my thoughts

by Mary


I wish I had a strong willpower but I don't. And I know there is always a better answer to a problem other than suicide. I also know tomorrow can be a better day but that doesn't help put a smile on my face. It's not that I'm thinking there's no other way out. I'm just thinking it would be a pain free way to be. I cannot make the pain I'm suffering go away. I keep crying all the time because the people that I love most can't be here with me. And I need to heal from what my ex did to me, but it's not so easy when I have to look at his face all of the time but it does help some not living there with him anymore. I really don't want to die, I just get wacked up with my problems. I believe the future will be alot better than today. And I hope I can hang in there to see that happen. I know I can change alot of things about my life that would make me like it better. Maybe in time, it would help me like myself better. I have a very low self-esteem and seriously lacking confidence in myself. I sure don't need anyone else to put me down because I can be the world's best at doing it myself. I hate that. I'll be okay though I think. Thanks for trying to help but depression isn't very easy to get over. And neither is smoking. I know cause I've tried to quit but failed and failed and failed.

Posted on Oct 19, 2003, 10:06 PM

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