Did/does MM tell you he loves you? How long into the EMR did he utter those words? What kind of effect did/does it have on you?

Please use this section to talk about how the words "I love you" in an EMR. Give it all you got.

My MM told me he loved me five months after we met, eight days after the first time we made love. He told me after we made love. I was very surprised and didn't tell him that I loved him at that time. When I first met him I was not interested in him or attracted to him other than friendship because he was married and he was not my usual 'type'. I was divorced for two years and had a couple of 'boyfriends' but never felt more than friendship for the boyfriends(SM). (I didn't think I would fall in love again like I did with my ex-husband.) So we became friends first. We hung out for a month then he moved to a different state far away but he called occaisionally to keep in touch. He came to my state for extended training a few months later and at that time I was dating someone (SM) but that didn't stop him from making his interest in me known. We became intimate on Feb 14, after the guy I was dating cancelled a date with me and MM and I got together to hang out. He told me he loved me on Feb 22nd!
He now tells me that he loves me every day. He writes me wonderful notes and letters telling me how much he loves me. He once told me that he loves me more than he loves W and more than he has ever loved anyone! I love him too. At first, during the beginning of the EMA he said he loved his wife, but now he says he doesn't feel the same way about her as he used to.

We had been seeing each other for 11 months. We sat in my car. We were talking about how we enjoyed each others company. He told me that he did not want to hurt his wife again he told me that he really loved her. Than I told him that I loved my H. Before he left I said, "I love you, do you love me?" He said, "You know how I feel why do you ask?"
"Do you?"
"A little."
We said good-bye and I knew that I would never bring up the subject again.
Talking on the phone the next day we just chatted and it was a pleasant conversation. We were ending our conversation and I said my good-bye and Wow... I was shocked... He said it with such confidence, "I love you." I had to ask,"Why did you say that?
"Because I do."
I remember Feb 13, 1997, sitting on my living room floor folding clothes. He said, "I love you."

He tells me this all the time. Even this morning after my fiasco last night in calling him.

He did not say this for the first few months. It took him something like 4 to 6 months to say the words. That was after a few days absence and I thought he was gone, that we were through. It was during these few days that he was telling himself to walk away, don't do this. Don't love this woman. You don't need to do this to your life.

We have tried to distance ourselves from time to time. He said that he no longer tells himself to walk away because he can't, he's tried.

Some days I love this about him and others I do not. The words hold me and I love them and hate them all at once. Sometimes his love almost seems cruel. I have no idea how to explain that one, but it is the way I have sometimes felt.

was not an easy thing for MM. We battled. I loved him, knew he loved me, but he had the hardest time saying the words. It was about 6 months into the relationship when I declared we needed a break, he needed to figure his marriage out, I needed to figure out what I was trying to get out of this relationship.

I called him, we met and he said "Lois, I love you, how am I supposed to not be with you?"...Stunned silence followed, 4 days of NC and now we're great.

Love to him has always been 'I love you, I'm taking from you'. He's never had someone like me who likes to take, but who loves to give even more. He had forgotten how loveable he is.

He now says it on every phone call, every email. Not out of habit, but because he loves being able to say it to someone who says it back and means it with no strings, no heartache to follow.

Did/does MM tell you he loves you?

yes

How long into the EMR did he utter those words?

about a month into our e-mails, the love came flowing back at both of us..... it was there at 7, 13 and 18 and then 48 instantly, like it never left....

What kind of effect did/does it have on you?

comfort in the knowledge that i can be loved for me and me alone, that there is a bond between us that even when we're not together, can't be broken, that we will always be in each others hearts.....

Please use this section to talk about how the words "I love you" in an EMR. Give it all you got.

my story is different so i'll end with this....

XOM said to me "No one can ever tell me again that i don't love you, no matter what happens"

to know after 30 years that we still had "it" and it wasnt' a dream for either of us, i think set us both free in many many ways to live the rest of our lives with love in our hearts.....

Yes, MM did say this to me...well, actually he said, "you know I love you, don't you?" I was speechless for a few seconds because it was just something I never expected to hear and don't know if I even wanted to hear. "What do you mean by that?" I asked and he said he loves me in a very special way. That was cool because I love him too in a very special way, just never really thought about it, I guess. He knows my stance on that "falling in love" stuff, which would just totally mess up what we have by really complicating our relationship and I don't want that. All that flowery, over romanticized, emotional crap makes my stomach turn. I want our relationship to stay exactly the way it is... him staying married and me staying single, and if we "love" each other in the meantime, then so be it.

