It was funny enough that you had a website dedicated to your disgusting EMA's and now you're writing a book about it too? Bwahaha! Where are you going to put it? In the horror section? Believe me, I'd like to run a wooden stake through all of your cold, dead hearts.

Why dont you tell the REAL side of the story? The dark, disgusting truth about how low you will go to get laid by a married man. How you could give an unsuspecting wife such a fatal blow to her marriage by soliciting or agreeing to an EMA, knowing full well she will have to live with this pain for the rest of her life, and her children as well, just so that you can feel good about yourselves? I don't see how it can feel good to hurt other people, because you are hurting innocent people when you sleep with their spouses.

Tell me how you can delude yourselves like this, by putting yourself between a couple in a real marriage (good, bad or otherwise) so you can be his pretend wife or his best friend when all you really are is just his whore? What's so special about that?

Your love is only as deep as the deception. It's the FANTASY that keeps your affair going, not love. You wouldnt dare tell the W because it very well could mean the end of the A and you might have to go out and find a real man. Gee, that could be tough! Do you think you are better for the MM because you think you love him? Are you sure it's love?

Are you my MM's wife? Cause you sure sound like her!!!

I don't defend what I have done- I can't. I'm not proud of it. But how easy it is for you to marginalize me, to call me a whore, to think the worst of me. To assume that I pursued your husband, that it was all my idea. That I am constantly plotting ways to get him away from you...

For me, that's not the case. I never thought I would ever be "the other woman". I'm not proud of that title. But that title alone does not define who I am.

I am a good friend, one who is loyal and trustworthy. I am a professional who is good at my job, hardworking and dedicated. I am independent. I am proud of my accomplishments- of getting a scholarship to college, of finding a job in the field I have always wanted to work in, of buying my own home. I am proud that I am a strong, single mother... even if my son's father is already married.

I have no dellusions about who I am, about the circumstances of my life. Can you say the same thing?

If things were so wonderful at home, if you were in fact such a good wife, would your husband have gone looking for another? Because I didn't pursue him... HE came after ME.

Your relationship is based on lies and appearances.

Do you have children? Is he staying in your marriage for you... or them?

Will you ever be able to trust him again, knowing that he has successfully lied to you over and over again? Knowing that even now you probably don't know the whole truth? And knowing that he has room in his heart for another woman?

You'd like to say that it's all about f*cking, because it can't possibly be love. But the reality is, I have spent more time talking to your husband about things that matter to him then you will ever know. I have become his confidante, his lover, his friend. And yes, his refuge from you.

And as for that f*cking... at least when he is in bed with me, I know that he is with ME, because he is escaping you. Can you say the same thing?? Where is his head when you are in bed with him?

Before you go about launching accusations at people you don't know... take a look in the mirror.

I DO feel sorry for you. I would never want to be you. And I hope that I never am. Because when and if I get married, I want it to be to someone who couldn't even imagine being with another woman after having been with me. In order to do that, I have to be honest with myself and that man in order to be sure I am not making up things that aren't there.

Don't think that just because we are OW we aren't worthy of love. You don't know us. If your marriage was so secure, if you were such a good wife, you wouldn't be seeking out boards for "other women".

F*ck You b*tch! That's the very reason I'll continue sleeping with YOUR husband. BTW, we have great sex!!

who knows how God plays game like sudden big storm devastation.

I wasn't the one who wrecked your home. He did, please place the blame where it belongs. I didn't seek him out, I didn't chase him. I just happened to be there when he needed a shoulder to cry on, a friend to talk to. You weren't. Or perhaps he thought you wouldn't be.

Maybe you were too involved in what you thought were your "wifely" duties; cooking, cleaning, keeping up appearances to the neighbors & your friends. You weren't there to hear his deep fears & secrets. I was. I still am.

We don't talk about you, by his choice. I'll admit, I'm curious why he married you but runs to me.

Yes, we have sex. Wonderful, uncomplicated, creative, sensual sex. He's said that you don't like having sex w/him. (Do I believe him? Probably not.) Is it because you were mistakenly led to believe that married sex must necessarily be boring & routine? Give him a chance to pleasure you. You may find that you enjoy it.

Try listening to him when he talks. I know he's sometime reticent, but if you really listen, you'll discover what he really cares about. Don't think that the ring on your finger means that you don't have to pay attention anymore.

It may seem that I'm blaming you for the breakdown of your marriage. I'm not, really. It is his fault that he didn't feel he could confide in you. It's his fault that he decided to seek me out instead of turning to you.

Just remember, you get to wake up next to him every morning, I don't.

dont you think that sometimes it may be his sickness. Afterall life is in long run. I know many ppl have great time and sex when they marry or new in relationship. Then it fades out with more responsibility. we always are curious in new things. It is not like he does not love his wife, May he is lying to you to get attention. He has attention disorder. Some therapist say that some men dont want to take responsibility. They like flirting more and think that they are just perfect. But it is not. Somebody has to point out them
what wrong with them in real life. Life is not just physical relationship(like wild animals) .
Human life has many other things in reality. You need to remember sex is not everyithing in human life. That is the difference between human and animals. There are many more things in life.

POW,
May be he takes you to dinner and that is the reason you listen. it is kind of buisness deal.
JUST THINK of urself as his wife. I would never want to be OW at the cost of somebody's wife's and children pain. Dr. Phil said that You get so much cursed from his children. It is kind of
temporary happiness, never lasts.
JUST THINK OF IT. it is my humble 1 cent..................

You know, most women don't plan to be in an EMA - wee actually abhor the idea in principle. I wonder what % of women in EMAs are first told by MM that he is "divorced. divorcing, separated" etc. and fall deeply in love and then the truth gradually slips out.

Most women I know (OW and otherwise) believe deeply in marriage and the importance of commited relationships.

The ranting in this posting sounds exactly like my MM's wife -- harsh and judgmental and hurt, but she'll never get over it until she forgives herself for all the pain she caused the marriage by her rigidity and withdrawl. She HATED him until she found out that he was involved with/in love with someone else (Me) -- then she set out to destroy MM's & my relationship, even through their divorce process.

She may win, after all. So sad.

La belle traitresse

we are not all homewrecking hos as u put it. Ive got several of my own kids and am more of a professional than W had ever wished. Most importantly my xH had an A and hurt our family as well. But looking back xH's A was a symptom of a terribly irretrivably damaged marriage which wasnt working for either of us. Affairs are a symptom and not the problem.
go back and figure out what YOU did to have this happen. And once you are done with that why dont u just acknowledge YOUR failure and move on with your life rather then trying to hold a man who may, just may not want to be there with YOU

NOTCED,
I am sorry but to say what you call "Deeply in love" is just infatuation in time(many times).
Ging to other place secretly is kind of enjoyment and attraction for many men.
Can you forgive urself?
Just marry and wait for some time what happens.
I can asusure you will start hating same way.
You are listening one side story.
You didnot listen his WIFE. Then you cannot forgive urself not
even his children in whole life.
That is more painful, to be hated by others.
I am not saying it always happens , IT HAPPENS.

WTE,
Dont generaize your problem with other. How many R did you break up? did you succeed
for long time or you ARE AFRAID to marry. READ ALL POSTS.


