So in my first post I mentioned just a few of the things my fiance has been up to but I think I should elaborate. We started our relationship as him cheating on his wife, I didn't know at the time he said they were separated. He said his parents knew we were together and that we were having a baby, they knew none of this.Turns out they weren't as separated as I thought finding pics of them together during holidays after giving me the sob story of being all alone.Fast forward to us living together, he dissapears for hours at a time,get's "called in" to work in evening and doesn't return till next morning often in different clothes or out with friends and not coming home till next morning. Have caught him lying about his whereabouts several times and have even found him at his ex wifes a few times. Found sexual texts to another girl 2 weeks after giving birth to our daughter, swears it was just for fun and has ended but nasty rumour going around town that he slept with her. Also found texts recently between ex wife saying they love each other calling one another baby, says he's just being nice so he can see his kids, she says she can't wait till he comes home wtf? He holds onto his cell like a donated kidney, always keeping a lock on it. The other day I found out from his boss he's off work at 2pm not 3:30 or 4pm like he's been telling me so where the hell's he been everyday? Not to mention the single's dating site he joined and girl's private messaging him to hook up for sex. God am I stupid or what!! Anyway sorry for the rambling had to get it out I'm sure I've missed tons there's been too many lies to count
Welcome to the site. I am going to say something that I hope won't offend you or anyone here. So here it goes. If he lied to you when you met him, and he is up to no good now, your best bet is to let him go.
Sorry for sounding harsh or negative. It is just unbelievable that he not only lied to you, but his wife (ex wife??).
It sounds as if you were unwittingly the OW in his last marital breakup. You have to realise this... if he did it to his ex wife, there is nothing to stop him doing it to you! In fact, from what you have described, he seems to be one of these people who repeats his pattern. The moment he is comfortable with his current partner, he feels confined and lacking in excitement, so he seeks it elsewhere. For this guy, the thrill of the chase is what matters most to him, and it is pretty obvious he is doing it again. I will bet you anything that if he cheats on you with someone he later hooks up with (probably after lying to them, like he did to you), then give it a year or so and he will be putting them through the same wringer!
This guy is bad news Steph! He based your initial relationship on a lie, and what sort of foundation is that?
Just be really careful, or you are going to get even more hurt.
All I can say Steph is that I ditto everything that Dave said. Like Dr. Phil says, "If he did it with you, he'll do it to you". Whether you have a child with this man or not, he is not marriage material. He is a liar and a cheat and has the maturity level of a 12 year old. I think you have figured that out but you feel extremely hurt, betrayed, and used. Sounds like he is not ready to settle down with anyone. This is all about him...he is very selfish. I am really sorry. (((((hugs))))). Now it is time to take care of yourself and your daughter. You deserve far better my dear.
The story you gave us tells me you have to take your daughter and get her and you into a better enviroment.
you sound like a good person who has been used,start taking care of you in the mean time come here to this site it is a good one offerring excellent help and support.
When I first started dating my wife I didn't find out till about a year later that she had only been separated for a few days (if that). At 22 she had been married two times and had affairs in both of those marriages. Being young and hopeful I thought our marriage would be different and I could change her. My wife would also never let her cell phone out of her sight and would close the windows on her computer whenever I was nearby. 17 years later here I am in the middle of an ugly divorce because of multiple affairs and years of distrust. I loved her and was willing to try and work it out after the first discovery, but after the 2nd and 3rd discovery I told myself I deserve better and left her. I think that anyone can make a mistake but to keep doing it over and over and expecting all to be forgiven is insanity.
Looking back, I should have never married her and would have saved myself years of heartache.
You have a tough decision to make, but think about your children and what kind of environment you want them raised in. Good luck.
This message has been edited by SNJoe on Jan 16, 2007 3:11 PM