We had been dating for about two months (about 5 months after we first met) and he was spending about two days a week in town and we spent both nights together. He was staying in hotels at the time but was talking about renting an apartment in town.

We were on the phone, I was at work and he was in his main office out of town. After about 15 minutes I had to go and he ended the call with "I love you"....I just stared at the phone. That was NOT the deal.

He told me later that he just stared at the phone. He knew he had blown it, knew that was not the DEAL and afraid I would never talk to him again. He downplayed it and did not say it again for a few weeks.

About 3 weeks later we met in the new apartment he had rented and went to dinner. At dinner he was very nervous...saying 'I have something to tell you'..."WHAT"..."NOTHING"...and change the subject. Finally over dessert he croaks out...I love you. I said "I know"...he drops his fork. And then "I love you too".... he starts to stutter....NOW WHAT!!! OH GOD!!!!

LOL...that was almost 5 years ago. He tells me he loves me at least 10 times a day. He wakes me up in the morning to tell me he loves me. We end every phone call with it.

MM has never said he loves me. And I'm glad. I look at all the MM's that say I love you. I'll leave my wife. Blah, blah, blah.

My MM equates the words, "I love you" with what can I get from you. That's his family history. So he does not say those words. But he shows it in the way he looks at me, the way he speaks to me, the way he treats me.

I tried so hard to NOT say them to him. But they slipped out while making love right before Valentines day. The look that came over his face... I knew it was bad. He broke up with me 3 days later. He said I don't want to do this but I have to. He was gone two weeks . Of course he came back. Now I say I hate you, I hate you so much. It is said with the tenderness of I love you. He knows it means I love you. We laugh everytime I say it. It's what he can handle.

The first time he said "I love you"...It was a cold evening in December. He ran his hands down my back, gave me the most passionate kiss, looked me deeply in the eyes, and said "I love you." He sounded so confident that I almost fainted. I'll never forget that moment.

He doesn't say it often; he shows it.

The thought of those words terrify me. He doesn't say it and I won't even admit it to myself if I love him. That would just mean that I couldn't fully have the one I love.

MM tells me he loves me every chance he gets. Every time we speak to each other on the phone,we always tell each the words "I love you".

We were together 3 weeks when he told me he loved me.

Hearing those words makes me feel like I'm on top of the world. While they may only be words, they have a strong impact.

In those times that I'm on the down slope of the roller coaster ride, hearing him tell me he loves me brings me back up.

MM and I had been friends for many years before the affair, close friends who said ILY to each other regularly. It was a given that we loved each other when the affair started.

He told me he was in love with me about a week into the affair. I didn't believe it and thought he really meant he was very attracted to me. It took a year for me to fall in love with him. When I did fall in love with him, his demeanor changed in subtle ways. I began to notice him looking at me as if he were lost in me, as if he was so full of feeling that he might start to cry, or dance. I thought, "Ah, now he is in love with me."

He told me 2 months into the emr, but we'd known each other for 4 years. I have a really hard time believing that anyone loves me. It's not something I've heard often in my life, and in past relationships have been extremely hurt when I believed it. So I was skeptical. He said it again about a month later and I asked him to say it again, and he said no....and he didn't. After we broke up the first time, and then got back "together" he said he loved me, but had nothing to offer me. To me, what he wanted me to hear was the "nothing to offer" part. He just used the word love to soften the real message.

I've told him I love him more in the last 4 months, than I have in the whole time I've known him. I think probably because I'm always afraid it'll be my last chance to let him know. When I say it, he always says "you know how I feel about you too". Then he gets ticked because I say "no I don't". But I do. The truth is, he doesn't feel a thing.

I'm not sure how it started. I remember a mail I wrote to Butch where I said I was concerned about how important he had become to me, and one I received back where he said he was relieved I had talked about this because he thought I was pulling away from him.

Sometime after that, about three months after we first started talking, we were ending our mails and chats with ly. It was so damned easy to say and mean, for both of us.

A codicil to this is ... when he left me last April and returned home and went through the last ditch attempt to recommit to his relationship with XW, he was unable to write "ly". This nearly killed me. It was harder than anything else I had to bear at that time. When I asked him about it afterwards he told me that he had written "ly" at the end of nearly all the mails he sent, but deleted it before sending. He said he didn't have the right to tell me he loved me.

How awful that sounds and yet how unimportant it is.

