from him that I never thought possible, and have been treated very well...better than I ever had before.

I just know that as painful as ending this is, you can poke me with a fork...I'm done.

hi ano,
may be you do'nt know the other side. You only think and justify bout you.
When he is guilty, he behaves differently with his W, then W gets angry.
I know one of my friend had that experience.

Is that the woman persuades the relation more and the man is scared of badmouthing.

My mm and I have been trying to end this relationship for about a year. It would work for a couple of months and then he would call and it was as though we hadn't missed a beat and were back where we started from which neither of us felt good about. We have been off and on trying to stay away from each other but would end up making plans. I have told him that it would better for his marriage if he didn't have this distraction and it would be better for my mind if he wasn't in my life. I even told him how much I have prayed and asked God to intervene and give me the strength to do the right thing for all involved. So, the other night we had a four hour conversation and I said that I wouldn't call him anymore and he isn't to call me. Even though I thought my throat would close up and I would never breath again, I know it is for the best because I want a real man with real time and real commitment and real love and and and....By the way I got a Happy Valentine's Day call from a friend of mine's friend who wants to go out with me today...Single, DIVORCED, financially secure and has a strong relationship with God. So, I am feeling pretty confident about my decision to feel the pain now instead of later.

I've been seeing him for the last 2 years,known him for 6.He's my ex's best friend,who pursued me very heavily untill I gave in finally,even after telling him for a very long time that we shouldn't do it because it's "not right" not just because of the marriage,but because of his best friend and the age difference (21 yrs).I tried to end it before a few times,even stopped talking to him for 3 months a year ago,which made him extremely angry,just to end up back together with him.But I've finally had enough of his bs,lies,the false promises and manipulation.He's very good at that being a known lawyer on top of everything else.It's interesting how he wouldn't want to even hear about me dating anyone else or making changes in my life,but when put in a corner about all his bs promises would suddenly change his tone.See,I'm not from the US originally and don't have any family here,and it's already tough because of that.And without me asking him for any help,he kept insisting that he cares about me,loves me and wants to make things easier for me.
But let me give you an example of his weird behaviour.My job doesn't offer benefits,it's a nightclub/restaurant,so he offered to get me health insurance and pay for it to help me out.He also said that it will cover maternity,since we even talked about him fathering a child with me,but that's a whole different story.I thought it was a very big and generous thing for him or anyone for that matter to do.But somehow over about 3 months of setting it up,the applications got lost,or there was not enough information,or the name was not right,and the big finale,it was sent to another company "by accident",in other words,it was never set up,and after that he acted like we never had that whole thing happen.
Another interesting thing...on my birthday,about 2 years ago he gave me a gift,which he was telling me about for a long time,that it was very special and that he got it a long time ago and couldn't wait to give me.So when we got together,he opened his briefcase in a grand manner and gave me a box with a pair of diamond studs,which was very sweet I thought and mad me very happy and feel special.The next day I was trying them on and looking at them and noticed a tiny imprint that read 14kt cz.I was shocked to say the least,but what kind of a jerk will try to fool anyone with a $15 pair of cz studs,trying to make them look like diamonds.I would have preferred to get nothing at all than that.That was very insulting and felt like a slap in the face.
There are a few other examples I could write about,but these come to mind first.I never looked at his as a wallet or a sugar daddie,somthing that wealthy people always fear,because I actually cared for the guy.
Recently I also found out from himself that he has 2-3 other women that he's been seeing besides me,which was another shock,since before he insisted on his love for me and said himself that I'm the only one he's seeing.Very confusing.
And finally yesterday I received an e-mail from him that made up my mind about breaking things off,in which he was saying that he doesn't want to complicate his life.This is after months of him convincing me to move to his city a 1000 miles away from where I'm now.See,when things got more serious,he started to freak out and decided to run.Of course,after I cut things off in a short polite manner,he didn't like it.But I've had enough.
Last night I went out with a nice divorced guy,a successful businessman who was very sweet to me.It was very hard to function after the break up,I was very heartbroken,depressed and feeling betrayed and in a trance like state,even with some chest pain,but it's hopefully a new beginning.And I have no plans on renewing the broken off relationship.
Lesson learned,relationships with married or unavailable men are not for me,this will happen never again.

