My husband and I are seperated at the moment but why am I finding it so difficult not to contact him all the time...He is staying at his fathers and as far as I know there has been no contact with OW..He calls over to see the kids and we have a good time then when he leaves I find myself obsessing about everything again...I suppose he hasnt up until this point done anything to show me im his world as he says..My head is a right mess..I dont even know what I expect him to do to show me his feelings...I really dont..I just want to feel loved and secure and we send each other text messages and his responses just dont seem to connect us...I love you,you know I want to be with you..but we need time...then he says about not wanting to come home to Mike Tyson...and I said who has turned me into that person...I want him in our lives but dont know how to process the pain of A..Everyone says its all down to me and that I can make this marriage work but I have to leave the A go to move forward...why does this pain not fade...and Im of the opinion that seperation isnt helping me just making me obsess more...I do think space is good as we no longer argue infront of the kids...but I really think he doesnt know where to begin in mending what he has done..and Im not sure either whats happening in my life..I cry every single day...and wonder is his pain so great..Ive started divorce proceedings 3 times and love him so much I just cant do it....Does anyone else feel like their partners A has made them feel crazy some days..I feel an A takes away the BS personality and its turned me into a "raving loonatic" I dont want to feel like this anymore....Im no longer the stable level headed person I once was...advice please.thanks.Mec.xxxxxxxx p.S not once has he said im not leaving,or im coming home and you cant stop me...he just doesnt seem to have any fight in him...am I wrong to expect this...I really dont know what to expect of him I really dont..I do believe he is sorry but he doesnt show it and I think that actions speak louder than words...thanks again.mec.xxx

I understand where you are and what you are going through. It is crazy and scary. Try to take some time to calm down. Try ( I know it is impossible) to find something that will allow you to relax. Remember that this thing did not start instantly and will not end instantly. Take some time to breath and let the pressure drop.

I used this forum to blow up so that I may calmn down when dealing with my WS. So keep posting as necessary.

Just be the best parent you can be right now and save some of the worrying for later.

mws

Well, for what it's worth, my W moved out for 9 months. And I spent a LOT of that time obsessing, and revisiting, and alternating between anger and despair and everything else. It DOES make you mad. But in time, it passes. We're back together now, and still working on it, but some days I STILL get those feelings. I had a ful anger attack with trimmings only a couple of weeks ago. And sometimes I still dissect it all.

Its a rollercoaster all right.

Hang on!

Dave

It is normal to feel like a raving loonatic.  You world was turned upside down and of course we lose ourselves when such a trauma occurs. It certainly is a rollercoaster.

You said your H has not asked to move back home and you wonder why?  If you are the one who asked him to leave maybe he is trying to respect your wishes and give you the space you feel you need.  When H and I separted it was me who kicked him out.  I told him that when I was ready I would let him know.  So he respected that and didnt push me.  And when I did let him back I told him it was on a day to day basis.  He has been home for 3 months and I still have not given him the new keys to the house since I changed the locks. I am still afraid that he is not 100% remorseful, and that I am not 100% sure there has been NC, and that the changes he are making is permanent, and until I am sure I am keeping the keys. He says he doesnt have a problem with that

Take Care...Carol~