I know many times i come here fishing for answers but i really feel lost tonight.. since i lost it with H he has been pretty good been nice seems to be trying. so why can't i accept it.. why do i still have this naggin feeling that this is just a short term thing.. does it really take time to believe them? does the feeling ever go away or is that part of the "it takes time" I"m not trying to push myself i just dont understand why i still have this feeling . like he is just bsing me ya know? maybe it this I dont feel that he is remorsefull (wrong spelling i know) I dont know i keep asking myself what is it i'm looking for maybe the truth about everything..
this really sucks because i do love him and i do want to start trusting him .but i just can't shake this feeling maybe i'm afraid of "hope" i dont know..
its hard cause everytime he acts different I think great now what did he do ya know.. i think its hard for me cause he still works with all of these women he flirts with so how am i suppose to trust that he is changing ya know.. I"m trying hard to let my guard down but keep my eyes open seem to be a real hard thing to do. it will be one yr the 12 of this month and i think that is really bothering me as well..
anyhow thanks I hope you all have a wonderfull weekend we are going to be in the 100 this weekend so i will be hidding in the house lol..
hugs
april
Yes it does take time. I am so familiar with that feeling that H's new good behaviour is a short term thing and that one day he will turn around and tell me he is back with OW, that he's had enough of my pain/questions/anger, that he no longer wants to be with me, that he's found someone else. Or even that he will continue with me but cheat again and again and I'll feel such a fool for believing in him.
The bottom line is that the WS has to EARN trust. You can't decided to give it to him; it's his behaviour that will allow you to let go bit by bit of the suspicion. I don't think I will ever feel comfortable when my H travels without me, because that was how he managed his A. I need to have full details of his timetable each day. I access his e-mails whenever I feel like it. He knows this and goes along with it as a gift to me. And I still don't trust him, still know he could lie to me about his schedule or set up another e-mail account. A truly remorseful FWS knows that the BS will always have a protective shell of wariness and distrust: that's what they earned with their past behaviour and it's a hard job to earn the trust they abused so thoroughly.
So my only advice is you're normal, what you're going through is normal, and it does take time. I am nearly three years out from the end of the physical affair and two from the emotional affair and I still struggle to believe in this man who has shared my life for 30 years and destroyed my past, present and future with his selfish behaviour.
((((April))))
I agree wth Liz's advice..... Even if you have a WS who is doing everything right, and trying to get closer to you, it still takes a long while to trust them....Mine says he wants help put our marriage back together, but he is not taking much action on his part.. He says everything else in our marriage will be all right if we would just simply have sex, and focus on more sex... the thought of sex with him, with what we're going thru, hurts me and turns my stomach, because I don't feel like his treasured and beloved wife, I just feel used. He still e-mails ladies for chat, internet porn, and who knows what(with his own personal laptop that he bought over a month ago and has kept hidden from me.. I feel emotionally divorced from him, kind of lonely, even when he is physically present...he comes home from work each nite, and instead of talking to me for a little bit, on most nites, he will get in his recliner and zone out for the evening..he works every day of the week(I shall find out in some way, if he is really at work on Sundays)...I think I will feel better and have more confidence with putting my life back together in a way that I will like it better, once I learn to be less shy with other people, I will work on taking more time and energy to invite people that I like, to do do stuff with me, etc. I must learn to trust myself and my gut feelings again, to make my life better...I thought I was a good judge of character..
My worst fear is that I will grow old being lonely, that people won't like me for myself,that they will just use me for whatever...my counselor and I teaching me ways to make sure that won't happen.
thank you both for your post ... it help me a lot... i must say that as the day gets closer to D -day it really kind of sucks.. I know it all takes time.. and trying to let go of the past year seem really hard when you look back at what you found.. anyhow thanks...
