Are you, or were you ever happy and content as the Other Woman? Is there now, or was there a time when this relationship fulfilled you in the way you wish to be fulfilled in a relationship?

What does/did that look like, feel like in your life? Please tell the world who you are and why and how this relationship is your relationship of CHOICE. Yeah!

MM and I met three years ago. He is 47 and I am 29. I had dated several wonderful men who responded to my personals ad on a well-known dating website online, and MM had also responded to my ad (actually, there were several married men along with the single guys who responded to my ad, which was a bit surprising). MM was up front about being married and no, that did not bother me in the least. He impressed me from the very beginning with his wit and his charm in his e-mails, then we spoke on the phone for a week or two. We had plenty in common and decided that we wanted to meet very soon. I sent him a pic of me, but he could not send a pic of himself though he did describe himself perfectly and I was definitely interested. Physically I like a certain type, and MM is definitely all of that and then some. When we finally met in person, I spotted him right away and could barely get out a "hello". What can I say...the man definitely turned me on. The evening went by so very fast and I wanted it to last for much, much longer. I was definitely smitten with this guy and all his wonderful qualities, his sexy voice, his smile, his laugh, his high intelligence and attractiveness, and oh, what a body! We finally kissed goodnight and my curiosity and hormones went into overdrive. We lunched and dined several times after that, and I knew I had to have him in my life, married or not. The first time we made love, it was explosively fantastic! We had laid down some "ground rules".... he would remain married and that was okay with me because I have no interest in marriage or kids (never been the maternal type), and a few others, which have worked out very well. Never once in the three years that we have been seeing each other has he ever disappointed me in any way, and he spoils me rotten and I deserve to be. I travel with him on occasion when I can get away (he has a high-level federal government position and travels quite a bit), is very generous on my birthday and holidays, provides financially from time to time and enjoys doing so though I have never asked him to (though he can very well afford it). Our relationship fits great into my life because it is rather hectic as well (I am a very busy personal trainer/fitness instructor). For me to have a full-time, steady, 24/7, in my face, underfoot boyfriend would be a real pain in the ass. I enjoy my freedom to come and go as I please without somebody hunting me down by cellphone all over town, begging for my time, as I do not have time or tolerance for a clingy man. MM and I are very, very happy together and see one another at least twice a week for lunch/dinner and workouts, and some weekends (wife thinks he's still out of town on business), and talk on the phone or e-mail several times a week, and that is just right for me. Both he and I realize that one day this wonderful delicious good time will all end, either by him or me for whatever reason, or his wife finding out (even though I seriously doubt that will be the end of it either), but until then, we are enjoying the hell out of each other.

Well, after a whole year of roller coaster ride, all the heart breaking and tears and anger and resentment...I've finally become the happy OW.
It didn't just happen. I went through hell to get to where I am today. I've fully accepted MM as who he is as well as my role in his life. I still have my moments, but 99% of the time I'm just simply enjoying what we have.

I experienced several levels of happiness, unhappiness, and contentment.

At first, after parting, when we were spending as muchtime as possibl with each other and on the phone with each other while we were both involved with other people (both engaged at the time), I was very happy. It was all i really needed, but i suspect that was mostly because i was in another relationship at the time, adn didnt have to spend alot of time away from him and alone.

Then... once he got married, and i broke off my engagement... but before sex was added back into the equation, i was also content. He spent several months overseas, he called and emailed all the time, and we had a very happy medium. I couldnt have wanted more. Then sex was added in. I got confused, and found a place in it that i was happy. That unfortunately did not last very long. i became very depressed, very unhappy, constantly comparing myself to the W (trying to) trying to decide why he was M'd to her and what i lacked, why i couldnt lure him out of his M.

Then one day, me and MM sat down and had a very serious discussion about it all, my feelings, our expectations, etc. After all that, we decided that while he could make no promises to leave, we could promise to work on the EMR as if it were our only relationship and make it work... possibly even forever. That made me happy. I dont know what it was, but knowing he loved me, that his love for me was seperte, thati could have another life, and him , and be happy, and hve all i ever wanted... was nice. I thought i could do it.

Then came the point wheni realized "what if i never find this kindof love again?" and i realized i might live my life alone, longing for him, while hes married to sombody else, having it all... i was almost envious that he could find somthing else and be content and have the supposed love of his life at the same time.

So... yes I was a happy OW at one time, when the relationship was enough. But when i wanted and needed more, when i needed him here, wanted him here for simple things, to go to the movies, to have dinner, to sleep togethr overnight and wake up next to me... when i realized my love and needs had outgrown our relationship... thats when i was no longer the happy OW.
Its all in a persons perspective.

