Have you told other people about your relationship with MM? If so, who? Why? How have other people's responses to your relationship with MM affected you?

Everyone knew who worked on the film in Italy. We never hid a thing. I had talked to my friends on the phone and thru email and told them all about it. They were very worried.

Before we left each other to go home, MM said he was worried that my friends would seek revenge for hurting me. He wished I never told them.

I'm glad I did, they were all very supportive and even opened up about their own experiences with MM. After it ended, I opened up to my family, again everyone has been so supportive.

I told one friend about MM, because I needed support. His wife knows, because she discovered the affair on her own. He told one friend of his, because he needed support after d-day.

MM is a cop and ya know how those guys stick together...! His partner, who is also married but is with his latest girlfriend, knows me (we have even socialized together in the past with him and his Ex-OW, who is my best friend). Several of his coworkers know of me because they have either seen us together or he has spoken of me. He says some of the guys figured it out by overhearing some of his telephone conversations at his desk. I mean, good grief, they are DETECTIVES, ya know. Actually I was kind of surprised he was so very open about us at work, but I have heard that cops are notorious for having affairs and a high divorce rate. Could be true, could be not...who knows. His brother also knows about us, and is curious about me, so just told MM to be careful. No one else knows, I think. MM and I are going on our fourth year together.

MM has not actually told anyone, and neither have I. We did get "caught" out one evening together by one of his superiors (not his direct supervisor) who was there with his wife and some friends. The guy obviously had seen MM and me together and stopped MM on his way back to the bar from the men's room, and told us to hightail it out of there before the guy's wife saw him (she and MM's wife are very friendly). MM came back to the bar and we immediately left. The funny thing is a day or so later, this same guy approached MM at work and gave him a compliment about me and admitted that he an an OW of his OWN!!! Imagine that.... LOL.

I told a few friends of mine. They all have been very supportive so in case anything happens, I have a shoulder to cry on. MM hasn't told anyone, but I'm sure people at work all know about us. He buys me coffee and flirts with me all the time. I had mentioned how the others would say about us but he said "I don't care", since none of them know his wife. We did get caught by one of his colleages in the beginning of our A. It was 11 pm, she came up stairs to say goodbye to him and was surprised to see me in his office. We were just talking, but it caught us by surprise and he acted very uncomfortably. She must have figured it out because she never came up late at night again! MM doesn't care who knows about us as long as W doesn't know.

All along MM's best friend and coworker has known. Eventually he became very good friends with another coworker of his (only within the past year) who finally caught on and MM let him in on the big secret. Finally, one more friend of his found out, whod really known all along (especially since right before gettin married MM and this guy had been roommates).

So in 7 years those three other people knew on his side.

For me, i only told my two bestfriends (one male one female) after the fact. Once MM moved out of town, I told a long time friend of mine, who also knew MM. She had figured it out along time ago, but never wanted to say anything.
I told the male friend of mine when he was having problems with a girl he used to date, who he was totally head over heels about even though shed started seeing somebody else (and she was still seeing this friend of mine).

Thats all though... I cant imagine anybody else Id trust with it.

Rain...

My entire family knew. My closest friends knew. I am very lucky for the fact that I have great friends and family who, despite the fact they disagreed with it, never judged me and were always there for me. There was no way I could have gone through this whole thing without them.

everyone in my life knows. For him his sister, mother and wife knew.

My married friends were seriously freaked out by it. Other really didn't say much. I have a strong personality though. People would say "i'm worried about you" and i'd say "don't be". That was that.

His mom wore blinders. His sister was kind of pissy. His wife ingored it for years. and years and years.

They had been married for 8 years when we ended it. We were together for more than 9 years. It was sort of an open secret.

his family (uncle, sister, grown kids etc etc) know and I have met many of them. My family knows about him but we don't talk about him being married. Never discussed.

His employees know about him being MM and mine know about him being my b/f. I have met many of his friends.