I cannot remember when first he I or I spake the words - they were always there anyway whether articulated or not, we knew.

And it was important - I guess it still is. We are no longer, but the love is. Strange, very strange - but comforting. Makes me smile.

He told me while we were traveling in Amsterdam, we both woke up one morning crying...he kissed me and told me he was in love with me. That was 4 weeks into the affair.

The effect was huge, it was the beginning of the end. He freaked out, and had to go home. My head was spinning and I didn't want to let him go. But I had too, I was trying to be selfless.

At the airport, all we would do is stare at each other and repeat "I love you", that was the most powerful moments of my life.

One evening, MM asked me if he could ask me something. Just out of the blue, MM asked me "Do you love me?" and it threw me for a complete and tumultuous loop, and it scared the crap out of me! What the hell did he mean by that? He says he had meant to ask me that question for quite some time, but was afraid of what my reaction would be....? I didn't want to say the "wrong thing" because I wasn't sure what he was REALLY asking me. Did he feel that I was having stronger feelings for him than he did for me and I was becoming some sort of threat to his marriage? Or, did he just want to let me know that he really cares about me and thinks I am special, and wanted to know if I felt the same way about him? I told him that I love him as much as I can without ruining what we have and totally screwing up our relationship by making things difficult for us to continue seeing each other, or something along those lines. He was satisfied for the most part with that answer, and was glad we had such a talk, and so am I. As much as I adore this man, I know that falling in love with him would be a major mistake, and I would never, ever hurt him in any way. He is very special to me, so I guess I do love him in a special way. If we had to stop seeing each other tomorrow, it would hurt like hell and I know it.

I don't remember either. . . is that strange? It seems as if we've both always said it. Even when this thing finally fizzles and dies, as it must, as I want it to, the love WILL still be there. More love in the universe has to be a good thing.

This morning he emailed me & said "nobody knows we lie belly to belly and look in each others eyes and see ancient stuff...."

Is that love? It's sure as hell romantic to me. . .

Oh how well I remember the first time, we had been good friends for four years, he simply touched me on the shoulder while standing next to my car one night and said "I think this has gone beyond friendship, dear friend I have fallen in love with you". This is one strong man and he was shaking all over, I simply said I know "I love you too". Then we sat in my car and talked for hours into the next day and hugged and kissed like teenagers. Since that night thriteen years ago, we have told each other every day "I love you" even if its just a phone call to say nothing else.

It reminds us both of that night all those years ago and the happiness those three words has brought to our lives.

We were intense lovers 25 years ago. We reconnecte 7 months ago, and find that we still love each other to the point of obsession.

We've admitted our love to each other many, many times - yet it has not amounted to our being able to be together in the near future .... how sad and pathetic; it breaks my heart thinking and hoping that one day - we will be able to fullfill our desires

We are both married at present and cannot invision the way to each other.

Probably because he doesn't. Its dfficult to know where on the scale of love to like his true feelings lie.

he's the first to admit he's a sorely mixed up man.

He says he loves my friendship, spending time with me, is wildly attracted to me, feels comfortable talking to me about anything, shares loads of common interests with me......

Only once did the subject come up. It was after a period of NC which I initiated. He couldn't bear to be away from me so I agreed to see him.

We talked and promised to try and stay together and I remember he looked at me, kissed me and smiled and said "And the first person to say I Love You, loses...."

Sometimes it makes me sad - sometimes I feel relieved - because if I knew for sure he loved me, it would be so much harder to say goodbye when that day finally arrived.

it took 3 months before i said it...he said it soon thereafter. but then, after he started therapy, he soon realized that he had been so programmed to saying those three little words that he didnt know what they meant anymore. so, verbally he pulled back. it took him another 5 months to say it again, and this time he had no doubt in his head. he uses the words very rarely, but i never doubt that he means them when he says them now.

Did/does MM tell you he loves you?
He did

How long into the EMR did he utter those words?
The first day our relatinship became physical. We had been in an EA for about 2 months already, and he had said other things, but not those words. We were sitting on his living room couch. His W and children were out of town. He had invited me over to talk about some work-related things and after we had finished discussing them, he gave me a card with a beautiful poem that he had written, expressing all his happiness and his love for me. He was really nervous about how I would respond.

