Did/does MM tell you he loves you? How long into the EMR did he utter those words? What kind of effect did/does it have on you?

Please use this section to talk about how the words "I love you" in an EMR. Give it all you got.

My MM told me he loved me five months after we met, eight days after the first time we made love. He told me after we made love. I was very surprised and didn't tell him that I loved him at that time. When I first met him I was not interested in him or attracted to him other than friendship because he was married and he was not my usual 'type'. I was divorced for two years and had a couple of 'boyfriends' but never felt more than friendship for the boyfriends(SM). (I didn't think I would fall in love again like I did with my ex-husband.) So we became friends first. We hung out for a month then he moved to a different state far away but he called occaisionally to keep in touch. He came to my state for extended training a few months later and at that time I was dating someone (SM) but that didn't stop him from making his interest in me known. We became intimate on Feb 14, after the guy I was dating cancelled a date with me and MM and I got together to hang out. He told me he loved me on Feb 22nd!
He now tells me that he loves me every day. He writes me wonderful notes and letters telling me how much he loves me. He once told me that he loves me more than he loves W and more than he has ever loved anyone! I love him too. At first, during the beginning of the EMA he said he loved his wife, but now he says he doesn't feel the same way about her as he used to.

We had been seeing each other for 11 months. We sat in my car. We were talking about how we enjoyed each others company. He told me that he did not want to hurt his wife again he told me that he really loved her. Than I told him that I loved my H. Before he left I said, "I love you, do you love me?" He said, "You know how I feel why do you ask?"
"Do you?"
"A little."
We said good-bye and I knew that I would never bring up the subject again.
Talking on the phone the next day we just chatted and it was a pleasant conversation. We were ending our conversation and I said my good-bye and Wow... I was shocked... He said it with such confidence, "I love you." I had to ask,"Why did you say that?
"Because I do."
I remember Feb 13, 1997, sitting on my living room floor folding clothes. He said, "I love you."

He tells me this all the time. Even this morning after my fiasco last night in calling him.

He did not say this for the first few months. It took him something like 4 to 6 months to say the words. That was after a few days absence and I thought he was gone, that we were through. It was during these few days that he was telling himself to walk away, don't do this. Don't love this woman. You don't need to do this to your life.

We have tried to distance ourselves from time to time. He said that he no longer tells himself to walk away because he can't, he's tried.

Some days I love this about him and others I do not. The words hold me and I love them and hate them all at once. Sometimes his love almost seems cruel. I have no idea how to explain that one, but it is the way I have sometimes felt.

was not an easy thing for MM. We battled. I loved him, knew he loved me, but he had the hardest time saying the words. It was about 6 months into the relationship when I declared we needed a break, he needed to figure his marriage out, I needed to figure out what I was trying to get out of this relationship.

I called him, we met and he said "Lois, I love you, how am I supposed to not be with you?"...Stunned silence followed, 4 days of NC and now we're great.

Love to him has always been 'I love you, I'm taking from you'. He's never had someone like me who likes to take, but who loves to give even more. He had forgotten how loveable he is.

He now says it on every phone call, every email. Not out of habit, but because he loves being able to say it to someone who says it back and means it with no strings, no heartache to follow.

Did/does MM tell you he loves you?

yes

How long into the EMR did he utter those words?

about a month into our e-mails, the love came flowing back at both of us..... it was there at 7, 13 and 18 and then 48 instantly, like it never left....

What kind of effect did/does it have on you?

comfort in the knowledge that i can be loved for me and me alone, that there is a bond between us that even when we're not together, can't be broken, that we will always be in each others hearts.....

Please use this section to talk about how the words "I love you" in an EMR. Give it all you got.

my story is different so i'll end with this....

XOM said to me "No one can ever tell me again that i don't love you, no matter what happens"

to know after 30 years that we still had "it" and it wasnt' a dream for either of us, i think set us both free in many many ways to live the rest of our lives with love in our hearts.....

Yes, MM did say this to me...well, actually he said, "you know I love you, don't you?" I was speechless for a few seconds because it was just something I never expected to hear and don't know if I even wanted to hear. "What do you mean by that?" I asked and he said he loves me in a very special way. That was cool because I love him too in a very special way, just never really thought about it, I guess. He knows my stance on that "falling in love" stuff, which would just totally mess up what we have by really complicating our relationship and I don't want that. All that flowery, over romanticized, emotional crap makes my stomach turn. I want our relationship to stay exactly the way it is... him staying married and me staying single, and if we "love" each other in the meantime, then so be it.

We had been dating for about two months (about 5 months after we first met) and he was spending about two days a week in town and we spent both nights together. He was staying in hotels at the time but was talking about renting an apartment in town.

We were on the phone, I was at work and he was in his main office out of town. After about 15 minutes I had to go and he ended the call with "I love you"....I just stared at the phone. That was NOT the deal.

He told me later that he just stared at the phone. He knew he had blown it, knew that was not the DEAL and afraid I would never talk to him again. He downplayed it and did not say it again for a few weeks.

About 3 weeks later we met in the new apartment he had rented and went to dinner. At dinner he was very nervous...saying 'I have something to tell you'..."WHAT"..."NOTHING"...and change the subject. Finally over dessert he croaks out...I love you. I said "I know"...he drops his fork. And then "I love you too".... he starts to stutter....NOW WHAT!!! OH GOD!!!!

LOL...that was almost 5 years ago. He tells me he loves me at least 10 times a day. He wakes me up in the morning to tell me he loves me. We end every phone call with it.

MM has never said he loves me. And I'm glad. I look at all the MM's that say I love you. I'll leave my wife. Blah, blah, blah.

My MM equates the words, "I love you" with what can I get from you. That's his family history. So he does not say those words. But he shows it in the way he looks at me, the way he speaks to me, the way he treats me.

I tried so hard to NOT say them to him. But they slipped out while making love right before Valentines day. The look that came over his face... I knew it was bad. He broke up with me 3 days later. He said I don't want to do this but I have to. He was gone two weeks . Of course he came back. Now I say I hate you, I hate you so much. It is said with the tenderness of I love you. He knows it means I love you. We laugh everytime I say it. It's what he can handle.

The first time he said "I love you"...It was a cold evening in December. He ran his hands down my back, gave me the most passionate kiss, looked me deeply in the eyes, and said "I love you." He sounded so confident that I almost fainted. I'll never forget that moment.

He doesn't say it often; he shows it.

The thought of those words terrify me. He doesn't say it and I won't even admit it to myself if I love him. That would just mean that I couldn't fully have the one I love.

MM tells me he loves me every chance he gets. Every time we speak to each other on the phone,we always tell each the words "I love you".

We were together 3 weeks when he told me he loved me.

Hearing those words makes me feel like I'm on top of the world. While they may only be words, they have a strong impact.

In those times that I'm on the down slope of the roller coaster ride, hearing him tell me he loves me brings me back up.

MM and I had been friends for many years before the affair, close friends who said ILY to each other regularly. It was a given that we loved each other when the affair started.

He told me he was in love with me about a week into the affair. I didn't believe it and thought he really meant he was very attracted to me. It took a year for me to fall in love with him. When I did fall in love with him, his demeanor changed in subtle ways. I began to notice him looking at me as if he were lost in me, as if he was so full of feeling that he might start to cry, or dance. I thought, "Ah, now he is in love with me."

He told me 2 months into the emr, but we'd known each other for 4 years. I have a really hard time believing that anyone loves me. It's not something I've heard often in my life, and in past relationships have been extremely hurt when I believed it. So I was skeptical. He said it again about a month later and I asked him to say it again, and he said no....and he didn't. After we broke up the first time, and then got back "together" he said he loved me, but had nothing to offer me. To me, what he wanted me to hear was the "nothing to offer" part. He just used the word love to soften the real message.