My adult children know and approve, all three think the world of MM and would never blab, they have known for years. It was important they knew, I have always been open with them, nobody knew for the first five years. My sisters and one girlfriend know, they live thousands of miles away. I told them simply because they asked if I had a man in my life. Just said yes, he is married and we have been together for X number of years, we are madly in love, he has a child still at home and its my wish he stays till he is older. That was it, no questions, no judgement, they all care about me and are happy just knowing I am happy. We tell nobody close to where we live, many people suspect but we have never confirmed to anyone, safer that way.

My parents know and one casual friend. He hasn't told anyone, as far as I know. My x2b husband suspected and one close friend has asked indirectly whether we are having an A which I denied. One of the hardest bits is deceiving close friends....and wondering if they will ever forgive me for lying to them if it ever came out.

all of my friends know, and close family know. i've traveled to meet his family, so they all know about us as well, and his close friends know.

most of my friends are very cautious, but supportive. we all know that affairs are not unusual, and it happens. they just dont want to see me hurt. my best friend was the other woman for several years, before her MM finally left. they now live together. surprisingly, she has been the one most against the relationship. i suppose she feels that if she had to do it all over again...she wouldnt. the pain wasnt worth the anguish. but she does love him still.

All of my friends and family knew about him. his friends and family knew about me. His W knew about me, but I found out he was still telling her that he loved her and wanted to be with her. The only one that really didn't know was the OW before me.

I really didn't think I was in an affair. I really didn't think there was anything to hide.

I told no one when it was going on. After it was over, I told only one person -- my now husband. A close friend of MM's (a fellow member of our mutual musical ensemble) knew from about the 2-month point. I never discussed it with him, but I know he knew. I'm sure that was a help for MM, but it didn't really affect me that much.

I just couldn't imagine letting my friends and family in on it. I had no problem with what I was doing, within the confines of what it was. I just didn't want friends and family to have to sort through what it all meant. It's not as though MM and I were going to end up together and out in the open, and an explanation would eventually be necessary. And I would have definitely been cut immediately from all the "couples" gatherings I was freely included in as a single girl.

yg

My bestfriend (I had to confide in someone and besides, she would wonder where I had dissapeared). This led to common friends knowing that I was most likely involved with a MM.

Who else knows?

During our affair neither one of us told anyone. The situation was too close - I knew W and he knew H; we had mutual friends and co-workers. His W became suspicious after our affair got physical and she was the one who eventually busted us.

After our affair ended, only his W and my H knew for a short period of time and then when things got really ugly between xMM and me, everyone at our (my former) workplace eventually found out. None of my family knows. I don't know anything else about who he told. Our lawyers know.

My nearest family (mother, father, sister, brother in law) who have decided not to tell anyone else in my family.

I think my mother told her nearest friends and her confessor. I don't think my father or my sister have told to anyone else.

Three of my friends know, I have no idea if they have told someone else and two of them (both men) preffer not discussing anything about it. My other friend (woman) talk to me about it frequently.

At office and his W suspect but they have no certain evidence.

That's what I call a screamed secret.

No one knew at the onset. After my divorce, I told my friends and most of my family knows. They accept it because he makes me happy. He allowed his adult daughter into my life about after two years into the EMR. (W is not her mother) The daughter and I have become great friends. MM has also told his brother. It's as though he is letting the people he cares most about in on the happiness that we have.

EVERYONE BUT, HIS W AND KIDS!!!

My closest friends know as well as a few relatives. Everyone has been amazingly supportive -- they all know his home situation and that he truly is a good guy, and they've seen us together & can see we're meant for each other. Of course having all these people know makes him nervous, but he has told his best friend, who is also supportive.

Heh... well, a close friend of mine knows. And, of all people, my mother knows-- and sort of approves. Go figure. Some of our mutual friends *suspected*, but now they think I am seeing this other guy... which I am not, at least not in the way they mean. My online friends know, but they don't know HIM-- I have a lot of friends online, but my EMA is very much in the real world.

My mom, while approving in a way-- well, maybe approving is too strong a word-- she's supportive though-- just was worried about me being hurt-- but hell so was I...

