TTT SU TTT

everything feels impossible right now
have taken so many knocks this year already
I got through them by the skin of my teeth
I can't get through anymore
I'm done trying
I'm done f*ghting
I have nothing left, I'm no longer the person I used to be
feel completely broken.

Have been so su for weeks now and it's not letting go. That's all I can think about, is ending it all
everybody would be much better off if I was no longer around.
Wouldn't be upsetting people in here
wouldn't be annoying my c either
and my k*ds would be so much better off without me around.

SW keep telling me I'm a rubbish par*nt all the time
I got sacked because I can't do my job
feels like I just shouldn't be here anymore
really horrendous anniversary coming up on Tuesday, can't take it, can't take anymore knocks
there is nothing left inside to help me get back up again.
having to hide in here, because feeling can't talk properly about any of my stuff in the main forums, been feeling that for a while now. So everything has stayed inside, building up and up and up, and still things keep going wrong for me.
I've had enough now

I have no-one around for support, I can't even use the phone to phone a friend or a helpline or even my C.
I can't even talk to my C just now, it's all stuck inside.
I can e-mail her, but think she's getting fed-up with that, and I'm just annoying her
don't feel able to post in forums about all what's going on for fear of upsetting, hurting, bothering, triggering, worrying others.

I don't see what else I can do
***edit***

:-(