I would really like any advice please.its been 2 months since D day and my husband finally told me after yet another row that he loved the woman he haad the EA with..(6 month secret EA).I picked up the phone in anger and he told her infront of me how he felt..then i told him to go over there as I thought our marriage was over..which he did ...he was there for two hours and returned saying that they had kissed and talked but no sex...he told her on the phone he loved her and asked her if she felt the same she said yes..when he came back however he told me he realised after arriving in her house and talking to her that they didnt have a future together..he feels that hes made a huge mistake and he doesnt love her..he loves me and the kids..i dont know what to do i have chatted to close friends and I have taken him back as I think we may have a stronger marriage after this as i do believe it was nrver sexual..the affair took its form mainly via text messaging but she did call at ours all the time as I thought she was a friend..he did ring her and ended it himself this time and told her that he loved me and the kids more than anything and was sorry for hurting her...do you think he's finally realised that the grass is not greener or do you think im a fool for letting them hurt me all over again..I do believe that after all contact was stopped he was left wondering about the unknown but faced with reality it made him see sense...dont know..anyone please answer I'm in turmoil...thank you..and thanks for all your previous advice.xxx

I am sorry to see your heartfelt love for your husband being abused and tossed around by him like an old rag....

I think it may be too soon to determine if he is (or will become) truly remorseful, but the signs aren't good so far--but this can change! It sounds like he's toggling back and forth like an electric light switch. "I love her, I love her not."

Betrayed persons often want things to get fixed in a hurry, because it's so bloody agonizing to be in limbo at the whim of the person we thought loved us above all others! We can misinterpret and overestimate the little crumbs of hope the betrayer throws at us as the real deal. His actions over time will show the truth of the matter.

Also, evaluate his motives. Is he now saying he wants you because he's beginning to see the deep hurt he has caused you, or is he doing it for selfish reasons?

Guard your heart, Mec. It is your most valuable asset in life. Remember Love's Equation: "And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."

I am going to have to go with what BB said.  It is way too soon to know for sure.  Your H may not even know for sure.  Just be careful.  Watch his actions.  My H broke up with his OW too without any prmopting from me but a few months later she called and he fell right back into that trap.  So again I say...be careful...look for actions in the long term...and not just word for now.

((((hugs))))....Carol~

Echo - exactly what BB and Carol said.

I don't want to scare you, but your situation sounds similar to mine. After d-day, my WH and I were together for 4 months. In that time, I kept asking him to chose. Me or her. He flip-flopped back and forth several times. There were a couple of occasions where he came to me and said almost exactly what your H said. "I chose you and the children. You are too important to me to give up." And I really believed him. Then the next week he would be talking to her again (they worked together).

While it is important to work on your marriage, you need to decide what you want for yourself and put boundaries in place. Only over time as he meets your expectations can you learn to trust him again. I made the mistake of trusting what WH said, and then having my heart broken all over again. I should have reserved my trust.

Are his actions following his words? What is your gut telling you. It sucks that the trust has been broken, and you need to take time to have it shown to you you can trust him. His job is to show you he's trustworthy by his actions.

Hugs to you Mec,

Rebecca