ok.. so the title may make you think one thing. I can deal with that, but the reality is the same that people on here are saying to some extent.

I am on the side of being in one box, but looking for the other part or parts of me. Where that has led me over almost 20 years is through many EMRs with different types of wonderful ladies, (well, not all of them were wonderful), but interesting relationships and almost always over time, they cool into really close friendships. When I saw the ad for some movie where the actor was a serial adulter, I almost understood. However, I would say I am a pretty normal guy, not a hunk or anything, and I have experienced love and craziness, anger, fear, distrust and lots of really intimate friendships through my experiences. So I have figured, if I am who I am and have probably had 15 EMR's or more in 20 years, then WOW, there must be a LOT of EMR's out there. I am also almost certain that for the women I had/have EMR's with, I have not always been their only one either. In some instances, I know I wasn't the only one (maybe at the time) and that was part of what worked.

You see, when you have an EMR with someone, depending on your personal philosophy and makeup, ie..whether you are the guilty type or not, you most always WILL have the potential to be more intimate and open with your EMR that with anyone else. Why? Because you're both doing something that no one else knows you're doing. You BETTER trust this person with your secrets or you've picked the wrong person to begin with.

So if you've been selective, I've found, and you meet and choose someone who you can/could really care for, think is cute/great/funny/smart etc.., you by default are going to pick someone you feel you can confide in because besides baring your skin to the other person, you have a need, most of us have the need or want, to bare our souls/dreams/ideas/fears and feelings as well. I mean, THEY are having the same affair you are, so.. there is something seemingly rare in your life that you now share with another person. That is a great way to gain a confident and a friend.

We can talk about what makes relationships, specifically EMR's go south, but honestly, I've never had one go south on me. I've experienced a wide range from, her husband finding out and calling me to her being nuts and getting mad because I couldn't be there every time she needed me and ending it, to her just being nuts and me wanting to run like hell from her. I've also fell in love a couple of times to the point where we had to cool it or it could have blown up our lives and we survived by cooling it to just friends.

There are two main things we are all looking for in EMR's and that EMR's provide that traditional relationships don't: sex and friendship, usually one or the other or both, without pressure. EMR's fit the bill here and I believe they do a lot better than open-marriages or full blown hedonistic persuits because having something that isn't in your face like an open marriage might be, would keep other emotions in check about your self-worth and competitive jealousies that don't have to be involved in EMR's because it's just you and the one other person and your own little cocoon of happiness (or passion).

So if you just want sex, an EMR is perfect - and if you need/want friendship without pressure, EMR's are really good for that as well. (and there are reasons I believe). But the one big key I think other successful EMRs may agree with is that it's better to have EMR's who are in similar situations as yourself, in my case, married almost 20 years, 3 kids, a mortgage, etc.. and my best EMR's are with similar friends. I can imagine (because I've experienced) trying to have EMR with someone who doesn't really understand your world to begin with.. I don't think that would work long term. There again.. maybe you're a short term lover...? I seek long term relationships and with people who "have as much to loose" as I do and it works very well thank you.

Now, if there were an eHarmony for married people to help us find our EMR soul mate!!! LOL (nope.. ashleymadison.com isn't it..)......

could be continued...

R

I should put a disclaimer that AshleyMadison.com is not all bad because I did meet someone I never thought I would meet on there, but I would say she's the only one and I was lucky.

What that site lacks is something like this where people can really talk and post and learn about each other and their situations.