How does/did MM describe you and your relationship and the effect you have on him? What, exactly, does MM say to you?

He says he has not felt this way since he was 16 years old. (Which means he never felt this way for XW or current W?)

He does not really talk about our relationship. It is what it is.

I think he feels so much quilt that he does not even acknowledge to himself that we are in a "relationship." ha ha I know he thinks about me. He tells me he thinks about me. He says I have been thinking about you too much. He calls. He sees me. He is so afaid of saying something to "lead me on." He has a hard time believing that I don't want him to leave his W.

We both didn't say alot for a long time...we just spent time together. I started telling him how I feel about everything. I know he just does not know what to say about us.

MM says that I am the best thing that has happened to him in a LONG time. This past Thanksgiving last week he told me that he even gave thanks that I was in his life and the funny thing is, I had given thanks for him being in mine! He is such a wonderful, wonderful man.

MM says life would be impossible without me, that I am his sanity, his one sure thing, his best friend, how he regrets not meeting me before we both married.

He says I'm the best thing that ever happened to him, that he's in love with me. That I'm beautiful, smart, funny, sexy and that he's only happy when we are together. That he can't imagine not loving me.

MM says, that I am his emotional and sexual fantasy, I am the person to which he compares his other (and previous) relationships to, his confidente, his closest friend, his greatest love of all. This I believe to be true in MM's heart.

No one in MM's circle of family or friends are aware that we involved again after 25 years - he has told no one. His whole family was aware of the intense relationship and feelings we shared years ago; they still mention me occassionally in passing, yet he feels he must change the subject. It became known by a family member that I was looking for him - months ago; yet when asked if he responded (to me); he had to deny it.

Perhaps one day we can once again shout aloud our love for each other, in celebration and joy.

(s)mm tells me that he has never loved anyone the way that he loves me. Oh, and that I make him crazy!

He has told me many, many times that he wished he had met me 20 years ago, which is kind of silly when you think about it because he would have been a 27-year-old perv checking out a 9-year-old but I knew what he meant. ha! He makes tells me how happy I make him and shows me all the time how much he likes having me in his life. He says I make him feel important and special, that I am appreciative of all the things he does for me, that he enjoys spending time with me, and says that he can talk to me about absolutely anything and not feel silly or getting chastised about it. Of course he says the sex is fantastic and that he feels he is a much better lover with me than he has ever been with his wife. We get closer every day.

MM knows that he could never have a marriage again without a minimum of emotional commitment and love that we share now. we are still fairly new in our relationship (only 10 months), and we have a lot still to learn of each other. but just a few days ago, he told me what is a requirement in a marriage:
* to want to be with that person when you are away
* to think of them when you see something that reminds them of you
* to know unconditionally the love both share for the other

its the simple things...he goes into a store, and sees something that he thinks i would like...and he buys it for me. he is traveling for a work conference, walks around and looks up at the night sky...calls me and tells me he wishes i was there with him. he knows that we respect and care for each other, and that we are there for each other, regardless of what the future will bring.

He does not say exactly what he feels about me other than he cares for/about me. I think this is a way to keep us on a uncommitted level.

What he does tell me is how our relationship affects his feelings for his wife, that I became the recipient of his romantic feelings. Basically, he said he can't feel affectionate ("love" is NEVER used, completely avoided on both sides) for his wife if he is feeling that way towards me. But this could just be confused with attraction and it is their own problems that block his affection to his wife.

He has told me that he loves being with me/loves talking to me and treasures and values my friendship. It would please me no end to hear him say "I love you" but he once told me that those are very powerful words and he only says them to his daughter and his grandchildren. He also told me that I am worth any time we can have together - no matter how short that may be. He isn't a verbally expressive man at the best of times and I suspect that he is afraid to say what he really thinks about me because I may make too much out of it. He has told me that sometimes he knows he says things to me that are insensitive and when I asked him why he said that he told me that often it is to cover up his real feelings. He's told me that he's afraid of getting hurt too so he just "switches off". In my case, it's the things that are unsaid that are the ones I'd really like to hear from him.