YOU put your life in fire game, you will burn urself someday.

ASK those who take drug, DO THEY HAVE CONTROL or simply they dont REALIZE what they DO.


BETTER you think of yourself "WHO I AM, AM I DOING RIGHT THING?

I see many posts here they say MM and she are deep in love and MM wants divorce and is in processs
problem. AND then says until MM sorts out problem with W over finance, I am not going
to support him. What does it mean? SIMPLE, when it comes regarding loosing money or material
gain, she can cut off her DEEP LOVE. IS THIS REAL LOVE?

LOVE IS SUCH A THING , PPL CAN DIE FOR IT.

I would be amazed at your delusion, but I have experienced my own self deception and I know how it feels when a Married Man supports a distorted view of things. Therefore, I understand your situation, logically and emotionally. For your benefits, I offer the following observations about you:

1) You love someone who lies to you everyday. That person is your spouse. He lies to you as he lies with you.

2) You defend him, and treat his Other Woman like she is the cause of your misery, when your spouse had the power at all times to make the "right decision," turn around, go home to you and never to return to his Other Woman.

3) If you are the spouse of one of our Married Men, you are unable to see that you are in the same situation as the Other Woman. You and she both love someone who is selfish, who deceives you, manipulates you and refuses to change his behavior.

4) Your anger toward the Other Woman is a symptom of denial. Your anger is misplaced. Your anger keeps you from embracing an understanding of your spouse, the OW, yourself and the situation all three of you have created.

5) Apparently, you think you are unable to take the initiative that has arisen from your spouse's infidelity and change your situation for the better (whether that means changing it for yourself, your children, your spouse or all of those).


Deluded Wife, you have had the power all along to improve your marital situation. Slinging insults at Other Women, who situation and circumstances you refuse to comprehend, is absured. Your lack of composure is disgraceful. The absence of compassion in your thoughts, words and actions is sad.

My free advice to you: Change your perspective; come down from your perch on the moral high-ground. Then, when you've seen all there is to see from all sides, change your life for the better.


With hope that you will heal and find peace, I remain,

The Other Woman

Dear Eluding othwr woman,

Hoepfully I am not. but only see your mental truama here for your own cause.
TRhe cause is you dont know who you honestly are and face the whole life. I am sad for you that you only see the present prt , the very this moment.

You cause your own pain for greed for material, you forget each and every sense of humanity here.

Therfore we see this attitude, I pray for you that you will get all
human senses at the monet of crush in evry sense.

"WHAT GOIES AROUND, COMES AROUND".

I defend as you try to defend vaguely. It is your misery that you dont recognize and learn a LESSON. I see you as revengeful, nothing more.

Dear eluding OW,

I forgot to mention that OW in our lives came for too much greed and got
kicked off like ball.
Now her life is bullshit and very afraid to find another. As she told me because
she is afraid if she gets kicked off. She knows her fate now.
I am very happy that that she opened her eyes what is meaning of life. One son is drug addict, probelm with job.
She only knew the ellusive world with man's body and sex, nothing more.

" THIS IS NOT LOVE, THIS IS ELLUSION . FANTASY" ---- never makes a person happy.

deep: Think. Do people put themselves in bad situations because they consciously WANT to hurt or hurt others? Typically, no. Whatever the reasons are that a Married Man runs to the Other Woman, I doubt that he's trying to hurt the people he loves. The Other Woman didn't begin a love relationship with him because she wants to hurt Married Man or his Wife.

The fact that you are unable to grasp the reality of OW's situation is understandable if you have not, in fact, been in her shoes. Have you ever loved someone who is married? When I say loved, I mean, the kind of love you share with another person to create a partnership, a romantic love and touches the core of you, the love that is the crux of a long-lasting relationship.

That kind of love, by monogamy's dictum, is reserved for one partner; marriage is a billboard to the world, showing all and sundry that these two people are monogamous. Without having filled the role of the OW, I doubt that you can grasp the depth of guilt, anguish, confusion and fear that OW experiences when her emotion, her love, coalesces against the grain of our society's expectations and mandates.

No one is saying OW is "in the right" by contributing to a MM's infidelity. Animosity on the part of people, like you, who refuse to look at OW's side of the coin puts the OW on the defense. OW's response may be to sling negativity back at you. She needs understanding, forgiveness and love.

OW has no way of expressing the injustice of her circumstances. No one listens to her. She is automatically the scapegoat for all of the wrong done in EMR's. Our culture as a whole says she is in the wrong; MM helps her shoulder the blame when he leaves her to return to his spouse.

If you would exercise a measure of rational thought and think the OW's situation through, you would be moved to understanding and empathy.

To understand is to accept; to accept is to heal. MM and W have the privilege to finding solace and healing as they rebuild or leave their marriage; OW, equally, has the right to heal and rebuild her life in the wake of an EMR's destruction. Your negativity assists none of these parties in that endeavor.

i shall never never do such mistake in my life hurting others. instead from the beginnging, i shall have courage to tell him not to be involved myself. If any day, I hear any such thing, I shall break the relation becaus eit breaks somebody's home. I dont want that responsibility.

I have power to control myself instead and I am sure about that. I pray to give me that control.

Yeah, yeah. Been there, done that got the T shirt with whore in big red letters.

She and her friends hounded me and called me this in public on our website. What's it all about? Clearly we are NOT whores. Do we get paid? We are lucky to get a lunch date or a few gifts. Do we do it for the sex? Hell no - it's too intermittent and we could get a SG for that.

Actually we do it for love. Yes we sleep with them and check out the sex thread to see how good it is. The whole point is that it's good because we are LOVERS which starts with LOVE. We love these MM, give up our lives, leave our Hs and endure pain and betrayal because we have such love in our hearts for your MM. Love that if you had it in your M he would never have sought elsewhere.

It's the cheapest shot you can use. It means nothing. In fact : if you are sleeping with your H because you need the money to support your lifestyle - well who is the whore now?

Not sure how unsuspecting a wife should be to the possibility that her husband would have an affair when she herself has refused to have sex with him for 6 years. This is a man who would have been content with his life if he had recieved some physical attention from her. Now hes way past being content with less then he deserves. And I am very happy to be the one to give him what he wants. The best lover I ever had. Her loss. My gain. And now he wants it all with me. And I may just take him up on it.

I am sorry that your husband cheated on you with a woman like me. More than likely she didn't initiate the relationship, in fact she probably ignored inuendos and invitations for a long time. Unfortunately, she was probably a good friend and someone you would have liked if you knew her. Unfortunately, she got caught up in you and your husband's crazy web of deceit, empty shell, psycho marriage. Hopefully, she got out and is healing her wounds and is GLAD that your weak husband is not her husband. I feel sorry for you and her because you both have to build up your self esteem and not base it on him. Hopefully for him, life Has HAD consequences for not talking and working out problems with his wife. And, I can't help but say, you do not sound like the kind of woman a man would want to open up his heart to. There REALLY are three people in an affair - like it or not.