The first night we met was supposed to be the last time we ever saw each other. Who would have known that a drunken one-night stand would develop into the most amazing love affair? He found me after a week, looked up my work number and actually dialed. I didnt know what to do or say. I thought I would never see this MM again! "As soon as W comes home from Europe in 2 months this has to end." Ok, sure. No problem. My heart is strong. I'm lonely, some company is better than none at all...its not like men are banging down my door. W arrival day came. MM still called and emailed, still snuck away to see me. Every other week though...."we really need to end this....we're getting too close," MM would say. We made it through the holidays...the weekend before Valentines Day, though, became the toughest. I didnt hear from MM all weekend. Valentines Day, I woke up hoping for an email, a text message, flowers on my doorstep, an early morning phone call from the train. SOMETHING, ANYTHING. Its Valentine's Day, damn it! Wow, maybe this time it was for real, maybe it really is over, I thought. I emailed him that night asking what had happened...that this was the cruelest thing any man had done! Valentines Day-the day is forever cursed! I spent the next two weeks literally sick with only a few email contacts with him. He had stopped calling because he said the sound of my voice hurt him too much and made him sad. I had made myself sick with an respiratory infection, was running a fever and lost my voice. For the first time in sixteen years, since i was a teenager, I wanted to die. I would have visions of driving over the bridge and plunging into the river. I thought about going to sleep and just never waking up! What had this MM done to me!? This ending had spiralled me into some sort of insanity...a depression that I wasnt sure I could get out of. At the end of February, I took a week long mind-cleansing trip to visit my mother (who still has no idea about MM). The trip did me wonders. I was able to pick myself back up...brush myself off and say...its going to be O.K. MM continued to write random emails expressing his feelings...that he "needed" to take this break but that he missed me terribly. Its been a little more than a month now and we are back together. It only took him two weeks to realize that he couldnt be without me in his life....and I have set the rules and the timeline. No ultimatums...just a time frame so that I dont become one of these TOW-lifers! He has begun talking about leaving W...perhaps this will turn into the W's ending and not mine!

Well, I knew it was coming. I waited though and let him do it. I could see he was waiting till some things were completed. I was helping him by painting a rental apartment he had. He spurred me on until it was done. The day I finished he could hardly wait to get the keys. We were out shopping, he pointed out the type of roast he likes. Usually he would buy it for me to put in the freezer. Every now and then he would help with meats, not near as much as I invested into feeding him however. This particular day he told me how good this pork roast looked, but then corrected himself, it was too big. I told him, so we freeze the rest, that didn't phase him, he wouldn't buy it. Many different things made me wake up and know what was coming. He had told me we would be together, that he was hoping psycho w would leave. According to him there was a 1% chance of them getting back together. Lies, all lies. When I asked him the status of his relationship and where we were going, he got angry and told me he wasn't changing anything. Now he thinks we can be great friends. We should be able to go out together, just not touch each other. Since then I have found out that he screws anything/anyone. He used me to do various things for him. Yet, I have to work with him daily. What can I say? I can look for a new job but until then, I have to keep the peace. I cannot believe that he is happy in the crazy life he has chosen, he doesn't like his in-laws, he is staying with a psycho bitch, etc. etc. But he gave me up....I would have given him the world.