What kind of effect did it have on you?
I was thrilled. I had loved him for a very long time and now I knew that he returned those feelings. We kissed and hugged and talked on the couch, then he asked me if I wanted to "go upstairs" to the bedroom. I did. He was an amazing lover. Infinitely kind and patient and gentle and more concerned with my pleasure than his own. I had never been treated that way before. We said I love you every day after that, in one way or another. He continued to write me beautiful poems and I would find surprises slipped into my work, so that I came across them unexpectedly during the day. In that way, he was very generous and I felt very loved.

About three months into our affair, MM took me in his arms, looked me right in the eye and said, "I love you. God help me, I do. I don't know how we will make it work, but we will."

It was bittersweet. The man I had looked for all my life was unavailable. Our timing sucked--big time. I knew I loved him too; I knew it would be H*** if we stayed together. I knew people would be hurt. But at that moment in time; that frozen moment in time, I didn't care. He was there; I was there. We were together. Little did we know the journey on which we had embarked would be so crazy.


I loved him too...

This has always been a really sore spot with me. I've been with MM (now SM) for over 7 years and have never once heard those words. If I tell him (which I have now quit doing - another story!), he says "ditto." He always says he just isn't a person who can say those words. Maybe...maybe not. Yet he knows how much they mean to me and won't say them. The closest I got was on Valentine's Day 3 years ago. The flowers he sent had a card (written by the florist!) that said, "Luv ya, SM".

It took me a long, long time to accept the truth - that if he doesn't say, he doesn't feel it.

We had been writing as 'penpals' for 4 months and finally decided to meet face to face. (I being the reluctant one in doing so...) It was WONDERFUL! We had such a great morning, walking, talking and just enjoying ea. others company. After we parted I was in a daze (notice the name?),,,and just wandered around for awhile. I remember driving but have no idea where I was, or where I went. I was hit hard...and I mean HARD! I think I knew already that I had fallen in love with him, but being that he was married, just tried to bury it...After meeting him face to face..I knew it was going to be impossible to ignore my feelings...I was in waaaaay too deep!

When I got home, there was an e-mail from him. He was 'groping' for words...said how incredible our meeting was for him, and how speechless he was trying to write this. So....a few hours later another email comes 'flying' in. This time he starts talking in a round about way of his feelings for me, how perplexed he was feeling, and yet how wonderful he felt. In that continued round about way, he asks me if I know what he's trying to say? He said he had said it once on IM, but he didn't think I had 'caught' it, and he was too afraid at that time to question me on it. Did I know what he was trying to say? Did I? Then....he spaced down a few lines and then he said.....*myname....I'm in Love with you..

That was when things really took off............now it's 3 years later! Hmmmmmmmmmmm...who would of thought???

He never said it, and neither did I. I didn't expect him to, and he sure never expected me to.

yg

it happened the first time, but since then he haven't stopped to tell me that.

I remember I was reluctant to say it at the beginning, I thought he loved me more than I loved him because of that. But now it belongs to our common language.

He told me within the first month, BUT we'd been friends for a few years prior... we both knew we were falling in love before the affair began.

Did/does MM tell you he loves you? YES

How long into the EMR did he utter those words? About 2 months.

What kind of effect did/does it have on you? Makes me feel great. He says it atleast 10 times a day to me.

He has never said it, but I know he does. He doesn't have to... He shows it.

It was little over a month into our relationship, MM was taking a trip and talking to me on him cell phone. This was just after 9/11, we were talking about that and he said you never know what is ever going to happen so in case I never see you again I want you to know "I Love You". I went off on him and told him to leave my emotions alone. I'm not sure how much later it was we talked and he said he noticed that I didn't tell him that, I then admitted that I had fallen in love with him also. He said he was walking on clouds for weeks.
He shows me alot how much he loves me, and tell me often. It is still hard to deal with. Loving a MM.

It was a **long** time b/f he actually said it. I never doubted that he loved me, tho, so it wasn't a big deal to me. I told him that I loved him all the time.

It was my birthday and we'd gone out w/ friends and had a great time. It wasn't all that often that we got to really go out and it was our closest friends, so after a few drinks, niether of us cared that I was sitting in his lap. LOL! It was the first time that we really acted like a couple. I was in heaven!

When we got to my house, we started snuggling and he just stopped and looked at me very seriously. "You know that I love you, don't you?" I just grinned. "I wouldn't have stayed this long if I didn't." As much as I didn't need to hear it, it certainly made me happy.

Oddly enough, much later, after we'd split up, he'd divorced and I'd gotten engaged, he came over one nite so that he, I and my fiance could all make nice and told me and my fiance that he'd always loved me and always would. He told my fiance that he was one very lucky man. I was floored.