Sorry emerald - forgot to put my name at the beginning. This is my post:

Anonymous - should be DAISY

WHAT DOES MM SAY ABOUT YOU & YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
No score for this post January 2 2003, 12:34 AM

He says that I make him happy and that he loves me like he didn't know it was possible to love another person. He still continues to tell me that we will be together and for me to just hang on. He told me this was not just an affair.

Then: I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I meant everything in the world to him. His life was incomplete until I came into it. He wanted us to spend the rest of our lives together. He said that he wished he had met me before he married his W (doing the math now - too bad I didn't do it at the time), I would have been 14 and him 28. Yeah right.

Now: He saw me through rose-colored glasses. I was not the person he thought I was. That our relationship was a fantasy and he is sorry he ever expressed his feelings to me.

He can't seem to stop talking about "us" and what he's feeling -- he says he thinks about me constantly, and I believe it. He says he wants to be with me all the time, and when we're not together, he sends love notes via email. He thanks me for giving him a new life, and for showing him what a relationship should be like -- he's never experienced anything like this in his life. He tells me I'm the love of his life and wants to be with me forever.

He also can't seem to separate W from family in his mind, which makes long term plans a little difficult

~Jess

He was always very careful to state this was still a friendship, and nothing more. I agreed to those terms, as I did not want a life with him. He did say that he thought about me all the time, "more than I should", and he looked forward to and enjoyed our time together -- even if it was just talking and visiting. This was not a smooth talker, or someone who promised more than he could deliver to get what he wanted. So I believe what little he did say came from the heart.

As you can see, my relationship with MM is very new. I am still adapting to being TOW so my head is still in the clouds somewhat. He says he hasn't been this happy in a very long time. Neither have I for that fact. He thanks me for touching him, physically and emotionally. I believe him and hope to have more, but I met him about a year after he ended the first separation with his W (they were separated 2 1/2 years). When we met, I knew he was married and he told me alot about his other life. He always says that he doesn't think his marriage will work out and he wants to leave, but he constantly talks about what his leaving would do to his two daughters. As a mother, I can understand his concerns. But at the same time, I tell him he can be a father to his daughters whether he is living in the home or not.

Ultimately, I think I will end this before he does, because I don't think he will ever leave his W. And I love him too much to stay for much longer without the possibilities of more.

We talk about "us" not to long ago, He pretty much sees it the way I do, friendship first, sex second even tho it didn't start out that way.

Just yesterday...he told me I was 'amazing'. It is his favorite term for me. When I ask him why, he just smiles broadly and goes on about how no woman in his life has ever loved him so completely, so unconditionally as I have. That I make him feel good, that I make him whole. I am his best friend. That he loves me.

MM says he has never in his life felt like this. Said he didn't know the meaning of love until we met. Says no one has ever loved him for him and not for what he could just do for them. No one lets him be the real him but me. Can let his guard down and be his true self around me. Says his life is worth everything w/me in it. Told my mother we would be married it's not an If he said it's when.

MM and I were at my parents house last week (I know, strange - Mom knows, Dad thinks were a just friends). When Mom was out of the room - MM "copped a feel". I said "You will never get sick of my breasts, will you?"

His exact words...

"I will never get sick of you."

He was never much of a talker about his feelings. He told me he loved me. He told me that I'd still be in his heart in twenty years.

I guess that if he wasn't happy, he wouldn't have stayed.

My MM has been quite honest. He told me I am the balm that keeps his life together. I make his marriage bearable. He thanks God for my presence in his life. He says he is "fond" of me and he has told me he loves his wife. A dutiful kind of love for his wife (he said that). I didn't understand that for along time until now. He is the kind of man that equates being in love and committment . Therefore he never says he is in love with me for it would (to him) mean a committment. HOWEVER aside from all he says, I go by the old adage ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. Through his attentiveness, affection, kindness and respect I feel he loves me.

MM says that in a desert of madness I am his oasis. He says that he has never loved anyone the way he has loved me, not even the woman he married. He says all that he has to give me is this love. Our relationship gives him the peace he so longs for.

How does/did MM describe you and your relationship and the effect you have on him? What, exactly, does MM say to you?