The close friend who knows-- that's just complicated-- she's only a close friend because she latched onto me years ago and wouldn't go away so I learned to like her more or less-- she doesn't express many opionions that she thinks will disagree with me because she's one of those really insecure people that thinks that if she diesagrees with me I won't like her... actually I'd like her more-- but the point is, I have no idea what her real opinions are, so she hasn't really effected the relationship much, and the relationship hasn't effected our friendship.

My online friends though-- they've been supportive but also given me great advice: "don't do it!" heh. But no one has really condemned or disowned me because of it, or really given me any hassle about it at all. I think they know me well enough to know I'm too headstrong to listen anyway.

My sister knew and after some time I told my mother. I was a MOW, so it was difficult to admit both that I was in an unhappy marriage and having an affair with a married man. Some coworkers suspected and two of my friends knew.

Have you told other people about your relationship with MM? Yes

If so, who? Why? My mother and one of my sisters. Why? Mother and sister knew we were "friends" when I got pregnant I confirmed our emr.

How have other people's responses to your relationship with MM affected you? Both mother and sister have been suportive of it. They both love him and think we treat eachother wonderful. My mother wishes we would get married. He told her recently it's not a matter of If we do it's a matter of when.

There isn't too many people who dont know about our R, down to the woman he lives with!

My best friends and co-workers know. My Mother knows, and at first, needless to say, did not approve, but then, as she got to know him (Yes, he comes to my parents house with me), actually has fallen in love with him, too (not the same love I feel). The ongoing joke there is that she has told him that she will do whatever it takes to get "her" out of the picture! His friends know (most of them are mutual friends we have), and I think his father and sister know. "She" knows because we have been caught on more than one occassion.

Like I said, not too many people don't know.

We worked together and people actually thought that we were having an affair long b/f we were. We were really good friends and joked around a lot. Once we got involved, for the most part, it was just one of those things ~ we knew that our co-workers thought we were b/f we were, so we didn't care.

Other than that, my closest friends knew. I was in love and felt like sharing. LOL! I eventually told my Dad. He wasn't thrilled, but he did come to accept it and finally realized that I was happy, so he was happy for me.

He didn't tell anyone.

He got divorced while we were seperated. I was engaged. Now that we're both single, we tell just about anyone!

"How do you know MM?" "Well, we worked together at X restaurant and had an affair for about three years." I know that I probably shouldn't get a kick out of telling people that, but I was never ashamed and now I can tell people w/o the fear that his W will find out.

The ones who didn't know was his Wife of course and my Family..he actually wanted to meet my family and I told him,as long as you are married you cannot be part of that part of my life.

I met most of his friends,his nephew and his brother,he was not the most discreet of people,but they all lied for him,for us.

My friends (only my 2 dearest friends actually) knew and although I knew they disapproved of it,being my friends they were supportive of me,at the same time when I bitched about him,they said,well what do you expect from a man who is a liar and cheat? They were right of course.

I was his trophy,without putting down his wife or pissing anyone off,his wife his extremely obese,he was always embarrassed by her,he never told me this,his friends and brother did,so he showed me off,dont get me wrong I am far from "babe" material,but I knew I had a way about me and men reacted to it,so he liked to show me off to them. So best way to put it,on his end everyone who knew about me were his male friends and family,for my end just my 2 best friends..we lasted almost 2 yrs tho..amazing how stupid I was

MM hasn't told a soul! Not even his online friends...

I've told my mom, sister and couple of close friends...

Only one of my female friends who's been in this type of situation before. I could not have told anyone else, I feel, without it eventually leaking out. The friend I told gives me reality checks on a daily basis, but she's not judgemental.

mj

Everyone in my life knew we were together and most knew he was 'separated', as we called it. They lived in the same house. His wife likely knew there was someone since he was gone ALL the time, but didn't know who I was. I never met his family, either. His friends all knew.

Here we go (I tend not to think of myself as a blabber mouth but more as a romantic who likes to share her happiness, esp. in love with friends and family):
- 3 friends, 2 colleagues, my family (mom, dad, 4 siblings) Some guessed, others I told.

