Hi everyone just an update on our situation.We seem to be going through a very quiet spell at the moment when im trying my best not to bring the A up every day.However I heard some really pleasing news from a friend yesterday...The A started as an EA with OW and H and for months she has been telling my husband what a monster her husband was and how awful he was at being a father to her son etc.. etc... WELL................I found out that she has been back to her husband when mine didnt want her and now H really feels like a fool so much so actually he really thinks he was used...she is nothing but a leach...I know an affair takes 2 people but Im so relieved that H no longer sees her as this perfect being...and when she realised my H didnt want her she went back to her H....in a lot of ways I feel almost sorry for my H for falling into the A but also realise he wanted it at the time.........ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what a massive rollercoaster we are on...more twists and turns each day...But it did put a smile on my face when my H woke up and saw what she really was........her and her H are more off than on....she told my H she didnt even love him and couldnt wait for Divorce.....liar liar.....im so glad and at least it brought a smile to my face when I found out....Hugs to all..Mec...I know this post might be waffle to some but its great to feel positive today!!!!!xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm glad your husband is seeing the truth about the OW. It sounds similar to the OM in my situation. During the affair he complained to my wife about how his wife was behaving in the aftermath of his D-day. It's how they built their emotional connection. I think he wanted to marry my wife, and pretty much told her so the last time they met on D-day. He even wanted to be there when she told me.

Although my wife didn't know it during the affair (I don't think), he had filed for divorce several months earlier. Thirty days after D-day and the end of the affair, he withdrew the divorce proceedings from the court. My wife didn't hold on to feelings for him, so it didn't affect her the same as your husband was affected, but instead it gave her relief that he wouldn't be trying to pursue her any longer.

TomJ

I agree, it is great that your H is seeing the OW for who she really is and not for who he wanted/thought her to be.  This is a big step forward in my book.  My H is finally starting to see that OW is not perfect, that she slept with a married man and it did not bother her one bit. That she was just using him to better her own life and get out of the projects.  I don't think my H feels foolish, but for the first time I did see his pain. And that was BIG!

It sounds like things are moving in the right direction.  I hope it continues to do so.

Take Care...Carol~

When I found out about my H"s A I was crying and confused and I will never forget the body language and facial expressions my H had. He sat in a rocking chair in our bedroom and rocked slowly as I asked him questions he smirked and answered them. Some of the answers were lies but he was so cocky and confident. When I told him he had to leave though he didnt want to I just knew he would be in bed with his AP by midnight. Because I discovered his affair thru his phone I confiscated his phone and hid it and wouldnt give it back. He left and I spent the whole night and I mean WHOLE night text messaging his AP. She never answered one text. I never threatened bodily harm to her but I told her that me and my 4 children would be showing up at work the next day so she could look at all their faces and see the pain she caused. I went on and on. I told her I was giving my pastor her address and he was going to visit her. Well the day after he left I talked to my H and asked if he enjoyed his hot night with his girl and I could tell he was not having a good day. The next day I talked to him about visiting the kids and said something like "until the divorce is final you will have to visit them at MY house as I want to control their exposure to his AP" He quietly said their is no AP any more. I said "oh you dont have to lie anymore, I am actually relieved your gone. I cant believe the pressure that is gone." He said "no realy she wouldnt call me back the night I left and she called me this morning to tell me that she wasnt interested in getting involved in a messy divorce" I laughed til I cried. He totally blew up his family and then she dumped him. It was funny because they had planned what kind of home they would buy together and were they would vacation, she knew he was married with 4 kids, did she not know to achieve the things she was talking about with him he would have to go thru a divorce? Anyway I found more joy in having him be dumped by her than I could have imagined. A month ago I finally had someone take a picture of her with their cell and send it to me. At first I was furious because I had imagined this sweet little skinny girl with big boobs having been the one to dump him. Thinking he must have been realy hurt because he thought he was replacing me with this beauty queen and she dumped him. The truth was she wasnt at all atractive. She looked 10 years older than she was. I am not a beauty but at least average +. This lady was bow-wow. I was mad that he had replaced me with someone so unattractive but then I thought the only thing worse than being dumped by a beautiful girl is being dumped by a butt ugly girl. So I got the laugh all over again. In some moments of us spending time together I have made my fair share of ugly girl comments. I have teased him alittle about if he is late I'll know were to go looking. A truck stop!!!! She was the hardest looking women I have ever seen and I just think its a riot that she dumped him.
I know its sounds shallow and probably is but if I can find one joy in all this crap I'll take it.
Have a great day!!!!
(((hugs)))
Barbara

Barbara.....your post made me laugh.  You have some spunk lady and I like that   Telling OW you would show up with the kids was classic!  And then the OW not being much of a looker and she dumped your H (no doubt do to your text messages, lol.) 

Yes, it's all so shallow, but so what?  I feel we are a bit entitled after we have been cheated on. And funny about how they had plans....my H said "they" never planned on him leaving me. What? Then that way they could go on justifying their A and not have to go through the "messy divorce" stuff. I wrote before, if that doesnt say "sucker" all over it, I dont know what does?!!!

Take Care...Carol~