I've told him I love him more in the last 4 months, than I have in the whole time I've known him. I think probably because I'm always afraid it'll be my last chance to let him know. When I say it, he always says "you know how I feel about you too". Then he gets ticked because I say "no I don't". But I do. The truth is, he doesn't feel a thing.

I'm not sure how it started. I remember a mail I wrote to Butch where I said I was concerned about how important he had become to me, and one I received back where he said he was relieved I had talked about this because he thought I was pulling away from him.

Sometime after that, about three months after we first started talking, we were ending our mails and chats with ly. It was so damned easy to say and mean, for both of us.

A codicil to this is ... when he left me last April and returned home and went through the last ditch attempt to recommit to his relationship with XW, he was unable to write "ly". This nearly killed me. It was harder than anything else I had to bear at that time. When I asked him about it afterwards he told me that he had written "ly" at the end of nearly all the mails he sent, but deleted it before sending. He said he didn't have the right to tell me he loved me.

How awful that sounds and yet how unimportant it is.

I cannot remember when first he I or I spake the words - they were always there anyway whether articulated or not, we knew.

And it was important - I guess it still is. We are no longer, but the love is. Strange, very strange - but comforting. Makes me smile.

He told me while we were traveling in Amsterdam, we both woke up one morning crying...he kissed me and told me he was in love with me. That was 4 weeks into the affair.

The effect was huge, it was the beginning of the end. He freaked out, and had to go home. My head was spinning and I didn't want to let him go. But I had too, I was trying to be selfless.

At the airport, all we would do is stare at each other and repeat "I love you", that was the most powerful moments of my life.

One evening, MM asked me if he could ask me something. Just out of the blue, MM asked me "Do you love me?" and it threw me for a complete and tumultuous loop, and it scared the crap out of me! What the hell did he mean by that? He says he had meant to ask me that question for quite some time, but was afraid of what my reaction would be....? I didn't want to say the "wrong thing" because I wasn't sure what he was REALLY asking me. Did he feel that I was having stronger feelings for him than he did for me and I was becoming some sort of threat to his marriage? Or, did he just want to let me know that he really cares about me and thinks I am special, and wanted to know if I felt the same way about him? I told him that I love him as much as I can without ruining what we have and totally screwing up our relationship by making things difficult for us to continue seeing each other, or something along those lines. He was satisfied for the most part with that answer, and was glad we had such a talk, and so am I. As much as I adore this man, I know that falling in love with him would be a major mistake, and I would never, ever hurt him in any way. He is very special to me, so I guess I do love him in a special way. If we had to stop seeing each other tomorrow, it would hurt like hell and I know it.

I don't remember either. . . is that strange? It seems as if we've both always said it. Even when this thing finally fizzles and dies, as it must, as I want it to, the love WILL still be there. More love in the universe has to be a good thing.

This morning he emailed me & said "nobody knows we lie belly to belly and look in each others eyes and see ancient stuff...."

Is that love? It's sure as hell romantic to me. . .

Oh how well I remember the first time, we had been good friends for four years, he simply touched me on the shoulder while standing next to my car one night and said "I think this has gone beyond friendship, dear friend I have fallen in love with you". This is one strong man and he was shaking all over, I simply said I know "I love you too". Then we sat in my car and talked for hours into the next day and hugged and kissed like teenagers. Since that night thriteen years ago, we have told each other every day "I love you" even if its just a phone call to say nothing else.

It reminds us both of that night all those years ago and the happiness those three words has brought to our lives.

We were intense lovers 25 years ago. We reconnecte 7 months ago, and find that we still love each other to the point of obsession.

We've admitted our love to each other many, many times - yet it has not amounted to our being able to be together in the near future .... how sad and pathetic; it breaks my heart thinking and hoping that one day - we will be able to fullfill our desires

We are both married at present and cannot invision the way to each other.

Probably because he doesn't. Its dfficult to know where on the scale of love to like his true feelings lie.

he's the first to admit he's a sorely mixed up man.

He says he loves my friendship, spending time with me, is wildly attracted to me, feels comfortable talking to me about anything, shares loads of common interests with me......

Only once did the subject come up. It was after a period of NC which I initiated. He couldn't bear to be away from me so I agreed to see him.

We talked and promised to try and stay together and I remember he looked at me, kissed me and smiled and said "And the first person to say I Love You, loses...."

Sometimes it makes me sad - sometimes I feel relieved - because if I knew for sure he loved me, it would be so much harder to say goodbye when that day finally arrived.

it took 3 months before i said it...he said it soon thereafter. but then, after he started therapy, he soon realized that he had been so programmed to saying those three little words that he didnt know what they meant anymore. so, verbally he pulled back. it took him another 5 months to say it again, and this time he had no doubt in his head. he uses the words very rarely, but i never doubt that he means them when he says them now.

Did/does MM tell you he loves you?
He did

How long into the EMR did he utter those words?
The first day our relatinship became physical. We had been in an EA for about 2 months already, and he had said other things, but not those words. We were sitting on his living room couch. His W and children were out of town. He had invited me over to talk about some work-related things and after we had finished discussing them, he gave me a card with a beautiful poem that he had written, expressing all his happiness and his love for me. He was really nervous about how I would respond.

What kind of effect did it have on you?
I was thrilled. I had loved him for a very long time and now I knew that he returned those feelings. We kissed and hugged and talked on the couch, then he asked me if I wanted to "go upstairs" to the bedroom. I did. He was an amazing lover. Infinitely kind and patient and gentle and more concerned with my pleasure than his own. I had never been treated that way before. We said I love you every day after that, in one way or another. He continued to write me beautiful poems and I would find surprises slipped into my work, so that I came across them unexpectedly during the day. In that way, he was very generous and I felt very loved.

About three months into our affair, MM took me in his arms, looked me right in the eye and said, "I love you. God help me, I do. I don't know how we will make it work, but we will."

It was bittersweet. The man I had looked for all my life was unavailable. Our timing sucked--big time. I knew I loved him too; I knew it would be H*** if we stayed together. I knew people would be hurt. But at that moment in time; that frozen moment in time, I didn't care. He was there; I was there. We were together. Little did we know the journey on which we had embarked would be so crazy.


I loved him too...

This has always been a really sore spot with me. I've been with MM (now SM) for over 7 years and have never once heard those words. If I tell him (which I have now quit doing - another story!), he says "ditto." He always says he just isn't a person who can say those words. Maybe...maybe not. Yet he knows how much they mean to me and won't say them. The closest I got was on Valentine's Day 3 years ago. The flowers he sent had a card (written by the florist!) that said, "Luv ya, SM".

It took me a long, long time to accept the truth - that if he doesn't say, he doesn't feel it.

We had been writing as 'penpals' for 4 months and finally decided to meet face to face. (I being the reluctant one in doing so...) It was WONDERFUL! We had such a great morning, walking, talking and just enjoying ea. others company. After we parted I was in a daze (notice the name?),,,and just wandered around for awhile. I remember driving but have no idea where I was, or where I went. I was hit hard...and I mean HARD! I think I knew already that I had fallen in love with him, but being that he was married, just tried to bury it...After meeting him face to face..I knew it was going to be impossible to ignore my feelings...I was in waaaaay too deep!

When I got home, there was an e-mail from him. He was 'groping' for words...said how incredible our meeting was for him, and how speechless he was trying to write this. So....a few hours later another email comes 'flying' in. This time he starts talking in a round about way of his feelings for me, how perplexed he was feeling, and yet how wonderful he felt. In that continued round about way, he asks me if I know what he's trying to say? He said he had said it once on IM, but he didn't think I had 'caught' it, and he was too afraid at that time to question me on it. Did I know what he was trying to say? Did I? Then....he spaced down a few lines and then he said.....*myname....I'm in Love with you..

That was when things really took off............now it's 3 years later! Hmmmmmmmmmmm...who would of thought???

He never said it, and neither did I. I didn't expect him to, and he sure never expected me to.

yg

it happened the first time, but since then he haven't stopped to tell me that.

I remember I was reluctant to say it at the beginning, I thought he loved me more than I loved him because of that. But now it belongs to our common language.

He told me within the first month, BUT we'd been friends for a few years prior... we both knew we were falling in love before the affair began.

Did/does MM tell you he loves you? YES

How long into the EMR did he utter those words? About 2 months.

What kind of effect did/does it have on you? Makes me feel great. He says it atleast 10 times a day to me.

He has never said it, but I know he does. He doesn't have to... He shows it.

It was little over a month into our relationship, MM was taking a trip and talking to me on him cell phone. This was just after 9/11, we were talking about that and he said you never know what is ever going to happen so in case I never see you again I want you to know "I Love You". I went off on him and told him to leave my emotions alone. I'm not sure how much later it was we talked and he said he noticed that I didn't tell him that, I then admitted that I had fallen in love with him also. He said he was walking on clouds for weeks.
He shows me alot how much he loves me, and tell me often. It is still hard to deal with. Loving a MM.

It was a **long** time b/f he actually said it. I never doubted that he loved me, tho, so it wasn't a big deal to me. I told him that I loved him all the time.

It was my birthday and we'd gone out w/ friends and had a great time. It wasn't all that often that we got to really go out and it was our closest friends, so after a few drinks, niether of us cared that I was sitting in his lap. LOL! It was the first time that we really acted like a couple. I was in heaven!

When we got to my house, we started snuggling and he just stopped and looked at me very seriously. "You know that I love you, don't you?" I just grinned. "I wouldn't have stayed this long if I didn't." As much as I didn't need to hear it, it certainly made me happy.

Oddly enough, much later, after we'd split up, he'd divorced and I'd gotten engaged, he came over one nite so that he, I and my fiance could all make nice and told me and my fiance that he'd always loved me and always would. He told my fiance that he was one very lucky man. I was floored.

Looking back, that time meant more than the first time. He had nothing to gain by telling me, but he did anyway.

I remember sitting once at work listening to two male coworkers talk to each other. One said to the other something the equivalent to, “I love you is such s***!” I was so surprised at that I never forgot it. In only one of my relationships with SG have those words ever been said to me. Ironically, SG turned out to be cheating on me.

The topic once came up between MM and me. I was dropping MM off when I said, “Bye, Love.” I did not mean in terms of “I love you,” more just of an expression. I forget exactly what he said but it was the equivalent of no I am not your love. I corrected myself saying “Lover, then?” He proceeded to say something like yes.

The only other time the “L” word came up is once when W called on his cell. He ended with saying “I love you,” and hung up on her. He then said something like, “I say I love her but just bullshit.” All the men in my life have been distant. I guess I am used to men to not sharing or expressing emotion. Not that it make me happy but that is the way things have always been for me.

I would hope I mean something to MM, but if I were to be honest, I do not really know. The only thing I have to go on would be MM’s actions. I often believed words to be cheap anyway. MM’s actions seem to indicate I mean something, because he has stayed with me and usually responded to me when I need him. I would love to hear the words, “I love you,” but only if it really meant something.

The question would come up whether I love MM. For me, MM means something but I will not allow myself to be the one to “love,” unless I knew the same was true of MM. Maybe, I am cowardly and don’t what to be hurt but better not to entangle oneself in “love” when it is unlikely to lead anywhere. I am happier not worrying about “love” and just trying to enjoy MM without the pressure.

I don't really remember how long into the relationship it was before we talked about loving each other. It was at least three or four months. He has called me at work and told me he had a surprise for me, would I meet him for lunch at the park.

I met him and he pulled out two of those old metal lunch-boxes. A Scooby-Doo and a Partridge Family. He'd pack a lunch for both of us....peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (with strawberry jelly because that's my favorite), carrot sticks, kool-aid, and Rice Krispy Treats that he'd made the day before. I knew right then that I was irreversably in love!

He brought a boom-box as well and after lunch we started dancing to Van Morrison. It was a beautiful, sunny, breezy day. One of those moments in time when you experience perfection. The "I love you's" just sort of followed naturally.

I don't know how often he says he loves me. I get an "I love you" or an "I miss you" at least once a week.

How does it make me feel? Strangely I always think, "I know." When he says it, it's just confirmation for me.

yes, yes, yes he loves me!! and, he tells me daily!!

after the 1st time we were 'together', it was just over 1 month before we made love again...5days later, exactly 5wks into our relationship, he told me that he loved me.

it was stPatrick's day so it is just 2days short of 2yrs that he told me.

funny thing, even before we were 'together' the first time, i kept wondering how i would tell him of my feelings. i decided, when brave and crazy enough, i'd just say, "J, you would be so easy to love...". lucky me, i didn't have to broach the subject because he said it first!!

god, i love that man.

When I think back,he told me he was in love with me when he and a friend of his came over (his friend dropped him off nothing kinky LOL) and he kissed me and then realized a vibe on my end,he said,"you look like you wanna run away from me" and I said,yep I do. He kissed me,his hands on either side of my face and whispered in my ear "I love you so much you would not believe it"..it wasnt during or after sex,in fact I do not think we had sex that night at all,so I beleived him..I didn't reply in the affirmative for a time after that,at that point I should have told him to go home to his wife..what was I thinking?

Did/does MM tell you he loves you?

No, at least not in any words.

How long into the EMR did he utter those words? What kind of effect did/does it have on you?

Please use this section to talk about how the words "I love you" in an EMR. Give it all you got.

I long to hear it so much. I feel it. But for him, I believe not uttering those damned words makes it clear, not leading me on, that he is not able to show or dedicate love in that sense while he is in another committment. In fact, I feel it is a sign of respect and restraint in a really weird frustrating way.

The very first time I was aware that MM #2 might have crossed into that murky place was 6 months into the affair. We were away and in the morning having coffee and talking and he kept saying "I really like you alot", going on to explain that it is reallyhard for him to say anything beyond that. I guess I know whathe was saying, but tried to ignore it as I was in love with someone else. Then a few months after that, we were hanging up and he said "I love you, bye". I think we were both surprised and then he kind of laughed and said "ooops....there it goes". When I saw him after that, we talked about it and I reassured him it was okay, but I just didn't know how I felt.

I guess we were together a little over a year when I realized I actually felt the same and told him. By this time, I was no longer in love with the other guy because this guy was taking up more and more of my time and I was loving our time together so much. So it just kind of dawned on me.

Now, we tell each other every day. It is one of the first things and always the last thing we say to each other when we leave each other or hang up the phone. Even if we didn't say it so much, I would still knowit. It is the one thing is my life that I have never questioned.

Just like any 'NORMAL' relationship, we fight over who loves who more.

Though I must say, that in the end I really do win since I'd marry him tomorrow and he can't marry me until he gets divorced! (That means I get to claim victory right?)

Every morning we race to phone each other and claim victory for the day by spitting out "I love you times infinity for the rest of the day" before the other person has the opportunity. The few nights we get to spend together we scramble to say it at midnight, groggy and half-asleep.

They say healthy relationships are built upon a foundation of 'rituals.' This is one I'm never giving up

I am so pleased to have found this website; felt so alone before. Good to see that XMRs can be not just a dirty secret. Are any of you in the UK?

MM tells me he loves me all of the time.

We had been together for almost five months when he said it for the first time and I thought I was going to wreck my car.

It started days before the actual "I love you" was spoken. We had spent the day together and while driving me back to my car, he came out of no where with "You don't love me, do you?" I was so shocked and simply replied with "NO".

After sharing a few great hours after work one night, we were talking on our cell phones when he said "ETW, I think I'm falling in love with you... I am in love with you." I was so amazed that those words came out of his mouth that all I could say was "the feeling is mutual".