What a mess...Went back to MM and all as always is better than great. He checked out financial issues of divorce (he can retire anytime). Wife says to divorce and give her 1/2 for the rest of her life. Not a bad deal for her since she didn't work the first 10 years of marriage. Not a good deal for me. We have shared how much each of us makes, lifestyle issues and prenups (both of us are financial o.k. probably I am better off due to no husband He walks away with in my opinion not much for working 34 years and being married to a non-responsive person. I had never told him how much I make, etc. nor had he disclosed that information, but we now have. After checking all out, he said, he didn't think he could take the financial hit. I guess going from $1 mil to $500 thous is a huge drop. I thought about letting him know about other financial assets I have and then decided not to. I know of other women with men in similar situations and as soon as they thought the OW's finances would supplement their loss they married the OW. I don't want to have a long-term based on money. So, I said there really isn't anything else left to say, told him I really love him and don't want anything bad to happen to him and we hung up. Before he hangs up he asks if he can still talk to me on the phone and check up on me. I have to admit, he has not only been my best friend and lover for the past few years, but due to the age difference he's also been like paternal figure. He said it's whatever I want and whatever is best for me so I said, "no". I have an elementary child who is fantastic - we travel alot together and have a pretty good life just the two of us - and I am not really interested in dealing with two adult daughters and a bitter ex wife who feel like they are owed money. My MM knows in his heart and has said it that he feels his W is waiting for him to die so that she can enjoy the money. Pretty sick if you ask me. Probably true as well. I will only deal with him if he can be strong and put up some sort of fight to keep his life together financially. I don't think he owes his wife anything more than what he's already done. As far as the kids go, well, they are adults with husbands of their own. So, I gave him an ultimatum and am going to stick to not seeing or talking to him. I asked him if he truthfully thought he could get divorced and he said he hasn't ever lied to me before and wasn't going to start now and that he didn't think he could leave. He says he loves me, doesn't want anyone else with me blah blah blah. He called last week and I didn't pick up. I miss him immensely and have had many times this week when I have wanted to let him know about things that have happened. I joined a reputable dating service in a neighboring city. Have been going to single events. Have been having fun. Have a cruise planned with MY family and friends. No bitter, greedy people allowed. I am outta here! A friend of mine said that the most power I had with this guy is what I have been giving to him emotionally and sexually. Well, if that's my greatest power, then he is going to go without it until there is a balance of power. Until then it is just, "BLAH, BLAH, BLAH".

COULD I END IT... HUH...I HAVE TRIED THEN I REMEMBER THAT HE IS MY BEST FRIEND. THAT ALL HE WANTS IS ONE THING..OK SO I TRIED TO NOT HAVE ANY SEXUAL CONTACT WITH HIM AND THAT WE WOULD BE JUST FRIENDS BUT THAT DIDNT WORK. WE FIGHT WE ARGUE AND WE MAKE LOVE. WITH THE 7 YEARS THAT HAVE GONE BY WE HAVE LEARNED TO RELY ON EACH OTHER. NOW HE IS A MAN'S MAN AND WOULD NEVER ADMIT TO NEEDING A WOMEN OR NEEDING ANYTHING FOR THAT MATTER. I GUESS THAT IS WHAT I LOVE ABOUT HIM.. I HAVE TRIED TO LEAVE HIM BECAUSE I REALIZE IT IS UNHEALTHY TO BE IN THIS TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP IF U CONTINUE TO DAY DREAM ABOUT SOMETHING U CAN NEVER HAVE. I DONT WANT HIM TO LEAVE W OR KIDS. GETTING A DIVORCE IS A HARD PROCESS U LOSS EVERYTHING. I WOULD NEVER WANT HIM TO GO THROUGH THAT PAIN FOR ME. AFTER ALL THESE YEARS IT IS NOT ABOUT DIVORCE OR BEING TOGETHER. EVEN IF HE GOT A DIVORCE IT WOULD NOT MEAN THAT WE WOULD BE TOGETHER. OUR FAMILIES WOULD NEVER APPROVE. IT IS ABOUT MAKING THE MOST OUT OF THE LIMITED TIME WE HAVE.

I have tried so many times to end this relationship. we both got in over ur heads too fast and I was so scared he was going to lose everything I did evrything I could to get him to leave. I wouldn't see him , he would arrive at my apartment, i wouldn't talk to him he would show up at work. He emailed me constantly begging me to see him or called me crying. I went out with other men he came back and convinced me to get rid of them. He was obsessed and I was so scared of his wife finding out. He knew how i felt about him and that sooner or later i would take him back which i always did. as far as I am concerned it is now over. we have not been physically in each other arms for over six months. we have had intermittent contact he was the one who ended it when he dumped me but we still can't seem to stay away but we will get it right someday. just because a relationship ends does not mean that the feelings go away that is what makes it so hard. i think about him all the time and i miss him but I know I can never go back I bought and paid my ticket for the roller coaster ride and I am now staying off. there was a song out in the sixties called red rubber ball which sums up our relationship very well it goes like this "i should have known you bid me farewell there is a lesson to be learned from this and I learned it very well the roller coast ride i took is nearly at the end i bought a ticket with my tears and that is all i am going to spend. Yes it is going to be all right the worst is over now and the morning sun is shining like a red rubber. YOu never cared for secrets I'd confide, to you I was just an ornament something for your pride. Always running never caring that was the life you live stolen moments of your time were all you had to give that just about sums it doesn't it good luck with your book

we have tried 3 times to end things. first time he let me go for my own good, geewhizz thanks. i didnt want to go,so that ending was very brief. second time i realised i wasnt going to get anymore from him, time wise and that he was right to let me go in the first place. we couldnt stay apart and so play resumed in a matter of weeks. we are sort of going through our third time now, i have hardend, a period of NC and the two previous endings have taken much of the shine off the A. i dont think this will be our final ending but its in sight.