Dear BS

You and I have a lot in common. I too was a W, mother and loved the same man as you. We share more then u would ever want to know. Let's just say we are a symptom, not the disease. My MM was and I believe will always remain a serial cheater. Im only the most recent in a string of EMAs he has had his whole life. And whats worse he cant stop.He doesnt even want to stop.
Because before me there was his nurse, then the head nurse in the ICU and before her the nurse during his residency. He recently told me that he was even cheating on u while u were pregnant with jr, with a nurse who happened to have herpes. Dont worry it was mostly oral and he wasnt infected and he said he stopped it before u delivered the baby genius. So perhaps in his mind he was good to u, I dont know. I look at him now with new eyes, knowing that if he were ever to be mine he would cheat on me too. variety is the spice of a mms life isnt it. That and opportunity because u see no matter what lies he tells u or me, no matter how much he pleads,begs and is really really sorry, the inclination is always there and even if I werent here, someone else would be- and in his sick, twisted view of love and marriage- fidelity isnt a part- so there u have it
its not me, Im no one and anyone. His inclination is always there, its simply a matter of opportunity-. Think about the next time u think I was your home wrecker.

What on earth makes you think that this man "who loves you" won't do this to you? You have terrible morals, you had a choice and should have said NO.

You are not part of the sisterhood of women, and don't ever think you are. You did a terrible thing and caused much pain. I hope you feel an inkling of what you did to this family. Judgement day will come.

Yup, I am a homewrecker and I am proud of it. My man was married for 30 years. Has 3 kids and grandkids and lied to his wife about me. Now he is mine. He is still married but he is mine. I am so happy about it I can scream. Maye I shouldn;t be proud but I am. HAHAHAHAHAH Write to me and tellme what you think.

The_One_He_Runs_To wrote:

>I don't defend what I have done- I can't. I'm not proud of it. But how easy it is for you to marginalize me, to call me a whore, to think the worst of me. To assume that I pursued your husband, that it was all my idea. That I am constantly plotting ways to get him away from you...

It's really not a question of who pursued who. For that were all that important, would it matter who plans a crime and who simply helps to execute the plan? And even with that, is there ever a case where someone is purely the pursuer and the other is purely the pursued? Of course not, not if we honestly consider our roles in these relationships. However, that possibly the most glaring problem of all in these situations, that those who are responsible for particpating in them are rarely honest enough to fully accept the resonsibility for their own actions.

The truth is that while you are not responsible for the married man's behavior, you are responsible for your own behavior, and no matter when you discovered that he was a married man, you became completely responsible for your actions that contribute to the continuation of adulterous relationship.

Felicia wrote:
>F*ck You b*tch! That's the very reason I'll continue sleeping with YOUR husband. BTW, we have great sex!!

A complete lack of remorse and acceptance of the pain you are causing does not excuse you from responsibility for causing that pain. Many abusers, murders, and other violent people have reacted similarly, as if their acts are fully justified because of the behavior. Although it surprises them, it is no surprise to us that they are prosecuted and convicted of their crimes, sometimes to the point of excution. The crime is real and lieing about it does not erase it or diminish it.

Proud_other_woman wrote:

>I wasn't the one who wrecked your home. He did, please place the blame where it belongs. I didn't seek him out, I didn't chase him. I just happened to be there when he needed a shoulder to cry on, a friend to talk to. You weren't. Or perhaps he thought you wouldn't be.

The MM certainly is responsible for his behavoir, but you are also responsible for yours. Rationalization and deflection may help you feel better for a while, but ultimately the crime you have commmitted will demand it's justice. The only question is when that will occur.

deep wrote:
>It is not like he does not love his wife, May he is lying to you to get attention. He has attention disorder. Some therapist say that some men dont want to take responsibility. They like flirting more and think that they are just perfect.

If his behavior (or yours) is due to a [mental] sickness, then the proper thing for sane and responsible person to do is to seek help on behalf of the ill person, not take advantage of his sickness in order to gain a temporary boost in self-esteem. The truth is that an other woman taking advantage of a mentally ill man is not only comitting adultery, but she is also doing it by taking advantage of a disable person. A better course would be to help this person by informing his family of the problem and directing the man to appropriate resources for his sickness.

Not CED wrote:

>How Judgemental
Is it really judgemental to point out that the acts are hurtful. No, but making such an offensive remark to put the victim on the defensive is an often used tactic of criminals, including adulters. It's dishonest and unfortunte, but there rarely is a person who can acknowlege the wrong they are doing without first assuming humility.

>You know, most women don't plan to be in an EMA - wee actually abhor the idea in principle. I wonder what % of women in EMAs are first told by MM that he is "divorced. divorcing, separated" etc. and fall deeply in love and then the truth gradually slips out.

Failure to plan to have an affair doesn't make the crime less hurtful. A murder that occurs without premeditation still leave orphans and widows, just as one that was planned. There might be some room for easier reconcilation if the murder is contrite and remorseful, but that would first require they find humility and acceptance of the hurt they have caused.

>Most importantly my xH had an A and hurt our family as well. But looking back xH's A was a symptom of a terribly irretrivably damaged marriage which wasnt working for either of us. Affairs are a symptom and not the problem.

Adultery is not a symptom of bad marriage. A bad marriage may create a circuimstance that allows the seeds of adultery to grow a person's heart, but the many, many people handle bad marriages in constructive ways that edify and educate the marriage partners to improving their marriage. The bad marriage arguement is just another rationalization and excuse for avoiding accepting responsiblity where it belongs... squarely on the shoulder of the adulterer.

Mighty Aphrodite wrote:

>Deluded Wife, you have had the power all along to improve your marital situation. Slinging insults at Other Women, who situation and circumstances you refuse to comprehend, is absured. Your lack of composure is disgraceful. The absence of compassion in your thoughts, words and actions is sad.

Marriage situations cannot be improved when a third person has chosen of their own free will to invade the sactity of a marriage. However, I do agree that the third party can be removed if both spouses agree to remove them. It is very easy to do. Yet there are many affair partners who will not leave when asked and more extreme steps are required.

Yet this response follows a common, but wrong perception of many affair partners. An affair is not an indication of the quality of the marriage. Many fully repentant adulterous spouses have testified that their affair was not driven by marital problems, but by personal deficiencies and weaknesses.

>My free advice to you: Change your perspective; come down from your perch on the moral high-ground. Then, when you've seen all there is to see from all sides, change your life for the better.

I think this is advice that you should be willing to take as well as to give. Many affair partners rationalize their involvement in an adulterous relationship without first examining the motives of their own heart. The lust for attention, sex, romance or any thing that should not be accepted from a married person is a common selfish motive associated with adultery.

Mighty Aphrodite later wrote:
>Think. Do people put themselves in bad situations because they consciously WANT to hurt or hurt others? Typically, no. Whatever the reasons are that a Married Man runs to the Other Woman, I doubt that he's trying to hurt the people he loves. The Other Woman didn't begin a love relationship with him because she wants to hurt Married Man or his Wife.

If the affair partners would CONSIDER for a moment who they might be hurting through their actions, then they would probably not do those things. However, to CONSIDER is to be CONSIDERATE, which is an act of unselfishness. They CHOOSE instead to not CONSIDER those things (i.e. be INCONSIDERATE), which we know is the act of a selfish person. You may be able to justify your actions to yourself by saying "I didn't mean to do it", but ultimately the question is "What did you mean to do when you were enjoying sex with a person who is married to someone else?" because the act of removing clothing or allowing it to be removed, then assuming the postions of sex is deliberate and intentional.

