our daughter is over 18, used her money and got a small tatoo on her upper foot, it's so small the strap to a flip flop hides the tat completely. Two weeks ago when her grandfather, my father in law saw the tat, he told our daughter/his grand daughter that tatoo's are "for scummy, dirty people" and that he's "never hire anyone with a tatoo" This conversation was un-heard by my wife or my mother in law. When our daughter told us my wife and I were pissed to say the least. My father in law has since aplogized for his remarks.
Yesterday I visted my mom for Easter...due to work schedules. life and distance we could not see my mom on Easter. My mom had a card with cash for our daughter that I dropped at our daughtes college which is on the way home, sort of. I asked my daughter to call my mom, her grand mother to thank her for the money/card. I left our daughters college, it takes maybe 40 minutes to then get home. I get in say hi to the wife, who tells me our daughter called her(my wife) saying my mom "yelled" at her(our daughter) for not "calling or visiting on Easter". Now our daughters College was not closed for Easter and she spent the weekend doing homework and studying for tests this weekend. Our daughter was raised not to talk back, so what was said to her by my mom was not responed to by our daughter otherthan a thank you for the card and gift and a apology for not calling/visiting. I was mad as h**l at my mom and so was my wife. I have not decided when or what I will say to my mother about this bullying imho.
Sorry for the rant, I just hope any one out there who reads this realizes if they have grandchildren...just because your are grandparent gives you no right to yell at or be mean to your 18 yr old grandchild.Besides pissing off the parents, you hurt your grandchilds feelings. At 18 you can vote and die for your country, that means to me that a 18 yr old is a man or woman. Mike

" At 18 you can vote and die for your country..."

Then maybe she shouldn't be calling mom and dad every time she gets upset with her grandparents. She's old enough to deal with these matters herself. "Telling on" her grandparents is unbecoming of an adult.

for a 18 yr to repeat what an adult, in this case a grandparent, who is suppose to have more than a casual attachement to the child, what was said to them to the 18yrs parents is not being a "tattle-tale", I would hope that any person would tattle on a family member, who one would thing would have and use better judgement, having many years of life under their belt, thinking they can just say anything with out any consequence's....maybe I'm wrong, but I feel our daughter should have told us her...parents what was said, sorry don't see where you guys are coing from. Mike

No disrespect, but that is kind of ridiculous...

How old are the grandparents? I have four grandchildren and as they say, "kids say the darn-est things!" So do the elderly, and it sometimes gets worse. Children say things because of immaturity and our lives go in reverse as we age (or some believe their extended presence here gives them special privilege and to an extent it does). As the body decays, so does the mind for many of us. And it seems that the filter from brain to mouth goes first, LOL. I would advise you to forgive and let it go. It's not worth making a issue worse and you need to redeem the times with your parents and children.

BTW; I don't see your daughter as a tattle-tale. It's a family issue and family should talk.

Brent


Forty-Sevens don't got carpet!

my father in law apologized to our daughter via e-mail...and it's over in so far as my wife, myself and our daughter is concerned, was she hurt by what he said, yes. My mom is going on 89 and yes her mouth goes into gear well before thinking...I guess she can't accept that people/family have a thing callled a life....any one who went to College or is in College, knows what our daughter is going thru right now...teachers have tests, Easter or not, finials are weeks away and she's been working on next years schedule too, she's busy and calling grandma wasn't at the top of the list...but my mom, since my dad died thinks and expects everyone to drop what their doing to assit, think and take notice of her, sorry mom life won't always allow that. Mike

My six year old grandson doesn't understand why he or we can't do everything he wants to do right when he wants to do it (like go to the park at 8:30 at night instead of to bed.) We will teach him the difference. The elderly are the same except you can no longer teach them. Just smile, say you're sorry, and love them.

Brent


Forty-Sevens don't got carpet!

My grandmother on my Mom's side passed away 3 and half years ago at 88. She was a firecracker and spoke her mind quite a bit. My other grandmother on my Dad's side is now 89 and the things she says..... I just shake my head and say "Yes, Mammaw....." and let it go.....

Cheers,
Dave

I don't have any Tats and do not see why they have become so commonplace. Anyway When I was younger a buddy of mine got Tatted up. I heard the same philosophies of people with tatoos from my Dad. My friend Dad who was Ex navy and had tats said pretty much the same thing. Nothing surprising.

Cheers,

Max Bryant

"You'll Love My Wingnuts!"

when you have to get it removed in about twenty years."

Bondo

I go to a restaurant in a strip mall down the street. In the mall is Larry's Tattoos, which is incidentally, right next door to a Tattoo Removal shop. Upon closer examination, both are operated by the same person. Now that's good market coverage!

JR

I took a lot of hits for the way I dressed and the length of my hair when I was 18. I actually had people turn their backs on me for the way I looked back in 1970. My dad didn't like it and told me so, but on the other hand, I was free to do as I wished and he acknowledged that too. His logic was I could get drafted and sent to Vietnam. So he defended my right to make my own choices, whether he approved or not.

Personally, I don't like these tatoos either. Your daughter CHOSE to do that. CHOOSING to do something like that also means you choose to take the heat for your actions too. She's going to face criticism from time to time throughout life for all sorts of things. IMHO she needs to learn not to let these things bother her and roll with the punches.

If she's eighteen and in college, she's old enough, and supposedly mature enough, to take the judgemental "hit" from seniors........

Phil

The duties run both ways--it's called mutual respect--something I've found that my parents' generation (though not my parents) have been woefully deficient in right along. I disabused my wife's parents early and often, and it's amazing how quickly that sort of nonsense evaporated.

And it's not tattling--it's venting to someone who can listen and give them some support when a loved one doesn't give them respect. Over a tat, or some imagined slight that won't carry water across the kitchen. Yeah, the granddaughter could have dropped a rock salt load on the grandma, but is anyone going to get any repose from that?

89? Grandma ought to have learned something along the way then. Now, if she's addled, or has diminished capacity to behave well, that's fine, but it doesn't sting any less to be on the receiving end.


"Don't take your life too seriously, son. At the end of it, you won't be alive anyway."

Red Skelton's mother

that it has become my job to lubricate family difficulties. The more I talk with other parents of young or not so young adults, I find it is common to be the peace maker between the generations.
If this isn't done, you end up with grandparents who are despised by grandchildren, and grandparents who are hurt by the grandkids. You lose...big time.

I so was looking to the empty nest. It is a lie, the kids unintentionally drag you through every problem, mistake, misjudgement, for the remainder of your life, then they bury you. (take your place,HA HA)

Don't misunderstand,I am intensely proud of both the kids and their grandparents. Even though most of the GP's are no more.

one one hand, the kid is old enough to get ink, she is old enough to take the heat.

On the other hand, could grammy and gramps be mad that they see their gift money going for tattoos? Maybe they see that a) they are giving the kid money, and B) the kid doesn't even show up, and C) the kid is getting inked? (if this is the case, ask them to refrain from giving her money- end of angst).

Personally, I don't want a tattoo, but, that is just me. It sure doesn't give me any high ground to judge those that do, and call them "trashy". I am neither for or against the whole institution, but, I DO feel that the majority of the tattoos I see are pure crap, inked by very untalented tattoo "artists"......

"The FANS are fighting back!!!"
"The SECURITY GUARDS are fighting back!!!"
"The PEANUT VENDORS are fighting back!!!"

I have a very nice mother-in-law. I was taught to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I react to things said, and all heck breaks out. Usually I regret that I ever opened my mouth.

BTW the tats issue is very important. Those things are tribal and they don't come off. I can only imagine that your parents were concerned for their granddaughters' future.