From that day forward, there hasn't been a day where we haven't said our "I love you's". He will often even say "Have I told you how much I love you today?".
I truly believe that this man loves me, despite the fact that he has remained married. I don't think I've ever even heard him and his wife exchange "I love you's" on the phone. This was strange to me since my x-H and I always said it on the phone when we hung up, and he would sometimes be sitting right next to me.

These words changed everything because the relationship was no longer about little secret meetings and phone calls based on attraction. The love making changed... became more passionate and verbal. We argued like real couples and made up for what we always accused "being in love" for reasoning. I received cards and tokens of his love that always said something about his love for me. He had this thing about true love and humor.... you never give the one you truly love humorous cards or funny tokens of love. Weird, but I knew never to buy him a humorous card that didn't say I love you.

He needed to hear me tell him daily... and he even told me this openly in conversation. He told me that he needed to be reassured everyday that my feelings were still the same. He always feared I would fall out of love with him.

Maybe too much info, but seemed relevant to our exchange of the "L" word.

He told me about 3 weeks into things. I balked, was stunned, wanted to believe it but wouldn't - I didn't think I could believe another man after what my H did to me. I didn't respond right away, I wanted to see how I felt about him being gone a month. One day, when he had been gone about 10 days but had called about 30 times, I realized I WANTED this man to come back and that I WANTED him in my home and I WANTED him walking in the door every evening - something I hadn't felt about the H for many years. But saying those 3 very small words was hard for me - it made me feel dependent on someone else again and that was something I had worked hard to get rid of. It made me feel vulnerable and that's always scary. But it also made me feel connected and that was good. Later, he told me how he felt about saying he loved me... he felt it could be said without being meant but that he knew in my case, he'd better mean it. Now, we don't miss an opportunity to say it, but more importantly, we show it - every day.

He did tell me, about 7 months into our EMR and also on the day he broke it off (the first time)...what he said, exactly was.."I'm not really sure when I fell in love with you, but....", the upshot of it all was that he realized that it had stopped being fun and games and had become serious (we had agreed at the beginning that it would be "fun and games" only)(Ha!)...he phoned a week later and said he couldn't stand being without me, so we continued for 4 years.

Yes, he did tell me that he loved me. He first told me when we had been seeing each other for about 5 months. I didn't then and still don't know what it is supposed to mean. I had powerful feelings for him, would have done just about anything for him, time passed so quickly when we were together and I was in angst the whole time we were apart. We resonated when we were together. Is that love? I told him I loved him, too.

Is it love when someone can choose to live a life without the beloved? Is it love when one has to go to another town to have dinner because of the secret? What I believed before we met and have come back to, is that romantic "love" and the hope of it are seduction ploys that people use to manipulate each other. I feel more cynical about "love" than before I met him. If he had felt about me like I felt about him, he would have eliminated all the obstacles that were his that stood between us.

My MM tried to say it fairly early on in the relationship, and I gave him a lecture about how he couldn't really love me and still be married to his wife - if he loved me, he would want to leave her and be with me. So I said it to him occasionally, but he didn't say it to me (he usually responded with "I know"). Then, after we'd been together about 2 1/2 years, it really started to bother me that he had never tried to say it again, even though I said it often, so I asked him if he loved me. He said he'd always thought he wasn't supposed to say it because it would hurt me worse to hear it, and asked "Is it ok if I tell you I love you now?". I said yes, and he made this incredibly romantic speech about how much he loved me. Neither one of us says it often, because we think it's for very emotional moments, but since then he does say it sometimes, usually looking into my eyes while we're making love.

MM (now XMM)told me he was practically falling in love with me very early on when we first exchanged emails.He and I were rekindled lost loves after 20 plus years I should mention.So,to have him write those words to me was an absolutely amazing thing.Simply mindblowing amazing.
Continuing on with the REAL I LOVE YOU'S (!)
After we met in person the I love you's got intense.
He would then call me every single day give or take one or two for probably a full year to tell me I LOVE YOU.Actually he said let me just tell you I love you and miss you.It was the greatest time of my life-I knew I felt the same for him-and life was a dream every time he uttered them.He couldn't even not utter them to me.If he didn't ONE SINGLE DAY he would feel bad.That's how it was for him.
And so this went on for quite some time until one day he just stopped.
I will never forget it.He was away on a little trip.I feel he either spoke to someone or a therapist (which he had gone to for something else)and they put new seeds in his mind,so to speak.
For after that day he said "I don't know if I love you"
He said he had a lot to think about but basically I could tell he was feeling that alot of this was feelings from our past.As phenomenol as it was/is -this is what he was getting at.
Nothing ever pained me more or was furthur from the truth.We both knew the strength of our love and what we'd found but this is the way he rationalized it. I, on the other hand,knew better.
After that he would say "I love you right now"when we were together.That was how he would separate it all in his mind.He once said he knew it could grow but he always stuck to being less emotional after that first initial "pull back."
I never stopped telling him I loved him.
I knew in my heart and he knew in his that it was real love.
All it took was one day.One day I said to him I know I am SO made for you.And he said "I know"
And with that I knew he still loved me.In fact he said if you know I do you know I do.
But he NEVER said the words again.Too painful for him.
He'd say he missed me.Say he wished things were different at home but no,he wouldn't verbalize it again and that was the killer for me.That was the way he had to live.

MM and I had been seeing each other 3 months, we had gone on our first trip together May 8-11, 2001...3 weeks later, we went to dinner and then sat at a park overlooking the MS River, I told him that I was in love with him, he just looked at me and said "well, we've got a big problem then, because I'm in love with you too"...I could have just melted away...a big slushy pile of mush...I asked him how long he'd known he loved me..."From the first time I ever saw you"...awww

He still gets to me every time I hear it, which is with every phone call, every email, every message....

MM told me he loved me the first night we slept together (our second date). He made me tell him I loved him over and over. This was the pattern every time we slept together before he left his wife. The first time we slept together after he left his wife, he wanted me to tell him I loved him, but he didn't reciprocate. The second time, he made repeated declarations of loving me. Since then, he simply tells me he "wants me" that he "has to have me", but no more declarations of love. Now he calls our lovemaking sex (he used to call it lovemaking). He tells me I have special powers that confuse him, and that he finds me adorable and really really likes me, but is no longer sure if he loves me. Since we've been together, the only times he told me he loved me were in bed, other than two desperate e-mail declarations.

My silly MM loved me before I even realized he was interested. It took me months to interpret the signs because it never occured to me MM cheat. How naive is that? I fell in love within 2 months and it has just grown and grow, My first and only true love at 42 years old!

secret

MM told me about 3 months into the EMR. I nearly started to cry, no one had ever told me they loved me before, but at the same time I didn't want to hear it from him. When I didn't say I loved him right back he asked me if I did, and I said "yes, I do love you", and told him my feelings. Then later on I told MM "I could tell you I love you 1000 times a day", and he said, "I say I love you 1000 times with every blink of my eyes". He's the sweetest man I have ever known.

MM told me he loves me about a month into our relationship. I am his one and only EMR and he has been married for 13 years.

When we met we clicked immediately. I felt like I had finally found what I had been looking for my whole life.

He says that he never knew love like this existed. He says he never realized he could feel so much for another person.

When he tells me that he loves me, it leaves me breathless...I almost feel overwhelmed. I guess it is because I know he truly means it.

I was on the phone w/ a friend while sitting in his office. I hung up,looked over at him and said "she really loves me". He responded "she's not the only one". I smiled a huge smile and just said "yea?" and gave a huge smile back and said "yea". That was one month after the affair started. I was blown away. Prior to that he had said he had "tender feelings" for me, which I thought was sweet, but I knew I had fallen in love with him on the first night we spent together. I just didn't know if or when he would catch up. From that moment on he has said I love you at every possible opportunity.

