My husband and I have seperated as I found we spent most of our time arguing when he was home because of A.We both need time now to reflect and see what it is we want from our lives.H I think knows he wants me and his children but Im so scared of going down the same path as before and errupting with anger and hurt every 5 minutes.I think that we will continue to live seperately but still see each other and go out etc.. to see where our relationship goes..does anyone think thats a good idea or should seperate mean seperate Im unsure about so much another take on this would be great....I miss him and so do the children and I know he misses us a great deal but as we have seperated 3 times before I think I took him back too early the last couple of times which only resulted in arguments...Can someone advise me on how to not bring up the A anymore...that would really be great...I really dont wish to talk about it anymore...but cant seem to stop...I have accepted that it has happened...and still cant move forward...in any direction...I know that I love H very much and always will...and that should be enough shouldnt it...I dont want to punish him forever but how can we get a sense of direction in this whole mess...Im still hurting and I know that wont go away for a long time but does anyone think that we should be together now? remain seperate? date? who can put a time limit on seperation, will seperation push us further apart? Im not sure of anything once again....the children need their dad and I need my H but when will the time ever be right? advice please.Mec.xxxxx

I cant give advice but I can give my experience and opinion.
I too have often felt that I wanted my H to leave. Most of the time I am glad he didnt. It sounds to me like if you are "argueing" about the A that maybe your H isnt dealing with his stuff. I dont know how long it has been since d-day for you but it has been since 10-06 for me. I was angry then I was numb, then I got realy angry and really numb, now I am feeling something else, not trust, not warm fuzzies but I think I like him. I am starting to want to be around him. We havent fought about the affair at all though. I have screamed, yelled, you name it but he has done nothing but admit, answer questions, appologise,cry. There isnt anything to argue about. He had an affair, he had other choices, he blew up my life..... nothing I could have ever done or didnt do could have justified an A. Him taking full responsibility for it was the biggest part of attempting to reconcile. Is your H taking responsibility?
You and your kids may miss him and may want him but your dont NEED him. If you have set boundries that infidelity is a no-no in your marriage then he made the choice to take himself away from the kids and you. You cant sacrifice the rest of your life so your kids have their dad in their life. What kind of lesson is that teaching your kids. No conseqences for their actions.
If your H is sorry and the A is over and he wants to reconcile I should think he should be showing those things not argueing. You my sister need to understand that you can not forget about this, you will not get over it by NOT talking about it. I believe you have to take breaks. My H was telling me every single time he spoke to his AP at work and why. I got tired of hearing about it and asked him to write it in a book and I could look at it if and when I wanted to. He still has to write every encounter but I dont have to hear about it unless I choose. If you dont find the root of the problem it will continue to sprout new shoots. I recommend doing some reading. The ones I found most helpful were. BOUNDRIES, RECOVERING AFTER HIS AFFAIR,PRIVATE LIES, NOT JUST FRIENDS right now i am reading MY HUSBANDS AFFAIR IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. It is so my situation. I really like it. Let the anger out, learn how to do it constructively. I think you will do better together if he is sorry and willing to take responsibilty. Apart just doesnt give time to fix and it gives lots of time to assume,get angrier.
Good luck my friend, I hope this helps,
Barbara