“H says I'm afraid to show him I love him.”
Of Course you are, as well you should be, and you should not hesitate to point out why. Any reasonable person would agree that until he has put the work in, over time to atone, and prove to you that taking the risk to trust and love him again, that you should be weary.
“Can you move on w/H even if they won't talk about A”
In my opinion, from what I have experienced personally, read in books, and witness through these boards, doing so is very difficult and will have many drawbacks. So I would say, no, not in a healthy way. I would recommend that you get several books that tell your H what he needs to do, to back up your claim of needing A discussion to heal. A few good ones are… “After the Affair,” “The Monogamy Myth,” and “Surviving Infidelity.” there is also an online book for the WS to read that you can down load at www.aftertheaffair.net, it has no relation to the book mentioned above. He has some time on his hands, so he should make productive use of it by reading up on how he can fix what he broke.
“I have been approved to visit H and now I can't wait to see him but at the same time can I control my feelings of anger and pain in front of all those people and him?”
I don’t know what you should do. I can tell you that I had great deal of difficulty controlling my feelings of anger and pain that first 6 months to a year. Only you can make this decision.
“Does this really get easier?”
Yes it does, over time, with hard work and the courage to face it head on.
Happy New year to you too.
Ami