Not sure if he has really given it a description or not. He has finally said after being together off and on for over two years, that he loves me! WoW, Like what took him so long? He says he can't just stay away from me no matter what. We have split up twice in the last two years. He keeps coming back. He says I excite him, that I am exciting to be with, and around. I am usually a very happy person, always with a smile no matter what my problems are. When he sees I am down he tries so much to comfort me. He says Smile, cause this just isn't like you. He says things will be ok, don't worry.
As for my self. I am not really sure as to what I want with him. I do love him and he knows that as well. He also knows I do date other men hoping to fall in love with a SG so I can just let go of him. When I go out on dates, I can't help but think of MM the whole night. No, I don't tell MM that though. I am not sure where MM and I are headed. Only time will tell.

He says that he needs me, he loves me and that it's possible to love 2 people at the same time... (his wife and me different levels). He also says he sees me as a friend and a lover.

We've had many breakups (short periods). In the beginning both of us had said "I love you" to each other.... the most recent "I love you" was from him to me. I did NOT answer him back and he still brings it up asking me to say it... I CAN'T anymore. Not until he leaves his wife (which won't happen).

Well, it depends on the day or how good the sex was...seriously. But for the most part our relatinship is 'just sex.' He says he has no emotional feelings towards me except those of friendship. He denies that this is an affair and he denies that I am the other woman, when in fact this is an affair and by all definitions I am the other woman...denial would be a good word, don't you think?

How does/did MM describe you and your relationship and the effect you have on him? What, exactly, does MM say to you?

From very early on he described me as his "ideal woman". He talked about his past dating/relationship history in terms of there always being something missing. That in me, he had the "whole package"; the person he had been searching for all that time. He seemed to revel in every new quality he discovered. Another tick on his "fantasy" list. It was mutual.

He often expressed frustration that he had finally "met his match", at a time when (for the first time in his life) he was restricted from acting on his feelings. (He had not been married long).

He felt I was a "challenge", a "handfull", "just like him". These are all terms of endearment btw . He said he'd never fallen so deeply in love.

Another quick addition...

In a quiet moment once, he said, I quote: "I guess, I have to be something for everybody... boss, husband, father, I spend my time playing out roles. With you... I can be me".

Since my last post on this topic (See further up), he left her and is now with me full time.

I guess he will never get sick of me, like he said, but he finally got sick of her.

"How does/did MM describe you and your relationship and the effect you have on him? What, exactly, does MM say to you?"

We had agreed to sex and conversation type R. He would assure me, at my asking, that I did not threaten or compromise him and his homelife. He did say that I made him feel the best he's ever felt about himself. He would say things like, "I enjoy being with you so much. "

One night I told him that I loved him (after a couple of reds). He's got an inscruitable face and I thought he looked uncomfortable upon hearing this. He told me later (after we 'ended') he was so upset and he was dying to tell me he felt the same. He couldn't though as it would have raised expectations in me that he thought he couldn't possibly meet (ie leave his W).

He said to me so many times that he knows the man that ends up getting me is going to be a lucky man… he added a few times that he didn't want anyone else to get me though, he wanted that man to be him. After a one week NC he rang me and said, "It was never meant to be like this. I don't want to be without you. I'd like to be the one to make you happy."

A text message he sent, when he and I had 'ended' "I really, really like u. Words seem insufficient to describe the impact you have had on me. All very positive to assist me with challenges of the future. Thanks my friend. xx"

Another text from his home: "I hate being here, I know where I want to be, but I don’t know how to get there." and "You make me happy, she doesn’t"

We didn't see one another for 2 months but we spoke and sent text messages. Speaking on the phone, I asked if we should keep up our (phone and text) contact as it can’t be comfy having secrets and stolen moments… he said he wants to. He stressed that he’s not in the predicament because of me. He’s been unhappy for years. He said, "You are a shining light and showed me alternatives."

He claims he loves me. He says he isn't going to leave her, though. He has 2 small kids, and he thinks that divorce is the worst thing you could ever do to your children (worse, apparently, than lying to them and their mother and cheating on their mother). He also loves his kids very much and says he can't imagine not being able to see them every morning before work and kiss them goodnight every night, which he couldn't do if he shared custody.

