Today I have this overwhelming feeling of how time consuming my H's affair and its surfacing has been on me. 24/7 for almost a month, I have ate drank and breathed this all in. Maybe today is a day I am feeling very selfish - who knows. Between the he said she said, emails, pictures, phone calls, all this discovery to now a STD that my H has - I haven't been able to think of anything else other than the fear of it happening all over again or OW contacting my H with some new ploy to work her way back in.
I come to my question... Is this all worth it? Is it worth it to put ourselves through this for a person that had so little respect, care or concern for us when they made the choice to cheat on us to begin with?
We all have our reasons for staying or leaving, but I am certainly questioning mine.
Why is it so hard to understand why he did what he did?
If we had spent 1/2 the time of his job in trying to deceive me and 1/2 the time I have spent being consumed by this all in the past month... if we had spent that time on each other, would we be where we are now?
I keep thinking back to dates in the past 16 months... was it that bad? I think back to concerts we went to, the opera, birthdays, anniversaries, the coast, trip to Vegas, holidays, Friday nights out, movies and so on. I think back to all this and wonder what was going through his mind? What was going through his mind this past Xmas when we decorated the tree togther? I was certainly oblivious... but what was he thinking? How could you leave me after a nice night out and go have sex with her and come back to me?
What is in all this for me? What is in it for any of us?
Please tell me why we stay......
Thanks,
Coral
This message has been edited by CoralV on Aug 11, 2006 5:51 PM This message has been edited by CoralV on Aug 11, 2006 5:48 PM
I am sorry you are hurting. Why,you ask. The answer to "what was WS thinking?" is he WASN'T! That was the problem. He was just reacting. We BS are so hurt that we can't understand how they could NOT think, but they don't.
What does your H think now? How does he behave NOW? We need to focus on what our FWS are doing NOW, now that they ARE thinking, not what they did then when they weren't thinking. (I'm not saying we shouldn't ask questions or be told anything we ask about; I'm saying that once we have all the answers, we can accept what happened and move on, looking at what our FWS is doing and saying NOW to heal and help us heal.)
