In the 4 months since d-day happened for me, I have been angry, shocked, and confused,very ,very depressed. We have been married 30 years. Sometimes I want to do what it takes to make the marriage work, other times I am so tired of my husband's crap that I want to give up.He will do things, or say things to make me feel better, and then turn around and act completely self centered. Every thing is all about him, and his feelings..He blames me for his affair. We have been in marriage counseling, for about a month and a half.. Today I mentioned that I thought that as we work things out in our marriage, we should give it our very level best shot for a year, before we make any decision to give up and D. His comment to this was " I want things to get better soon," I cant' go on this way ""I feel so bad that I can't function"....I don't want to waste another year of my life"... Any advice?
This message has been edited by stuckinonespot on Mar 1, 2007 11:12 PM This message has been edited by stuckinonespot on Mar 1, 2007 11:10 PM
Your H sounds like my H sounded for the longest time ... HE can't take it anymore... after he caused the whole situation by doing what HE wanted, ie the affair. My H was also very self absorbed and couldn't see the extent of the devastation HE CAUSED by his poor choices.
Well, don't be pressured by him... you need time to heal and your H needs to do what ever it takes to help you heal. If he can't see that yet then he is still in the fog of his own making.
You need time and help through IC or MC. You must listen to your heart and learn what it is that YOU need. Take the time for YOU. Your H can either help or hinder in the process... but don't be pressured. Take the time you need. If your H is serious, he will come to understand that the devastation he caused will take time and commitment from him to heal.
My husband kept giving me time ultimatums... I ignored these and he learned to stop giving me these ultimatums. Only when he started being 100% honest with me did I even consider going to MC with him. It took him 9 months after dday #3 for him to realize that his personal privacy wasn't worth losing his M.
We will start MC within the next week.
Good luck to you
....so please don't make any major decisions one way or the other yet---don't push the river, let it flow.
Some of the "techniques" some WS's use (either unconscious thinking errors or as planned manipulation/ruses) can be: (choose whichever one(s) apply)
Blame The Victim- role reversal
Impatience- "Get over it, already, willya?"
Eqivocating- "If you'd have been a better wife, I
wouldn't have cheated!"
Pet Me- "I'm entitled to seek love wherever I can
find it."
Half-truths- "I didn't have sexual intercourse
that woman!" (yeah, it was just a
handjob...)
Minimizing- "It only happened once, so give me a
break, already!"--another variation
is- "I never loved her, it was only
sex."
Excusing- "I was drunk."
Rationalizing- "Well, I think I can deal with
this--can YOU?"
Crazymaking- "I'm sooo sorry!!" (but then his/her
behaviour reflects just the
opposite)
Anger- "Hey, sh!t happens! Cripes!"
Lying- promises no contact w/OP, but has contact
anyway
Distraction- "So, let's take a nice vacation
together & reconnect."
Expects Trust To Be Given, Not Earned- "Why do
need my cell phone call list-I
TOLD you it would never happen
again!"
Flip-flop- WS goes back & forth from OP to you,
can't decide who he "loves" more
High On Infatuation- addicted to the "rush" from
the A--secrets, sneaking
around, double life, no
responsibilities w/ OP
There are more, but I think I hit the high points....
Please allow time and a show of genuine remorse on his part pave the way to healing and reconciliation, if it is to happen. Don't be rushed into opening your heart to more pain until your intuition is telling you it's the "real deal" & he "gets it".
We're all here for you!
BB
This message has been edited by BayouBlues on Feb 25, 2007 10:10 AM
Welcome to Healing Hearts, I am so sorry that you had to find us but you have come to a good place.
All the feeling you are experiencing are very normal...and your H is still in the selfish stage of " I want it all to be over and done with". Until your H can look at himself and see the true hurt he has caused ...he is not really helping you heal. The A and all hurt doesn't disappear because the WS wants it gone. The only way healing happens is thru discussion of why the A happened what was the WS thinking, feeling when the A began...low self esteem. problems in the marriage , no communication with the BS...(Blaming the BS), problems, stress at work etc...the A was the decision that the WS made...the BS is not to blame for the A....my H blamed me too, I didn't do this or that...he was intolerant of things I did, so it was his justification for his A...
