My husband was caught by me having sex on the phone, with massages and hookers "escorts". The pain and humiliation is enormous. I still struggle with the idea that he chose to go with hookers instead of me. That he was with them and then came home to me. Usually I am more composed than this. Having a very bad day so far. A lot of dreams last night. Too many to remember but all with the same theme.....him with them....
We are trying so hard to reestablish our relationship. Some days are incredible. Its like we are starting over from the beginning. Its beautiful and I am full of hope and love...then there are days like this...only anger and sadness....hate this roller coaster I am on.
I do love him. Probably why it hurt so badly. I do want to save us, move towards something better....today just feeling very scared.
So glad I found this outlet...makes me feel less alone and less crazy....
>The pain and humiliation is enormous. I still struggle with the idea that he chose to go with hookers instead of me.
This is something you'll hear a lot. Your husband didn't choose a hooker because of anything wrong with you. He chose one because of something wrong in him. My guess is that he chose a hooker because of the one thing you can't be, somebody else. Attention and affirmation lust drive the WS to seek out someone other than their spouse. It doesn't really matter very much who they are, other than they are not the spouse.
In fact, he may have chosen the hooker because she is not desireable in the long run. In a twisted way, it is safer to choose someone who he could tolerate for the moment and could never consider a long term relationship.