But what is most amazing to both of us is the depth of the love. He said once that this is what surprised him the most. He had had an exit affair during his first marriage, so he knew about the thrill of it, the caring for another, etc. But he never expected to love me as deeply and completely as he does. And while I tend to love w/ great intensity, this is unusual for me as well.

As a result, we share our deepest emotions and thoughts. We talk thru all hurt feelings or anger. We connect on such a deep level that we are able to negotiate the difficult things with no damage to the relationship.

I remain amazed. And it started with "she's not the only one" !!

My lover started telling me he loved me long before we made love. He said it first. I was terrified to admit it out loud, I knew it was crossing a point of no return.

He tells me he loves me all the time. even still. I know he does. I have never known love like this before, nor has he. We love passionately and deeply, and still do, though we are not physical any longer. I know that I will love him for the rest of my life. He says he will love me until he dies.

He don't say it often but when he says it it is with so much confidence ... its amazing

I found the first ILY letter on my car 4 weeks after our first date - he said once after a big fight : Don't you now that I love you to death ??
He says it a hundred times with gestures nad his looks - to see the love in his eyes is ? PRICELESS but earned and combined with a lot of pain....

sds

We met through mutual friends...we had an incredible 1st meeting where he said things to me that he had never said to anyone else before. He told me up front he was a MM. Wasn't really an issue for me. I have other guys I am seeing and talking to. Didn't think anything would come of meeting MM anyway. I was just enjoying the electicity and the "connection" we seemed to have. Next 2 days after 1st meeting MM, I couldn't stop thinking about him and all that he had shared with me. I found a way to contact him via email...said hello and that I enjoyed the conversation...and the kiss! (oh what a first kiss!) Anyway..2 weeks later he emailed me and said.."What are you doing tonight?" My heart stopped when I saw this email. Of course we made plans, he came over....we drank champagne, talked and "played" til 4am. This (2nd meeting) he says to me, "you know what? I think maybe we are soulmates or something...there is a part of me that feels like I love you!" OK! Call me crazy but what man EVER says that stuff on a 2nd "date"???????? I didn't respond... While we were intimate...he says to me..."tell me you love me....even if you don't mean it....tell me you love me!" By this time I am feeling brainwashed! I told him. Now I really do feel like I love him...GEEZ!
The irony of all of this..we have only met 4 times so far. We still haven't had "intercourse"! We have pleased ech other in other ways....He said to me..."he's not ready for that yet." WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I am crazy, nuts, confused, excited...for 2 days after we meet. Then I seem to get a grip and get back to reality. What's happening to me? What has he done to me? I feel like it's a very strong connection and he stirs me up so much that I am willing to give him my time and energy to see what "happens next." He told me he is not ever leaving his wife. They have kids too. He said that we could be together for a long time and that I would be the one to end it when I either got into a serious relationship or got married. How can I find another man when I am wrapped up thinking about this one? Besides, I am starting to leave my Friday nights open for him. HELP! I am falling!

He first said it about 7 months into our A. We were laying in bed exhausted and he was curled up around me. He just said it--boom--I love you.

The weird thing is that he doesn't say it all the time. He has said it about 4 or 5 times since and that confuses me. I'm not sure if he means it more because he doesn't say it constantly like it is ordinary, or if he struggles with saying it. And is the struggle because he isn't sure, or because it is difficult for him to admit? The latter I believe, because I "feel" the love from him. I felt it months before he said it.

I'm not certain I have ever felt so loved, even from my family. I feel completely safe with him because of this. I don't have the fears that I've had in past Rs. I know that he would do anything for me and he will be there for me through anything.

He has never taken this A lightly. He never wanted it to be about sex. He thrives on the emotional part of our R.

So how does it make me feel? Safe. Secure. Wonderful. Trusting.

My MM never said I love you and barely said I care about you until he had to end things with me (wife became pregnant). He told me he cared about me a lot and when we said good-bye, I hugged him and told him I loved him and he said I love you too. It was bittersweet.

The first time my MM told me that he loved me it was in a very strange way, that I think made it easier for him to say it, especially since it was only about a month into our EMR. He sent me a text message with the words "Olive Juice". It looked kind of strange, but when I thought about it, I quickly figured out what he was saying, but still inquired about it the next time we were together. He just clammed up and told me to think about it. Shortly after that, I started to get tons of text messages that were similar in nature, and then one night when we had been drinking he just blurted out the words "I hope that you know how much I love you." I blew it off at first, but now that we are about 4 months into the EMR he tells me that he loves me on a very regular basis. I still get the "Olive Juice" messages, but now he says it because its our little thing, and not because he is afraid to say the words I love you.

Me on the other hand....it took me alot longer to actually give any response to the the "special" I luv you's. It was very hard for me to let him know how I feel! And even now, I am never the initiator.

the first time it must have been about a year in. he doesnt really say it when we're together but does show it in the way he behaves towards me and treats me. maybe it would be nice if he did, not sure. i have said it a couple of times when we've been together and he has said it's a wondeful thing to hear me say it and said it back. he does mention often it when we are talking about us e.g. 'it's so hard being so in love and not being able to spend the night with you' etc

He said it to me first. We were at a work happy hour that had dwindled to just me, him, and two others. We had been discussing politics and religion, all 4 of us. Friendly, fun, lively debate. But now the two others were engaged in deep conversation, as were he and I. He turned to me and said he wished I believed in God, because he loved me. He was actually crying as he said this. I tried to keep it light, I thought he might just be drunk, so I said, "oh really? You love me in the 'I love all children of God' way?" And he said no, and wiped his tears. Then the other two people turned their attention back to us, and we had to go back to acting like co-workers.

About a month later, we were sitting in his truck one night after a date. He was talking about some subject (who knows what!) and it just struck me. I said, "I love you." He and I just sat there in silence for a while. I was so nervous, excited, that I have NO IDEA what we talked about for the next 45 mins!! But somewhere in the middle of it, he told me he loved me, he cried, I cried, he held me. It was insane, beautiful, painful all at once. Oh I do remember one thing that he said - he said that the other day when we'd been making love, we had this really profound moment where he just stroked my hair, looked in my eyes and said, "You're so beautiful." He told me that night that what he'd really wanted to say was, "I love you."

He told me he loved me about 4 or 5 weeks into our relationship. But neither of us says it very often. When i do say it, it is because my feelings for him, my love, just completely overwhelms me that i have to say it. Otherwise, I don't say and neither does he. But I feel his love for me almost all of the time by the way he looks at me and cares about me.

He told me about 4 weeks into it, while we were instant messaging ... I guess this was easier for him. But not a day goes by, not a phone call, a meeting, an IM, that he doesn't tell me and I don't tell him. I love to hear (or read) those words more than anything!!!

The first night we were together he told me he loved me. We'd gotten to know each other previously and there was a strong physical attraction.
He tells me every chance he gets. He adores me and I hear about it often. When we go out, he tells everyone else, he's the most openly loving man I've ever, ever met,

he's always said it to me but in a joking friendship way.. the 1st time we ever seriously said it was when he was going through a difficult time and called me for help.. i told him i loved him.. and he said it back.. it was said so many times before that.. but that time i meant it.. and i know he did too

MM has told me once face to face that he loves me. I will never forget that moment - never. We were somewhere together. We took a walk. Sat down. He kissed me. Then turned around and said, "I Love You". My heart just swelled up, put on a big smile and said, "I Love You too!"

He still tells me he does but now it's more like "Love You" or "Love Ya", doesn't say, "I Love You". I'm okay w/that. As long as I know in my heart that he does.

I remember him telling me how he was playing it in his head about what he should do and how he shouuld say it and how he was nervous. Well, it couldn't have been more perfect.