We have been in MC/IC and it has helped my H, see that he made the decision...it had nothing to do with me. He has thru his actions shown me that he has changed...for us it has been 4 1/2 yrs since D-day 2...he wanted to stay and work on our relationship...we are going to be married 38 yrs this yr.. I can guess that for only 6 years was he faithful most were one night stands when he traveled and the a yr long A that ended in 2002...the first year that we were married...and the last 4 1/2...there was also a year after the first Discovery of infidelity...
Getting better takes time...for most it takes a good 2 years to recover from the A...function normally ..not think about the A on a daily basis...it is not an over night decision to get better and forget....you will still have triggers that will remind you.
Venting here helps heal yourself...gets all the poisons out of your system...we have all been where you are and support your journey thru this trauma that you are experiencing.
Diana gave you some wonderful advice...take care of your self first...that is what your MC should be helping you do...he should also be telling your H what he needs to do to help you...that he needs to be supportive of you, if you need to talk about the A then you talk...Your H needs to support you, not blame you...
Keep posting and take care of yourself,
(((hugs))))
Pat
"Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time."
You're not asking for too much at all. If only wayward spouse would have done some research on the recovery times related to affair induced trauma before they got involved in one, many, many more would have been avoided.
The truth is that it doesn't take six months, or even a year. Affair trauma lasts a lifetime, but marriages can become somewhat normal again after about one or two years. HOWEVER, much of how soon this occurs is in the behavior of the wayward spouse.
How long would it take your husband to do repeat business with a car dealer who sold him a car that totally betrayed him, to the depth that his affair has betrayed you?
Also, do YOU want to be involved with a man who shows so little commitment to his marraige? I mean, first he had an affair, and now he doesn't want to be patient to help you recover from what HE did. The depth of his commitment appears to run about as shallow as the water film left on a kitchen floor after it has been damp mopped!
Finally, what is his alternative? Divorce? Is that what he wants to choose? He should be asking himself about the life costs of divorce. Does he want a perminant separation from you? Does he not care about the financial consequences? If there are kids, is he not concerned about those effects? How do those things compare with total devotion to the woman he vowed to love on his wedding day? Are his promises that empty?
My guess is that he hasn't really thought about things in these perspectives. A lifetime is a lot longer than one or two years. Your husband needs to grow up and invest some time in the happiness of his wife and family, and it probably will payoff in the long run.
We are in marriage counseling, but I am starting to get frustrated with the counselor...Sometimes he helps me, but more and more often I begin to feel like there is something wrong with me after talking to him... The counselor feels like it should take a conscious decision to get over my hurt and the feelings of betrayal...he will ask me," how long do I want to stay angry?."..I know it feels bad for me, and unhealthy to be hurt and angry all of the time, but it is waaay too hard for me to turn off these feelings in a heartbeat, and proceed with working on our marriage as if nothing major had happened. I wonder if there is something wrong with me because I am not ready to be sexual with my husband. My husband has been attacking my sexuality , and the way I go about being a partner to him, trying to please him...I know some of the putdowns are to justify his decision to have the affair... I can't seem to do enough to please him... Now I can't trust him to give me honest feedback...he'll say honey it was all wonderful...then we'll have an arguement, and he will throw it all in my face, tell me how I was always sexually inadequate for years, blah, blah , blah...
This message has been edited by stuckinonespot on Feb 27, 2007 9:21 PM
It could be that your counselor is not properly trained in dealing with affair trauma. It might help to question him/her on their views, philosophies, and successful experiences for dealing with this matter. Ask them about their knowledge on the work of counselors such as Shirley Glass, The Coalition for Marraige, Family and Couples Education (Smart Marraiges), Michele Weiner-Davis, and John Gottman. Ask them about the importance of openness and honesty, and about full confession of the affair for rebuilding trust.
It's pretty common for people to "attack" the victim of affairs. I'm not sure what that is so, but many people tried to push me into healing the way they thought I should heal. To make matters worse, many wanted me to sweep the infidelity under the rug. I couldn't accept that approach. Thankfully sites like this one help encourage me to ask for my own healing and not what other wanted me to do.
Have you told the MC how your H attacks you sexually? Why would anyone want to be with someone sexually who tells them they are inadequate? This is menatl and sexual abuse. If your MC is not calling your H on this maybe you need to start looking for a new MC. Abuse is not acceptable and an A is also a form of abuse. And BTW it is 100% normal not to want to engage in sex shortly after d-day. And sex should come back naturally as he regains your trust and should not be forced upon you in any way. Sex should happen when YOU are ready. I would question any MC who tells you otherwise.