Looking back, that time meant more than the first time. He had nothing to gain by telling me, but he did anyway.

I remember sitting once at work listening to two male coworkers talk to each other. One said to the other something the equivalent to, “I love you is such s***!” I was so surprised at that I never forgot it. In only one of my relationships with SG have those words ever been said to me. Ironically, SG turned out to be cheating on me.

The topic once came up between MM and me. I was dropping MM off when I said, “Bye, Love.” I did not mean in terms of “I love you,” more just of an expression. I forget exactly what he said but it was the equivalent of no I am not your love. I corrected myself saying “Lover, then?” He proceeded to say something like yes.

The only other time the “L” word came up is once when W called on his cell. He ended with saying “I love you,” and hung up on her. He then said something like, “I say I love her but just bullshit.” All the men in my life have been distant. I guess I am used to men to not sharing or expressing emotion. Not that it make me happy but that is the way things have always been for me.

I would hope I mean something to MM, but if I were to be honest, I do not really know. The only thing I have to go on would be MM’s actions. I often believed words to be cheap anyway. MM’s actions seem to indicate I mean something, because he has stayed with me and usually responded to me when I need him. I would love to hear the words, “I love you,” but only if it really meant something.

The question would come up whether I love MM. For me, MM means something but I will not allow myself to be the one to “love,” unless I knew the same was true of MM. Maybe, I am cowardly and don’t what to be hurt but better not to entangle oneself in “love” when it is unlikely to lead anywhere. I am happier not worrying about “love” and just trying to enjoy MM without the pressure.

I don't really remember how long into the relationship it was before we talked about loving each other. It was at least three or four months. He has called me at work and told me he had a surprise for me, would I meet him for lunch at the park.

I met him and he pulled out two of those old metal lunch-boxes. A Scooby-Doo and a Partridge Family. He'd pack a lunch for both of us....peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (with strawberry jelly because that's my favorite), carrot sticks, kool-aid, and Rice Krispy Treats that he'd made the day before. I knew right then that I was irreversably in love!

He brought a boom-box as well and after lunch we started dancing to Van Morrison. It was a beautiful, sunny, breezy day. One of those moments in time when you experience perfection. The "I love you's" just sort of followed naturally.

I don't know how often he says he loves me. I get an "I love you" or an "I miss you" at least once a week.

How does it make me feel? Strangely I always think, "I know." When he says it, it's just confirmation for me.

yes, yes, yes he loves me!! and, he tells me daily!!

after the 1st time we were 'together', it was just over 1 month before we made love again...5days later, exactly 5wks into our relationship, he told me that he loved me.

it was stPatrick's day so it is just 2days short of 2yrs that he told me.

funny thing, even before we were 'together' the first time, i kept wondering how i would tell him of my feelings. i decided, when brave and crazy enough, i'd just say, "J, you would be so easy to love...". lucky me, i didn't have to broach the subject because he said it first!!

god, i love that man.

When I think back,he told me he was in love with me when he and a friend of his came over (his friend dropped him off nothing kinky LOL) and he kissed me and then realized a vibe on my end,he said,"you look like you wanna run away from me" and I said,yep I do. He kissed me,his hands on either side of my face and whispered in my ear "I love you so much you would not believe it"..it wasnt during or after sex,in fact I do not think we had sex that night at all,so I beleived him..I didn't reply in the affirmative for a time after that,at that point I should have told him to go home to his wife..what was I thinking?

Did/does MM tell you he loves you?

No, at least not in any words.

How long into the EMR did he utter those words? What kind of effect did/does it have on you?

Please use this section to talk about how the words "I love you" in an EMR. Give it all you got.

I long to hear it so much. I feel it. But for him, I believe not uttering those damned words makes it clear, not leading me on, that he is not able to show or dedicate love in that sense while he is in another committment. In fact, I feel it is a sign of respect and restraint in a really weird frustrating way.

The very first time I was aware that MM #2 might have crossed into that murky place was 6 months into the affair. We were away and in the morning having coffee and talking and he kept saying "I really like you alot", going on to explain that it is reallyhard for him to say anything beyond that. I guess I know whathe was saying, but tried to ignore it as I was in love with someone else. Then a few months after that, we were hanging up and he said "I love you, bye". I think we were both surprised and then he kind of laughed and said "ooops....there it goes". When I saw him after that, we talked about it and I reassured him it was okay, but I just didn't know how I felt.

