Hello - The pain of the A is probably the same whether you stay or go out of a marriage. So don't be feelign that staying is making it worse for you. Much of your suffering will be coming from the waking up you are having to do about the relationship. When you wake up and see then you may feel differently about your spouse. Certainly things are never the same and your suffering will be worse if you hope it will be. It will be different and things will change over time.. But.. this is the nature of life generally. As others said to me, there will come a time when you can recognise you are dealing with your underlying relationship and not the A. At that point you may be able to re-evaluate your relationship. At that time, if you like this person and can make a new relationship with him then fine.
On the suffering - My advice is to let yourself go into it.. not recycling it.. but giving up to it if you see what I mean. Fighting it only causes more pain because really you are still hoping things are not like they are. Facing it and, eventually, accepting, and then forgiving is the wise path in my view. Like any wound, it will heal in time.
I also find the idea of a broken heart a helpful one - Someone wrote a lovely bit in a a book I read about the broken heart really being the breaking of your own protection for your heart.. It hurts for sure but what can be released then is even more love. And someone else said to me that if you let your heart process the pain then it is truly an amazing organ as it can turn bad things to good. And the heart and the love from it can expand and grown and flow without end.
Let your love flow.
may you be safe and well, contented and happy