I hear ya, we tried fourteen times in two years. Sometimes me, sometimes him, sometimes both of us needing space, trying to do the right thing, trying to clear our heads...always, always, one or the other or both would draw us back into it.

Till the end. Once I got fed up, I called it quits. That was two months ago...and I'm healing slowly. Wish I could erase him from my mind and my past, we didn't end on the nicest of terms and now I hear he's gone back to his W and has just bought a house with her. Wish them luck, hope they're happy, truly...but I doubt it. Never know.

I'm over it. I've moved on. Still hurts to think that the past two years were a lie, however.

I met my MM at work. We've only been seeing each other a month, since Easter, but have already tried three times to end it. The first was my doing. I knew that I was starting to get too attached to him, and so at work one day, ended it. He gave me a ride home that day, and we talked a bit more, and agreed it was over. He then went to see W. That night at about 2 am, he called. I'd been crying all evening, and my family had no idea why... Of course I had him come pick me up and take me back to his house.

The second time, he ended things. He said he was feeling so guilty about what he was doing, that he had always believed marriage was forever, and couldn't leave his wife, etc, etc. That lasted for all of a few days. I went home with him one day after work, and we started up all over again.

The third time he ended it again. I'd spent the whole week with him at his place... On Thursday his wife got him fired from our job. (Actually, the official firing just happened yesterday, but the event that caused it was last Thursday.) I spent the night Thursday night... Friday I couldn't. He said that W wanted to come opver so they could talk about the events the day before. (Basically, he had a glass of rum hours before having to work... W found out about it, was pissed, and so called work saying that he was completely pissed drunk. He wasn't, but... didn't lie about having a drink earlier that day and so was ultimately fired.) He almost told W about us that night... Thursday. The only reason he didn't is because she wouldn't answer her phone. Anyway, I didn't hear from him all weekend, which was expected... We don't talk on weekends. Monday he called me and told me that it had to be over. W had moved into his place, for the first time since they married, last October. We talked for awhile, he said he would call and see how I was every so often, come into work and visit (if he got fired and wasn't there working anymore). He asked me not to call anymore. I promised not too, but said I would let him know the results of my pregnancy test when I got them. Tuesday morning the doctor's office called. Positive. I blocked my number and called his phone. He didn't answer, I didn't expect him to. I left him a message telling him that "I joined the club with A and A." (Pregnant girls at our work. I thought he would get the reference. I later found out he didn't.) He never responded. Whatever.

Thursday, he comes in to work around 11. I thought my heart would stop seeing him again. I asked him if he had gotten my message... He said that he had but he didn't get it, and that his wife had been off work all week so he couldn't call. Okay. So I told him the results. His heart stopped. He said we would talk Friday, that he'd call. Okay.

About an hour later my phone rings. I miss the call, go in the bathroom and look at the id. It's him. I call him back, he says W is spending the night at her parents, can I come over so we can talk about this in person. I tell him I'll call when I get off. Am royally pissed at his nerve. An hour later I get off and call him. Find a ride down to his house. We talk... about everything other than what we need to. We have sex. We spend all day togehter Friday. He says he'll call Monday. He's never lied to me before. He's a horrible liar. The only reason I can think of that W doesn't know is because she didn't live with him for so long, and they weren't talking most of that time.

I can't stay away from him, and he can't from me either. I know things about him that not even W knows. Not even his best friend. He is amazing. I don't know when or how our affair will end. We're going to have a kid together, something that he won't even do for his wife. (It's a long story.) I can only think that this baby will be the end... or the beginning... for us. He won't be able to keep it from his wife. It's gonna come out soon. But how or when, I just don't know. We'll see if he calls Monday.

