Well, I met with a p.i. on Friday and he is now following H and possibly the OW. I'm not sure because I havn't heard anything from the p.i. I called him Friday night to let him know H had gone to the races which is one of the times I think he might meet up with OW. He wasn't sure he had anyone available right then to check it out. I called again Monday to see what he's been able to find out but he never called me back. I guess maybe I am calling too much? I just want to know what's going on! And I'm worried that they aren't going to catch H in the act and I'll be left with an empty bank account and no evidence.
For those who used p.i.'s how long did it take them to catch your spouse?
Just to be safe, open a bank (savings) acct in your own name at another bank...that way your H can not gamble away your money.
Calling the PI is not wrong you are concerned...I hope they return your call.
I have heard that the PI can sometimes find information for you the first time or it may take a few days...your giving then the times is really helpful..
Take care,
Pat
"Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time."
Thanks Pat. I don't really expect that they should have caught him by now, just hoping they had found some other info like a definite make and model and plate number of OW car at least. I thought they had access to databases with that type of info. I gave him her married and maiden names. I even found her address in H's address book (under the name Ken of course). H brought a mini van to our house to work on it back before Christmas and told me it belonged to a guy from his old job named Ken. Now I know Ken is actually a female but at the time I didn't know that. All I remember for sure is that it was a blue newer mini van and I think it was a Honda Odyssey.
I know I am just frustrated and feeling like he is probably seeing her somewhere but I'm not able to pin point it. I have a feeling I may have to go ahead and pay the p.i. to watch him every night during the week because he has been leaving the past few nights and going somewhere. I don't have him watching H every night now because I was afraid of paying a bunch of money and him not finding anything. There are only 2 times during the week that I feel like there is a "good" chance of something happening and that's on Mondays, H's day off, because he seems to be having alot of "work meetings" in the afternoon on that day over the past several months. And then I think Fridays would be a good opportunity for him to meet with OW too. He goes to the local stock car races which don't end until late usually and he could leave there (or not even go) and meet up with her somewhere. I would never know because I'm always in bed by then. The rest of the time I feel would be hit or miss as far as trying to guess when they might try to meet up. But I may have to take the chance and have him watch H every night.
I guess I just feel like a fool sitting here, doing nothing, waiting for H to hopefully get caught while he goes about his business of cheating on me and probably thinking what a clueless moron I am. The thought of that just pisses me off! And then the thought of throwing him out of the house is stressful and so is trying to explain to my kids why Dad isn't going to live with us any more. Meanwhile I'm also trying to find a new job that I could support us with. It just feels like too much sometimes.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent! I hope everyone is having a good day!
Basically, the PI I hired would call me when he was finished with the predetermined survellience time. I hired him for two weeks (one week at a time) for 3 days per week. I chose the days. I chose different days each week. WH was caught the second week. So it took about 4 days altogether before he found the proof I needed. Not bad if you ask me. Anyway, at the end of each week was when he would give me his report and he would contact me when he was ready with the written report. But he said to feel free to leave any info or questions on his voice mail and he would contact me when he could. You have to remember that the PI probably has other clients and may be out in the field doing survellience or meeting with another client. I know it isnt easy but try to be patient. (((hugs))))
I hope you get answers soon! Let us know how it goes.
~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha
Hi CAL. You're right and I am trying to be patient. H is wanting to go to the place he used to work tomorrow (which is also where OW works) and have breakfast or lunch with some of the people he used to work with. From what I have figured out, OW woman works 2nd shift (3pm to 11pm) so I don't think she would be there. But she is in QA so I don't know if her schedule might vary through the week at times. I don't know if I should call the p.i. and ask him to follow H tomorrow or not.
When you had the p.i. watching your H, did you have him followed for that whole day or just a certain time frame? I've got to call tomorrow and set up a more definite surveillance time. Or I might not catch him at all!
I had him watched for a certain timeframe each day. In my case there was only a certain timeframe he would have a chance to meet with OW. I hope it works out for you. Good luck.
~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha
Hi LonelyMom, thanks for thinking of me. I called the PI Monday after H left to see the friends at his old job. He was only gone a short while before he called and asked if I wanted to go to lunch. PI thought maybe the OW couldn't meet up after all and I agreed. H said his friends were busy and couldn't really talk much. So I ended up calling off the PI. I arranged for surveillance on Weds, Thurs and probably Friday night, though. I want him to be caught and yet I am scared of it also. I know I'll feel like I need to immediately take action and I'm still trying to find another job at this point. I will also have to move money to another account, change the locks on our house, and deal with his outrage when he is not allowed to come in the house. H has always considered our house to be "his" because he and his ex-wife bought it originally. But I have lived in it and helped pay the bills here for more than half of the time that he has owned it and my name is on the deed. I am not making my kids move because he is an ass.
LonelyMom, I am also thinking about you. I know you are in terrible pain right now and that is to be expected when you love someone and they hurt you so badly. You are not a fool--he is. I don't know if you are working (outside the home that is) but could you possibly put him out so that you could distance yourself from him? Right now it seems he is only thinking of himself and not how much he is hurting your family. Not allowing him to come and go as he pleases may be a wakeup call for him. And it might also help you to build the strength and confidence you need to create a life for you and your kids. I am so sorry that you are hurting this way. Please keep me posted. (((HUGS)))