>Animosity on the part of people, like you, who refuse to look at OW's side of the coin puts the OW on the defense. OW's response may be to sling negativity back at you. She needs understanding, forgiveness and love.

The other person in an adulterous relationship does not DESERVE forgiveness. No, forgiveness is the right of the offended to give, if they wish. The give it for thier own reasons, and it is a gift. If the other person DEMANDS forgiveness (i.e demands a GIFT of GREAT VALUE), then they are probably not going to get it. On this forum, the onous is not on the offended partner to GIVE forgiveness. It is on the person who participated in the adulterous relationship to assume a contrite and humble postion for the hurt they caused.

Just checking

Ok, it looks as I can post. So here it goes.

The dark, disgusting truth about how low you will go to get laid by a married man. How you could give an unsuspecting wife such a fatal blow to her marriage by soliciting or agreeing to an EMA, knowing full well she will have to live with this pain for the rest of her life, and her children as well, just so that you can feel good about yourselves? I don't see how it can feel good to hurt other people, because you are hurting innocent people when you sleep with their spouses.

I was married at one time. H had affair. We divorced. It does not hurt. Seriously: it does not hurt! If you going to have pain for the rest of your life and live with it- good luck in your pain- it is what you choose to do, so- enjoy it. Your pain is not my problem as my pain is not yours. Yes, wining the man I want to be with will make me feel good about myself. Because it will change my life to the better. Yes, I finally will have some one in my life. After we divorced, I have been single for 10 years. While you were married and were using all benefits of being married. How come do you see it fair? Do you think- you are better and entitled to more happiness? I don’t think so. You soooo like to be married. It feels good. Your needs getting met. Good to have needs! Your children have a father. You have some one to take care about your problems and pick you up from your misery- how good it must be! Well- guess what! How long you were married? I assume- some what over 10 years? Good for you! Now is my turn! Now- you try to be single, start dating, and you go and try to find “single” man for your needs, children and what ever else you need a man for. I am going to be married now, and enjoy every second of it. With your H? No, darling. He is going to be MY husband. And I deserved it. I have been working on finding him for 10 years, struggling with life, while you had everything one can wish for. You thought- it will last forever? Nop! Life is a B***. You had it for a while- now- let some one else be happy. Did you care about my pain I had for 10 years, while I was single? No you did not. You had it all. Now- I want to have it all! Do I hurt you? Well- you are about to end up where I was for 10 years. Was it hurtful to me? You don’t think so? That means- I don’t hurt you. We just switch our places. What is good for me- is good for you too. Oh, I can feel your lost! It must feel good to have some one’s worm behind in your bad night after night after night- closeness, connection, sex any time you want it… You know- I don’t have sex when I want it. I have to make arrangements. So- I am thinking- I am good enough to have sex every night too. And your H is doing pretty good job with it! So- I am thinking- I will take him. What? You have a problem with it? “Oh, don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it to me! It feels so good to have a man at home! Wake up with him every morning, cook him a breakfast, pack him lunch to work, iron his underwear and dream about him coming home for a dinner… It feels so good- I am doing it for last 10 years and I can not get enough of it! Oh, please, please, don’t ruin it for me!”

That is most pathetic expectation you have from a world I ever heard about! So- according to you- it is ok for me to be single, because you having such a grate time being married- I should not ruin it for you, because it will hurt YOU to be SINGLE?

<<You are not part of the sisterhood of women, and don't ever think you are. You did a terrible thing and caused much pain. I hope you feel an inkling of what you did to this family. Judgement day will come.>>

The sisterhood of women, huh? You aren't keeping up with your card carrying duties in that sisterhood. Where were you when your husband was lonely? When he needed someone to listen? When he wanted companionship? When he wanted someone to dine with? Hmmmmmmm????

Maybe if you had noticed that the guy who keeps the bank account florishing, mows the lawn, takes the kids to Little League, etc... was a warm, loving, affectionate person that occasionally needed someone to be there for him - he wouldn't be in love with me and divorcing you.

I did nothing to your family. You and your spouse did that. Judgment day will arrive, but I'll have no regrets and nothing to apologize for - I will have given love and been loved. Can you say the same?

Listen you, maybe if wives like you shut up and kept your man satisfied they wouldn't stray. And that works for married men as well because I got sick of wishing my husband would be passionate with me, kiss me deeply, want to make love more often. My married man and I go at it like there is no tomorrow and we don't feel guilty about our stolen pleasures.

I've been with a mm for 6 months now and the whole situation has me confused. In a way, I see both sides of this forum:

1)If a wife is truly a wife to her husband...a good wife...then she doesn't deserve to discover her husband is cheating on her.

2)On the other hand, I can not fathom how a "wife" thinks she can be selfish, into herself, never cook, never clean (leaves the house so dirty that he has to come home from a full days work and clean and cook himself dinner),refuses to have sex with him for over a year, yet actually considers herself the victim when she discovers he's cheating on her (this is the situation I'm in and for anyone who is thinking that my mm is lying to me about how she really is...I actually know his wife well...which is another reason I feel guilty)

Anyway, in my case (as with many of the OWs here) he made the first move. I could have (and as I think back...SHOULD have)said no but for whatever reason I did not. After the first time, I thought it would never happen again. Of course it did. I can not say I've been proud of this. It has affected my sleeping (sometimes I would actually have nightmares about the whole situation). I am smart enough to know that this is a result of my conscious working overtime to send me the message that what I'm doing isn't right. I've tried to break it off several times with my mm and he refuses to accept it. I should have been strong and insisted but once again, I did nothing. Now, I find myself in such a terrible situation. I am in love with him (or at least I think I am), I'm used to the times we spend together, and it's like if nothing else we are such good friends.

Even though I know this has to stop, deep down I don't want it too. I feel angry and resentful of his "wife" who has treated him like sh*t for so long and now that she realizes he is possibly cheating (she just suspects) and how she may be losing her lifestyle (he make s alot of money and he's generous) she wants to say "Ok, I'll try to change". Which she has said several times before but nothing changes.

He asked her for a divorce and she's refusing (typical of her). Even though I've gotten so used to him, I told him I think we should end it. Once he gets the divorce (and time will tell)and if I have not moved on yet then we could give it another try.

I just feel bad about the entire situation because even though she brought this on herself I should have still said no to him in the beginning.

There is no "acceptable" reason for being involved with someone else's spouse. To gloat about being a part of an affair is absolutely bizarre--the pinnacle of immaturity--and truly, all of the justifications for being an OW would be hilarious if they weren't so obvious and pathetic. Has anyone actually noticed how similar all the affair stories are? Tweak a few details here and there and it's one big lame drugstore novel.

Just keep trying to convince yourselves of whatever it is that helps you get to sleep at night...

"Just keep trying to convince yourselves of whatever it is that helps you get to sleep at night..."