Rain...

Yes! I was happy. How could I not be? He made me feel everything I thought love was suppose to feel like. I've never felt that before. He gave me time and attention. When he looked at me I could see how I made him feel. He was passionate and vulnerable. He shared his secrets and fears. He was strong and tender. I was walking on clouds. I wasn't a drudgy old middle aged married woman who was ignored and taken for granted. I was loved and needed and wanted and desired. I was a beautiful, sexy, sensual woman. I still want to be her, and if he agreed to continue as secret lovers, I'd continue till the day I died.

I have been happy twice with MM. The first period of happiness was during our affair, when I fell in love with him. He dug me, he made a great effort to see me frequently, and we were happy lovers in love. After d-day that evaporated.

The second period of happiness came a few months after I ended my sexual involvement with him, about a year and a half after d-day. I told him that if he took me out on dates and treated me well, I would continue to see him when it was convenient for me. If not - that was fine, I just wouldn't have a love relationship with him any more. He got on board. He has been courting me, taking me out regularly, and treating me with respect and consideration. Our relationship has taken on a sparkling, light, deeply romantic quality. The sexual tension is palpable but I stand my ground; I won't have sex with him until he is divorced. It is a bit of a balancing act for me to let him know I find him desirable without acting seductive, but I'm getting pretty good at it. I have a full life, I date other men as well as MM, and I am extremely happy almost all of the time.

Are you, or were you ever happy and content as the Other Woman?
Most definitely!! MM is a fabulous man who treats me very well and I wouldn't have it any other way. Being that I am an OW who is NOT waiting for my lover to leave his wife, it is much easier for me to be an OW and be happy within our relationship.

Is there now, or was there a time when this relationship fulfilled you in the way you wish to be fulfilled in a relationship?
The way our relationship is right now is how it has been from day 1, only BETTER. I am very fulfilled. Single and happy, and want to stay that way.

What does/did that look like, feel like in your life? Please tell the world who you are and why and how this relationship is your relationship of CHOICE. Yeah!
Being an OW is not for everybody! My MM and I are very happy because this is what we both wanted. We discussed what the relationship would mean to each of us, and there have been no surprises. I knew he was married and I didn't care. Having a steady relationship or a live-in does not appeal to me at all since I love living by myself, yet definitely enjoy male companionship and of course a very special man to share my body with. MM fits the bill most definitely.

Yes I am a happy OW, I see my friends of same age, life weary in unhappy marriages. MM treats me like the most wonderful person on the planet, makes me feel alive, young, sexy, energetic, beautiful, so loved and wanted. The friendship is so peaceful now I am divorced and I love my "me" time, never lonely. To be honest with you I want for nothing, one happy lady here.

And why should I not be? I have wonderful lover who meets so many of my needs on so many levels. I know how much he loves me. I know it when he looks in my eyes, when he touches me, every moment we have together is golden. We would not have this if we were married. When he is with me, he is mine alone. When he is with her, he belongs to his children, his work, his duties and his obligations. When he is with me, we have none of that. Just each other. I can truly say that even after so much time, it only gets better and better. We only love each other more, never less. Our love for each other is never conditional. We accept each other where we are. We love each other for who we are, not for who we would be if, if, if.....

There was a time when I was happy and content and ecstatic like I had never been in my life! For about the first 3-4 years of our relationship. We went through a rough period about 3 years into the relationshp when his W found out. After they separated, things got GREAT again! Then they slowly started deteriorating. He became moody and irritable, quit wanting to go out to dinner or for long drives like we used to...all he wanted to do was have sex and go home. We quit spending "quality" time together. He quit calling as often. He quit surprising me with little gifts or unexpected outings. He quit giving me money for "luxuries." He started treating me like a wife with none of the benefits. That's when I quit being a happy OW. If I don't get the benefit of dating him in public or being with him in an open and honest relationship, what's the point? I'm NOT in it just for some elicit sex!

Are you, or were you ever happy and content as the Other Woman? I am now (4 yrs into it) at first I wasn't happy I was miserable, crying all the time cuase we weren't together etc.

Is there now, or was there a time when this relationship fulfilled you in the way you wish to be fulfilled in a relationship? Now I am fulfilled. Before I always wanted more. Now I have just what I need in my life at this time. (before my dad was alive and takign care of the house and my mom) now i have to do that so I have alot on my plate.

