Why did he do this to me,and our family.........why do I still feel like I only discovered the A yesterday....why do I find it so difficult to move forward.....why does it still hurt so much..........if I only knew the answers if we all knew.....I still feel like im in limbo land...not knowing how each day will be...im trying to be positive and have to be for my children...but I am screaming on the inside and feel so scared I think Im putting up walls to stop myself being hurt again...H is still doing what he considers the right things....I am still wondering what the right things are and whether he can get anything right anymore.............Does or has anyone felt like they are living a lie...a smoke filled version of reality that seems as if they are in their old relationship prior to the A....I feel somedays that the A wasnt real and hasnt happened....i know it sounds crazy because I know it has but I think we numb the pain with our daily activities and convince ourselves that everything is going to be wonderful again...until the triggers surface and I turn into a monster of rage and at the moment can see no end to it...I think I love H but some people tell me I always will....I dont want to punish him for ever for the A but dont know if I can ever stop...evry day I wake up and try and it stays with us every moment...even when it isnt spoken about its in our eyes the hurt,pain,humiliation guilt.....will it ever leave us...I just dont know anyomore....somedays I feel like H may just get up and leave if I dont stop talking about it soon...then other days I feel like I have a right to discuss it...what do I do is the only way for the pain to stop to start a new life for me and my children....or will it never go away...please advice form anyone......I needed to vent today feeling low.thanks everyone..keep posting.Mec.xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Your feelings are normal for the time since D-day...wish we could give you a magic cure...
Something that worked for me was when I had a big trigger, I asked for a hug...big security boost for me. It was a reminder that H choose to stay with me, not OW.
Mec, Starting a new life is not the answer...the pain will follow you..you have to heal inside you...you have to believe that the A was not your fault..it was a selfish decision that your H made...the time during the A was his lalaland, you could do no right things because he had to justify his A in his mind....punishing him for the rest of your life together is not the answer...as time passes you will be able to let go of the A...the OW...if you are able you will forgive your H...but first forgive yourself for the feeling you are feeling that you are not good enough, worthy enough,...
Watch your H's actions...watch the change...judge the actions as positive if they are positive changes...communicate with your H, listen to him with your heart...he is hurting too. Ask for hugs, do things together, ie go for a walk, date night, bowling, ...
Please read the dear peggy site...I found so much help there that made sense to me...I read many of the books that are suggested in the Helpful Links.
Your H made a huge error in judgement...but you can live thru the pain and get on the other side and heal...think of a deep wound on your arm...as it heals a scab builds,but you scratch it and it bleeds again..once you get to he point that you are not scratching the scab...the healing begins...you will have a scar...but that doesn't hurt...it is just there...same with the healing from the A...it takes time.
Remember he had a choice, he choose you again...you have the same choice...you can choose to stay or leave...staying means working on yourself, and your marriage...and that is hard work...
focus on the positives in your relationship...it helps during the triggers.
((((hugs)))
Pat
Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time.
I am so sorry you are feeling down today. I have those days too - ups and downs. I seem to find myself getting in these "moods" at night. Just quiet and not wanting to be in the same room with my H. Not sure what that is all about, but I just do as feel day to day. I no longer try to hold it in or appear fake like nothing is wrong. At least I can say that I am in control of my emotions and no one can take that from me.
Pat gave some good advice.
Hope your day gets better. Thinking of you.
Hugs,
Coral
"A discovery is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind."