I guess we were together a little over a year when I realized I actually felt the same and told him. By this time, I was no longer in love with the other guy because this guy was taking up more and more of my time and I was loving our time together so much. So it just kind of dawned on me.

Now, we tell each other every day. It is one of the first things and always the last thing we say to each other when we leave each other or hang up the phone. Even if we didn't say it so much, I would still knowit. It is the one thing is my life that I have never questioned.

Just like any 'NORMAL' relationship, we fight over who loves who more.

Though I must say, that in the end I really do win since I'd marry him tomorrow and he can't marry me until he gets divorced! (That means I get to claim victory right?)

Every morning we race to phone each other and claim victory for the day by spitting out "I love you times infinity for the rest of the day" before the other person has the opportunity. The few nights we get to spend together we scramble to say it at midnight, groggy and half-asleep.

They say healthy relationships are built upon a foundation of 'rituals.' This is one I'm never giving up

I am so pleased to have found this website; felt so alone before. Good to see that XMRs can be not just a dirty secret. Are any of you in the UK?

MM tells me he loves me all of the time.

We had been together for almost five months when he said it for the first time and I thought I was going to wreck my car.

It started days before the actual "I love you" was spoken. We had spent the day together and while driving me back to my car, he came out of no where with "You don't love me, do you?" I was so shocked and simply replied with "NO".

After sharing a few great hours after work one night, we were talking on our cell phones when he said "ETW, I think I'm falling in love with you... I am in love with you." I was so amazed that those words came out of his mouth that all I could say was "the feeling is mutual".

From that day forward, there hasn't been a day where we haven't said our "I love you's". He will often even say "Have I told you how much I love you today?".
I truly believe that this man loves me, despite the fact that he has remained married. I don't think I've ever even heard him and his wife exchange "I love you's" on the phone. This was strange to me since my x-H and I always said it on the phone when we hung up, and he would sometimes be sitting right next to me.

These words changed everything because the relationship was no longer about little secret meetings and phone calls based on attraction. The love making changed... became more passionate and verbal. We argued like real couples and made up for what we always accused "being in love" for reasoning. I received cards and tokens of his love that always said something about his love for me. He had this thing about true love and humor.... you never give the one you truly love humorous cards or funny tokens of love. Weird, but I knew never to buy him a humorous card that didn't say I love you.

He needed to hear me tell him daily... and he even told me this openly in conversation. He told me that he needed to be reassured everyday that my feelings were still the same. He always feared I would fall out of love with him.

Maybe too much info, but seemed relevant to our exchange of the "L" word.

He told me about 3 weeks into things. I balked, was stunned, wanted to believe it but wouldn't - I didn't think I could believe another man after what my H did to me. I didn't respond right away, I wanted to see how I felt about him being gone a month. One day, when he had been gone about 10 days but had called about 30 times, I realized I WANTED this man to come back and that I WANTED him in my home and I WANTED him walking in the door every evening - something I hadn't felt about the H for many years. But saying those 3 very small words was hard for me - it made me feel dependent on someone else again and that was something I had worked hard to get rid of. It made me feel vulnerable and that's always scary. But it also made me feel connected and that was good. Later, he told me how he felt about saying he loved me... he felt it could be said without being meant but that he knew in my case, he'd better mean it. Now, we don't miss an opportunity to say it, but more importantly, we show it - every day.

He did tell me, about 7 months into our EMR and also on the day he broke it off (the first time)...what he said, exactly was.."I'm not really sure when I fell in love with you, but....", the upshot of it all was that he realized that it had stopped being fun and games and had become serious (we had agreed at the beginning that it would be "fun and games" only)(Ha!)...he phoned a week later and said he couldn't stand being without me, so we continued for 4 years.

Yes, he did tell me that he loved me. He first told me when we had been seeing each other for about 5 months. I didn't then and still don't know what it is supposed to mean. I had powerful feelings for him, would have done just about anything for him, time passed so quickly when we were together and I was in angst the whole time we were apart. We resonated when we were together. Is that love? I told him I loved him, too.

Is it love when someone can choose to live a life without the beloved? Is it love when one has to go to another town to have dinner because of the secret? What I believed before we met and have come back to, is that romantic "love" and the hope of it are seduction ploys that people use to manipulate each other. I feel more cynical about "love" than before I met him. If he had felt about me like I felt about him, he would have eliminated all the obstacles that were his that stood between us.