My H felt "entitled" to have sex with me and OW. Entitled!!! That makes me very angry because I never refused him sex before d-day 1. No one is "entitled" to my body but me! Just before d-day 2 I started telling my H that I didnt want to have sex with him anymore (because I suspected that he was still cheating) and he would force himself on me and I know how that feels. I am sorry, but this just upsets me that you are going through this. Whether he is physically forcing you or mentally badgering you into having sex it is wrong and it is abuse. And once you give in he tells you how bad it was when you get into an argument. Wow, talking about hitting below the belt! Any MC would tell you that there are rules to arguing and this is crossing the line. And I hope you do not believe him. He is only saying those things to hurt you and it is working.
You really need to take care of yourself. Dont let him continue to hurt you in this way...Carol~
I would definitely suggest looking for a new MC. Our first one was one I was seeing for the year prior to A (H would not join me) and then once the A happened, we both went to see her. Although I found her good to work with prior to H joining the sessions, she was not good to work with under the new circumstances. I began to feel worse after each session, and felt like everything we talked about turned back to me, and that although we discussed his "choice", I felt like it ended there. It was like "okay, it happened" let's move on to other marital issues. My feelings were certainly not validated, and I kind of felt like it was them against me! She actually told my H in a private session that should I get "angry" he should leave until I calmed down. That made me feel very betrayed. I am not abusive or anything like that, but I was certainly angry at the situation and expressed it. I think I finally realized she must have had some underlying issues herself and I finally could not go to her anymore and we changed counselors. When you are fighting for your marriage/family, you cannot waste time with a counselor who does further damage or does not know how to address this issue. Our new C directly addressed the A and the emotional fallout, and was much more helpful. I made sure I screened her regarding her experience with infidelity before we went to see her.
If it doesn't feel right, it probably is not. I hope this helps.
I am definitely going to find a new counselor...and I plan to fire our old one tomorrow...he was a nice guy for getting advice on more general family issues... but he didn't help me where it hurts. Posting with you guys is helping me tremendously!!!(((hugs))) My work is a distraction, sometimes it is my only pocket of sanity. Even though my job is intense (I work in a neuro icu as a nurse), my coworkers make me smile, and they make me fall over laughing sometimes.
I may move out of our house, I would rather ask my husband to go, but he won't go... He refuses to go ,on the grounds that we wouldn't be able to work on our marriage, if we were separated.. But in the last couple of days, I found e-mails between my husband and the O.W..... My H was telling her that there is some hope for our marriage to mend, he was telling her that we were in counseling, and that he knows that he made some mistakes throughout our marriage. He compared me with her, sexually, and he said that if she didn't live so far away, he wouldn't have the self discipline to stay away from her. He told her that he would call her whenever he needs a shoulder to cry on...
I find it hard to want to work on our marriage or to want to make love with my husband when he continues to write to this lady, and who knows how many others...
Lisa,
I really understand how you feel. I have not been able to be with my husband sexually for the last 10 months. The reason being that he has repeatedly shown me (over the last 3 years)that he cannot be trusted. I would take him back after dday 1 and dday 2 (after MC, which, by the way did not address the root cause of the affair but only marriage problems) and then down the road I discovered that nothing really had changed. He joined a dating site, looking for a mistress (I found this out by "being" one of the women he was looking for through emailing him).
10 months ago (after discovering the internet dating behavior) I went to a lawyer and started divorce proceedings, however, I haven't gone through with the divorce since we started IC. I was hopeful that might help H with his problems. I know I was helped with my own issues of always "making do" and losing myself in the process.
Anyway, another problem was his secrecy about a private email he had. I told him that I was not interested in continuing in the M as long as he had secrets. So he finally understood that holding on to his privacy could cost him his M, so he opened the site and let me see what was on it.
As I suspected, he still had the women he had his A's with on his contact list (along with many others he had Internet contact with) with the last date of contact indicated... no letters were saved but it was clear he had been in contact with them intermittently all this time. He was honest (a good thing) but his actions in staying in contact shows he hasn't been serious about no contact.