What does/did that look like, feel like in your life? Please tell the world who you are and why and how this relationship is your relationship of CHOICE. Yeah! I love my MM and love sharing my life w/him. The day I am not happy I will walk away. It took me 4 years and alot more responsibility to get here though. In the early stages I wasn't happy I wanted more and the more he'd give the more I wanted. Now i have enough.

I was very happy as the OW. I certainly had my moments when I was upset and hurt ~ but those come in any relationship.

Marriage was never something that was a priority for me. A happy relationship was/is what is important.

I didn't push for MM to leave his W and he never told me that he would. We had our expectaions out on the table and they worked together. Just that eliminated a good deal of drama and pain.

I love living alone. I don't want to check in w/ someone everyday. I cherish my independence. I don't do routine real well. I like a little bit of excitement in my life. Being TOW was perfect for me. I got the happy relationship that I wanted and didn't have to pick up his dirty socks.

I was incredibly happy that first weekend that MM and I spent together. Being with him had been this amazing schoolgirl fantasy that I never in a million years expected to come true, and our first weekend together was all that and more. It was romantic from start to finish.

There were definitely times in our first year together that I was also very happy, mostly for the same reason: this was a guy I had dreamed about for years, and the idea that he could not only be attracted to me, but think I was special and wonderful enough to risk his marriage and his children to be with, was absolutely intoxicating at times. I have to admit, though, that because of who he is and what I felt for him, I would have felt the same intoxication if he had been single when we hooked up. It was just this "I can't believe HE would want to be with ME" thing that I've felt about him ever since I met him, because he's a pretty amazing person.

Its been a long time since I've been happy like that, though. Mostly what I feel now is this sad, addicted feeling: I know I love him, but I'm very angry about his marriage and our situation and that makes me so unhappy that its hard to feel the happiness at all sometimes, even when we're together, since I know he's just going to leave again.

Happy as the OW? Only when he is in my arms or on the phone acting lovingly toward me. Otherwise, I'm miserable and in great pain.

Are you, or were you ever happy and content as the Other Woman?

In the beginning. I just wanted him so when I got him, I felt happy and content. I cherished our relationship and the time we had together.

Is there now, or was there a time when this relationship fulfilled you in the way you wish to be fulfilled in a relationship?

Definetely. He met all of my unmet needs. He made me feel terrific.

Slowly however, the secrecy and the lack of ability to share life on a regular basis with him took it's toll.

I then became a torn ow. Torn between wanting out and wanting him still, on my terms.

Our realtionship is wonderful. I choose to be with this man because our goals, ideals, and opinions are so insync. The fact that he is married is only a positive. I have no desire to marry this man.

This relationship gives me the companionship that I desire without all the rules and regulations that serious commited relationships bring about. This is my chance to just be free and to do as I please. We have an amazing time together. It's like I get all the perks of being a wife without all the work that comes with being a wife. No laundry, kids, bills, housework, cooking, etc. Instead I get the weekend trips, the lounging in bed, the romantic dinners, the flirtations, the smile everytime we meet, the long hugs, the great sex, and the honesty.

I am happy. It have come full circle to be here. When we began our relationship I had thought that we would get married. Our relationship ended not due so much to his marriage but our own incompatibilities. It has been almost 9 years since I met him and he has moved many times and there have been many changes in my life. We have maintained a relationship of sorts throughout these years. He now lives near me again and we see each other fairly regularly. I have chosen in the past and continue to make the choice everyday that I would rather have him in my life this way than not at all. When he has been far away and when we have been more "off" than "on," i have been unhappy, restless, and always waiting. When he is in my life, I don't feel as though I am waiting. I am happy but I do hope that we will get married. At the same time, i don't know how our relationship would change if we were to marry, maybe I wouldn't be happy then. The bottom line is that I know that even if we never get married, I still want to be with him today. Maybe tomorrow I will feel differently, but right now I am happy being with him.

I've been with MM for four years and until now I have been extremely content with the situation. Recently, everything blew up, I thought I was going to lose him and I was extremely unhappy. Now I know I'll have to weather a few rough patches, but I'm not going to lose him, I'm as good as extremely content again.
If i have to spend my life as 'the other woman', I will be happy as long as it's with him.

Just thought I would pop in and say I was HOW when you started this site, and I still am HOW. Hi Em!

happy as the other woman. Never wanted to be one either. I hated it! Tried to cope with it over time, but always got to a point where I thought I can't stand it anymore and I tried to break it off. I finally did and am now trying to get my feet back on the ground.