Yesterday I was overwhelmed by feelings of despair. It started out with such an isolated, innocent moment. As I looked at my wife sitting by computer, a thought entered my mind reminding me that she was with someone else. A split second…a day of pain. I do not even know what acted as a trigger but I do know that I am tired. Tired of feeling like this, tired of looking at her and thinking these bad thoughts. Tired of feeling sad, hurt, worried, anxious, angry, inadequate and every word you want to throw in there. I feel like I just don’t care about anything. Last night those feeling just became too much and I was sobbing uncontrollably. I really feel emotionally drained.

I understand how you are feeling....it is awful.  I also understand how tired you are feeling.  Your mind is unable to shut down and your emotions are racing from one extreme to the next...and through it all, you are trying to cling to something (anything) that feels 'normal'.

What you're feeling (in the aftermath of learning that your spouse has been unfaithful) is something that we can all relate to.

When you have a chance, come back and share your story with us.

Kara

Hey Kara, thank you responding to my post. Just wanted to let you know that my story is posted under my profile, you should be able to read it by clicking on my name on the post.

((((((((((((hartbroken44))))))))))))))))))
I"m sorry for your pain. I too feel the same way your word express how i feel .I hope in time you find some kinda of comfort in all of your pain.

april

I remember those racing thoughts too, almost exactly as you described. They were a moment when fear seemed to run up and grab me out of nowhere, and I'd feel isolated from the world. I recall feeling like the only people on earth who were truely "on my side" were my parents. Everyone else's caring was conditional and required me to meet their requirements first.

All I can tell you is that those feelings can eventually passed as my wife and I worked on our reconciliation. One thing that helped me get through the moments was to remind myself of the facts... that she wanted reconcilation, that I wanted to forgive her, and that the OM was out of the picture.

TomJ

Hartbroken,

I read your story.  One (postitive) thought that I had was that your wife voluntarily confessed to you.  That is a very positive sign.  Did your wife tell you why she chose to confess to you?  It is not uncommon for an unfaithful spouse to lie repeatedly about an affair...even if their spouse is suspicious.  If your wife was honest with you because she is remorseful and needed to be honest with you...then that tells me that she truly wants to be in an honest and loving marriage with you.

Now the hard part....you have to sort through this mess and deal with the fact that she still sees OM at work.

Can you speak openly to your wife about your thoughts and feelings regarding her affair and regarding the OM?  If not, then you and your wife will need to work on this in order to help you (and the marriage) move forward.  If you can talk to her, then you need to tell her how you feel.  Explain your sadness and your insecurities...and tell her that she need to be 'an open book' with you.  That means that if your wife and OM have some communication during the day, your wife needs to tell you about it.  If OM makes any inappropriate contact with your wife, then she needs to be honest with you about that also.  At some point (now is likely too soon) you will need to begin to trust your wife again...and her openness and honesty with you will help you to feel that she is trustworthy.

It may be helpful for you to read some of the articles and books in our Helpful Links section (see the left hand column of the screen).  It will help you to work through some of your pain as well as provide reasonable expectations of your wife.

Right now, you are hurting and that's okay too.  You are going to hurt for awhile...and that is to be expected considering how painful it is to realize that your spouse has cheated.  If your wife wants to be in the marriage, then she needs to take responsibility for your pain and help you through it.

We also are here for you....so post and vent anytime!

I don't know what to say, does anything feel comforting when you are this down? I feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel (for me anyhow). I feel like I am always waiting, waiting for my husband to come around. Waiting for him to be the "family man" he should be. I am living a dream (perhaps it is being Pisces).

I am terribly sorry you are feeling this way. I know this doesn't take away your pain. Know that you are normal. That all your emotions are normal.

I am going to say a prayer tonight for all of us. To take away our pain and make things right for each of us.

Thinking of you. LonelyMomWife

Hi LonelyMomWife, just wanted to thank you for keeping me (all of us) in your prayers. That means soo much!! I will do the same

HI,
I am sorry you are feeling so down. I understand how you feel because I struggle with it every day. I have sat and cried for hours over the things my husband has done, and then cried some more. We have to believe that even though our relationships are in such a state, it is not the end of who we are and it's not the end of our lives. I do hope you feel better.

Josie, thank you for the kind words. I know it’s not the end of who we are…we might get through this and end up stronger, but I feel that it’s the end of my marriage as I knew it and the end of how I viewed my W. I used to think the world of her and now my view is skewed and that is sad to me. I hope that in time and can be proud of her again, proud that she is my wife. I want to be able to look at her at not feel hurt and just see the beauty that I did before.

I've learned a lot from my pain and suffering. I've learned that my husband is still a great man...but not a perfect man. It has been 5 1/2 weeks since discovery and we have truly been working hard at getting back what we had. For me, I still love him as much as I did when I married him. I no longer have him on a pedestal and I now realize he is not the perfect man I thought he was. 4 or 5 weeks ago I never would have felt this. It dawned on me this week and I told him that. He looked sad, but accepted my new view. He knows we have a long way to go...but he seems sincere in wanting to make it work. I hope you find something "good" in your relationship that makes you want to fight for it to continue. I know I did.