As a result of his honesty I agreed finally to go to MC with him. However, I will stop MC if there is pressure on me to ONLY talk about marriage problems and NO taking care of the root causes in my H of why he chose to have an A.
Lisa, it's good you are taking control and changing your MC. It is extremely important to find one who is serious about delving into your H's actions and choices... marriage problems are second on the list but only after your H comes to understand the pain and devistation he caused by his actions and realizes he has problems.
<<Lisa, it's good you are taking control and changing your MC. It is extremely important to find one who is serious about delving into your H's actions and choices... marriage problems are second on the list but only after your H comes to understand the pain and devistation he caused by his actions and realizes he has problems.>>
Diane is right. Your H's issues of why he cheats and the A itself should come first. I think IC could help him there. I think what happens is that many MC's are not trained to recognize that the choice to have an A is an "individual" decision and has nothing to do with the BS. Since the WS and the BS are both part of the marriage they go by the odd assumption that something is missing in the marriage, insetad of in the WS. So they lean towards looking at what is not working in the marriage. Unfortunately this approach seems to put equal blame on the BS for the A, and in some cases all the blame. Many times a marriage was fine before the A, and in other cases it wasnt, but the choice to cheat was an individual decision that indeed affected the marriage no matter what condition the marriage was in prior. So the deep rooted cause of the A lies within the WS and not the marriage itself, and that must be explored first before you can begin to work on the fall out of the A and the marriage itself.
If your H is still having contact with this woman MC will not work no matter who you go to because he is still having an A. The NC rule must be firmly in place before MC can do any good. I know this from experience. After d-day 1 my H agreed to MC but refused to go to IC. We went like 4 times and then my H declared he didnt need to go anymore. So that was it...no good came from it because he was still cheating. He only went to MC so he could say to his family and me that he "tried". Puhleeeze! He didnt "try" to work on the marriage, he "tried" to manipulate me and the MC. So trust me, MC will not work until all contact with the OW has stopped and he is serious about working on the marriage. Right now he is not serious....he still wants to have his cake and eat it to.
We saw the new marriage counselor today....She is harder working and more available than our last one...she asked my H if he had any idea how cruel a choice having an affair was..she asked him to imagine how he would feel if it had been me that had the affair behind his back...She asked us about our sex life.. it seems that My H feels like the main goal of our counseling is to fix me....so that I can start " putting out" before he goes crazy. I caught him, he is still answering e-mails from the OW as of last week, in one letter he said he may still need to call her to cry on her shoulder , because times are so hard with us.
I think my H is still in the swampy slimy fog...He is telling me that meeting his needs, especially the sexual ones, "are my responsibility as his wife"... Somehow, I don't feel right about the way he puts it.... to me, it is a two way street...I think that at a given time, that if he wants sex with me, he should try to inspire me to want to have sex with him.. I'll tell him, lets have a bit of romance or joy somewhere in the day, not just spending day after day watching TV.. His moods aren't usually the greatest ......he is a chronic complainer...my telling him to work on being more positive hasn't done much good...I did convince him to see a psychiatrist, to ask about treatment for depression..he goes this Tues...at least this is a move in the right direction...
I hope it will help him ...
I am getting very tired....
I want some peace....
sometimes I feel like scooping up my doggies...
and getting away from the house....
I'll drive far away.....
to a new life...
I am glad your H is willing to see the psychiatrist. Many men who cheat suffer from depression, so it can only help him. But the marriage is not going to get any better until he gives up all contact with OW and that has not happened. Until he does that and stops trying to "fix" you instead of himself, I dont see how much good MC is going to do for him. Hopefully it may help him realize that though. But You are not the problem...you are not the one who cheated. And there is nothing wrong with not feeling intimate with someone when they distance themselves by continuing to cheat by having contact with the OP. There is a reason why the no contact rule is so important..it keeps them in the fog.It is your instincts telling you to protect yourself, and you are. This is a natural boundary in marriage and these are the consequences.
~ Cal
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha
After much personal experience with adultery and reading on these sites for years the best option is to move on once your partner has cheated on you.
There is no greater sign they can give you that you no longer matter and that they no longer love you and are entirely selfish and could care less about your feelings and the damage adultery does.
Sorry you are in this position, but I learned the hard way......get out now before more damage is done,you deserve better
DS,
You seem to have become very disallusioned from the healing process. Please tell your story.
