I thought this would be ok. But I was totally wrong!
People say that anniversary of D-day feels just like another day. Then it must be me becasue this is definately not just another day.
The pain and sadness are back! The memories and pictures of all the other women in my mind. I keep replaying D-day in my head and can't stop. Don't know if I can do this today especially work. So much emotions right below surface..afraid anything might set me off!
I posted this cry for help at the other infidelity web site too..I am desparate for suggestions, help, support, positive thoughts...anything you can send me that will pull me thru this minefield.
I don’t know what people told you it would be just like another day, obviously they are not people who have suffered through the agony of infidelity. Either that or they hoped you could treat it like another day.
The anniversary of the first D-day is not an easy hurdle for many reasons. The first and most traumatic is because of PTSD, (Post traumatic Stress Disorder) The anniversary of the day brings all those initial feelings we felt upon learning such an impossible truth. We actually relive the experience. Another aspect, is the hope that one year will mean we will hurt less, when that doesn't happen we are sent into a tailspin of hopelessness. But don’t be hopeless, I know it still hurts more than you thought, but it is better. You have had a lot of good moments since you learned of the infidelity, and you have to remember those when you are low and believe you will have more of them.
Personally, I think it is important to respect the trauma the anniversary reminds us of. It is a major life altering event for us, and it is OK to be hurting on this day. I know I did.
I would encourage you to keep talking and posting to help you cope. I am sorry I don’t remember if you are reconciling. If you are, this is something you and your H need to share and go through together. I am 5 years past D-day, and still on the anniversary, I feel the pain, my H and I always acknowledge it, even if it is just to say what day it is.
Ami
This message has been edited by Amistandingstill on Mar 27, 2007 11:02 AM
I have to agree with Ami... the first year D-day "anniversary" is not at all like any other day. For me, it was a time where I relived the time during the affair knowing what was happening instead of oblivous to it. I think D-day itself was more subdued, but I'd already been through most of the agony in those days leading up to that one.
The good news is that each passing anniversary can get better and easier to deal with, and did for me. I think the main thing that helped get to that point is when I knew what I needed to know about the affair in order to process it.
I have not reached my 1 year D day anniversary yet so my words may be a bit skewed…. However I have thought about it in my head a dozen times or so. I hope for me that I will recognize it as a major milestone in my life. That I take account of the strength that I have found to make it through a year of such hardship and pain. I hope that I find myself with a man that is still remorseful and transparent in every way. I know for me that this was a day of much heartache, but I also know that I had many days that followed this one that were just as bad and if not worse. It’s a marker in time of how our lives changed and I am sure that my throat will be in the pit of my stomach that entire day. But I also will know that I have lived through 365 D days since finding out. Every day is a trail to move forward since learning of my H’s doings. Every day is a D day to some degree, but they get better… more tolerable. The 1 year day happens to be just the marker. A marker that symbolizes change – perhaps good and bad.. I hope that 10 years from now on my D day anniversary I will feel as if July 12th, 2006 is just a wrinkle in my fabric of life…. A wrinkle in time.
Focus on your strength Dale and focus on what has got you through this past year. You will make it through this day, just draw a bit deeper on who you are and what you want to be. You are strong and will get through today - you have got through this past year and you can do this.
Hugs to you.
Coral
"A discovery is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind."
I made d day one year a celebration. We did ONLY things I enjoy and he doesn't like shopping in the city!!! I planned a day of all MY FANTASY FUN STUFF! We had a great day celebrating our love and the fact that he was in my opinion... now clean. One year had passed of me knowing the truth and it was a NEW begining.
For me d day each year has become a day to celebrate a NEW begining. Make plans for tonioght. A FUN night of all the things that make you smile.
Hi, I haven't posted here ever, I just passed my one year and feel just as bad now as I did day one. It is PTS, if you read about the characteristics you will identify. Not sure how your year has gone otherwise but mine has been up and down, severe ups and downs, with and without medication. My husband also had several indiscretions with several women and therefore I suffer from a 24hr a day porn show starring my husband. Lovely, right? I have no thoughts about what would help you because I can't even help myself, but I know I wish there were people I could talk to who have simular experiences. Friends and family can only express sorrow, they have no idea of the tremendous pain I feel, or the hopelessness and worst of all the regret.
Anyway, wanted you to know there was someone around that is going through the same.
unfortunately there is no cure - just a matter of facing up and taking the medicene that has been put there - we have to drink this dreadful cup - and then, even after an inner death we can and do come through - we can be new people and changed - and, hopefully be better humans for all this (and it is the last bit that I am struggling with!).
I wish I could take your pain away. ALL OF OUR PAIN AWAY; EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US.
I am not in your situation (I am still living with a man whom I love, who doesn't love nor want me). THIS IS KILLING ME. Until he is gone and away from the home, I keep holding onto hope he will come around. Not likely to happen since 2.5 years have passed and we are still living like strangers. He goes out and I don't know where, or with whom. I wish I could shut it off. I need to be here for my kids with his financial support.
Again, I am not in your current situation, but I sooooo feel for you. Likely tomorrow will feel better. Cry, cry, cry away. Don't try and hold it in, you are warm, loving, caring and human after all.
Thinking of you. Please let us know how you feel tomorrrow.
I am glad you "bump" this one. It was good to go back and read my words in that post as I am fast approaching my 1 year mark. I need to swallow my pride and put my words into action for myself.
Its always easy to give the advice... now I need to take my advice.
Thank you though - you made me smile and today is a REALLY bad day for me and I needed that.
Its been a bad 4 weeks, but a REALLY bad last 3 days.
Hugs,
Coral
"A discovery is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind."