He also tells me I should leave him and find a nice guy who is single and can marry me and make me happy. He encourages me to date and has tried to set me up with people. He constantly expresses worry that he is ruining my life (although that hasn't stopped him from actively pursuing me and convincing me to come back to him the 3 times I've tried to break things off with us). Of course, when I finally met a guy and found a nice relationship recently, he tried to act like he was happy for me, but he was clearly miserable. And although he's been supportive and listening to me when I talk about about how I miss my boyfriend (dumped me recently), he's clearly thrilled that I'm back in the affair.

He loves me, he was the first one to say it a few months into the relationship. But it is not only what he says, he is so wonderful to me, his actions show me. But he also says he will never leave his W (but I can dream can't I!?) he could never be a part time dad.
He describes me as his companion in life, I like that. My MM was not very comunicative when we first started (with me orwith anyone) but I am amazed everyday by how much we share and how much he has opened up to me.

he has a hard time expressing himself about the relationship. he is surprised by the depth of his feelings for me. he treasures me and the relationship. his feelings about our future are mixed; in the beginning he was very clear he would never leave his wife, he is now confused I think. Now he talks about not knowing what the future holds, no longer being so sure what he will do. again, I think that stems from his being so surprised that he has come to love me so deeply.

He tells me that I am the only woman he has truly loved with real passion and depth. He has only had sex with one other woman in his life.

He says the most amazing things to me that are far to intimate and private to tell you.

Let's just say that he says that I make him feel 18 again, and he is in mouring since we broke it off. He says he thinks about me all the time. He loves me. He wants what is best for me. He knows that is not him. Not this way. He has proven that his love for me is not only physical. He takes care of things for me, even after we stopped seeing eachother. I have never been loved like this before, and I have never loved like this. His touch, his voice, his presence, I love everything about him. We were able to spend hours just holding eachother and talking and it felt like only moments.

He liked who and what we are together. He likes who he is when he's with me. We click. We're a perfect fit. He loves spending time with me.
I scare him.

He says that, I am the one person and place in this world he trusts completely. I am the person he can be completely open with. I am the source of his passion and comfort. He marvels at how 'real' he can be with me and not fear or put on an act.

He cannot imagine his life without me a part of it, and doesn't know what he would do if anything ever happened to me.

He also says he's sorry, for creating this whole mess, he blames himself. He knows he's hurtng people, he knows we shouldn't, but he loves me and needs me and can't let me go.

He says that he loves me and wants to continue our relationship for the rest of his life.

he tells me he can relax with me, that he has found himself again with me. he tells me that nobody has ever reached him like i have.

part of this may be true, i have seen him change, blossom if you like, he was very insular when we met and now he is open, funny, confident, he credits me for all this.

we have tried to end 3 times, it is easier for me to walk away, but its him that says he cant close the door, the chemistry is tangible.

That he's never had good dreams about his girl...any girl, he's ever been with. He always has nightmares of them cheating on him. But I was the first girl he's ever had a "good dream" about, if you know what I mean.

He told me that he could envision his life with me in a big city, where he would sit at his typewriter while I laid in bed with just a sheet wrapped around me. We'd take bike rides and go thrift store shopping...he'd cook for me all the foods I'm scared to try...reading to each other, moving to France so he could teach, our hipster wedding...and I fit so perfectly right beside him in all of this.

He'd send me poetry by ee cummings and pablo neruda. Spend the night whenever he could.

He asked me to pretend there had never been anyone but him before. Like the Bright Eyes song "First Day of My Life", that's how we were supposed to act. Like there was no one else in the world before and wouldn't be after us, because there would be no 'after' us.


Lying fuck.

We are friends and because I know him way too well we could never be together. He doesn't express how he feels other then he cares about me and will never think any man is good enough for me. He says I know him better then anyone has ever known him his whole life. He trusts me with everything and know I'm his "ride or die chick" and that I got his back.

He told me he loved me and he had never felt as much passion in him life. Although he had to end it, I believe he meant it.