Wow. Big one. Will have to remind you that MM & I had casually known each other about 10 yrs b4 we decided to "get serious". The day we sat and had a long talk about what each other really wanted out of our own lives, and agreed to a "relationship" with each other, he spilled it on how he had always felt about me, etc, etc, etc, and blew me away with the "I Love You". Yes, I was and had always been infatuated with him, but really did not know he felt the same way. Maybe even now, he feels it more than me. He tells me he loves me during every phone call before we hang up and if the phone "dies" b4 he can say it, he Will call back! just to make sure I know!
When we are each out somewhere and happen to encounter each other in our small town, he will still get close enough to me so that I see him mouth the words "I love you!". I guess this is what really keeps me hooked to him, b/c I have Never had any male ever tell me this more than once or twice (they usually quit saying it), and sound like he meant it.

We weren't going to get emotionally involved. It was just going to be a brief sexual thing.

6 months in, without meaning to, I blurted "I love you" out one night when we were going to sleep. But I managed to cover it up, so he never knew I said it. I was determined not to be the first one to fall in love, and I damned well wasn't going to admit to it first.

9 month's into our R MM said "I love you" while we were making love one night . I was stunned and didn't respond, I just kissed him. This was to be the last time we were together for a long time (I was unaware of this at the time). As he went back to his wife (temporarily) soon after.

It is month 23 now, and I just asked him about the time he said "I love you". His response was "I said it, I was then and still am, kinda crazy about you". He has been telling me he is 'crazy about me' since the 6th month of our A!. We fell in love at the same time, and were both to scared to say it.

So we rarely say "I love you", we say "I am crazy about you" it means the same thing.

It took around a month. He told me before I told him - and it didn't shock me, I already knew he did.

We were drunk in a club one night and I was feeling particularly ballsy. I just pointed at him and said "You love me! I know you do - I can see it in your eyes!"

He laughed it off, then later that night in bed, held my face and told me so.

He would tell me all the time at first, just for no reason, mainly when we were lying in bed, just looking at each other - I never had to ask.

But towards the end he stopped. I found myself constantly asking. Constantly needing to be told because I could feel him slipping away.

On the night we ended our affair, he refused to tell me, sinply stating "You know how I feel but it's not fair to tell you, it will give you false hope"

Then just before I left he said "You know I love you - it will just never be."

He told me he loved me about 3 weeks into the A. I didn't tell him until about a week after that. He told me every day for a year. Then he stopped. If I questioned it he would say that he couldn't say that because "his feelings weren't as strong" because we argued all the time. He would say that he "had love for me" PPFTTT. I remained IN love with him. Still to this day and we haven't spoken in almost 4 months.

Did/does MM tell you he loves you?
sure does

How long into the EMR did he utter those words?
Hmm...about 4 months in (online) verbally stated it the first time we met and has uttered every time we talk since then.

What kind of effect did/does it have on you?
It fills me with happiness when said in the right tone and I know he means it.

Please use this section to talk about how the words "I love you" in an EMR. Give it all you got.

He invited me to meet him for lunch about two weeks after meeting. We had many phone conversations that lasted for hours. I snuck away from work to a little Italian place I'd passed many times but never entered. He spent the entire meal looking into my eyes (made it a little awkward to eat) and attempting to hold my hand. I was so concerned that someone might know me in the restaurant that I had a hard time reciprocating. I didn't even feel like I knew much about MM but I knew his heart. We walked out to the car so that I could return to work and I could tell something was on his mind. Something was really bothering him and I asked him to bare his thoughts. He kept telling me that he wanted to tell me but he was worried about my reaction. I continued to attempt to get him to impart his words but he just couldn't. I KNEW what he wanted to say but I wasn't ready to say it myself.

After I returned to the office, he called and told me that he really needed to say something to me but he just couldn't take the risk. I encouraged him to believe in me that I could handle anything he threw at me. He kept saying that the phone wasn't the proper way to do it but he couldn't hold it inside anymore. "I love you!" My heart skipped a beat and my stomach dropped. I thanked him but I couldn't say it back.

When I left work that day, I knew he was regretting telling me so I asked him to quickly meet me on my way to pick up the kids. We met at an elementary school that was closed and I can even remember the song that was playing on the radio as I pushed the door open to hug him. It was a beautiful moment that I will never forget. I had finally met someone who loved me enough to take a risk to let me know him inside and out... unconditionally.

I didn't say it to him for several more weeks. I fell in love with him. I didn't mean to... I tried to stop but I did. Now we say it on a daily basis... numerous times in fact. I think we are both so happy to have found love that we don't want to let a minute go by without reassuring each other how we really care.

He told me he thought he was falling in love with me about 7 weeks after we initially met. We had only seen each other physically maybe 4 times. I remember thinking it was a little "fast" and I wasn't sure I was falling in love with him. He actually said "I love you" shortly after that. I started reciprocating maybe 2 weeks later. We exchanged "I love you"s more and more until, eventually, every phone conversation, e-mail, encounter contained those words. We loved exchanging them freely... always.

I was the one who said it first and it was six months into a 13-month relationship. He was stunned at first and then immediately told me that he loved me too. It made me happier than anything had in a long, long while.

He told me many times that he was stunned by the depth of my feelings for him and often wondered if and how he was worthy of them. He felt that he had gotten so used to feeling unloved and ignored by his wife that someone being crazy in love with him was shocking and thrilling.

I was always worried that in the end that I would get hurt more than he did because I felt that I loved him more than he loved me. The changes that ended our relationship (him pulling back by withholding physical intimacy) strangely conincided with me telling him that I felt that he was the love of my life. Ironically, what finally made me decide to walk away during our "break that was not a break up" was his inability to tell me that he loved me while he was "finding his head" and "sorting things out".

I know he loved me. It would have been nice to have heard it at the end.

my case is such that these words were what brought about the affair. we were best friends for a long time and eventually, he felt he just needed to tell me he was in love with me. when we talked about it, i was confronted with my own emotions in a way i'd been able to suppress. we weren't going to do anything physical, but every line that was crossed just made it easier to cross the next. so yes, we say i love you every day...

The first time he told me he loved me...we had just returned from a double date with his W and my XH. He mouthed the words I love you to me while his wife was standing infront of him talking to me. Talk about awkward!? Next day he told me over and over while we made love. This was about 4 months into our physical relationship, and a year and a half after we met.

Before we had even met.

He had a scary experience at home with his suspicious wife who had found something he wrote to me. He had to lie like crazy to "explain" it away and had passed out in the garden from the stress and knocked himself out on the path.

He told me all this on a long PM and ended it by saying he was so in love with the image of me in his head that it hurt.

Cue me as a quivering jelly and saying I love you back. After that it was the second time we spoke on the phone and then everytime we met and talked and PMd. He wrote poems and the most eloquent love letters. It was nearly the last thing he ever said to me. Then he phoned the next day (D Day) and told me he'd never loved me Bah!

He tells me he loves me everyday, several times a day. He has been with W since he was 18 years old and he is now 49. So it was not easy for him to admit to loving me. He did not want to love me. But I am blessed that he does. Now we are preparing for a future together. Luckily our children our grown so that is something we don't have to work around.

It was very soon into this. He was so sweet and clearly frightened. Think patriarch/ceo, everything under control type. We had had an argument and he looked at me at said, "Are you afraid?" Of course I said, "Of what" not seeing where he was going with this at all. He said, "Of falling in love." What I remember was he was so rattled that I knew this wasn't a line. That was ten years ago, and we are still in love. During the "A" years, which is what I call the five years or so this was an affair we got into the habit of saying it when we parted or said good-bye. I always told him that until the time comes we could be together that those three words were our home. I almost don't really even know what I meant by that now, but it was a real feeling at the time - like his family had everything else of him, but I had his love. Now that we've been really together for five years, we still say it.