Do you mean similar to the way that BS's convince themselves that their darling husband could have NEVER loved the OW as much as they loved them. How COULD they love anyone as much as the "wonderful, caring, giving, virtuous woman" that they married? Sorry, but if my husband stepped out on me, I would take the hint that for whatever reason, he didn't want to be with me- and not desperately try to reconcile.

Well, I look at it this way: if I were knew that we were meant to be together I would make it happen. I wouldn't be a martyr over some lame "star-crossed" lovers drama. Nor would I string another person along simply for a little excitement on the side under the guise of "the classics": finances, the children or public appearance.

Unhappy in your marriage? Get some counseling and if that doesn't work then get a divorce. Attracted to someone claiming to have a spouse who "doesn't understand" him or is a miserable bitch or whatever bad thing perhaps true and perhaps false that they can think of? Ask yourself why you'd want to be with someone who doesn't have the decency (or the balls) to take the proper steps necessary in order to have a normal, out-in-the-open relationship with you. It's not exactly rocket science.

<<The dark, disgusting truth about how low you will go to get laid by a married man.>>

That I am the most honest and deep relationship he has ever had, we spend 100 hours of time just chatting for each hour we do in bed and damn he is amazing, best I ever had or ever will.

You, his current wife lied and lied to him. You moved in with him within a week and faked orgasms for 6 years. Pretended to like sex and everything he did. Said you were on the same page as far as wanting no children. Loved the same outdoor activities he loved, and that his sexuality was wonderful.

Fast forward 10 years, you hate sex, forced children, won't do what he likes for vacations, threaten with divorce regularly, promise to take all he has and give him no contact with the kids, put him down in front of his friends, call him a freak for how much he wants sex and discusting for graphic sexual comments and wonder why he no longer enjoys sex with you???

And oh, you say he is lying about all this correct? Guess what I am married too and my husband is just as much of an ass as you are and you know nothing about it just like you. But four more years both of your will be free to date. Get over it and get on with your life, I will even set you up on your first blind date, he only needs 2 minutes of your time twice a month for sex. You would be very happy together.

Try being more honest with the next man and it won't be so bad.

Wow it is amazing to see the pot calling the kettle black!

Most of the OWs here are soooo convince that the BSs are just bad wives automatically. Don’t forget that 90% of these MMs STAY married to these bad wives. Do you ever think that the MM is thinking that you are good enough as the OW but not good enough to be his wife? To be seen in public with? To be accepted as a couple in REAL socialities?

And so what if the BSs are unfitted and unloving wives? You have NO rights whatsoever to come into someone’s marriage no matter what the story is. Yes it does take TWO to tango! So if the MP has no respect for him/herself, you can at least respect yourself enough NOT to get involve with a MP.

The real reality is the MM is looking for a new piece of ass on the side and the OW is hoping to “trade-up”, plain and simple. Don’t bullshit me with the love and soul mate shit because if there is such thing, then the success rate of the marriage between cheaters would be much higher than 3%.

HEH, he came after me. He worked very diligently to have a relationship with me. Since we are no longer together, I have found out that he is well...would you say sick? He preys on vulnerable women and turns on the charm. He screws as many of them as he can. Usually its only a short little affair, mine however lasted 16 months. Why, guess i was convenient or maybe he couldn't figure how to get out of it since we work together. Home wrecking whore...no, just a fool lead on by his lies. Definitely also something/someone he needed desperatly at the time and I don't mean sexually. Where was she when he needed her, all wrapped up in herself as usual.

I hate myself everyday because I'm in love with someone else's husband. I miss him and have no right to do so. I've met her and she's so wonderful. She's kind and a good mother, friendly, intelligent and gorgeous. He never says anything bad of her, he loves her. But he also says he loves me.

I'm not cut out for this. But I can't pull away for I have never met anyone like him before and I love him, but I hate him for letting me know he loves me. I would never have told him you see. So now I know what I'm missing and what I can never have, or only for a few nights within a few months. I'm having a lot of trouble living with the guilt but can't stop reading the postcards and messages he sends to me. I think of him just about every hour of the day.

If anyone thinks this is fun or gets a buzz from it, well I just can't understand that. This has made me unhappy from the day it started.

Although many of the OW on here are mean to the wives and "gloat" about their EMA, I can say I am not the same way. But YOU are the idiot that would still want to be with H after hearing about all the stuff he does with other women when you aren't there. WE'RE the whores? You're the needy "woman" who can't take care of herself, so you put up with his shit. YOU make it easy for him to cheat. THANKS!

Why are you trying to blame anyone but you and your husband for the failure of the marriage? You need to look at your marriage and your choices to figure out why he needed someone else. Maybe you did not do anything wrong and he is just a selfish man who wants to be with another woman. If so, it is not the OW fault he is selfish. If he is selfish, I think you knew about well before you married him and thought you could change him. Take a good inventory on the choices you made in this so called marriage that you are desperate to hold on to and tell me him cheating on you is any surprise!!!

Not all of them are HONEST about being married and we start to suspect too and get the same excuses that you get. what do you expect us to do ? I AM totally in love with someone I suspect has lied about the nature of his separation. I have not gathered the proof I am dealing with the pain of the realisation and the fact the future HE had discussed with me is based on a lie.

Do i tell her Do I go to her and say what your husband broke my heart and you need to know he is doing this .. do I do that to save another person falling into his life? He says there marriage is over he does not love her but he SHOULD have been honest about her. If you have nothing to hide HIDE nothing.

From my end all I can see is that he will have excuses and lay the blame at my feet and she will be more than happy to make me responsible than deal with him just for the sake of not facing it

what do you suggest people like me do regarding the wife ?? If all my suspicions are correct she can keep him

I feel extreme guilt for how my actions have hurt people. I think one of the most important things for the MW to know is that we "homewreckers" don't start out with evil intent.

In my case, your H pursued me (single no kids). He pursued me romantically and avidly and I wouldn't have touched him with a 10 foot pole had he not assured me that his marriage to you was dead in the water over and he was getting out. I would never, ever have pursued him knowing that he was a MM.

Of course, that's not the way things worked out. MW found out very soon thereafter and has made my formerly sedate life a living hell in numerous ways. I didn't want to be drug through your muck of a marriage but here I am.

I feel victimized as if I had been set up by your spineless H to sever his ties with you because he didn't have the guts to do it himself. And now that I've served my purpose, he has returned to you because he is afraid of what you can do to him. But he flirts with me daily and gives me those puppy dog eyes because he misses the happiness he found with me. Of course you see me as the perpetrator. I will never understand.

I wouldn't touch your H now for all the tea in China, now that my life has become so sickly intertwined with the two of yours. He's a coward and you're a bitch and you deserve your pathetic shambles of a marriage you've created. Just keep me out of it. I miss my unchaotic life.

My mistake, my lesson learned the hard way. If I could rewind, I would never have gotten myself here.

That the sleazebag MM pursued you and lied to you is irrelevant. You didn't have to say yes. You could have said "Come back when the divorce is final."
It's difficult to feel sorry for anyone who doesn't get this.

Again, it's not rocket science.

I have severed the ties with your "sleazebag" H - completely and without room for question. As I said, I learned my lesson.

I have blocked him from IMing me. I have told him I do not feel any more sympathy for his bad marriage. I have told him I never want to discuss it again.