My MM tried to say it fairly early on in the relationship, and I gave him a lecture about how he couldn't really love me and still be married to his wife - if he loved me, he would want to leave her and be with me. So I said it to him occasionally, but he didn't say it to me (he usually responded with "I know"). Then, after we'd been together about 2 1/2 years, it really started to bother me that he had never tried to say it again, even though I said it often, so I asked him if he loved me. He said he'd always thought he wasn't supposed to say it because it would hurt me worse to hear it, and asked "Is it ok if I tell you I love you now?". I said yes, and he made this incredibly romantic speech about how much he loved me. Neither one of us says it often, because we think it's for very emotional moments, but since then he does say it sometimes, usually looking into my eyes while we're making love.

MM (now XMM)told me he was practically falling in love with me very early on when we first exchanged emails.He and I were rekindled lost loves after 20 plus years I should mention.So,to have him write those words to me was an absolutely amazing thing.Simply mindblowing amazing.
Continuing on with the REAL I LOVE YOU'S (!)
After we met in person the I love you's got intense.
He would then call me every single day give or take one or two for probably a full year to tell me I LOVE YOU.Actually he said let me just tell you I love you and miss you.It was the greatest time of my life-I knew I felt the same for him-and life was a dream every time he uttered them.He couldn't even not utter them to me.If he didn't ONE SINGLE DAY he would feel bad.That's how it was for him.
And so this went on for quite some time until one day he just stopped.
I will never forget it.He was away on a little trip.I feel he either spoke to someone or a therapist (which he had gone to for something else)and they put new seeds in his mind,so to speak.
For after that day he said "I don't know if I love you"
He said he had a lot to think about but basically I could tell he was feeling that alot of this was feelings from our past.As phenomenol as it was/is -this is what he was getting at.
Nothing ever pained me more or was furthur from the truth.We both knew the strength of our love and what we'd found but this is the way he rationalized it. I, on the other hand,knew better.
After that he would say "I love you right now"when we were together.That was how he would separate it all in his mind.He once said he knew it could grow but he always stuck to being less emotional after that first initial "pull back."
I never stopped telling him I loved him.
I knew in my heart and he knew in his that it was real love.
All it took was one day.One day I said to him I know I am SO made for you.And he said "I know"
And with that I knew he still loved me.In fact he said if you know I do you know I do.
But he NEVER said the words again.Too painful for him.
He'd say he missed me.Say he wished things were different at home but no,he wouldn't verbalize it again and that was the killer for me.That was the way he had to live.

MM and I had been seeing each other 3 months, we had gone on our first trip together May 8-11, 2001...3 weeks later, we went to dinner and then sat at a park overlooking the MS River, I told him that I was in love with him, he just looked at me and said "well, we've got a big problem then, because I'm in love with you too"...I could have just melted away...a big slushy pile of mush...I asked him how long he'd known he loved me..."From the first time I ever saw you"...awww

He still gets to me every time I hear it, which is with every phone call, every email, every message....

MM told me he loved me the first night we slept together (our second date). He made me tell him I loved him over and over. This was the pattern every time we slept together before he left his wife. The first time we slept together after he left his wife, he wanted me to tell him I loved him, but he didn't reciprocate. The second time, he made repeated declarations of loving me. Since then, he simply tells me he "wants me" that he "has to have me", but no more declarations of love. Now he calls our lovemaking sex (he used to call it lovemaking). He tells me I have special powers that confuse him, and that he finds me adorable and really really likes me, but is no longer sure if he loves me. Since we've been together, the only times he told me he loved me were in bed, other than two desperate e-mail declarations.

My silly MM loved me before I even realized he was interested. It took me months to interpret the signs because it never occured to me MM cheat. How naive is that? I fell in love within 2 months and it has just grown and grow, My first and only true love at 42 years old!

secret

MM told me about 3 months into the EMR. I nearly started to cry, no one had ever told me they loved me before, but at the same time I didn't want to hear it from him. When I didn't say I loved him right back he asked me if I did, and I said "yes, I do love you", and told him my feelings. Then later on I told MM "I could tell you I love you 1000 times a day", and he said, "I say I love you 1000 times with every blink of my eyes". He's the sweetest man I have ever known.

MM told me he loves me about a month into our relationship. I am his one and only EMR and he has been married for 13 years.

When we met we clicked immediately. I felt like I had finally found what I had been looking for my whole life.