Well we have been seeing each other off and on for about 5 years but for about 2 of those years we never talked and lost contact. Well we ran into each other and started talking again about 4 months ago. I guess it was about 2 months ago when I realized that I loved him (the other times it was just physical for me) and everyone else pretty much figured out that I did. I was not going to say it until he did first. We were sitting in his truck after a jig that he had about to go our separate ways when he said it. I was silent for a few minutes and he asked if he shouldn't have said it and I pretty much broke down and said that I loved him too.

MM said it to me last week. We were spending several days together out of town, and we were just lying in bed, whispering, cuddling, kissing. He pushed my hair out of my eyes and started by telling me that he was falling for me. Then it was "what would you say if I told you I have already fallen". So when I said that I had fallen too, he goes "fallen where"? He SOOOO wanted ME to say it. He looked at me and after a while goes "I have fallen in love with you, I am in love with you". Then after I said it back to him, out came the simple (yet most exquisite) "I love you". When we parted ways a couple days later, he held me close and after he told me he loved me, he looked down at me and goes "you know, I think when I first met you, I somehow knew I would". Ever since we have said the words to each other, his voice is somehow different like things will never be the same again. Whatever that means, or whatever our future holds, only time will tell. But right now, it is absolutely amazing to love this wonderful man and to know that he loves me.

My mm and I have been friends for over six years. We met through an interview. A mutual friend told me that his school district had a job opening for a principal. Although he is not typically what I find attractive and he is 17 years older than me, we clicked and talked on the phone for months following the interview. We met midway between our two cities for dinner. I decided not to pursue the job because of the energy I felt for him. I took a job in a nearby city to where he lived, bought a house a few miles from his (no intention and clearly coincidental - didn't know where he lived). I got very sick a few months after meeting him and he helped me adjust to these life changes, still with no sexual involvement. Our relationship began by him stopping by and having a beer on the deck with me after work and just talking. Then, one summer night we went out to dinner, drank for an excuse to have sex and everything changed. Now, after being intimate for two years, he has never said he loved me, but I could tell that he did by the way our lovemaking changed. I could also tell by the change in our intimacy level prior to lovemaking and after lovemaking. Also, by what he was saying about how I affected his heart, mind and by the way he could openly share feelings that he normally didn't share. On one occasion he stated that he shared more with me than anyone else and that he shared more intimate details of his life than he did with anyone else. Truthfully, I knew it already because of how private he is. On another occasion he stated he was trying to figure out what to do with the feelings he felt for me. Then the other night he said he couldn't be alone with me anymore because his emotions were out of control. SO, following lovemaking, I said to him for the first time, "You know I love you, don't you?" And, he closed his eyes and said, "Yeah, I do, but I can't be as good to you as you deserve. I never meant to have all this happen and I am sorry, so sorry to hurt you. I never meant to." The conversation and discussion continued for a few hours. So, here I am at the healing stage six years later.

My MM asked me on a "chat" date from, as agreed we both bought the same wine and each bought strawberries.

We talked about insecurities and pet peeves as if sitting across from each other holding hands. He told me he loved me and I did not know what to say back. I told him it felt wonderful, immeasurably better than anything I had ever considered to be love before, but had to question if it was "real".

If being with him was half what the chats were I would be 100 times happier than I had ever been in my life.

The entire next day he could not contact me, I knew that evening he was at a formal party alone without the wife and would be wearing his pager. I sent his pager a series of notes telling him that I agreed, that it was real and that I could honestly say - I love you.

I still have not deleted the recording of the voicemail that he left on my cell phone telling me how incredible it made him feel to have me tell him that. He used to say each day he was amazed that he loved me more than the day before when he thought he had reached a new height it was broken again by even deeper feelings.

When we eventual did meet, we had the same wine, the same strawberries, shared many many "I love you" whispers back and forth.

LiebeEnte

He said it within a week of meeting and I did a few days later. I think we both meant it even if it seemed too soon. We still say it all the time, every time we talk or get together.

My MM finally said it outloud tonight. Not during sex. Not with the word "in" infront of it. Not drunk. He held my face, looked me deep in the eyes and said, "I love you." We were playing backgammon!! My heart melted and tears swelled up in my eyes. After several emails signed "love" or "XOXO", and telling me that he's "fallen for me", he finally has dropped all the beating around the bush and admitted outloud that he loves me! What an amazing feeling. I knew it all along, but WOW--to hear it! To hear it from his mouth!

We met September 10th, and today is March 31st....almost 7 months to hear those words! It was well worth the wait!

Well, my previous post said that my MM hadn't said he loved me. Well, after not seeing or talking to me for two months he came over and we talked about what was going on in his life and my life. I told him that I loved him with all my heart and just couldn't deal with these issues and then he started his typical safe statement and said, "I care deeply" and then paused and added, "...no, I love you, too." So, what I already knew has been spoken. He told me that at his age he is afraid to start over and lose everything he's worked for (He's in his late 50's and could retire), but nothing in his private life has changed. He now has a granddaughter on the way and I am sure he doesn't want to rock the family boat and honestly I DON'T BLAME HIM. He wants to meet me somewhere (in public so nothing sexual occurs) so that we can talk. I told him that it just f.cks with my head to see him and I have decided not to see him. And so after stopping by and hanging out and saying he loves me, he now doesn't know if he should call, shouldn't call. So, he asked if he can call and talk to me when I am not so angry at him. And I said to him all he had to say was, "this relationship is not working for me anymore". And then he said that isn't true and that's what he can't say because he enjoys my company and likes being with me. He says he just has too many issues that he can't work through. I told him that I would never have treated him the way he has me and he said he is so sorry and would like to make it up to me. He asked me how he could make it up to me and I said he can't. SO, I am sticking to my guns and not seeing him.

He did. With a lot of pain and gentleness too. I feel for him. He truly fell for me. It was something that evolved from genuinely liking someone to actually wishing that person was with you all the time experiencing your experiences. At times, it feels like we are terribly attached. I can not fathom the love for him, it has a life of its own.
He says he thinks about me all the time. He misses me when I leave him. I feel it, I sense the tendrils of longing passing through his body.

He said 'I love you' first. I was shocked. It was only a week after our first kiss and at a garden party full of people including his W. He still tells me he loves me. We are not physical and only talk maybe once or twice a month for a few minutes. It's so hard to let go completely.

Well...after two months...we (our whole group including he and W) went out and I was drinking a bit...and suddenly I looked at them (she was all over him) and I thought what the hell am I doing? This is crazy...so I pretended to need some air and went outside...he, of course, came out a couple of minutes later rubbing my back...saying he was sorry...and then she came out...

He ended up driving me home (I had too much to drink) and I was silent the whole way home...when we got to my place I told him it had to end. He went on to say that he couldn't live without me...he thought about me 24/7...he had very strong feelings for me...it scared him how much he was getting attached. Then I went inside.

The next day, we had agreed to talk...and he told me that he loved me. That he loved me as a woman, a lover, a best friend...and he didn't want to lose me. I got so mad when he told me...I felt like he was playing me...and he probably was...but, I wanted to believe him and I did.

After that,he told me almost everyday that he loved me.

MM and I had a brief sexual fling a couple of years before we started seriously dating. 4 months into it, over dinner, he slipped and started to say, "I lo..." but stopped. I changed the subject. That night we said it when we were at home. He tells me everyday, and I FEEL it everyday. But that doesn't matter.....he still goes home to her every night.

Yes but for a long time, only by mistake. He first said the words in the heat of passion about three months into the affair so I didn't pay it much attention. For a very long time he'd say "I love.... (pause)....your smooth skin" or somthing else like my laugh. It was always contrived as if he'd just remembered himself and so for a long time I was frustrated by it I wanted to know if he really meant it. In a way I was also a little sad because he didn't want to say the words to me and I took that to mean he didn't want to feel that way about me because why else would he stop himself from saying it when he could. A few times I heard him whispering it into my stomach or when he thought I was asleep and once when we were stood trying to hail a taxi and that meant the world to me because I wasn't meant to hear it so I knew it was for real. I've never told him I heard him and thats how it's been for a long time until recently. He said "you know I love you don't you" he then changed the subject and although he's been more open since then it's made me sad because I've had to face up to the true nature of our relationship, we can't just keep pretending to ourselves anymore. You see even though I was so desperate to hear the words from him I now just feel it has been the beginning of the end. I love him so desperately and the funny thing is he hasn't a clue.