Yet! He continues to email me from your home (I never respond). He still comes too close to me at work, making comments about how I give him butterflies, how he misses me, touching my arm when no one is looking (I jerk away as if he is rabid, mind you), and looking at me as though I hold the key to all happiness in the universe.

Your problems with him were there BEFORE me and remain AFTER me...BECAUSE your problems are NOT me. I was merely a temporary symptom.

As I told your H, it may not be ME next time, but it WILL be someone. He doesn't want to be married to you but doesn't have the balls to cut and run. So keep your sham of a marriage and your "sleazebag" spineless H and live miserably together forever but don't be surprised when this happens again. You can blame it all on the OW, but deep down you know it is not her that is your problem. Put the blame where it belongs.

It is, indeed, not rocket science.

Regardless of the state of the marriage, the responsibility for the fallout of the affair rests squarely and EQUALLY on the MM and the OW. The MM is a self-serving, sorry excuse for an adult and the OW is a fool.

Good for you Michelle, for turning your back on the MM and seeing him for what he is, but don't for one second think the fact that he lied absolves you of any responsibility. All it does is make you a fool. The heartbreak/misery/angry wife is part of what you signed on for when you decided to get involved with a married man.

LOL Michelle, you sound pretty angry at this Sleazebag MM!

Hmmm... Is it because he stays with the wife that he professes to hate? Is that what makes him spineless? Because he didnt stand up for his whore? LOL! I think the sleazebag here is you, because you wanted it all and you were disrespected right alongside the BW. You got just what you deserved. She never did a damn thing to you except that she was married to your cheater MM. So, I guess that I will just put the blame back where it belongs because you are a lousy no good tramp. You have prooven just how easy it is to get into your pants, so of course he is going to keep calling you and using you for sex because thats all you are worth to him. Get it?

LeslieMelanne
February 24 2006, 6:01 PM

Yup, I am a homewrecker and I am proud of it. My man was married for 30 years. Has 3 kids and
grandkids and lied to his wife about me. Now he is mine. He is still married but he is mine. I am
so happy about it I can scream. Maye I shouldn;t be proud but I am. HAHAHAHAHAH Write to me and
tellme what you think.


I think you are a juvinile and pathetic little pea brain.

You sound like a two year old... Mine! Mine! Mine!

He is yours based on lies and deceit, you have won by cheating? You only just screwed yourself, Leslie. You havent put the screws to BW because you are still on the outside looking in. Loser.

You screwed yourself out of a R with a person who could have given you everything you ever wanted. Including marriage. The lies go both ways. Everybody knows that cheating is a two way street. Im sure MM will tell you anything you need to hear to keep his fuck buddy's attention focused soley on him. So, the next time you spread your legs for MM, I want you to think about the fact that this is as good as it is ever going to get for you. LOL. What an idiot!

Its apparent that you have been hurt terribly by the actions of your spouse, and as a human being I can feel sympathy for your pain. I don't feel the need to attack you because of your volitale post; I wasnt having an affair with your spouse and you are entitled to your view.

What I will not do is accept your view as gospel. I didnt seek out my MM and I didnt encourage his behavior. Our relationship - and that is exactly what it is - grew out of friendship and a deep loneliness on his part. He has been married for 20+ years and the love and friendship left some time ago.

I also will not accept you defining what love is for the two of us. Being lovers is a part of our relationship but there is is certainly more to it than sex. We choose to talk to each other everyday and spend time together whenever our lives permit it because we care for one another. Its not all cloak and dagger bs about getting laid. I reject your characterization of our relationship as a booty-call.

Two people are responsible for making a marriage work and two are to blame if it fails. And be certain of this, something was broken in their home before he came looking for me; therefore I reject the notion of me being the "homewrecker" that ship had sailed.

"He has been married for 20+ years and the love and friendship left some time ago."

Then why didn't he leave right along with the "love and friendship" and run to you where you could both enjoy the benefit of a public relationship?

Oh yeah...the kids, the house, the potential financial ruin. Please...isn't your love worth more than "stuff"?

I am not the one breaking a promise to "love, honor, and obey" etc. It was his decision to make and his alone. While I can not deny that I wanted him I did not push, pull, or manipulate him into this relationship. He had realized before me that he was not completely satified in his marriage.

Sometimes people get married for the wrong reasons or to the wrong person. Consider this: perhaps my involvement with him is what is allowing their marriage to continue. I am providing a piece of his life that his wife cannot (and no, I do not mean just sexual gratification). Does this justify our behavior? Of course not. But I have little doubt the marriage would have ended by now or in the not to distant future had I not been there. While there is still deception and betrayal he is happier, I am happy, and she is happy being none the wiser. Not an ideal situation but it's working for now and I have no plans or desire to take over the wifely role.

The crazy justifications are amazing.

Just how does having an in-the-shadows "relationship" make a marriage endurable? It aids in destroying it. The only one it benefits is the MM (and the majority of OW's who delude themselves into believing that their role is more meaningful than that of a secret sex partner).

And anyway, why on Earth would any self-respecting person find it acceptable to be hidden like a bad habit? I really don't understand this at all.

It was funny enough that you had a website dedicated to your disgusting EMA's and now you're writing a book about it too? Bwahaha! Where are you going to put it? In the horror section? Believe me, I'd like to run a wooden stake through all of your cold, dead hearts.
>>cold dead hearts? Yikes. Sounds like you are the one with a Cold, dead heart.

Why dont you tell the REAL side of the story? The dark, disgusting truth about how low you will go to get laid by a married man. How you could give an unsuspecting wife such a fatal blow to her marriage by soliciting or agreeing to an EMA, knowing full well she will have to live with this pain for the rest of her life, and her children as well, just so that you can feel good about yourselves? I don't see how it can feel good to hurt other people, because you are hurting innocent people when you sleep with their spouses.
>>Innocent people? How tuned in are you to your marriage? Your husband's needs if he is having an EMR?

Tell me how you can delude yourselves like this, by putting yourself between a couple in a real marriage (good, bad or otherwise) so you can be his pretend wife or his best friend when all you really are is just his whore? What's so special about that?
>>Now one wants to pretend to be his Wife. Obviously you are not his best friend - as you should be "Good Wife". You would prefer to remain in your bad marriage? GET SOME SELF-ESTEEM!

Your love is only as deep as the deception. It's the FANTASY that keeps your affair going, not love. You wouldnt dare tell the W because it very well could mean the end of the A and you might have to go out and find a real man. Gee, that could be tough! Do you think you are better for the MM because you think you love him? Are you sure it's love?
>>Can you question if another person is in love or not? I don't think so ma'am. Would you have prefered the OW contacted you and told you? From the sounds of it, you would have BEGGED your husband to stay with you instead of having the decency to tell him to go to hell for cheating on you, lying to you, deceiving you.

I think the real problem is that you are so insecure that you need SOMEONE to put blame on. It's ok. We're built tough...go ahead.

Happily involved...for now...