All of the people who are my friends and are not friends with MM know, and most of them were initially very supportive. Most of them still are, although a few of them have seen what the relationship has done to me over time and no longer think much of him, but they are still supportive of me.

One close friend of mine ended our friendship over it. She took this big "moral high ground" thing after my first weekend with MM and said she wouldn't be friends with me if I continued to sleep with him. I don't take ultimatums from anyone; we're no longer friends. I sort of understand where she was coming from, though, because her mother cheated on her father for 21 years and finally left him, and it had happened right before I hooked up with MM.

MM has no real "friends" - he has aquaintances and is very friendly with them, but doesn't share his personal life with anyone - so there's really no one he would tell about this kind of thing anyway, except his wife who obviously doesn't know.

The tricky part was the small group of friends that we have in common, and a few guys who are close friends of mine but know MM and others who know him. The first group (friends in common) have no idea about us. MM made me promised not to tell them, and I hate lying to friends, but I promised. They have been told that MM and I are "best friends", and I think most of them accept that explanation. One may be suspicious, but has said nothing to either of us directly about it. The second group (2 guys who are my friends but know MM and his friends) do know, and MM knows they know (and isn't happy, but they guessed on their own, so technically I didn't tell them) and has asked me not to discuss details with them. Actually, he's asked me not to discuss details with anyone, because he has this ridiculous idea that all of my friends have nothing better to do than share stories about him with their friends, and so on and so on until it finally gets back to someone he knows or his wife knows. I've limited the people who know details to a select few, and I'm not completely honest with MM about how much they know, because he seems so uncomfortable with it, while I know and trust these people.

None of the people who know him or his wife personally and who know the situation (only 2 people) have told anyone or expressed any negative feelings about it. Most people who know MM dislike his wife, and those who know both of us think we're well suited to each other, so the 2 guys who know about the affair actually were kind of happy for me initially. Now they both have less respect for him, but it's because he's hurt me and not because he's been unfaithful to his wife.

I'm married and having a relationship with a single man - only one very good friend knows, and she doesn't even live in the same country as me.

It is really important to have a friend to talk to who doesn't judge,

I could careless what other people think. I have trouble denyng my feelings because they are so strong. My 2 best friend's know. One is supportive and the other is my reality check they both think I am nuts. A friend from work knows because she's had EMAs and she can relate to me. She' cool with it. My x boyfriend found out and his girlfirned NOT GOOD. They have tried to stir up trouble but I denied denied denied....My MM did not tell anyone at first but lately he's been introducing me to lots of his friend, which I think is risky but guys stick together. A lot of them envy him.

There are a lot of people that know. First off, I told my eldest daughter who was 16 years old at the time. I have told my sister, my mother, and one real close friend who I work with. He has told several of his friends at work and his cousin also knows about our relationship. At first I received some negative responses, but hey have all accepted it and realize how happy I am. Interesting enough, everyone that he has told was happy for him from the start.

we have known each other since i was 16 and he was 32. It just happened one summer and no one knew. He helped me with my homework, and when my car was broke, he brought me to school. In college now and i think people may know that this married government official is not just helping me write essays on Catcher in the Rye anymore. No questions have ever been asked to me directly but I think everyone knows. Scandals are bad and I'm starting to think that to Our families and friends...even pretend Ignorance is bliss...

i've told my friends, but my MM never told anyone. his wife found out eventually, and so did my family. his children don't know though.

Some of you may be surprised but my mom knows.
I love my mother very much and I tell her everything, she is like one of my best friends. I had to tell her and except her criticism and dissaproval. Also I told my sister who is five years older than me. She doesn't completely dissaprove and she doesn't dislike him as a person, she just doesn't want to see me get hurt.

