Steph - (Didnt want to high-jack your thread.)

I know exactly what Jetta is saying and I agree with her, but I also have to say that if I looked at my situation... well I should be saying exactly the same thing to myself..... "Leave him Coral!" I know if I told any of my friends or family all that has transpired between my H and myself in the last four years, they would be looking at me dumbfounded and telling me to let him go and move on.

BUT.... like you, even though I know the crap that he has done, I stay. I wonder sometimes what will be my breaking point. What will make me do just that... leave him. I dont know. I dont have an answer for that yet. I guess I havent come to that breaking point or maybe it is just that I am a sap, cant let go (even of a bad thing) or hope that he will change.

As I sit here tonight and type this, my H and I just listend to a vmail from the last of his OW. (The coworker he still works with.) In that message, she tells my H she hates him and so on, calls me the C word and goes on to say never call me again. The good thing, my H let me listen. Then about 20 minutes later when he didnt respond to her, she texts him and says thanks for respecting her decision in asking him to never contact her again. I started laughing... she tells him not to contact her and then when he doesnt she makes contact with him by texting to say thanks for not contacting her. What sense is that??? Then I had to laugh at being called the C word in her vmail... How am I the C? I have never met this woman, I have never talked to this woman... My H cheated on me with her, she cheated on her married BF with my H. Her married BF cheated on his wife with her, she cheated on my H and her married BF with another guy at work that was cheating on his wife with her..... WHEWWWWWWWWW Did we all get that? LMAO! But I am the C? Hows that? It did bother me, but then I realized in laughter that I hadnt been called the C word since maybe 8th grade when I beaned Trevor G**** (Saving the innocent and blocking his whole name.) with a ball in PE dodge ball. I laughed.....and laughed as I knew who I was dealing with here... a sore loser in a middle school dodge ball game. Anyhow - I was grateful at the fact that my H informed me... that gives me hope, I guess.

Anyhow my point was this... every time I think I am at that point to let him go, he goes and does something like this... something as simple as being honest.

Its a rough road my friends and sometimes I wonder why I am still traveling it.

Thanks for listening.

UPDATE.... 10 mins after I posted this thread, she text again saying to my H "Your silence is good enough for me. I sincerely, honestly truly dont give a damn. You can go to hell." MIND YOU SHE TOLD HIM IN HER VMAIL TO NEVER CONTACT HER AGAIN... he hasnt tonight at all and she is mad. (I am sorry, I cant help but laugh!)

Coral

"A discovery is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind."

Coral: Thanks for the message and for the laugh and for all the encouraging words! I too find myself staying hoping things will get better or that he'll decide to straighten up or maybe just once he'll give me the truth. Sometimes I don't even know if he's honest about what he eats for lunch at work!! LOL It's so hard and with having kids I don't want to make a rash decision but like you I too wonder what my breaking point will be. How much more do I have to find before I finally say enough. As far as her calling you a C- she's probably choked your H won't leave you completely for her, and the NC thing and then texting anyway was probably a desperate attempt to get him to call her and beg for him not to cut off all contact and say that he loves her and all that drama! God feels like high school again! Take care and thanks again {{{{hugs}}}}

Hi Coral and Steph

You did give me a laugh, Coral, and your OW is sooooo typical. But what I wanted to say is that WS are consumate liars. This means they don't just lie to you, they also lie to OW. OW probably called you the C word because at the height of the A your H made you the bad guy. I know my H told OW all sorts of untrue things about me and our relationship. He would kiss me goodbye and say he loved me and would do whatever it takes to stay with me and then as soon as he got to work he would phone her or e-mail her with some saga of how impossible I was, how bad I was making his home life, how I interfered with his private time etc etc. I now realise that he was doing that so he and she wouldn't feel what they were doing was wrong. He was doing it to make her feel good. He couldn't show her that he had any positive feelings for me, so he exaggerated and lied about me. Once it was all out in the open she made it clear in her attitude to me that she had no respect for me. In other words she believed all his stories about me, thought I had some evil mystical hold over him and that he was under some sort of spell which prevented him from coming to her. My H, who is now fully out of the fog and can't believe how stupid he was to have the A, says the only spell was our love for each other, but OW retains her false image of me. So Coral, you know you are not the person your H portrayed to his OWs, and he knows it too. It's all part of the fantasy.

Hugs to you both

Liz

Thanks Liz and Steph.

Liz - you are so right. My H said to me one time that she would never want to talk to me and that she wanted nothing to do with me. It was at this point that I realized he had fed her all the lines... such as how demanding I was and that is why he could never get away to be with her. Or that I was on to them and that he had to be careful as I would take everything from him in a divorce and etc. (Mind you the house we live in, I bought prior to my H and is in my name only.) He has nothing for me to take even if I ever wanted to, but I know he filled her head and his previous 3 OW with this picture of me being so awful. I even know that he really doesnt see me this way, but it helped prolong his A and keep his OW at bay and from pressing for more.

I read an email once that he had written to this OW and in it he said that he was doing everything possible to break ties with me and set himself up to be in a better position for when we divorced and he could be with her. At first I was devistated and then I sat on it... I waited two weeks to see if his actions towards me showed anything that he was saying to her in this email. They didnt and in fact in that time period, he actually pulled back from her as she was thinking he needed a little time to break and deal with me.... but to my surprise, he actually was very loving and attentive towards me. I knew then that I was not the only person being lied to. All these OW were as well.

My H has even admitted that she only knows what he has told her in regard to me.

I didnt take offense to her "C" comment. It just struck me funny as if I really wanted to be a C, I could call her other married BF's wife or the wife of the other guy at their work she has slept with. I mean if she wants to see the C in Coral come out... I can accomadate.

Oh that was another funny thing she said in the vmail last night to my H... The K initial necklace my H gave her... She said "You can have this damn necklace back and maybe rename Coral as Coral, but with a K." I had to laugh. She is obviously getting angry that my H is not playing her game. I dont know if this is permanent with him or if next week he will be back to his old tricks, but I do have to say that he seems to have come a long way in the past week. I just try not to get my hopes up.

Today was a good day. Due to weather, we both had a day at home together. For me that means a work day that he doesnt see OW. It was nice and we even went out and played a bit in the snow.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring, but for tonight at this minute, I am content.

Thanks for listening....
Coral

"A discovery is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind."