I am actually having a very tough day. I was sitting here, thinking about how much this sucks and how truly traumatic it is being a victim of infidelity. It is a pain that I could never have envisioned or imagine. I think it hurts as much as it does because of how much we love our spouses.If we did not care, it would not hurt as much. So, besides all being victims of infidelity, this is also something we all have a common... we love our spouses very much. Hang on to that love during the tough times!!
I"m very sorry for all of your pain. Sending some Hugs your way.Sorry I dont have any good words of lifting up just wanted you to know Somebody out there cares and is thinking about all of us in all of this pain.
I know what you mean, about how much it hurts. It's devastating and it consumes you. I'm not sure why, but you might be right that it's because of love for our spouses.
It really helped me to find things to do that took my mind away from the constant obsession with the affair. Physical work was one that helped, and it helped to spend some time with people how could redirect my attention. I found it hard to concentrate, so mind activities came with much difficulties. It was hard to work on a hobby, read, or even watch TV. There were too many opportunites for my mind to wonder. However, it was nice to see a movie, especially one in a theater because I could get lost in the story for that time. Sometimes theaters would trigger me b/c my wife went to a movie with the OM at the beginning of their affair, but over all it was still a welcomed relief when I could forget about the affair for an hour or two.
Is your wife working hard on reconcilation? Has she made a full confession to you? Getting the real story and seeing my wife work on reconcilation were also things that helped settle me down. Also, reading Bible scripture helped me, because it helped me keep perspective on my situation.
Yes Tom, I truly believe that my wife is remorseful and that she feels awful. It doesn't take away this pain but there is some comfort in that. She still works with the OP which is extremely hard for me, but given the situation she has done what I asked of her. She confessed on her own and says that she wants our marriage to work. I have hope for our marriage to survive. The times I feel hopeless is when I question my own ability to get past this, not because of how she is acting now. I trust that with her continued love and support and holding true to her word, we will be fine
It is a roller coaster ride. I am 14 months past D-Day and I am still feeling the blues from time to time. My WH is remorseful. I am still wondering what kind of marriage we are building or re-building. Would it be better? Or would it be just different? But it is definitely better than a year ago or six months ago. I can gradually, very gradually, see things in perspective and not let them affect my day to day operations. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
I totally feel your agony as my WH, like your wife, still works with the OW. To me, their still working together is the hardest part to overcome. It seems to be a constant trigger. My WH has been transparent and truthful. Although he feels that the affair had ended over a year ago and he does not want to keep reminding himself about it, he still answers whenever I have a question and re-assures whenever I have doubts about what's going on. It helps tremendously. Be open to your wife and tell her how you feel. Let her know you are hurting. Sharing the pain helps both in the healing process.