I told my best friend when the A first began over 5 years ago. Then when we broke up briefly (for about 12 hours) 3 years ago I called her in agony, she was so relieved that I couldn't bring my self to tell her we got back together. Since then I have told a friend of mine who lives in Canada and another friend here who was in a similar situation (her man was not married, but he was living with a woman he had a child with). I think many people, especially my sister, suspect (odd phone calls, running off with lame excuses etc etc).
My MM says he hasn't told anyone, though people in his old office suspected. I think his best friend knows, because he (MM) hasn't told me that he has suspected and there have been a few to many close calls for him not to at least have mentioned something.
If my father found out he would just die (or kill him!). He is very very overprotective of me and very very catholic. But the overprotective of me is stronger. When I got divorced my dad was thrilled, he knew I was being abused and HATED my ex-husband. I think more than anything he would be worried about me getting hurt. My mom would also be horrified, mostly because of what people would say.
I don't know, it is just so hard to explain why I am with some one who can't or won't be with me 100%

All my friends, most of my family, my adult daughter knows. His family does not know and I hope to keep it that way for months after their separation. I must say, all my loved ones have alwys been supportive and welcomed him into my family!

secret

There are people that know... and there are people that KNOW...

Those who know the details of who he is are two close friends, my parents, my brothers, and my sister in law.

Those who know that I am involved with a married man are my boss, some work colleagues, and a few casual friends. (these people know because they are nosey and have asked questions that I couldn't leave unsanswered... or tried to fix me up with someone else.)

Two of my closest girlfriends and his best male friend. Of course now his wife.

Several of my friends know about the relationship I have with MM. Some accept it more than others. I just watch who I talk to about it. The subject is avoided with those who don't accept it. My family knows about him, my brother and sister-in-law have actually met him(only because I live with them). At one point when I was really struggling with issues, I talked to my minister about the relationship.

Would be the better question for me.

Everyone knew. All of our friends, his family, my family. He's met my parents, my sisters, my nephew. He was never really a secret in my life, nor I in his.

I guess, in a lot of ways, our EMR was somewhat unconventional. There was never any sneaking around, never any truly clandestine meetings. Everything with us has been always out in the open.

My best friend and my younger sister both know and are very supportive.

I told a friend and then told her it ended, that was over a year ago. He has told no one.

No one knows.

NO ONE ELSE KNOWS! I WOULD DIE!

I once told my MM " I may be your secret, but you are not mine". We live in different states, although he has a place where I live and is here often. Here we are generally accepted as a couple. All of my friends and Co-workers know. Even my not quite ex husband. My family is too judgemental, I tell them nothing anyway.
As for him, Two of his brothers know. One I have been to Vegas with him and MM and numerous other places. Recently he told one of his sisters( with no details on whom). And one of his two best friends know. He says his wife knows, but asks no questions.

Some of his family knew (brother and father, both of whom I met)...and some of his close friends who I have met as well...only one close friend knows the real situation...some of my friends know about him but I told them that he was getting divorced because otherwise they would worry and give me a hard time.

I have told 2 close- close friends- but even they don't know details. He has told his best friend

This girl that he used to talk to (She lives in Jersey and we live in Ohio)He told her. Then this guy that works with C has his suspicions. But ironically, its not about an A between C and I, he just told C one day that he thought I was screwing someone at the car dealership...Haha...Joke's on him...Other than that, no one. We live in a small town that if one person knew so would everone else.....Including my hubby and his significant other.....So just one person really.....

Oh ya, and all you guys now....Hahahaha

My family know - mother was very wary, didn't like the idea at all, could see her own infidelities coming back to haunt her. Brother didn't want to talk about it and still doesn't. Father and step-mom are very supportive and understanding.

Some friends know and the reaction is mixed - some say go for it, others say be wary, others say don't trust him.

Thing is, none of them know him. I'm happy to make my own judgements.

As far as I know he's told nobody.

I had told my close friends first of all. About 4 or 5 people. As time went on, a few more knew. When he broke it off with me for feeling too "guilty" I told TONS of people. More than he realizes. My friends do hate him for hurting me. He thinks ok perhaps 4 or 5 people know but the number is closer to 25. My girlfriend tried to confront him in zellers but he ran away.