Homewrecking whore. LOL. That's funny. Especially since I tried to end it 6 mos ago and he begged me not to, telling me that for the first time in his life, he's truly in love. I realize there are two sides to every story, but he proclaims that he never loved you, that he married you because he thought you'd be a good mother, and also because of the guilt from an incident that you two decided upon together, that he has regretted and kept buried for 20 years. I'm glad you posted this here, cuz I can take out some of my frustrations on you. (Forgive me in advance, but what the fuck)

YOU are the one that takes him for granted. I've seen it first hand. You don't support him in anything he does. You don't seem to appreciate a single damn thing he provides to you. I am the one he comes running to when he needs to vent. I'm the one he comes running to when he feels down and needs a shoulder. I don't discredit what you do. I know he travels a lot and it's left to you to take care of the house and kids. But do you cook him a homecooked meal when he does come home? Do you listen to him vent about his day and the way his boss won't leave him alone, even on the weekends? Do you go with him to do any of the things that interest him? Do you support him when he's trying to lose a couple pounds? Or do you sabatoge him and accuse him of having a girlfriend each times he tries?

See... I didn't go after him. He came after me. I ask him for nothing, but he gives me everything. You expect everything, and soon, will have nothing.

Way to take responsibility for your actions.

No matter how awful they tell you it is at home, they probably don't sleep on the couch and they usually don't leave their wives. His continuing to be with you should be telling you is that he is a coward, it is not a measure of his devotion to you. It has everything to do with his inability to say no to free sex and he'll keep telling you whatever you want to hear so you'll give it up. If he really loved or cared about you, he move mountains to be you, his "soulmate". Really, is it that hard to figure it out?

Actually I would dare tell his wife... it wouldn't end the affair, it would end their marriage. You look at this backwards... sorry your husband found fucking other women more enjoyable than being with you. But if you want to blame some one in affairs how about the married person? You know the one that vowed to do all those things such as love, honor, cherish. The other woman never made a single one of those promises to anyone. She owes the wife nothing. If a wife wants to keep her husband then she better be a good wife, and she needs to make sure she didn't marry a cake eating ass. Sure there are some dirty sluts that get off on mm, but most women in affairs end up there because they fall for a wonderful guy that well as the saying goes all the good ones are taken. so get off your high horse. If you were attentive to your husband, if you gave him what he needed, if you were not a fat ugly bitch all the time raging with hormones he might love you and leave the mistresses along, but clearly with the way you show up here spewing your nasty comments and opinions your husband sees you the same as we do, a miserable angry bitter pig. Our cold dead hearts? Funny if you talk to the unhappy married men, usually they mention something about their wife being a cold fish in bed, or an ice princess, or the worlds fridge bitch seem to pop up together. Which one are you? Get a life and stop hunting the other woman. The other women have been around as long as time, in fact in other time periods they were actually expected. 100% monogamy for life is a lie. Sure some people can do it, some people can go their whole life with out sex, but most people cannot and do not. Sorry honey your religion and society lied to you. It's not completely your fault you just bought into the lovely fairytale. Many people think that you meet a man, you date, he pops out a ring, you get the dress, the big day, you start having babies and happily ever after you live... Not the reality of life. It's not the 1950's. So grow up and find something to make you happy. I'll give you a clue it shouldn't be a man. Try standing on your own two feet and and seeing the whole picture in life, not just your ideal world. Take off your rose colored glasses, something like 60% of married people step out on their marriage (women included). Go check out the facts. This is something most people do at one point or another, society just still makes everyone feel bad and keep quiet about it. It's right up there with teen sex, we as a society like to claim it doesn't happen much, reality most kids lose their virginity by age 16. So get out of the closet go read some statistics learn what is really going on in the world, not what society lies and says is going on.

"they fall for a wonderful guy that well as the saying goes all the good ones are taken"

You're not serious, are you, because this is a pretty stupid statement.

Actually dear I am pretty serious, stupid or not. Most other women do not end up there because they are like "hey lets go fuck some ones husband today." It's not like they wake up and go "yippie lets be a home wrecking whore today!" It's a matter of they fall for a really great guy and yes he happens to be taken. We don't go hunting married men, sure some women do for their own mental reasons they need to address with a shrink. I hope like hell you find yourself attracted to the wrong man someday, weather he is married or not, just the wrong person at the wrong time. It's people like you that don't seem to realize not all of us are fridged bitches that have no emotions and can turn off what we feel. If you want to slam women for acting on these feelings slam them for that, not for having them. We do not have control over what we feel if we did, then you should be ashamed of yourself for having such hatefully unchristian like feelings toward the other woman. (It seems most of you wifes are bible thumpers). Seriously if your going to slam my post at least find something worth slamming, not one comment that you didn't like the sounds of.

First of all, don't call me dear. Second of all, I won't slam you for having those feelings but I will gladly slam you for acting on them. Just because you feel something doesn't mean it's OK to do it. Honestly, why is that so hard to understand?

p.s. Christianity has nothing to do with my position. Not being an imbecile, however, does.

Oh, and is he the "wrong man" or is he a "wonderful man"? Which is it? You've confused me.

Well dear, I shall address you as I wish. It is not hard to understand that your not suppose to have affairs or cheat. But apparently some where along the way it must be awfully hard to stop these things from happening, since they are so common. Look through history, monogamy has never worked well for anything other than oppression. So suck it up. The other women is here to stay, they will never go until society address the bigger issue of marriage and its only semi successfulness. It's been fun, but I have answer all I wish on these boards and will now be on my way. Maybe you should start or join a support board instead of hanging out here trying to get answers from the kind of women that fuck other people's husbands. Honestly we are just like you and everyone else. Scary I know, just ordinary everyday people, never know who is sitting next to you in church, or who is in line in the grocery store, or the person at the water cooler at work. Honey I hope you find the answers you need, but most likely you will not find them here nor will you find justice or get the closure you need.

P.S. I'm sorry you confuse to easily.

After I ended it with MM I searched the net for weeks trying to find support for TOW. What I found were 500000000 sites for the W and MM to rebiuld thier marriage but nothing for the other woman. This is the one site that offered support to TOW/M. My MM broke my heart and I needed support from people that understood what I was going through. I was already in deep when I found out my M was an MM and ended the R not long afterwards. Blaming TOW doesn't fix the primary relationship, it just shifts the blame. Flame your husband, not the woman that are trying to deal with what is a highly confusing, rollercoaster ride. Leave us alone and work on your relationship so he doesn't have to go elsewhere to be satisfied.

No one choses to fall in love with a married man. I did not purposely go out to hurt someone. I met a friend who was married and yes it turned into an affair. just don't think it is so easy for us. we get your leftovers. You get him every day, you have his name all we have are just minutes which are spent looking at the clock and looking over our shoulders. We are not good enough to meet the family or friends. we are a dirty little secret that is hidden in someones bedroom. Before you point your fingers at what whores we are look at your husband. We would never be with him if he had not wanted us to be. In many cases as like mine it was the mm that did the chasing. Yes I knew it was wrong and I tried to leave many times but I always ended up back in his arms. Why ?not because I am a person of low morals but a person who had the misfortune of falling in love with someone else's husband. Love doesn't look at wedding rings. if it hadn't been me it would have been someone else. We are not bad people just women who make the mistake of falling for men that don't belong to us. We pay a high price too so before you look down your nose at us remember it is not fun to be always second best.

