I have a huge problem. I have to work with and associate with people whom are actively having affairs, or are getting divorced because of an affair. I work in a school where I have to have contact with these people, because they work there also, or their children are students there. I choke back my angry, and bite my tongue when I want to lash out at them and tell them how bad they have hurt their former spouses, or soon to be former spouses and their children. It is so hard for me to keep quite when all I want to do is tell them off. Since I am a BS, I know how their spouses feel. How will I ever keep my mouth shut. I know things happen, but I have that raw exposed nerve that they keep hitting every time I see them or I have to talk to them. I don't see them as people, only as cheaters. I know what other people do is none of my business, but they flaunt their affairs in front of everyone, and don't care who they hurt. This isn't something they are trying to keep secret or anything and I am friends with the BS's. Anyone have any suggestions on how I can keep my sanity and my calm around them?
Talk about triggers! I am so sorry you have to work around these people.
I don't know if this will help, but here is my comment.
No, you can't tell them off. Their lives and their mistakes are their business, HOWEVER, if they are flaunting it in front of you, e.g., talking about the situation, seeking your advice or counsel, trying to involve you in it, etc. then they are making it your business and I think it is entirely appropriate to tell them you are uncomfortable with being around them when they talk about it or try to involve you in it. It is entirely appropriate for you to tell them you have a different belief system (you don't have to be more specific than that - it will probably do the trick) and while you respect their right to live their lives how they choose, you have the right not to have your belief system infringed upon.
I know it is tough - I feel exactly as you do.
HUGS
JL
HUGS
JL
This message has been edited by lostafter20years on Aug 13, 2006 5:55 PM
I hope it works for you. I left my last job, not only because my boss was the OW, and my WH worked there, but because there was a pervasive problem of infidelity and other immoral behavior being accepted at this place. My WH and OW were the only ones stupid enough to p--p where they lived so to speak (have an A in the workplace where all 3 of us worked), but several people there were having A's and in some weird way, I think it made it easier for my WH to get involved with OW - made it seem less immoral or wrong or something. The only reason there was consequences for them was not because the management thought their behavior was wrong, but because they saw it as a liability.
The place I work now, they not only talk the talk, they walk the walk. A person was recently demoted for a serious breach of ethics. I really respected that they made a tough call, because this person was well liked, but management felt that such a breach was morally and ethically wrong and there had to be some consequences to this person's actions.