For all intents and purposes, he and I are a normal couple when we are on my turf. In the beginning, he made the motions of being secretive but I think that was becaue he thought I'd expect it as much as anything. He's proud to be out with me, so we gou out together regularily, people know where to find him if they have to.
No-one judges. Somepeople have told me they think he;s doing the wrong thing, but not me necessarily. A lot of people love us as a couple, it'll be a bigger shock for him to be seen out and about with his wife than it will be for he and I to be seen.
It's all these reasons and more why I am one 'other woman' who has a lot of faith in the relationship, despite myself.

his girlfriend knows, his sister knows, my friends know, mutual friends of ours know, her friends know, he calls me secretly and we meet secretly most of the time.. but he's been known to call my friends looking for me and talk to my friends about me.. and i'm usually the one to tell his girlfriend.

his girlfriend knows, his sister knows, my friends know, mutual friends of ours know, her friends know, he calls me secretly and we meet secretly most of the time.. but he's been known to call my friends looking for me and talk to my friends about me.. and i'm usually the one to tell his girlfriend.

I am not shy to tell my friends and family. I have nothing to hide. If they think badly of me that is their problem. They all know. A couple of people that MM and I have worked with know. But that is hard considering is mother in law works for same company.

Well 3 yrs ago there was a very good friend, sister, and 3 co workers. but now after 3 yrs i have told everyone that he and I ended it a yr ago. we didn't like all the fake comments and looks.
Ithink a few of his friends know.

That is why I love it here. I am not alone.

~La Negra~

I've told 2 people who I feel confident will not divulge to others. I think he's told no one.

I told my best friend, who is very supportive
I told my sister, who is not my sister anymore, nuf said
My family 'knows', but aren't saying anything until I 'fess up.

He told his best friend, who he lived with during his seperation.
He told his wife, who she told, I don't know

Most everyone at work suspects, but don't know for sure
Except for the one co-worker who caught us, but so far he hasn't said anything.

Hmm pretty much the people who hang out with us here at work... it can have some affect on the R ... since some of the 'guys' overstep by making comments they think is funny... my best friends knows but, none of my family.

The list grew in time. A lot of my friends knew me and MM when we were just friends and were there watching the chemistry and the relationship grow.

Strangely enough my two best friends were involved with MM at the same time - without them going through the same thing I don't know how I would have coped.

My Mum also knew and my Dad soon found out after MM's W rang our house and told him everything one day.

We worked together and most people guessed. They had teased us for ages and soon put two and two together. The frosty silences once he ran back to W soon told them it was over.

Once it was over I found myself telling more people about the situation, I no longer felt the need to protect our secret...or him.

My mom knows. My son. And about 5 close friends. Thats it on my side. On his, one of his co-workers knows and he claims he told his dad but I'm not sure that I believe that.

Have you told other people about your relationship with MM?
Yes

If so, who?
My mom and some very few close friends. As well as my therapist.

Why?
Mom and friends: I felt I had found my soul mate. I wanted to share this happiness with them.
Therapist: had to discuss the pain and torment this relationship put me through (even when it was still just online).

How have other people's responses to your relationship with MM affected you?

Some with more religious views have made me feel guilty, but for the most part the responses were supportive.

My friends know. I come from a family of OW's. So my mom knows, my daughter, my best friends (I have 3).

I have told no one about MM strictly because I learned my lesson. The fewer people who know, the better...

I had a previous relationship online with a cop. I shared my secret with what I thought were two very close friends on the internet. Within approximately a month, many people knew who shouldn't have. It ultimately cost me the relationship as he was nervous that anyone knew.

This relationship has been different. I have told no one and will not other than the folks on this forum. This is not an internet relationship but an actual physical affair.

MM (who is in a miserable situation at home) has told quite a few folks. He is a firefighter and they seem to have this unbelievable bond with each other. Therefore, people could see the change in his demeanor and he told them about his relationship with me. He says they are all happy for him because they could see how unhappy he was and that he had returned to the fun-loving man he is.

I just can't bring myself to share with anyone. I am proud of him but I am more concerned that the secret remain a secret.

NO ONE!

My oldest friend. (We know where each other's bodies are buried.) Her response? Laughter. I'd always been the one w/rules about things like this, so now I see what it's like on the other side of the fence.