I also vascillate from wanting to divorce and then feeling guilty and afraid so I continue to try to work on our relationship.
You know, as you get older you wonder how your life would be without a mate and it scares you. However, living with someone who is not connected to you emotionally is like being alone. So the eternal question is whether it is worth the pain of either leaving or staying... God or my unconcsious only knows.
Diane,
My feelings at this point, along with my situation , seems similar to yours. My husband and I have been married 30 years. My husband's only other affair( that I know about), happened about 21 years ago, it was a one night stand at a party.My husband ended up in legal trouble for that one, she was under 18 yrs old(claimed to be 18), my H was 26yrs old. We had a 3 month old baby at the time...I was a clueless young lady at the time, I ended up
sweeping my feelings under the rug, we did not get any counseling... I did not have any family support at that particular time , to help me figure out what to do. I stayed with my H all of these years, from my viewpoint, our marriage seemed OK.Then, in the last year or two, I noticed that my husband was heavily into internet pornography...I confronted him many times on it, told him how I felt about it.. disgusted...This October, my 20 year old son asked me ,out of the blue, if my husband and I were "swinging"... I said no. By that time I had been noticing changes in my husband's behavior and habits. I broke into his e-mails.I discovered dozens of e-mails between him and other women... he was trying to meet them for sex..He was advertising how giving he was in bed , what he could do for them....all of these e-mails spanned a period of 3 years..He would complain about how inadequate I was in bed, didn't meet his needs, that he would like to have some discrete sex on the side. One of the women turned out to be a physical lover of his...they had been meeting in her town in Miss,( we live in Texas) for the last few months....I kept my knowledge about his e-mails and his physical A a secret from him until I had recovered enough from my foot surgery to walk and drive...about 3 weeks. In that period of time I had consulted a lawyer, and opened up my own banking/checking acct/direct deposit. I do ok financially on my own...I am trying to understand my role in my husbands unhappiness, he claims that I made him unhappy sexually for our entire marriage....I need to learn more about myself.. whether we stay together or D, will depend on his attitude(right now his attitude sucks), and how much we can learn from marriage counseling..I am not sure whether he is still in contact with thisOW... as of 2 weeks ago he was still in contact with her by e-mail.....I am giving our marriage a chance until March of next year...If I can't trust him by then, I will file for divorce...All of you guys are helping me to feel like a sane person in a bad situation ... otherwise I would be feeling like a FREAK who coudn't keep her life together...
Hugs to you guys
Lisa
I feel you are being extremely generous, giving your H the chance to earn your trust until next March, especially given the fact that he has not even broken all contact with OW that you know of.
I wanted to address the sexual issues in your case. Please, please, please, do not feel like you are inadequate sexually,or in any other way. Your H has sexual issues that have nothing to do with you or how desireable you are, or whether or not you are good in bed. If he is that into pornography and given his age, he will have a very hard time responding to a real person, let alone a long term relationship such as marriage. It will take way more to get him excited as he is used to a "fanatsy". The more porn he views the more it takes to get excited and the more exotic and erotic it will need to be for him. This is not your fault nor is it a reflection on you...this is your H's issue! He must deal with it. He can rewrite marital history all he wants but the fact that you have been together as long as you have surely proves he was satisfied the majority of the time with you sexually, regardless of what he says. It sounds like manipulation and he is being a bully, trying to get you to agree to his unreasonable sexual desires....to somehow make it OK. He got into pornography, just like some people get into drugs, and it is an addiction and he needs help. An addiction is simply an escape from reality and has nothing to do with the marriage, just like the A has nothing to do with the marriage. It is about the WS. Please remember that. You did nothing to cause this.
~ Cal
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha
I got home from work today, after a 14 hour day, my H was there...in a dark mood as usual..He didn't go in to work as he usually does(he works 6p-6a), due to a strained muscle in his back. He said that he would go into work late.We talked for a little while.. he had his cell phone out, he looked at it a couple of times,as if he was expecting somebody to call or text him....Just as I said good night, and was about to go off to bed, he decided to bring up a discussion about where our marriage was headed...He asked me when do I see the counselor next.. when am I going to make some progress..He then went into complaining about how he has gone too long without sex..and about how he didn't deserve my coldness, that, thru the years, he tried to be a good husband(worked and came home every nite).I told him that I would take as long as I needed, to make progress, with the counselor... he then said"It feels like you are dragging your feet" "are you serious about working on our marriage?" I answered " yes", that is why we are in counseling.".and that he just needed to be patient. Then I told him that I needed to go to bed cause I was tired, and it was late.. our little discussion escalated into a fight...He proceeded to tell me that there was something wrong with me sexaully..He couldn't possibly have done anything to make me sooo cold all of the time.. I told him to leave me alone...don't talk to me, if he was going to insult me...