So frustration, elation and sadness but it's been a ride I wouldn't have missed for the world.

Yes, he tells me everyday, morning and night.

He first said it about a month into our relationship. We were friends prior to that, but it was a month after our friendship turned into something more.

When he tells me that he loves me it makes my heart smile. Its an imperfect situation by its nature, but that doesnt change the fact the love is real. And like someone mentioned earlier, more love in the world cant be a bad thing.

One time I think I heard him say it.. But I wasn't really sure.
Actually, thinking back about it, I'm pretty sure I heard him say it one night as he was leaving work. This was way before the EMA started. Way before.
I'm pretty sure he was walking out, looking back at me, almost walked into a post, kept walking, got to the door, turned around and said "I love you" and I said "What?" and he said "Nothin'! See ya tomorrow!" I wasn't sure but looking back I think he did.. haha
Other than that.. we don't say it. I don't know why. I know I'm in love with him. I guess I just try to hold back as much as possible when it comes to him because he isn't mine. We both know how eachother feels for the most part, but try not to show it because we don't want to get caught and because it just isn't right. It's really hard sometimes... More than I can express.
We chat through text messages and phone calls, etc. He says things like "I love .. seeing you everyday" which to me means "I love YOU"..
I guess I'm just too afraid to say the words because he isn't mine. It's bad enough I feel that way for another womans man, but to express it openly... I just can't do it.
I hope that he doesn't say it until he is without her. If he ever is.. Who knows?

I remember the exact moment he finally told me, and admitted his true feelings for me. I was sitting in my bathroom, crying, cuz I'd been trying to call things off with him. He had known, since almost the beginning of the A, that I was in love with him, though I'd only told him once. And though I knew he was in love with me, I knew he couldn't admit it. He is a very straight-forward kind of person and for him to say that to me, would mean that he'd made a decision in his mind, to be with me permanently and leave his W. When he finally said those words, I cried for an hour and a 1/2. Harder than I have ever cried before in my life.

He has continued to tell me, many times each day and each time he says it, I melt.

He said it first, long before I did, Before anything was even going on between us. We flirted, for fun. I knew he had a crush. One day he told me he loved me. Things slowly went from there. He did not say it to start something, he said it because he needed to unburden his soul and apparently to burden mine.

I heard him tell me "I love you" when I finally admitted to him that I'd fallen in love with him, about one and a half years into our online friendship, and eleven months before we actually met face-to-face for the first time and kissed. Since the first "I love you" was uttered, we've told each other daily, sometimes several times a day..."I love you". We still tell each other daily, and I don't see that changing, ever.

No he never told me he loved me nor did I tell him although I did love him. I was afraid if I used the love word he would go running. he said to me early on we can't fall in love with each other. Words are cheap though and an affair with no feelings only looks good on paper. He did let it slip once but quickly tried to cover up. I would have given anything to have him tell me he loved me and have had the freedom to tell him that. I told him later how I felt and he admitted his feelings for me had also gone way past like too but that was as good as I ever got. I know he did love me although he wouldn't admit it. I could see it in his eyes and his actions. I think he was scared if he said it I would expect him to leave his wife and it would be like a committment which he never offered

he told me on our 3rd date, we had been in contact via msn for about 8weeks, but still. he actually asked me if it was ok to love me...........i was astounded. i dont believe in using these 3 little words unless its absolutely,100 per cent, no going back truth. i was quite short with my reply, something along the lines of "you know the answer to that" didnt stop him actually saying it a couple of hours later.
sometimes when he says it i can feel it, and it makes my heart thump, i believe that he may actually mean it now. but that first time i think he was just caught up in the euphoria of a new relationship (he has been neglected for a long time)
i have yet to say it, i'm not feeling it.

We had discussed our A at the beginning. How it wasn't going to get serious and how falling in love would be crossing the line. He had a few buddies who had A's and fell in love and said he saw the hell they went through with a divorce and the BS freaking out. I was married at the time and we both did NOT want drama.

While we were both married we went to Vegas together for a week. While there I realized I had fallen in love with him. I think it must have been spending all that time together. I could see it in his eyes that if he hadn't fallen yet then he sure was close. I had said before that I would never tell him if I did cross that line and that if he did I didn't want to know either so he kinda tricked me into telling him. We were watching Cheaters on TV (how ironic is that?) and he started making comments hinting about having an OOW(only pretending to get a reaction from me). I was calm for awhile even throughout our nice dinner at my favorite expensive restaurant that he took me too because I had said I loved their Lobster Bisque. Back at the hotel room I lost it and started crying. He knew then I loved him and said he HAD to know cuz he is going there too and he just can't be this emotionally attached to someone who is not his wife. He then said that he was torn between the 2 of us. After a long discussion and him struggling with choosing one of us he ended it that night. He held me all night while I cried and I told him that I was "never having that fucking soup again!" He said he didn't get it since it's my favorite.

The next morning I went to my friends hotel and woke her and her bf up. I told them that MM had broken up with me while I was having my favorite Lobster Bisque. My friend said "oh my god, you are never having that fucking soup again". Her bf looked at us like I don't get it. We both said "its symbolic."

One month later MM started the A up again. 6 months after Vegas (and I was divorced) he told me "I Love You". When I asked when did he know he loved me he answered "in Vegas". Basically it scared the hell out of him. He constantly kept saying that it wasn't supposed to go this far.

When I think back to the times he said ILY I get really angry. Those are 3 words I wish he had never spoken to me.

He has told me 3 times while he was drunk that he loves me. Sober, he told me he thought he loved me and more recently, while chatting on IM, he said he loved me during our goodbyes. We have always had this amazing connection. We both feel like that this is what we have both been looking for. The first time he said it sober (well, that he thought he loved me) was 6 months into this. The IM was about a month later.

and I think he subconsciously did that to keep me on the string all this time. I probably would not have stayed in the relationship if he hadn't confessed this over and over again. It was a sort of magical recipe for him to keep me going. If he could make me believe that he truly loved me, I wouldn't leave him. I sometimes responded that I loved him too and a few times I probably said it before he said it, but then he would always reassure me by saying that he loved me too.

He told me he loved me about 1.5 months after the affair started. Shortly before he told me, he emailed a song, Diana Krall's Let's Fall in Love. We were chatting online as I listened to it. I ended the chat session by saying, "Oh, by the way, lets do!" It was so romantic.

MM and I knew each other in passing for a very short time before one night when he asked for a ride home. We talked the whole time. It was like being reuinited with a long lost friend. Months later he said that when he got out of my car he went up stairs to his apartment and sat down and clutched his heart, which was burning, and he thought to himself, "Why is my heart burning like this? Oh no...I love her."

It was a very long time after that that we admitted we had feelings for each other let alone kissed. But one night I was reviewing a piece of music MM wrote and it hit me...I knew I loved him. The next day I told him and we made love for the first time.

I was hurt that he didn't say it back to me, but not very hurt because I could tell that he loved me too.

A few weeks later, in the car, I was making fun of him for not saying it, and quietly, he said, "You know I love you girl."

Mostly MM felt very uncomfortable telling me he loved me. But i liked to hear it. Once, after I asked him over and over again why he wouldn't say it all the time he said, "Because if I say it I feel like there are expectations that go along with it that I'm not sure I can give you, no matter how I feel about you."

The last time MM told me, was the day we broke up. He whispered it and I pretended I didn't hear it, but I did.

He was one of the good ones, if they exist. I believe he did really love me.