So three times... not the charm for everything.

Wish I could say I ended it. Should have. He ended it via his wife. It was a horribly painful time. It's been 5 months today and I'm still trying to recover. There were some pretty dark days in the first 6 weeks, darker than I like to admit. Things have gradually improved but rarely does a day go by that I don't shed a few tears.

In order to get better I knew I had to eradicate any sign of this man from my life. I printed out then permanently deleted all the emails I had saved and I transcribed all the voicemails I had saved then deleted them. That was really the most painful because I knew when I hit the delete button on that last voicemail that I would probably never hear his voice again. His voice was like a magic tonic for my soul. Then I packed up all the letters, photos, clothes and other mementos along with the emails I had printed and the voicemails I had scribed and duck taped the box shut and put in the back of a closet I rarely use. A couple of times I have gotten everything out and gone through it all, I guess just to make sure I hadn't dreamed it all up.

I'm still trying to shake him. He's still the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep. It has gotten better but I still hurt so much.

It was long in that there were times we didn't talk at all. We lived in different states and the whole affair was mostly long distance. We saw each other occassionally in person but for the most part it was text and email and phone calls. He kept telling me I was the one he was supposed to be with, I was his "true wife", but no matter what he kept telling me, he was still married to and having rowdy sex with his wife. He actually described one of their encounters to me and I couldn't take it. I told him he needed to make a decision and stick with it. He told me again it was me he wanted.
I finally stopped talking to him after a trip to visit him when I thought his wife knew he was seeing me. Turned out he lied to her again. When she called me later to confirm his lies I broke it off. A few months later, when I was in the early stages of a new relationship, he called to tell me he was getting divorced. My stomach got all fluttery and I felt euphoric, but then I realized I'd have to give up what I had to persue him. I had a long talk with the new man and decided he was worth trying to hang on to. I called the MM and told him it was really over for us. A few months later he emailed to see if we could still talk cause he felt like he had no friends now that he was divorced. I discussed it with my man and we agreed I was better off not having MM in my life at all, even as a friend. I'm now married to the man who gave me such great advice.

The first ending was sort of 'non-ending'. We had been having this affair for almost 4 years. The last year felt like the beginning of the end to me, and I wasn't that upset by it. I thought we had allowed this thing to run it's course, our lives were moving ahead in different directions. He simply stopped comming around as frequently, I was busy with my work and education (having gone back to school). Then one day he told me he was moving to a differnt city because of a work transfer and I knew that I was also moving to another city (in the opposite direction) to continue graduate school. So it was a simple good-bye, parting of the ways. There was no angst, no tears, no angry outbursts... we just moved on. I knew I still loved him in many ways, I also knew I did not want to live with him (or any other man for that matter)so I let him go. Through the next 18 years, I still thought about him, missed him a lot, often longed to contact him but never did. It was over.

Then, about a year ago and thanks to the wonder of the internet I searched him out simply to catch up with him, find out what he was doing, where he was, how his life had unfolded etc. Like the first time, I had no intention of getting involved with him. His response surprised me and we moved from emails "remembering when" to telephone talks, to arranging a meeting (it turned out that although he lived in a different city, he wasn't that far away). I only had to see him and the same old chemistry kicked in! And we were on again! At this point I'm not sure if I want to continue seeing him, waver back and forth between accepting the situation (which hasn't changed) and telling him I don't want to see him anymore unless it's different this time. My sense is that our next ending will likely be similar to the first one, we will simply join for a while and then move on with our separate lives. And ultimately that will be just fine knowing that he will always have a special place in my heart.

This is now the fourth, sixth time I've ended it. I don't even know anymore. Everytime he's pursued and I eventually gave in. The last time I lasted three months but it is just so darn hard. I care about him so much, sometimes I think I love him but I don't want to waste that word on this nonsense. I miss him; I miss him now already and it hasn't been 24 hours. I did it by text this time so I wouldn't weaken and I would get out what I needed to without fear of hurting him or allowing him to talk me out of it. He got my message this morning or so his voicemail said and he called me this evening after work. I hit ignore so he knows I'm deliberately not answering his calls. My chosen method is deliberate no contact outside of work. I've tried that in the past but this time I have this site to help strengthen my resolve. I'm also trying like hell to get a new job.