My xSO--we still talk, just not about the EMR. But he knows. He's not judgemental. God bless him for his rationality!

My cousin--she's bearded for us once or twice.

A college friend of mine who is on h #3, looking for #4. She's romaticized this to sound like a trashy novel.

I also think my brother knows (he's a drinking buddy of the MM.)

His mother, his step father, his step mother, his father
and my sister but then he separated

My H and son, three on line friends. I should think everyone on our web site knows post BU since one of his "friends" started blabbing about it all over the board (god he must hate her) He told one male on-line friend at the time it was happening and his secretary saw something on his screen and she aksed him if he had something to tell her. It was nice for him to have someone to confide in - and it was the woman he'd had an EA with a few years ago - she is in her own A now.

My good friends and close family know. His secretary definitely knows whether he knows she knows or not. And, I don't think he has ever told anyone due to his feelings of not being a decent person.

I think 1 or 2 of his friends may suspect something - but he hasn't confirmed anythign with them. As far as I am concerned NO ONE has a clue! And I plan on keeping it that way.

When we started our affair, i promised my MM that I would never tell a soul.

Of course, at the time, this seemed reasonable and romantic. Little did I know the cost of this promise (which I have kept).

Because when things went wrong, I couldn't turn to your friends for support and consolation, or even just an objective ear like I could have if they have known about us.

So when things went really, really wrong (as in the relationship turned emotionally abusive), I was left completely without emotional support, coping with a terrible breakup in virtual isolation because i didn't want to break the promise I'd made.

Please, if you're going to have an affair, make sure there's at least one other person that you trust in your life who knows and can be there for you when/if things go wrong. You owe that to yourself!

Everyone in town! Not about him & me, specifically, but that he's been cheating. It seems that his previous OW got ticked off when he dumped her (yea, he's a serial cheater) and so she sent postcards to everyone in town. I got one & laughed! Then I sent it (w/a note) to a website www.postsecret.com where you send your secret on a postcard.

It's kind of funny that I got a card. I didn't tell him though. He's flipping out enough about it.

I have told one person... when I didnt know he was married I told people we were dating then once i found out I told people we broke up.

My one person has been a mistress for a long time and is not anymore but I thought she wouldnt judge me. I hate lying to my family about it and i know they wonder why i dont date someone else right now and have questioned some of the gifts my MM has given to me.

I worry that people at my work will find out and i will be fired so I dont say anything though people know we are friends...

I hate lying!

I feel like everybody knows -- and even when we go away, we inevitably run into someone on the street. Former students in NYC, a grad school friend in Paris, one of his very best friends in DC (THAT was an awful coincidence). He always reassures me that he's not ashamed to be with me -- that he "wants to show [me] off" -- and I wonder how much of his indiscreetness is on purpose. He has introduced me to some of his more liberally-minded friends, but does he expect them to keep his secrets? He'll never leave her. Does he want her to kick him out?

In our small, neighboring New England towns (I work in his, he in mine), I feel like everyone BUT his wife and kids know. His college colleagues (my former colleagues) know. My friends know. My roommates... they're practically IN the relationship, given all they know. Only Wifey is in the dark, and you'd think her radar would be up -- she found out last year and thinks he's been faithful since (ha!). Their marriage counselor is my former neighbor. My best friend's therapist socializes with MM and Wifey -- and knows all about us.

On the flip side, I told my sister after the first year, and she was cautiously supportive. When I found myself pregnant by him, and decided to keep it, I told my sister and parents -- and they were all wonderfully supportive. They truly shone. I miscarried, but they continue to ask about him and hope he'll come to his senses, and come to me. (Rock on, Mom + Dad!)

No one on my side. A few of his friends.

We have a an online group of friends of about 25 people. Ten in that group know we are close and communicate outside of that group. But none suspect that we have met or have a relationship.

Other than the two of us, only one other person knows about the relationship. I told her early on, as I needed a confidant and sounding board. She knows us both as she is part of our online group. She is my sanity on days I need to have girl talk about him / us.

