Hi there, i have to say im so glad i stumbled upon this site. Ive been feeling so down about my situation and guilty about being the OW that it's been so helpful reading about other people's situations and not feel alone.

This is quite a long message so, im sorry for the length, tried to make it smaller but couldn't!

Im 28 and my guy is 37 and we both work in the same office, however he is only there a few days a week so i don't get to see him very often as he works from home the other days. He isn't married but he's been with his partner for 10 years and they have a 3 year old son and she's pregnant with another baby due next month.

The A has been going on since Sep-06 and he was always the one chasing me years before but I didn't do anything about it as i knew he was with someone else and then when they had their first child i felt gutted but thought "well that's it" but he still pursued me.

He always says the right thing and from the start i didn't know what to expect, i didn't really want to think about it to be honest. i think part of me needed to feel desired and wanted by someone and he was doing that. I obviously have low self esteem but can't seem to get myself not feeling it.

Over the last 18 months i have just gotten worse and worse. At one point he eluded that he would have to make a big decision then 2 days later he said well me and him is never going to happen, his son was only 18 months old and that he's not willing to give up what he's got. Which just completely floored me as he'd told me that he loved me first and made out that it was more than just an A, that he loved everything about me. I was obviously devastated by this but just tried to get on with stuff and then he just kept emailing and texting me and managed to get back with me and was even more loving as he was before and kept telling me he loved me. But nothing about leaving his partner.

The last year has been a real mixture of waiting for emails, texts, constant worry and slowly being obsessed about when im going to see him next. Ive finished things about 3 times and when i found out about his partner being pregnant well that was awful and i knew that was it then, but he managed to get back again (tho i guess i keep taking him back so its not all his fault). I've been wanting to leave my job for so long (as don't really enjoy it anyway) but ive stayed because of him as ive been worried he'll forget about me, which is so pathetic i know. He did say tho that it would be better if i did get a new job so that it would be easier to meet up, I responded to this by saying, "how can you expect me to get on with my life if im constantly thinking about you" He knows how i feel about him, i've told him that i've fallen in love with him when i finished with him the last time, yet again, things have started up again. He doesn't want to finish things, but the nearer it's getting to the 2nd baby being born i feel so rubbish about everything, and i know he's not going to be able to see me and prob won't want to (or certainly have time to). I don't know how to be with him, cos the more im with him the more im falling for him but it's so hard seeing him at work and i know the reality, i just find it hard to accept as we have such a great time together and he's so loving to me that i feel we do have something and if i go then i will be giving up on something?

I feel worse at the moment as i wasn't very talkative to him at a work do last week and i didn't respond to his texts and when i emailed him the next day about 3 times, he didn't reply to any of them and so i text him on my way home saying sorry for not being talkative or saying hi, and i got a very curt reply of "yep, no probs, have good weekend and cu next week" maybe i read too much into this but i can tell he's not happy with me and it makes me feel so rubbish. I hate it that he's annoyed at me. He always says that i take things to heart and yet he must know that that text would make me feel crap and upset. if he's mad at me not replying to his texts then i shoudl be mad at him all the time as he doesn't always respond to my emails/texts yet i don't give him the cold shoulder? He's made me feel so guilty and horrible for this.

i know that i have such a lack of confidence in myself and need to get it back. I used to be interested in so much and enjoyed doing other thing but i seem to have lost all interest in anything that doesn't involve him. I know it's not healthy and I need to do something. Im thinking of moving back to my parents and saving money over the nxt few months and then going off travelling for a few months/year? I worry that im running away, but i just feel like i need to get away really. I just know that i'll miss him and my parents live in such a small town (that i hate going back to) that i don't want it to be worse? I just don't think i can stay at my job any longer with him being there.

You are not the only one that feels this way. I am sorta in a situation like that. I try to tell myself that it is okay because he is not married. But who am I fooling.
I am a pretty confident woman myself and I cna hold my own. MM is not even a guy that I would see myself with. I was truly looking for a friend. In the begining I encouraged him to try to work things out with his family. But to get to know him and how he pays attention to me and my needs and wants drew me in. I have been in relationships before and he just takes things to another level for me. I try to tell myself that I understand what he is going through. But I don't know what his home life is like. He tells me all of these things that are wrong but I don't know that this lady is giving him so many problems. Hell I know when my Ex left me I was not. I had just had our second child and i guess he was just not happy. So I find myself feeling bad for his Lady at times and on the other hand I tell myself that someone did it to me. Now I feel like I am giving him to much mind power over me. I know that I need to end this but I think that I am falling in live with him. This site is a great place for me to vent things out.