Hello all

WEll lets see since last time i posted about finding out about my H last "flirting"
HE did something really stupid that all most cost his job. and lets just say it was the last straw for me and I lost it with him.

I told him this was it I was done that he needed to get out. that i was not going to do it anymore. I let out a lot of the anger that had been build up inside of me. For once in 12 yrs I was ok with lettin this man go...

WEll I think that was a big hello to him because he told me he didn't want the marriage to end. HE tryed to blame me for **** again but that didn't go with me this time.

HE told me that he has not done a thing to show me that he wants this to work I made him say that 4 times .

I asked him if he was inlove with another women .. he said I wish that was the case. and no he was not. ummm dont get this but umm ok..

yesterday i found his yahoo account that he said he deleted so i hacked in and did it for him LOL. and no i didn't tell him about it.
there are still something i found on his email that i have not brought up and not sure if i want to. he had email a friend from work at the end of april telling her to tell this girl that he loves and misses her. I guess I"m just tired of bull**** it feels weird to let go of the pain and just feel like i just dont care. But really I just dont care because i know if he messes up one more time this will be it...

he told me that he will not work at the other place where that women is cause he know that it is trouble.
he has been very nice to me . showing me thing he hasn;t in a long time. but here is the kicker I"M having trouble taken it . I dont want him to be fooling me ya know. I know all of this take time. and I"m not sure yet if we are heading in the right place. but i do know that he has a lot of problem that i can't help him with.

I feel better about standing my ground and telling him that in no way will i ever allow him to do anything to me again. I know that I will be ok without him.
I will not close my eyes to him and i told him .YOU can't hide things from me and sooner or later i will find out. and that will be it..
I"M not sure if he really gets any of this yet. but I"m seeing some GOOD things out of him for right now...
anyhow thank so much for always being here for me.
hugs april

Hi April,
It's good that you stood your ground and told him that you were not taking any more. He needed that wakeup call. I know what you mean about getting to the point where you just about don't care anymore. I'm about to that point myself. Your H sounds about as immature as mine. My H will be 39 in a few months and still wants to be a teenage boy. As a counselor once told me "You can't make him grow up." Her advice was to save money and leave him and I think she might have the right idea.
I hope that this will be what wakes your H up. If not you will know where he stands for certain. You will gain strength through this and eventually you'll know what you should do. I am gradually coming to this realization with my H. Do I want to spend the rest of my life with a man who was lying way before the OW became an issue? Do I want to be with a man who I will always be wondering "Is he telling the truth?"
Take care of yourself first and foremost. I know I'm not too good with advice, but know that you are in my thoughts.

K