This is my first post. Briefly, my H, living overseas, had an internet EA/PA last year which lasted about 9 months. DD September 2011. I was devastated. It is 7 months later and making great progress in reconciliation, H is totally transparent and remorseful, trust is being reestablished, we are on a healing track. We are fortunate.
So, why hate the ow? It's such a waste of my precious energy. Yes, she demonstrated narcissism, selfishness, haughty pride, lack of compassion regret and apology... all the stuff I would hate in myself. Shouldn't my pity be enough for her? And isn't this enough said, after all?
I write (constantly for a few months) with trusty pens, analyze each crumb of material, inquire and eventually find the answers my innermost self provides. Move on. Step forward, fall back, but keep going day by day. Lesson learned/being learned. Then burn the notes and in the ashes appear new insight.
Keeping the ego at bay is part of my challenge, as it constantly wants to assert its need to form constructs to always prove itself right. And it's not always right. It operates out of it's own element, and I am more than my ego.
Like an irritation, a chunk of sand stuck in my shoe, she is virtually insignificant in my day to day life. Each day now is precious, and I am grateful from the moment my toes hit the floor every morning that I live in this body.
