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will it ever be the same?? May 24 2007 at 4:49 AM		hartbroken44 (Login hartbroken44) Member

I miss how things use to be, I just want my life back. Sometimes I feel like she ruined everything. I know we have our whole lives in front of us and I truly hope things will change for the better so I can look back at this and say, “You know, that sucked but look now…” Who knows if that will be? I am scared that things have just changed and that I will never be able to look at her the same

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(Login Amistandingstill)
Healing Moderator

Re: will it ever be the same??

May 24 2007, 6:24 AM

Hart,

One of the reason I chose to stick around after healing, was to be proof that that you can look back at this and say, “You know, that sucked, but look now.” When I look at my husband I no longer am stunned by the truth of what he did. I simply look on him with love again. Well most times, LOL, we still have our down times. Life is pretty much normal now for us.

I will not tell you that you are not changed forever, you are. Infidelity leaves its mark, and nothing can change that. But a person can put the infidelity in the past eventually. I have. You can too. It just takes lots of hard work and time. The first year is the absolute worst, and it seems like the pain will never end, and you will always feel so hopeless. I know, that is how I felt, but I no longer feel that way.

There is hope, hang on Hart.

Ami

TomJ
(Login tomj76)
Healing Moderator

Re: will it ever be the same??

May 24 2007, 11:07 AM

Hart:

Ami's made a great point. Many of our members are part of a recovered and reconciled relationship. The affair is no longer a major issue. Sure, it exists, but it not nearly as important as it once was. People are able to love each other in spite of it.

Healing of the spouses AND the relationship is possible.

Anonymous
(Login dancin-gal)
Healing Moderator

Re: will it ever be the same??

May 24 2007, 3:10 PM

I agree with Ami and Tom, you can put the infidelity behind you ...I am almost 5 years past D-day 2. I really don't think much of my H infidelity...there are times I get angry about triggers that keep popping up but is is not by any means the same as it was last year or the past 3 years. I can see the difference in my H...most times anyway.

...the turning point for me was really realizing that the A's were NOT about me...that said if he were to have another A he would be gone. I can look back and say I wish this didn't happen, but it did and we are doing well and we are for the most part happy...the rest is just marriage in general.

"Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time."

Jerry Bond
(Login JerryBond)
Member

Re: will it ever be the same??

May 24 2007, 5:36 PM

The answer is as told above - Nothing is the same again - but then this is true of life with our without affairs - And it is also true that we can learn to love in relationships with or without affairs too - The thing which I am working on and feel is important is how you feel together and if the love is not strong and giving you a chance to help each other towards resonant happiness then all the affair may have done is make that point clear. Affairs are just one (very hideous and explosive) way to bring about change... But there are many others going on all the time. Remember everything is changing all the time - AND that does mean the bad bits too .. .so the suffering eases too for sure.

may you be safe and well, contented and happy

hartbroken44
(Login hartbroken44)
Member

Re: will it ever be the same??

May 25 2007, 6:59 AM

Thank you all for providing me with hope.

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