He says that he never knew love like this existed. He says he never realized he could feel so much for another person.

When he tells me that he loves me, it leaves me breathless...I almost feel overwhelmed. I guess it is because I know he truly means it.

I was on the phone w/ a friend while sitting in his office. I hung up,looked over at him and said "she really loves me". He responded "she's not the only one". I smiled a huge smile and just said "yea?" and gave a huge smile back and said "yea". That was one month after the affair started. I was blown away. Prior to that he had said he had "tender feelings" for me, which I thought was sweet, but I knew I had fallen in love with him on the first night we spent together. I just didn't know if or when he would catch up. From that moment on he has said I love you at every possible opportunity.

But what is most amazing to both of us is the depth of the love. He said once that this is what surprised him the most. He had had an exit affair during his first marriage, so he knew about the thrill of it, the caring for another, etc. But he never expected to love me as deeply and completely as he does. And while I tend to love w/ great intensity, this is unusual for me as well.

As a result, we share our deepest emotions and thoughts. We talk thru all hurt feelings or anger. We connect on such a deep level that we are able to negotiate the difficult things with no damage to the relationship.

I remain amazed. And it started with "she's not the only one" !!

My lover started telling me he loved me long before we made love. He said it first. I was terrified to admit it out loud, I knew it was crossing a point of no return.

He tells me he loves me all the time. even still. I know he does. I have never known love like this before, nor has he. We love passionately and deeply, and still do, though we are not physical any longer. I know that I will love him for the rest of my life. He says he will love me until he dies.

He don't say it often but when he says it it is with so much confidence ... its amazing

I found the first ILY letter on my car 4 weeks after our first date - he said once after a big fight : Don't you now that I love you to death ??
He says it a hundred times with gestures nad his looks - to see the love in his eyes is ? PRICELESS but earned and combined with a lot of pain....

sds

We met through mutual friends...we had an incredible 1st meeting where he said things to me that he had never said to anyone else before. He told me up front he was a MM. Wasn't really an issue for me. I have other guys I am seeing and talking to. Didn't think anything would come of meeting MM anyway. I was just enjoying the electicity and the "connection" we seemed to have. Next 2 days after 1st meeting MM, I couldn't stop thinking about him and all that he had shared with me. I found a way to contact him via email...said hello and that I enjoyed the conversation...and the kiss! (oh what a first kiss!) Anyway..2 weeks later he emailed me and said.."What are you doing tonight?" My heart stopped when I saw this email. Of course we made plans, he came over....we drank champagne, talked and "played" til 4am. This (2nd meeting) he says to me, "you know what? I think maybe we are soulmates or something...there is a part of me that feels like I love you!" OK! Call me crazy but what man EVER says that stuff on a 2nd "date"???????? I didn't respond... While we were intimate...he says to me..."tell me you love me....even if you don't mean it....tell me you love me!" By this time I am feeling brainwashed! I told him. Now I really do feel like I love him...GEEZ!
The irony of all of this..we have only met 4 times so far. We still haven't had "intercourse"! We have pleased ech other in other ways....He said to me..."he's not ready for that yet." WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I am crazy, nuts, confused, excited...for 2 days after we meet. Then I seem to get a grip and get back to reality. What's happening to me? What has he done to me? I feel like it's a very strong connection and he stirs me up so much that I am willing to give him my time and energy to see what "happens next." He told me he is not ever leaving his wife. They have kids too. He said that we could be together for a long time and that I would be the one to end it when I either got into a serious relationship or got married. How can I find another man when I am wrapped up thinking about this one? Besides, I am starting to leave my Friday nights open for him. HELP! I am falling!

He first said it about 7 months into our A. We were laying in bed exhausted and he was curled up around me. He just said it--boom--I love you.

The weird thing is that he doesn't say it all the time. He has said it about 4 or 5 times since and that confuses me. I'm not sure if he means it more because he doesn't say it constantly like it is ordinary, or if he struggles with saying it. And is the struggle because he isn't sure, or because it is difficult for him to admit? The latter I believe, because I "feel" the love from him. I felt it months before he said it.

I'm not certain I have ever felt so loved, even from my family. I feel completely safe with him because of this. I don't have the fears that I've had in past Rs. I know that he would do anything for me and he will be there for me through anything.

He has never taken this A lightly. He never wanted it to be about sex. He thrives on the emotional part of our R.

So how does it make me feel? Safe. Secure. Wonderful. Trusting.