You know your Australian ifJanuary 25 2012 at 9:08 AM
from IP address 188.8.131.52
You know you're Australian if ...
* You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.
* You think it's normal to have a leader called Julia.
* You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something legal such as watering the garden.
* You're liable to burst out laughing whenever you hear of Americans "rooting" for something.
* You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.
* You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'.
* You believe the 'l' in the word 'Australia' is optional.
* You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.'
* You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
* You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'.
* You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.
* You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.
* You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.
* You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'.
* You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread. You've also squeezed it through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms.
* You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.
* Beetroot with your Hamburger... Of course.
* You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again' And "Living next door to Alice".
* You believe that the confectionery known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.
* You wear ugg boots outside the house.
* You believe that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.
* You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.
* Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.
* You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude,
While 'scuse me' is always polite.
* You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.
* You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle and a seat belt buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron.
* Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.
* You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'.
* You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'.
* When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.
* You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in -o:
arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto, goodo etc.
* You know that there is a universal place called "woop woop" located in the middle of nowhere...no matter where you actually are.
* You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes like s#*t. But we let the world think we do. Because we can.
* You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the summer. Maybe even as perfume.
* You've only ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet
- to mean good. And then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you REALLY mean it.
* You know that the barbecue is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man.
And the women make the Salad.
* You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not.
* You understand what no wucking furries means.
* You've drank your tea/coffee/milo through a Tim Tam.
* You own a Bond's chesty. In several different colours.
- You believe your tribal quirks are charming and... - Roy Stevens on Jan 25, 2012, 9:22 AM
- You Aussies have nothing on the American redneck. - Larry Schmidt on Jan 25, 2012, 11:47 AM
- To give foreigners some small inkling of... - Brett Peacock on Jan 25, 2012, 11:26 PM
- We Kiwis understand most of what the Ockers say, after all, - Ross McArthur on Jan 26, 2012, 4:32 AM