There was a reason we split ourselves off as children, as teens, even as adults, we couldn't bear to feel everything that was happening to us. Now, in order to "heal" to "move on" we have to go back and re-live it all again, only this time we have to feel it!?!?!? We have to feel and be able to express all the things that we never could because we didn't have the abilities or structures or coping mechanisms in place for us to deal with the tr*umas that were happening. What makes people think that as adults we do have those abilities and structure and coping mechanisms now? I certainly don't. I couldn't bear it then and I can't bear it now. The p*in is indescribable, unrelenting and unending. I want to stop. I want to stop it from h*rting so much. I know this needs to be done, just not sure I have the abilities or any anything in place to help me through it.
Don't think I can do this, yet there's no way to turn back and switch off anymore either. So.....it's either do this, take the pa*n, the p*nic att*cks, the nightm*res, the fb's, the m*mries, re-live it all and feel each and every single second of it and see where it goes and if things will ever get better......or.......stay stuck here where I am with all the p*in and h*rt, n*ghtm*res etc etc etc and live with it. Not much of a choice really is it?
It just h*rts so much.
I don't want it to h*rt anymore.
I don't know what to do with everything.
I don't want to be on my own with this p*in.
I don't want to go through this on my own.
I'm not sure I can get through this.
I'm not sure I can do this.
I'm not sure of anything very much just now.
I've lost all reason and sense, lost my perspective.
I'm lost.
I only know that it h*rts so much, it's becoming unbearable.
Sorry :-(
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