He became explosively angry. got up in my face like he was going to hit me, and said..you f@#***ing bitch...why don't you ever unass enough p-ssy... then we wouldn't be in this mess...He stormed out of the house... I don't know if he really went to work, or maybe he started this fight, so that he could feel less guilty about going to meet someone......Thanks.. I needed to vent.
Lisa
Oh Lisa,
I am so sorry about what happened with your H. You don't deserve to be spoken to that way. I have not been intimate with my H for about 3-4 months now. I understand how you are not not ready to. He should respect that. My H tends to be very sexual and seems to think that more sex will help our problems (even before Dday). It was hard to trust his hugs (before Dday) because I never knew where his hands would go....especially when there were children in the next room. I remember expressing that to him, and he didn't get it. It made me think there was something wrong with me sexually. I learned that I don't like to be treated as a sexual toy and expressed it to him. Still didn't get it. I think he believed that I had an obligation to him as a wife. I just needed to "give it up" more often. I said "Bullsh**". I am one of those people that the more you push, the less you will get of anything. What is that saying??? You can catch more flies with honey then with vinegar(sp.?). He didn't want to spend money on the honey, bought the cheep vinegar, and tried to catch a fly with it. Eventually, he got grouchy, I got grouchy, and he found someone who "showed him affection" and was "nice to him". He used the cheep vinegar on a dumb fly who was just as dumb as him. The outcome? Now he is getting no sex at this time because I am having a real hard time feeling any kind of clean love I had for him. He thinks I am punishing him and doesn't understand why I can't have sex with him. I have to feel love and closeness to be able to do it. I don't feel that and feel so dirty and empty the few times I had sex with him after Dday. I always end up crying instead of smiling and feel empty inside. My H just wants to satisfy his sexual need. He once asked me if he gets a choice in all this crap that is going on. I told him he has the choice to leave if he couldn't deal with the consequences. I have no promises for him and he knows it. Sorry to thread jack. I got a little carried away. Your H needs to respect your space. I believe that if they love us, they will put up with it for as long as they have to. We have to deal with the pain they caused for the rest of our lives no matter what happens.
It sounds like you know what is going on. These are classic red flags...listen to your gut. My WH would do the same thing. One night he got mad at me for being too nice to someone on the phone. He started a fight with me over it. It was ths stupidest thing!For the life of me I couldnt figure out why until d-day. Then it all made sense. Others here will tell you their WS's did the same things....gaurded their cell phones with their lives, and picked fights, and criticized us for minor things. This is a manipulation tactic. Get you upset, and throw you off, and justify what they are doing to themselves. Some of us called it "crazy making" behavior, because your left sitting there confused about what just happened and you feel a little crazy. If he was serious about the marriage and MC he would never speak to you in such a disrespectful manner, and he would be patient. And as long as he is still in contact with OW, MC is not going to do a bit of good in the long run. Sounds like he is the one who is not serious about the marriage. And your MC doesnt see this?
~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha
This message has been edited by SoCalGal on Mar 22, 2007 11:23 AM
I hear your pain. I am sorry you are struggling so bad right now. I can sympathise with you. I think all of your feelings are valid. My advice is for you to try and decide what is best for YOU! You shoud try to listen to your gut. if someone asked you point blank how do you feel about your husbad? What would you initial response be? What is the first thing that comes to mind? No analysing just a gut reaction. I find that when you try to do this, you will find your answer. It is when we try to overthink a decision that when we get stuck. I beleive deep inside you, you already have an answer. know that whatever you decide it is only YOUR decision and no one elses...becasue it is your life...know that I personally will be here for you to talk, vent, cry, scream or whatever ..whenever you need....
My work is a distraction, sometimes it is my only pocket of sanity. Even though my job is intense (I work in a neuro icu as a nurse), my coworkers make me smile, and they make me fall over laughing sometimes.