Well.. Not many KNOW for sure, but many do suspect.
I did tell one friend a little bit, early on, but not much. She of course told her H and he told everyone at his work place about the whole situation which got back to her because we all formerly worked for the same company (me, MM and MW)
I work with MM, and I'm not sure if people there suspect or not. I'm sure they do.
My family knows nothing.
His family knows nothing, but may suspect.
His W definitely suspects and accuses constantly. She has no evidence.
My on/off boyfriend suspects nothing and likes MM. ha...

only my closest friend and confidant knows, he is also my ex so knows and understands me inside out. he was concerned for my emotional well being in the begining and didnt understand why i was wasting myself in an A. they have since met and got on well, friend has been a great support through my ups and downs, i really wouldnt have been able to do this without someone to sound off at.
on his side, his business partner knows, mainly so he can cover for him, he doesnt know details, just that he is seeing someone.

My closest family knows, and nobody ever judged me for it. They listened when I talked about it (though I was very quiet about it most of the time), and they even welcomed him into their homes. I am thankful to God that they were there for me like they were.

except my dog I think some people within our common circle of friends had suspicions and some made ambiguous comments at times. That's about it. When I finally broke it off, I informed his wife anonymously. I don't know if anybody else was informed after that.

I have one friend that I told. She does not live near me, and I felt it was safe that he would not learn that I told her. Eventually, I told him that I had told her. I just felt like I needed her support. She was supportive, but also told me I should get out of it if he was not ready to leave. Still wondering if that was not the best advice.

Does 'everyone' count?

BW, his son (22) (from a previous relationship) who likes me very much and has been to my home on many occasion, his daughter (15) from BW, who hates me, his Mother (who called me in April 07 after I had ended it and read me a letter he wrote me begging me to come back, professing his undying love, etc.), his Father, both his Brothers and a Sister-in-law, his friends and his co-workers.

My mother, sister, brother and children.

We've been together for 5 1/2 years.

I was involved in an emotional affair with a MM (I am a MW) for approximately 5 mos... I told only one close girlfriend at first, then it evolved into telling approximately 10 friends at different times along the way. The one time we were together in any intimate way, which solely amounted to having dinner & making out for hours during dinner (I know, PDA is SO wrong!) and afterwards in his car like a couple of teenagers, I asked him if he's ever mentioned me & he said no. He doesn't have many friends he sees in-person and works out of his house, so he doesn't have that face-to-face dynamic most women have with their friends; however, it really hurt my feelings to hear him say that he's told no one.

Everyone knew except a few people who knew his wife. So, a couple of people at his work didn't know. His parents didn't know. But all of our mutual friends and my friends knew. He told his brother.

And my parents didn't know he was married.

His roommate, his brother, lots of his friends and EVERYONE he works with, his 2nd wife has a good idea because he's talked about me to her but never came out and told her everything.

His mom and sisters and daughter from his 1st marriage know about me just not the whole story LOL I'm just his friend. His girlfriend knows about me from text messages shes seen that I've sent but she has no actual proof anything is going on.

As for me,my sisters, brother,4 of my close friends all know the WHOLE truth about him and are all very supportive of me all of them have met him except my one guy friend and my friend I've known my whole life because she lives in another state.
The rest of my family knows about him just not his situation.

My best friend - he's the only person I can trust who will not judge me harshly and will be there for me.

My children know, my mother knows, my ex husband and whoever he has told, my best friend and a couple of co workers. He has told NO ONE! It has been 7+ years!

He never told anyone.

I told the majority of my friends, except for the ones who would cause trouble.

Yes I have told a few people in my life. They seem to understand. Ihave not experienced any harsh feelings yet. I tell them to try to be true to myself. The few that I have told say that everyone deserves to be Happy and if he makes you happy then that is that. Please do not take what Im saying as gold.

A friend at work who is also in an EMR.
Others suspect.
He has a friend who knows about our EMR but not who I am.

No one else knows. No one. That is the hardest part. But both of us agreed to and have stayed true to that.

A friend knows about the R. In fact she encourages it. I have a friend at work in the same situation, she knows. And in the end I think BW knows.