I am a BS, and after reading the postings, I feel sorry for everyone involved. There is so much hatred, anger, confusion, lies, along with lots of fantasies, and is it really worth all this?

My husband and I are trying to work through this and repair our marriage. Not because of kids (ours are all grown), not because of finances (everything is paid for), not because of security, (we both have good jobs and could quite easily live apart)but because we truly love each other. Yes, he got off track,yes he made a mistake, he is human, just like the OW's are human, just like the BS's are human.

I don't hold the OW responsible for his actions, never have and never will. That doesn't mean I like her or would consider her someone I could be friends with. Not at all. I pride myself on morality and character (raised in military) and I don't associate with people of her ilk.

My husband was not looking to "replace me", he was hurt and chose the worst possible way to express his anger. He is a good man, and has shown me in many many ways, how sorry and remorseful he is.

I will say that when I read about how a OW/OM was at one time a BS, and they STILL chose to become involved with a person who was married/commited, I can't believe it. How, after KNOWING the pain associated with an affair can they do it to someone else? That part baffles me.

I am a BS, and after reading the postings, I feel sorry for everyone involved. There is so much hatred, anger, confusion, lies, along with lots of fantasies, and is it really worth all this?

My husband and I are trying to work through this and repair our marriage. Not because of kids (ours are all grown), not because of finances (everything is paid for), not because of security, (we both have good jobs and could quite easily live apart)but because we truly love each other. Yes, he got off track,yes he made a mistake, he is human, just like the OW's are human, just like the BS's are human.

I don't hold the OW responsible for his actions, never have and never will. That doesn't mean I like her or would consider her someone I could be friends with. Not at all. I pride myself on morality and character (raised in military) and I don't associate with people of her ilk.

My husband was not looking to "replace me", he was hurt and chose the worst possible way to express his anger. He is a good man, and has shown me in many many ways, how sorry and remorseful he is.

I will say that when I read about how a OW/OM was at one time a BS, and they STILL chose to become involved with a person who was married/commited, I can't believe it. How, after KNOWING the pain associated with an affair can they do it to someone else? That part baffles me.

I told him to tell the W and he did, and then he left her for me. not all MM are going to cheat and then try to cover up their EMA and live the rest of their married lives like that!

And i agree with the_one_he_runs_to. OW doesn't define who we are. We are human and in need of security and love just like everyone else. I hadn't slept with anyone before my MM and I haven't since. We aren't necessarily whores. I accidentally fell in love with someone who had fallen in love with me and who was prepared to bear the brunt of our actions and leave her for me. We don't mean to hurt people, it happens and it just can't be reversed.

Your love is only as deep as the deception. It's the FANTASY that keeps your affair going, not love.

While contemplating a response to this post, I sensed your anger, frustration and hatred for the OW. Don't you believe that your marriage is a deception andf a fantasy that everyone was happy and things are OK? Did you ever listen to your husbands concerns that certain needs were not being met? It is so very easy for you to retaliate at the OW as it enables you to hide from the REAL problem, YOUR MARRIAGE.It must be very painful for you as well as everyone involved, but you need to focus on self improvement, not tearing OW down.

You think the marriage is a fantasy, then by contrast that implies that an AFFAIR is reality?

Don't make me laugh!

Is that what you have with MM? a real relationship based in reality? Becuase I think that by sharing him with his wife without her knowledge (to keep the upper hand) is certianly an unfair advantage, but that by no means makes you anymore special, or real, or better than his BW. It just makes you a married mans whore and nothing else.

Everybody knows affairs arent about sex, its about selfishness and lack of self esteem.

You people have it in spades.

I'll put it more simply for you ignorant morons out there. Crawling into a married mans bed does not make you a wife. You are and always will be the OTHER woman. An outsider looking in to a life you will never have. How pitiful is that reality. Your so called soulmate is married IN REALITY to a BW... and every day MM goes home to his real-life wife, in his real-life house, with his real-life kids, while you are alone and cant call him (or be with him) during his time with her, without consequenses to your fragile affair for as long as the bullshit lasts.

or maybe until the kids graduate high school, perhaps? lol

You cant be honest and live amongst us in the real world because your little secret would be exposed and the little fantasy will come to an end very quickly.

This lack of self respect is stunningly obvious when OW put themselves IN COMPETITION FOR A MM vs HIS OWN WIFE in the bedroom, it just shows a limited intelligence. Its obvious that you know nothing about life except from a dingy bedroom view of it.

Ha, wow. Not the place for that, I think.

This is a perfect example of the many double standards in society...the woman comes between the man and his wife. It's her fault. That is supreme bunk! There has to be quite a large space between a man and his wife before another woman can enter the picture. The OW isn't wrecking the marriage; it was wrecked long before she arrived. Had it been whole, there would not have been an EMR.

My H had an affair so I suppose that makes me the BW. I just don't get the misplaced anger directed by BW's or OW when it is the MM who is the catalyst. Sure my marriage was in the doldrums, after 22 years together you expect some doldrum times, and yes I tried (oh God how I tried) to get H to talk about it, to fix it. But, he just stuck his head up his a and we drifted, no not drifted we tidal waved away from each other. Sure we laughed, hugged made plans for our future, but while we both loved each other, the in love part of our R had gone.
I suspected and bluffed and he admitted. I said if he was happy and loved OW then he should leave. We would work out the unravelling of our life, but I wouldn't make it difficult. I have money, am secure in who I am and didn't 'need' my H, but I still loved him - enough to want him to be happy if that's what he wanted.
I should say that we had always promised we would tell if either of us wanted a R with someone else. Hmmm. I decided I would give us another chance, he decided to end his 8 month R with OW with a text - It's over.

I find that incredibly cruel, I told him to meet with her and talk and that she had done nothing to me, other than be an accomplice in my pain. He says he woke up and when he saw that I cared he realised just what he had been doing and was ashamed.
I spoke to OW and felt sorry for her hurt. OW phoned me a few times and I tried to get H to speak with her so she could have closure - he refused.

2 years down the line I refuse to allow him to bad mouth OW. I would have preferred had he been in love with her - but although I have almost wished him to say this, He cannot and will not. It is just so sad that our lives have been changed for a fling - I am not saying all R's are like this. Just my experience.
OW has verified all he has said, they have never spoken since. I did not tell her H and dont understand OW who tell BW, lashing out in their pain to hurt someone else is just pointless.

We are now fantastically happy, more than that we are in love, he is back to being who I thought he was and we are loved up. It is just so sad that it took an A to get to this place.
I don't think that the OW should be the target for BW or vice versa. It is the MM/MW who has this responsibility.

I think BW and OW have far more in common than we like to think. Her version of our life was so different from what it was.

I read TOW as it is interesting from the other side so to speak. I wish us all love and light.

We, OW are not homewreckers, for if yours was a true home, your H would not be out looking for what you are unable to provide for him. It is not all about sex, in fact, sex plays so little of a part. It is about communication, loving and fun. My MM and I have a good R, except for you. Maybe you should be the big girl and leave. You know he did this before and you still did not change, well you changed for a month, then back to your old cold ways. The family has said it, the friends have said it and the MM has said it and on top of it all I have witnessed it first hand. He is staying for your children, and you are being the fool not us.